Chapter 13

She did come to see me, well, some woman had. But I had taken them off the list. I stayed in my cell. I hoped the price of gas was high. Maybe it would dissuade them from trying to visit me. Hah! There’s an upside to everything.

I had officially taken them off my visitors list. Still, I was concerned that he might use his money and no doubt considerable political influence to try and override my actions if he did he wouldn’t much appreciate my reaction. But then another year passed, and he either did not try or could not get in to see me against my wishes. I breathed a sigh of relief.

“So, he has taken us of his approved visitor list,” he said.

“Yes, we are definitely persona non grata,” she said.

“He is making a statement, I guess,” he said. “Wants you, us, to know how he is feeling without him actually using words to tell you, us.” She stared crying, something she’d been doing a lot of.

“Yes, I guess so,” she said. “So, are we still going to be keeping to our plan to try and visit him even though he’s taken us off the visitor list?”

“Yes, I think it’s the only tool we have in our tool box,” he said. She was nodding.

Then It was January 1990, more than eight more years had passed, and they had tried to visit me just like before, but I had ignored their attempts. I wondered how they were dealing with that.

I had gotten letters, too, announcing that they were coming each time. I never answered any of them. None of the letters had mentioned my lack of manhood or my HIV situation. I guess the man had not discovered that particular shortcoming, my shortcoming. I still had to figure that he eventually would, but who knew for sure.

And one other thing: my refusing to accept his money orders was mentioned in the letters I’d gotten. All of them, the money orders, had been returned to sender! I actually felt good about that; it would be a reminder to them that his money meant zero to me.

What are you looking so, something, about?” said Blake.

“Nothing really all that big,” said Ava.

“Ava?” he said.

“Really, it’s no big deal. It’s just that I’m pregnant with what appear to be twins,” she said.

“Huh?” he said.

“Like I say, it’s no big deal. It happens all the time,” she said.

“Jesus-HQ-ree-eyest!” he screamed. “Pregnant!”

“Well, it’s what the doctor said. I mean but what does he know?” she said.

“Stop that, stop that silliness right now!” he said. “Oh my God! Oh my God! This is big news. Oh my God!” he said, repeating himself serially.

“When?” he said.

“July,” she said, smiling. “Likely the middle of the month.”

“Oh my God!” he said. He suddenly took on a solemn expression. And you’re scheduled to try to visit him in June.”

“Yes, and I’ve been thinking about that too. There’s no reason he can’t see me pregnant, I mean if he will. But it is a long trip up there to that little town. I mean if we do continue to try and see him. Maybe we should change the schedule or something. What do you think?” she said.

“Yes, yes. And no, him seeing you pregnant, might be a small problem, but he knows we’re married and that these kinds of things happen. It can’t make things any worse than they already are,” he said. “At any rate I can’t imagine how it might.”

“Yes, but the schedule thing... ?” she said. “Like you say, seeing me that way may not make a difference, but I really don’t want to be rubbing his nose in stuff, or even seeming to.”

“Okay, yes. Let’s do it this way. I’ll go up next month: February instead of March, maybe even take Bea along. From now on, we’ll be playing visitation by ear or sort of. He may have decided to shut us out, but if we keep trying, it’ll be like we’re sending a message of our own that at some point he might be willing to respond to. Anyway, all we can do is hope. And after next month my next visit will be in August my scheduled usual. Then you can try to see him again in November your scheduled usual. We’ll see how it goes after that. Okay?” he said.

“Yes, and that’s a good idea about Bea going with you next month. Yes, I’ll be asking her to ride up with you. I know she’ll be okay with it, no doubt whatsoever,” she said.

“Good, good, very good,” he said. “Twins, I can’t believe it, and it makes me so damn happy.”

“Well, and I am so damn happy that you’re so damn happy,” she said, smiling.