My take on when someone is in an accident and taken to the hospital and the spouse learns of betrayal. It’s been done before but thought I would give it a try. As always your comments and feedback are welcome.

I was on a work conference call that Wednesday afternoon when my cell phone rang. It was an unknown out of state number, not one of my contacts, so I ignored it and continued on with my conference call. After a few seconds, I heard the phone chime the signal that a voice mail had been left. My conference call continued and after it ended I went back to my work giving my full attention to the boring review of the budget spreadsheet that was due by the end of the day. I had forgotten all about the voice mail. An hour or so later my cell phone again rang and I saw that it was the same unknown caller. Again I ignored it, as I really had to get the budget set. Again I heard the chime of the indication that a voice mail was left. Thinking that whoever called was being persistent I decided to take a quick break and listen to the message.

The call was from Baystate Medical in Springfield Mass saying my wife was in the ICU. Apparently, she was in a severe car accident and they found my contact information in their system. They left a phone number for me to call to obtain any information. My first reaction was to drop everything and give them a call and drive to Springfield. It wasn’t until I was in the car that I questioned why was my wife in Springfield when she should be at work in Hartford CT? Springfield is about 30 miles away and my wife, who works in an insurance company in Hartford CT, has no business in Springfield.

I made it to the hospital in only about 40 minutes and was escorted by the volunteer on duty to the ICU waiting room. A nurse on duty gave me a very brief rundown stating she was in surgery and it may be hours before the surgeon is able to give me any details. Right now their focus was on getting her stable. As I sat there trying to get a grasp on what was happening a police officer approached me asking me my name.

“Are you David Cardoropoli?”

“Yes”

“I am sorry about your wife.”

“What happened? What’s going on?”

“What we know at this time was that she was exiting from the MGM Grand casino and as she entered the road she was hit broadside by another vehicle that had run the stop sign. Either she didn’t see the car or she assumed that the driver was going to stop. Witnesses said, and the scene indicates, that the driver of that vehicle was going at an extremely high rate of speed. The impact of the crash crushed the driver’s side of your wife’s car and drove it right into a vehicle parked on the side of the road basically crushing her vehicle. The airbags in your wife’s car did not deploy and she was pinned inside for quite a long time. It’s a miracle she survived the impact.”

Stunned I could simply mutter “Thank you, officer.”

“I’ll leave you alone for now. If we need any information we will contact you at a better time. If you have any questions for us give us a call at any time.”

I was about to call Susan’s family when some hospital staff member, admissions I think, approached me.

“Mr. Cardoropoli?”

“Yes, do you have any update on my wife? Can I see her?”

“No, not at this time. But I do need you to review some information for accuracy, that is if you can.”

“Sure, I’ll try my best. What do you need to know?”

“We listed out her medical history from our files and we need to know if there is anything that needs to be added. All of the New England Medical Group systems are connected so any procedures or medical information is now centralized in one database. So anything performed at any of our in-network facilities, regardless of state, is accessible. If you can review this printout and provide anything that may be missing it would be very helpful. Pay close attention to any medications, allergies, and prior surgeries.”

I took the document and started the review. Looking first at the allergies it correctly listed Amoxicillin and penicillin. I then looked at the prior surgeries, which were in chronological order from newest to oldest. It had her recent vascular surgery to remove some veins in her right leg that bothered her, the repair of a torn tendon in her left ankle, the removal of a cancerous mole on her upper back, the torn MCI in her left leg, then the Tubal Ligation and lastly the abortion and Dilation and Curettage.

“I think something is wrong?”

“Oh? Well then lets correct that. Is something missing?”

“No, I think you list some things that never took place. It says here that 7 years ago my wife had her tubes tied and that at roughly the same time she had an abortion and I don’t have a clue what a Dilation and Curettage is?”

“Let me bring up the files on the computer.” The admissions person started typing away and a moment later brought it up on a screen.

“OK, it lists Susan Cardoropoli of 24 Birch Street, Manchester CT. Her social security number is 123-45-6789. Spouse is David Cardoropoli of the same address.”

