Chapter 8: Life goes on

“George, Coach Evans called and is worried about you,” I hear mom say from the door. Fuck, I forgot that today is her day off. After five minutes of me not answering, she opens the door and walks in. She sees the razor on the edge of the tub and sits on the toilet seat looking at me. I pick up the razor and give it to her.

“Tell Jenny to stop leaving her razors out,” I order as mom drops it in the trash can. “And I would appreciate it if you and Jenny would tell the school why I was sent away or at least make up another lie that doesn’t have suicide in it. Or better yet, let me go home, and go to Willow Academy. I’ll give you the five million dollars now, if you will stop fucking up my life.”

“Coach Evans and Coach Barkley want to talk to you tomorrow,” mom says. “And money is no issue. I want to have a mother-son relationship with you. I just need time. Be patient with me while I work through some issues.” Patients? It’s been fifteen years. How much time does she need? Is she as screwed up as I am? “Please George, give me a little time.”

That night I’m lying in my bed deep in thought. If mom isn’t ready yet for a mother-son relationship, when will she be ready? The real question is will I be ready. I’m so used to being ignored, that I’m not sure that I will be able to adjust. That is a question that I’m going to ask Dr. Jackson when I start my counseling.

Tomorrow is going to be a challenging day. I know that Coach Barkley is going to try to keep me on the team. I know that the cheerleaders heard my speech telling everyone that the rumors are not true, which will be spread all over school by tomorrow. I don’t know how I’m going to react. Most of the school including some teachers and coaches have already judged me. I decide that the people that have already judged me cannot be trusted. I decide that I’m going to start taking up for myself. I’m not going to take their shit anymore. It is time to stop being bullied and stand up for myself.

After I come to my decision, the door slams open as I grimace and wait for the bashing. “The cheerleaders heard every word you said today,” Jenny says with anger in her voice. I don’t know why she’s mad at me, when she’s the one that spread the rumors. “And now the cheerleaders are expecting me to give them the truth.” She pauses. “So, what is the truth, and why where you sent away and where did you go,” she huffs.

“Go ask mom,” I say turning off my lamp and rolling over to go to sleep, hoping that she will leave me alone. I’m not taking anymore shit from her either.

I hear her huff as she leaves and slams the door.

I wake up at 4am as usual. I roll over as I feel a sharp pain shooting through my back. The pain is so bad that I scream out in pain. I try to sit up as the pain shoots through my lower back to my neck as I scream in pain again. My legs are numb and my toes are tingling as I try to move again with the same results as I scream in pain again.

I decide to lay there and not move since moving makes my back hurt more. I hear the door slam open and the light is turned on. I see my stepdad and mom.

“What’s wrong,” my stepdad asks as mom looks at me with concern. Wow, mom actually looks worried about me. That’s progress.

“My back,” I finally squeak out through the pain. “It was probably from yesterday at football practice.”

“Coach Evans did mention that you were hurt during practice,” mom says. “What happened?”

I tell them about a player that picked me up and slammed me into the goal post.

“Did Coach Evans tell you that,” my stepdad asks my mom as she shakes her head no and looks away. “Why would a player on your team do that,” he asks. I’m wondering why he is worried about that when I’m lying here in pain.

“There are rumors going around about why I was sent away last year and the team believes the rumors,” I answer. “Can we have this conversation later?”

My mom rushes downstairs to call an ambulance.

The next thing I know I’m strapped to a board by some paramedics and taken away. As they carry me out, I see Jenny in the hallway with tears running down her face. Wow another miracle.

When I get to the hospital, I am hooked up to an IV and the nurse shoots something into it that took away the pain and makes me loopy.

For the rest of the morning, I am poked and prodded and have x-rays. I am finally put into a hospital bed, where I pass out.

“Tom, I need to tell you something.”

“Margaret, I already know, you cheated on me ... And I cheated on you. Our love life hasn’t been the best in the past year.”

“Well what do we do now?”

“We fix our marriage and take care of your son and my daughter. I love you.”

“And I love you too.”

I realize that it’s my mom and stepdad talking as I drift back to sleep.