“But I don’t understand? She never told me about having her tubes tied or an abortion and the other thing?”

“I’m sorry Mr. Cardoropoli. I don’t know what to say.”

“Where was that done and what is a Dilation and Curettage?”

“The Dilation and Curettage are commonly referred to as a D&C or DNC. It is a gynecological procedure. I am overly simplifying it but it involves the dilation, the opening or widening of the cervix, and the removal of uterus contents. It is common with miscarriages or in this case abortion. This was performed at a clinic in Pelham, NH. At the time it was not part of our Hospital network but at some point, after it was acquired by the New England Medical Group so all patient records where imported into our database.”

“Is there any other information there that you can share? Would it say why this was performed? Does it list who was with her?”

“There is no reason why listed, and I doubt there would be, but it shows that her sister Christine Richards was listed as a contact.”

“Thank you.”

“Again, I’m sorry.”

“Wait!”

“Yes?”

“Is there any test to prove that the tubes were tied? I mean I don’t believe this is true. We have been trying to have children for 10 years so this must be wrong?”

“The records are pretty clear, Mr. Cardoropoli. I can’t see this as being inaccurate.”

“But can you check? There is always a chance that it could be wrong. My wife wouldn’t do something like that without my knowledge.”

“I can check with the surgeon but it is highly unlikely they would do anything. Such a procedure is not required for what they are doing now to save the life of your wife and doing anything now, not being medically necessary, would not be covered by any insurance. I doubt any doctor right now would even consider this.”

“But can you ask? I need to know!”

“I will make note of it in the file that you want to discuss this further. Any decision will be up to the doctors attending to your wife.”

I sat down, stunned. Susan and I always discussed having a family. We had been trying for years. Now I learn she had an abortion? She had her tubes tied shortly after? Why? Why had she lied about wanting children? My head was spinning! I thought back to the date on the form in my hands. That was in our third year of marriage. She had told me her sister Chris was having trouble with her husband Ryan and wanted her to come to stay with her for a week. It’s true that Ryan and Chris did have marriage issues but now I learn they used it as a cover for her to have an abortion. Why the abortion? Was it my baby? If it were my child why wouldn’t she talk to me? Was it not mine? Is that why the cover-up? Why get her tubes tied? She obviously didn’t want any more children but was it so she could continue to have unprotected sex with some lover or lovers? That doesn’t make any sense as she could have used other contraceptives. Why the extreme of getting surgery?

I don’t know how much time had passed when a doctor in scrubs came up to me.

“Mr. Cardoropoli?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“I’m doctor Patel. Your wife is stable but under sedation and on life support. Her internal injuries are very severe. There was damage to her heart and lungs and she has swelling of the brain and it is too soon to truly know the damage. She has broken ribs, a punctured lung, a broken collarbone, facial lacerations, shattered jaw and cheek, and spinal damage. Also, I am sorry to say that we were not able to save her left leg. We had to amputate below the knee, as the damage was just too severe. It’s the brain and spinal damage that has us the most worried. We have a neurologist coming in now to review her case. It will be a few days before we know if there was any permanent damage. She is going to require additional surgeries and I have called in a team of doctors but we can’t do any more until she recovers from this immediate trauma. It will be a few more hours before we can have you go see her.”

“Thank you, doctor. I will wait here for a while as I have to call her family.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Cardoropoli. Since it will be some time feel free to go to the café and get a coffee or something to eat. What we have here in the ICU is not the best. We will continue to do our best. We have your number so if the situation changes we, of course, will call you.”

“Thanks, Doc. Hey, Doc. I mentioned to the person doing admissions that I think there is a mistake on my wife’s records. It lists her as having her tubes tied but I was never aware of that and we have been trying to start a family. I think somehow someone else’s records got mixed up with my wife’s. Is there any way you can look into this? She had indicated that there was a procedure but she didn’t think it was necessary at this time.”