My mom and dad get me home around noon. The doctor said that some of my back muscles were bruised and had swelled, which gave me the unbearable pain. I was given antibiotics and a muscle relaxer and the Doctor told me to stay in bed for two day and no strenuous activity until next Monday, when he can check me out. After mom and my stepdad help me slowly up the stairs and get me into the bed. They tell me that they are going to the school as I fall asleep.

When I wake up, I see mom sitting on the desk chair at my desk staring at me. “The guy that slammed you into the pole has been suspended for three days starting tomorrow,” mom says. “And he has been banned from playing sports at the school for the rest of the school-year.” I’m amazed that mom is talking to me. She hasn’t said this much to me since I’ve been home. “Coach Evans will be reprimanded for not reporting the incident.” Mom pauses and looks at me as I see a tear come out of her eye, which surprises me. “I can’t do anything about the rumors, but I want to thank you for not telling anyone the true reason.”

I think to myself. Why didn’t I tell anyone? Then it comes to me. “My friend Ericka,” I say as mom looks at me confused. “She is the only friend I have at that school. She is my age and her father is Coach Evans.”

Mom nods, knowingly. “We are ordering Chinese food tonight. I took leave until Friday to take care of you. I went to all of your classes and got your homework for the week.” Wow, is she acting like a mother? And I wonder if it’s the money or me.

It is 7pm. Mom brought me food and now I’m finishing my home work. When the door slams open. I am going to buy a lock for that door.

“Thank you for fucking up my life,” Jenny blurts out as I remember that I’m not going to take any shit off anyone anymore, “All the cheerleaders want me to tell them why you were sent away.”

Is Jenny that stupid? “Tell them that it is family business,” I say getting mad at her. “And if they want to know, then tell them to ask mom.”

Jenny puts her hands on her hips and huffs. “My day has been fucked up with everyone wondering if you are okay.” I want to scream at Jenny to tell her to go away. “Oh, and Sophia put dibs on you and told the cheerleaders that no one dates Kevin since he isn’t an athlete at school anymore.” I wonder what that will do to Deana, Fucking cheerleader rules. I am not taking anyone’s shit anymore. I will do what I want to do.

“Look,” I say looking at a pissed off Jenny. “I don’t care who has dibs on me. As a matter of a fact, I am not interested in any of the cheerleaders. I have no friends at that school, because everyone believed the rumors and can’t be trusted. Oh, and by the way,” I continue. “If Miss Queen Shit Sophia banned Kevin from dating cheerleaders, Then...” I pause for effect. “Sophia can’t have dibs on me, because yesterday, I quit the football team.” I see Jenny’s mouth hanging open. I guess the cheerleaders didn’t hear that.

“But we heard that Coach Barkley isn’t going to accept you resignation,” Jenny says with confidence. “Plus, you can’t quit. Everyone says that you are the fastest player on the team.”

“And that is why I’m quitting,” I say as Jenny looks at me confused. “If they think I’m so good, then why did they try to ignore me during practice and not let me participate?” I pause as I’m getting pissed. “Because of the rumors that you decided to spread around school. I can’t trust anyone at that school to include you, because they believe the rumors and judged me for them.”

“Then tell me what the truth is,” Jenny shouts getting frustrated. “I can spread the word if you tell me the truth!” I decide that my stepsister is clueless and has no common sense.

“That’s what got me in the situation I’m in now,” I say giving her a sleepy look as I feel the muscle relaxer kick in.

“What does that mean,” she huffs.

I now blame everything on the muscle relaxer as I’m feeling loopy. “Your big fucking mouth,” I answer as I hear the door slam, before falling asleep.

Friday morning and I’m able to go back to school, however I can’t do any strenuous activity until I am cleared by the doctor on Monday. My mother and I are actually starting talk. Not much just light conversations. She is slowly trying, however I’m not sure, if it’s the money or if she wants a mother son relationship.

Jenny has been quiet, which is a good thing. I’m guessing that she is still mad at me for calling her a big mouth. Mom wanted to take me to school, however I choose to walk, because I’m feeling great.

I’m certainly not excited to go back to school. I’m not sure what to expect or how to act. I have decided that I do not trust anyone, because of how I was treated. There might be some apologies, and there will be others that still hate me. I’m just going to focus on school.