The doctor gave me a very stern look, almost of disgust. “Mr. Cardoropoli, that is an unusual request to make, especially at this time. I don’t think our running that test right now is important.”

“Doctor, you have to put yourself in my position, please. For 10 years I am trying to start a family with the woman I love with all my heart and now I hear from some hospital clerk that my wife has lied to me for my entire marriage. If it were you, wouldn’t you want to know the truth?”

“Does it matter at this time Mr. Cardoropoli? Does it make a difference right now? When your wife recovers you can have this conversation with her.”

“OK, I know, the timing sucks. I am supposed to be thinking of her well-being and I don’t even know what condition she will be in or if she lives. But yes, it does matter and I know I may sound selfish and cold but right now I don’t know if I would believe her if she did speak. My life feels like it is crashing down on me. Everything I believed in could be a lie.”

“I’m sorry but at this time I can’t recommend we perform any unnecessary procedure.”

I sat down, still in a daze, but I had some calls to make. I dialed my father to give him the news but also tell him we needed to talk. Susan’s parents both passed away some time ago. Her dad had suffered a massive heart attack and her mother passed away from breast cancer. My mother died just two years ago after having a stroke. She hung in there for some time but one day she just didn’t wake up. My dad was devastated but being the sole parent to us all kept him going. He was always strong and kind.

Susan has an older brother Robert, or Bobby to us who is single, and a younger sister, Christine, who is married to Ryan. Both live in New Hampshire while my Dad is local to me in Connecticut. I decided to call my dad first.

“Dad, it’s Dave.”

“I know, I have caller ID, I’m not that old that I can’t recognize a number!”

“It’s Susan, she had a bad car accident and she’s in the hospital.”

“Oh my god! Is she going to be OK?”

“We don’t know. She’s in a bad way. They are waiting to learn more but they fear brain injury. She had a lot of broken bones and lost part of her leg.”

“Jesus, son. I can be there in a few minutes. Hartford Hospital or St. Francis?”

“Neither. Baystate in Springfield.”

‘What?”

“She was at the Casino in Springfield so Baystate was closest.”

“Makes sense. I can be there in an hour.”

“Thanks, Dad. There’s more I need to talk to you about but it can wait until you get her. I am in the ICU waiting room but I may head down to the Café for some coffee and wait it out.”

“OK. I am on my way.”

I then decided I would call Chris and not Bobby. She can call him when I am done with her. Now may not be the best time for it but I needed answers.

My first call went unanswered so I left a voice mail to call me back. Chris is a paralegal in a busy law firm so I am not certain of if and when she can take calls. I rarely if ever call her so I don’t know her schedule. It was about thirty minutes later when she returned my call.

“Dave, is she ok? I got your message. I was tied up in a meeting and didn’t have my phone with me! What happened, I would come right there?”

“Hang on a sec Chris. First off she is stable but she is in pretty bad shape. I still have not been able to see her.”

“Why is she in Baystate in Springfield?”

“The accident happened as she was leaving the Casino.”

“Are you OK? You were with her, right?”

“No, she was in the car alone.”

“She was at the Casino alone?”

“I didn’t say that. I said I was not with her in the car. I thought she was at work. I don’t know if she was at the Casino alone or if she had met someone or others at the Casino and like I said I haven’t been able to see her and she is not able to talk even if I did see her.”

“Oh. I will tell my work I have to go and I can pack for a few days and come straight to the Hospital. Which one is it?”

“It’s Baystate in Springfield, Chestnut Street. But before you come I have some questions.”

“Can’t that wait until I get there?”

“No, it can’t wait and honestly right now I really don’t want to see you.”

“What are you talking about? Why don’t you want to see me?”

“I’ve learned a lot in the past several hours but there is much more I need to know and you have the answers.”

“OK, now I am confused. What are you talking about? I want to see my sister so I am coming now.”

I cut her off.

‘The abortion Chris. When she was with you to help you through some marriage crisis she was really with you getting an abortion!”

“I’m sorry about the ruse but she felt it was best at the time. She explained that all to you years ago. Why is that an issue now?”

“She never said a word to me. I had to find out from the hospital just now when we reviewed her medical history.”

“Oh shit! She told me when she got home she was going to tell you! She promised me!”

“Well, she didn’t. All these years of us supposedly trying to start a family and nothing happens. Then I find out she had an abortion ten years ago and had her tubes tied eight weeks later! And you knew and kept it secret! That is why I don’t want to see you!”

“Tubes tied! She never told me that, Dave. You have to believe me!”

“Why, why believe you? She lied to me for ten years and by your omission, you lied as well. Who else knows? Am I the last?”

“No one else knows unless she told someone. Ryan doesn’t even know and I am guessing neither does Bobby.”

“Why, Chris. Why? Was it even my baby? I need to know!”

“I don’t know Dave.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? What did she tell you? She must have said something!”

“She didn’t know. I’m sorry but the truth is she didn’t know.”

“So she didn’t know if I was the father? There was someone else?”

“Yes, Dave, there was someone else. She didn’t want to take the risk that when the baby was born you found out that way. There was no way at the point in the pregnancy to confirm the father so she opted for the abortion. She promised me she would tell you the truth and she told me she did and you forgave her. It was such a sensitive subject I never brought it up. I just thought you were the most forgiving husband in the world and I kept quiet.”

“Who. Who was the other guy or guys?”

“Can we talk later? I want to go see my sister!”

“Tell me, Chris!”

She then hung up not wanting to continue this conversation. Her sister was her priority.

It was several hours later when Chris arrived at the hospital. Our eyes met but nothing was said. She went to the ICU nurses station and after a very few minutes of obtaining what little information they could share she slowly made her way to where I was sitting.

“Chris, she lied to me. She had an abortion and you kept it from me!”

“Dave, she said she told you. I didn’t see any need to bring it up.”

“Who was it or who were they?”

“Just one guy. Jeff Bryant.”

Jeff Bryant was Susan’s high school boyfriend. From what I hear he was her first love. He grew up across the street from her and they had been together for years. At some point, things changed and they separated and from what I knew, which was little, that was the end of the story. It was a childhood sweetheart relationship not unlike a million others. No big deal. Or so I thought.

Chris continued. “Jeff is fair-skinned and blond with blue eyes like everyone else in his family. Even his cousins have blond hair and blue eyes. Susan’s families, as well as your family, all have brown hair and brown eyes and a dark complexion. If the child was Jeff’s there was no way to hide it from you. She could never pass it off as your child.

“Three years into our marriage she all of a sudden reconnects with a high school crush and decides to have his child? What the fuck Chris!”

“I’m sorry Dave, it wasn’t like that. It was worse and I tried to tell her how wrong she was but she wouldn’t listen.”

“How can it be worse!”

“Jeff was Susan’s first. She was so in love with him she gave him her virginity. She thought after high school they would get married, raise a family, and grow old together. Then came the prom. She caught him having sex in his car with one of her friends, Barbie. She confronted him and in the heated exchange, he said something like this wasn’t the first time it was only the first time she had caught him. She was so embarrassed and angry she slapped his face and left. She never saw him again for years. She went on to UNH and he went into the service. She graduated, met you, got married, and all was forgotten. Then on one of her trips here to see me, you know how she visits every month, she went out to the market to get something for our dinner. She was gone for well over an hour longer than normal and when she returned she was glowing. I mean radiant and floating on cloud nine. When I asked her what was going on she exclaimed, “I saw Jeff.” She told me how she bumped into him at the market and they talked and then went out and had a coffee. She said it was just like old times. He apologized, asked how she was, and they caught up.

I was furious. I reminded her or two things. First I reminded her that he was the guy that broke her heart by repeatedly cheating on her and embarrassed her in front of everyone on prom night. Secondly and more importantly I reminded her that she was married and shouldn’t be catching up on old times with prior boyfriends especially without her husband! She brushed it off as nothing and said it was all innocent. No more was said that weekend and as far as I knew that was it.