I head straight for the locker room and drop my gear off at Coach Evans’s office door. No football for me this year. I’m focusing on school and getting my life together.

I enter sophomore hall as the hall goes quiet, except for some whispering. I grab what I need from my locker as fast as I can and leave for my first class. I actually grabbed everything I need for the day and put it in my bag. That way I don’t have to come back to my locker.

I get into first period and find a substitute teacher in place of Coach Evans. I see Josh walk in as he sits beside me. “Welcome back,” he says smiling as I look at him with anger. This is the first time that he has spoken to me this year. This makes my decision final. Assholes like Josh cannot be trusted. I shake my head and look to the front of the class. Tracey walks in, sits in the desk on the other side of me and smiles. Wow, if my guard wasn’t up before, it is up now.

The bell rings as the substitute teacher stands up and looks around the room. “George Shields,” she asks looking around. I raise my hand as she hands me a hall pass. “You need to go to the principal’s office.” I stand up, grab my book bag, and head out as I feel everyone staring at me.

I get to the front office as I’m ushered into the principal’s office. I see the Principal, who is the new Principal, and Coach Barkley. I have never met her. She looks to be in her early forties with dirty blonde hair and petite. Maybe 5’5”,

“Hello George,” she says. She has a very youthful voice that sounds like a teenager talking. “My name is Principal Gallegos, I met with your parents on Tuesday, and I found out about the incident on the football field. They also told me of the rumors that are going around.” I look at her without emotion, neither confirming nor denying. “I want to let you know that bulling will not be tolerated in this school.” Wow, I needed a Principal like her in junior high. “I looked over your records and see that you have always achieved straight A’s. Even in a college prep school.”

“Then why am I here,” I have to ask. “I just want to go to school and be left alone.” She frowns as I continue. “I don’t trust anyone at this school. All I want is to be left alone. Can I go now?”

“Yes George, you can go, after Coach Barkley talks to you,” she says with frustration in her voice.

I nod as Coach Barkley starts talking. “George, please come back to the team,” he starts, getting right to the point as I shake my head. “I have never seen an athlete with the speed and determination as you have. You are fast and strong. PLEASE come back to the team.”

I decide to spill my guts. “Coach, I can’t trust anyone on the team,” I start. “No one accepted me on that team, because of the rumors. How can I trust them to protect me on the field during a game?”

“You have a great point,” Coach Barkley agrees. “If you want to know the truth, the varsity players asked me to get you back.” He pauses and sits back in his chair. “I’m going to be honest with you. We have four seniors on the team. Three on defense and one on the offensive line. The rest are juniors and sophomores.” I’m sure he is going to make his point as I sit and wait.

“We don’t have a chance to win state this year,” he continues matter-of-factly. “However I plan to coach the sophomores and juniors to take us all the way next year, and the year after. Trevor is a great quarterback and with your speed, we can make this team popular again. Bottom-line. You and Trevor will have colleges knocking down your door offering scholarships,” he finishes his rant. If he only knew that grandma left me enough money to go to college for the rest of my life. And still have money left over.

I think for a minute. They want me back after they treated me like shit. I do want to play football. Then I get an idea.

“Under one condition,” I say as they look at me. “Kevin is back on the team.”

“No bullies will play sports at my school,” Principal Gallegos says as I get up to walk out. She sighs and looks at Coach Barkley. “Coach Barkley, Kevin plays on JV only and I want him suspended from playing the first two games for what he did. If he gets into any trouble at this school he is off the team.” Coach Barkley nods his head.

I let Coach Barkley know that I can’t practice until my doctor clears me on Monday and I am released to go to class.

After dinner, I’m lying on my bed reading a book and taking it easy. I want to make sure that I can practice next week. Our first JV game is tomorrow. And our first varsity game is next Friday.

The rest of the school day went without incident. I ate lunch on the bleacher outside and tried to avoid people as much as possible. I could still feel people staring at me and whispering in their groups. In Home EC class, I caught Sophia staring at me on several occasion. She would smile and wink at me.

Jenny was out on a date so it was mom and my stepdad at dinner. I let them know that Coach Barkley talked me into playing football as my dad smiles.

It is 11pm and I decide to go to sleep, when the door slams open. I sigh knowing who it is. “So you would only join the team again if they let Kevin back on the team,” Jenny says. Telling me and not asking.

“What the fuck Jenny,” I groan. “Do the fucking cheerleaders have spies at the school? It was a conversation between Principal Gallegos, Coach Barkley and I.”

“Cheerleaders know everything,” Jenny smirks. “Plus Kevin told Deana. Coach Barkley called him and told him the whole story. Including Principal Gallegos’s decision to only let him play JV this year.” I look at her hoping that she is done running her mouth. “Oh, Sophia is having a ‘back to school’ party tomorrow night and I’m supposed to bring you.” I groan as she walks out.

I sleep in Saturday morning until10am since I can’t go on my morning run. I plan to go to the JV game at 1pm. My stepdad is out golfing and it’s my mom’s weekend to work at the hospital. I walk into the kitchen as the phone rings and I pick it up.

“Hello,” I answer.

“George!” I hear a familiar voice say. “Where are you? What happened? Why didn’t you come back... ?” My little British chatter-box is firing off one question after the other as I finally have to cut her off.

“BRITTANY!” I yell. “I’ll tell you everything, if you’ll shut the fuck up,” I finally get a word in as she giggles.

I told her about my grandmother’s death and being sent back home with my mother. I explain that I was taken away before we could swap numbers. I told her that I forgot to call when Willow Academy started, because of football practice and two-a-day.

“When I did remember to call, I was told that Martina’s dad took her out of the school,” I finish.

“Yeah, about that,” Brittany starts. “When Martina found out that you weren’t coming back, she went into a deep depression. And to make things worse, Gloria is back.” I remember Dr. Wilson telling me that her father, who is a high powered lawyer in Georgia and is running for a senate seat, had threatened to close down the school. So Brittany telling me that Gloria is back did not surprise me.

“Gloria kept threatening Martina to tell her where you are. So she called her dad and asked him to take her out of the school. I still have her address and phone number that she gave me before summer break.” I sigh in relief as she gives me her address and phone number.

We chat for a while longer, getting caught up on each other’s lives. She told me that she was sorry for my loss and how much she loved my grandmother. We end the call, promising to keep in touch.

After I finish talking to Brittany, I immediately dial Martina’s number excited, that I’m going to be able to talk to her. My heart is crushed, when I hear, “This number has been disconnected or is no longer in service...” I hang up and dial the number again and get the same thing. I run upstairs, sit at my desk and write her a letter, putting it into an envelope. I put the letter into the mail box. The address is in New York so I’m assuming it will take a while to get there.

I get to the game and sit in the front row behind the JV team as the JV coaches are talking to the team. The bleachers are almost empty with only parents that came to see their sons play. JV and varsity cheerleaders are out tying to motivate the non-existent crowd.

The game starts and our special teams get the ball to our twenty. I see Mike and Josh head out with the rest of the offense. On the first play, it is apparent that we have a shitty offensive line as Mike is hit hard and fumbles the ball. The other team recovers and runs it in. The defense is worse as their offense scores after three plays.

They end the game at the half 35-0, With Mike battered up pretty bad. He was sacked five times with four fumbles.

Before I could get up to leave, someone sits beside me. “I don’t know what kind of shit you’re trying to pull,” Kevin says with hate in his voice. “But I did not need your help getting back on the team. All the cheerleaders think you’re some kind of a hero now. But I still hate you, and you better watch your back, because I’m coming after you,” he finishes as he gets up and storms off.

That was a fine thank you.

I get home, safely avoiding anyone. I really don’t feel like talking to anyone. I make me a sandwich and sit at the table, when mom comes home from work. “Your father and I are going on a date night,” mom says walking by me on her way upstairs. “Order a pizza or something for dinner if you get hungry. Oh, and don’t go to school Monday. Your appointment is at 8 am and I’ll drop you off at school afterwards.”