What I later learned was that they exchanged numbers and kept in touch. I found this out when on her next visit she had already made plans to meet Jeff and wanted me to cover for her. If you called I was to say she had run out for something and forgot her phone. Fortunately, for me I guess, you never had reason to call. I told her time and time again not to do this but she again just brushed it off and said it was nothing. This went on for years and at times she didn’t even use the monthly visit. Whenever she could sneak away she did. When I found that out I once again confronted her and she said she wouldn’t stop. She still loved Jeff but also loved you. She said it was just a fling and she would end it and since you didn’t know you wouldn’t be hurt. I died when she said that and I told her that she is putting me in a bad place and I would never cover for her. I told her maybe she had no guilt but I sure did. I was so embarrassed and ashamed of myself.”

“So she cheated on me for at least the first three years of our marriage.”

“Yes, Dave. And after the abortion issue, I thought she had stopped. Whenever she came to visit since she was always here with me. There were never any more dates that I knew of.”

“Thanks for that Chris, I believe you but now I am wondering if she was meeting Jeff at the Casino. I can’t think of any reason she would be there and not at work.”

“Jeff, I am so, so sorry and I know you must hate me but she is my sister. I understand you won’t want me to stay at your place but I will get a room someplace.”

“One more question. Why get her tubes tied?”

“I told you I didn’t know about that. All I can think of is she didn’t want another abortion. Abortion is a very difficult decision that can affect you for the rest of your life. It is killing a baby. Thinking for myself I know that if I ever had to do that I would never ever want to do that again. Even though she was a cheater she was raised a Catholic and went to church every Sunday of her life. She once told me that she loved you both and she didn’t think she could ever stop being with Jeff. He had some type of control over her. My guess is that she didn’t want to risk another pregnancy with Jeff so she took the huge leap to have her tubes tied. It’s all I can think of.”

“But why not use condoms? She can have safe sex with Jeff and a baby with me?

“I know. Maybe she did use condoms with Jeff and still got pregnant? Maybe she couldn’t trust herself and sometimes at the moment just did it anyway? Maybe she only had one condom and they wanted sex again right away? I just don’t know.”

Nothing more was said.

I have never felt so lost in my life. My wife, the woman I loved with all my heart, is hanging on to life by a thread yet I also learned that nothing was what I had believed. I never felt like this before. I honestly had no idea what to do and felt numb. I felt no pain, no love, and no energy. Which way was up? In a matter of hours, my life as I knew it came crashing down all around me and I felt every pound of the weight of the world bearing down on me. I had to leave. I didn’t know where to go but I couldn’t sit here. I left to go to the café, as one thing I did know was I needed a drink and booze right now was not the answer so a coffee would have to do.

Just as I sat at a table with my coffee my cell rang and I saw it was my dad. I told him where I was and waited for his arrival. When he got to the table he gave me a big hug and I filled him in on what I had learned.

“My God, Son! I had no idea.”

“Well, neither did I.”

“Did you see her yet?”

“No, and I am not sure I want to.”

“I can understand that. You need some time.”

“I need answers, dad. I need to know why and how she could do this. Chris gave me a lot of information and it was a lot of words. To some, it is an explanation but to me, it is more like a timeline. I guess I can see what happened but I am still not sure of the why? Why would she go back to him so easily after all the time that had passed? Why would what we had not been enough? Why did she think it was OK to be in love with two men at once? Why not just tell me no kids?”

“Son, I don’t think anyone, including Susan, can tell you why or explain why in any way that will make sense to you. No one knows what state of mind she was in to rationalize what she did and no one can ever make it sound like it was the right thing for her to do. Somehow she felt she could have her marriage and her boyfriend all that the same time and nothing would be wrong. I know that sounds foolish but that is what she did.”

“So now what do I do? She lied to me for at least thirteen years, maybe longer if I include our dating and engagement.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. Right now I am not thinking straight. I am numb. In a few days, I will be angrier than hell and then I will probably fall back in a pity me mode.”