Then Jenny comes home and runs up the stair. A few minutes later, I hear the shower. I finish my sandwich and head upstairs to my room. I want to relax for the rest of the day so that my back passes the doctor examination on Monday.

After thirty minutes, my door slams open as Jenny barges in. She walks to my desk and writes something on a piece of paper. “That’s Sophia’s address. I have to leave to help set-up. You are Sophia’s date for the party. Be there at seven,” Jenny orders running out before I can object.

She left the door open as I get up to shut it. I grab the notebook off my desk. Time to let Jenny and the cheerleaders know that they do not run my life. I make sure she didn’t write on a page I need. I tear the page from the notebook, tear it into little pieces, and throw it in the trash can.

Mom drops me off at school in time to make my PE class, which is the weight room. The doctor gave me the okay to practice and play football. I’m getting the silent treatment from Jenny, which is a good thing. She is mad, because I didn’t show up to Sophia’s party Saturday night. I guess she didn’t get her cheerleader points.

I get changed and into the weight room. I notice some of the team looking at me surprised. I show the doctor’s note to the trainer and start working out. I notice Walter our senior middle linebacker waving me over. I remember Walter from last year as the linebacker. Walter is quiet, like me and doesn’t always have a lot to say. He is 6’2”, 250 pounds and is a mad man on the football field, but off the field, he is called a teddy bear.

He points to the bench as I get into position. I start bench pressing as Walter spots me. “Look, Walter starts. “I’m glad that you’re back. It takes a lot of guts to say fuck you to everyone.” I finish my set and spot Walter. “I don’t care about rumors. I do hate the people that spread them and judge people. I am mad about the football players that judge you.” He finishes his set as I take his place and he continues. “I am glad you are back and don’t take any shit off of those guys.” We switch again as he continues. “I know you don’t trust a lot of people, but I want to let you know that you can trust me.” He finishes his set and sits up. “Friends?” I nod as we shake hands. “Oh, the cheerleaders are developing some sort plan, against you, since you didn’t show up as Sophia’s date at her party on Saturday.” He laughs as I shake my head. I feel better knowing that Walter is on my side.

After school, I head to practice. Walter was right, the cheerleaders are mad at me. The only one that acknowledged me was Deana, who gave me a smile in passing. During Home EC, I caught Sophia staring at me, but would quickly turn away when I caught her looking.

I suit up and head out to the field as I notice that some team members didn’t get the word that I was back, because some are looking at me confused. We get out to the field and pair up into offense and defense.

We gather around Coach Barkley.” I want to form the offense into a passing team,” Coach Barkley starts. “Using running plays after we have achieved a lead or when we are up against a strong defense. Now everyone give me ten laps, except, Trevor, George, and Lucas.” Lucas is a junior, and is also a wide receiver.

“You guys are the key to my passing strategy. Lucas, you and George will be swapping from tight end to wide recover as needed.” It doesn’t make sense to me, but I’m listening. “Trevor, we will use Lucas for short passes, because of his ability to get out of tight spots. We use George for long passes, because of his ability to out run every player in the state.”

After forty five minutes of drills, we play against the defense. We start out with running plays as we find out that doesn’t work with Walter sacking Trevor every play. And the defense coach teasing Coach Barkley. Coach Barkley calls a passing play on our twenty yard line. The play is used to gain yardage when we are at third down.

“Set. Hut!”

I side step the cornerback and start sprinting down the sideline. I pass a safety, who was trying to stop me. I reach their thirty yard line as I look up, pull down a perfect pass and run it into the end-zone. I turn and see Coach Barkley teasing the defense coach as Coach Evans is laughing and giving Trevor and me a thumbs up.

I’m sitting at my desk after dinner doing homework, when the door slams open. Okay I’m serious this time. I am buying a lock for that door. “Okay, Jenny starts. Sophia is willing to forgive you if you take her to the Homecoming dance.” I look at her with my mouth hanging open. Is my stepsister on drugs. Has she totally lost her mind? Maybe her dad needs to get her into therapy and stop worrying about me. “You stood her up Saturday after I told her that you would be her date.”

Now I’m pissed and I realize what is going on. The cheerleaders must have some code to please the head cheerleader to get rank in the squad. I sit back and rub my temples trying to keep calm. “I’m not going to Homecoming,” I say trying to keep calm. “And please stop telling her or anyone else that I will be their date.”

I look up at her and stare at her. I think of Martina and the possibility of never seeing her again. “Jenny,” I plead looking into her eyes as I start crying. I don’t know why I’m crying. I guess it’s from all of the pressure and emotions going through my body the last couple weeks. “Please,” I plead again. “I am not fixed.” I turn away from her and put my face into my hands. Everything is coming out in tears. Grandma’s death, having to come back home, the rumors about me, and not knowing whom to trust. I can’t even trust my mother or stepsister. I don’t know if mother loves the money or me. And Jenny is using me to please her cheerleader friends.

I start crying harder as I say over and over again. “I’m not fixed. I’m not fixed.” I hear the door slowly close as I’m still crying.

“A lot has happened to you since our last session,” Doctor Jackson says after I told her everything from me catching mother screwing my football coach and being sent to live with my grandmother. I told her about finding my real father, the conversation we had and the inheritance that he left me. I told her about grandmother leaving me everything and the money she left my mom with the stipulation that she be a loving parent to me.

I finished with me thinking about suicide again and giving my mother the razor. And me breaking down in front of my sister after all of the demands she put on me.

“That took the whole hour and I want you to examine yourself. You mentioned that you cannot trust anyone at school or your mother, because you don’t know whether she is in it for you or the money. I also want you to write down three things that are important to you.” She hands me a card. “Here is the number to my office. If you have, those feelings again or just need to talk, call that number. There is always someone in the office.”

After dinner, I’m in my room doing my homework and thinking. It’s good to be back in therapy. Not because of the advice, I get out it, but having someone that I can unload my emotions on. It’s nice having someone to talk to. Jenny has been keeping her distance after my meltdown on Monday. The cheerleaders have also been keeping their distance. Tomorrow is our first game and I’m excited to finally get to play again.

I get to school Friday morning and the cheerleaders are all dressed up in their uniforms walking through the hallways trying to encourage people to come to the game. I grab my books and start walking to class as I feel someone walking beside me.

“How are you today George,” Sophia asks. That is the most she has ever said to me outside of telling Jenny what she wants from me. I decide to play along.

“I’m doing fine. How are you.” I ask not really wanting to have this conversation.

“Oh I could be better,” she pouts as I know what comes next. “I don’t have a date for Homecoming next week.” Why did I know this was coming.

“Lucas Freeman is available,” I say as she scowls and I quickly duck into my first period classroom.

At lunch, I am headed out to the bleachers to eat lunch as I’m grabbed by Ericka and Gina.

“Oh no you don’t mister,” Ericka chastises. “You are eating lunch with us. We missed you.” Ericka has grown a little since last year. She is still petite, but is now sporting some smallish B-cups. Gina has gotten taller and has her braces off.

I am dragged into the lunch room and see that the group still sits at the same table everyone seems to be paired with the same person as last year. Everyone says hi and they start eating and talking.

I glance over at the jock table and see the same group. Jenny with her boyfriend Mike, Josh with Pam and Deana with Kevin, who is sneering at me. The new couple is also there. Tracey and Trevor.

“Who are you taking to Homecoming,” Erick’s asks as everyone at the table looks at me with interest.

“I’m not going,” I answer.

“You have to go George,” Ericka blurts out as I give her a stern look.

“Drop the subject,” I say with a little more heat than I meant as Ericka nods.

Then he has to open his mouth. “Look at him,” Kevin says loud enough for everyone to hear. “Sitting with the geeks right where he belongs.” Ericka puts her hand on my arm to calm me down. I decide that it’s best to let it go and say nothing.

We are in the locker room being taped up. I am excited to get to play. I really love playing football and I want to do my best. After we finish, we head out to the field to warm up. There are more people than we had at Saturday’s game, but I think that with as many students in our school there could be more. The visiting team has a larger turn-out.

I am surprised to see my mom and stepdad in the bleachers. Although I’m not sure if they came to see Jenny, me or both of us. I would like to think that it is both of us. We warm up and head back to the locker room.