“You’ve been through a lot in just a few hours, no one can fault you for how you feel.”

My phone rang and I saw it was the ICU nursing station.

“Hello?”

“Mr. Cardoropoli? Your wife is room ICU 223 you can go and see her now but only for a few minutes.”

‘Thank you” and I ended the call.

I looked at my dad, “They said I can go see her now.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“No. I’m not going. I’m not ready.”

“I understand.”

“I’m going home. Follow me.”

“OK son.”

On the drive home, my cell rang four more times. Three were from the hospital and one was from Chris. I ignored them all.

I pulled into the driveway with my dad just behind me. No words were spoken as we entered the house and I put on the lights. It’s strange but I saw nothing. I wasn’t looking for anything but nothing stood out. I didn’t look for pictures of Susan and me nor did I scan the room for any familiar signs. I was in a fog with the exception of the liquor cabinet. I made a beeline for the Tequila when I heard my dad say, “I bet you haven’t eaten all day. Let’s see what’s in the fridge.” As I poured two glasses of Tequila I heard the microwave buzzing. My dad said, jokingly, “She may have been a cheater but she’s a damn good cook. That’s a nice looking lasagna.”

We sat at the table and as he cleaned his plate I just pushed it around on mine. He was right, she was a good cook but right now I had no appetite.

“Dad, so what do I do? You never answered me at the hospital.”

“Normally a father lives for these moments. The time when we get to pass on all of our wisdom we learned from our life experience, what we were taught by our fathers and what we were taught from our grandfathers. But in this case, I have to be totally honest with you and tell you I haven’t a clue. I could take the easy way out and say it is your decision and leave it at that. And by the way, it is your decision. Or I can help you come to some decision.”

“So help me.”

“OK. First off you have to look at what you know. Up until this afternoon how were things? I mean look at your marriage and your life and how you felt and how you thought things were going.”

“Things were great! Work was and is great. I have plenty to do but not overwhelming. I am making good money. I have a great home, car, and solid investments. My sex life was awesome and I thought I had a wife that loved me.”

“You do have a wife that loves you. You just learned she loves someone else as well.”

“That’s not what you asked and not helping.”

“Oh, but it is.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Let me finish. So with the exception of what you learned today, and that was a huge destructive bomb that blew up, things were great.”

“Yes, they were.”

“So where’s your family? Where are the three kids you wanted?”

“You know that answer! She had her tubes tied.”

“But you didn’t know that until this afternoon. So my question stands about how were things? In your answer, you didn’t mention the lack of children. So is that or is that not important?”

“It’s very important but I thought they would come. I thought we just had a problem conceiving; I didn’t know the reason why until today. I mean in our first years of marriage we were both tested and we were told everything was fine. She could conceive and my boys were great swimmers. A few years later we again got tested.”

“And they didn’t say anything about the tubes being tied?”

“We went separate. I don’t remember why but our schedules didn’t line up so we had different appointments. I guess now it wasn’t really a scheduling issue but her way of hiding it. We never shared any test results. We just told each other we were still good.”

“So if there was no asshole Jeff and if there was no tube tying, would you still say things were great?”

“Yes.”

“Now, if you went to a fertility clinic and if you found out that either you or Susan had some medical issue and you would never be able to have children, other than adoption, would things still be great?”

“I never thought about it but I would say yes. We had each other and we would have our answer why so I would say yes.”

“So having children is important but it would not be a deal-breaker to end your marriage.”

“No, under the circumstances you described it would not be a deal-breaker.”

“Good. So that leaves us with where you stand on her having a lover, one she intended to keep, and her lies.”

“Yes,” I replied.

“So to make it easier for you to ask yourself if you can knowingly continue to share your wife with another man and can you accept her lies? Lies, about not only the lover but also, lies about you having children together? Can you ever trust her to not lie ever again? I don’t mean lies about denting the car or maybe buying more shoes than she would ever wear. I mean lies directly to your face about subjects that touch your soul like she already has?”