Chapter 17

There was no time for a real discussion after that lunch at my home, as we had to hurry to our next lesson. It wasn’t until after our last lecture when we were able to somewhat return to what we had been talking about.

“Like I said before, Linnea - if you have a secret it’s safe with me. In many ways, that kind of gift would remind me of a curse. Especially all those young men talking to you, telling all those things...”

Linnea almost snorted. Had I not known better, I would have believed that her reaction was not genuine, but now I knew better.

“Like, I didn’t know it anyway, Stian? I know that I’m not a beauty and if a boy or a man wanted to be with me it was because I had something else they wanted. After all, they could always close their eyes.”

She tried to make it sound like she hadn’t cared but I knew better. Especially after getting that magical portrait. So, I put my hand on her shoulder and stopped her and made her look at me.

“Linnea, more than anything I want to be your friend.”

I didn’t dare to put much magical emphasis to that, just the tiniest bit. Then, just like sealing a letter, I sealed that statement by quickly kissing her forehead. I made sure to smile when I pulled back.

“Since you can see if I’m lying, I do admit that I also hope you’ll help me with my Mathematics and - being a young male - I’m not able deny that the idea of that ‘something else’ has been in my mind, too. But I’d rather be your friend than ruin it by demanding that ‘something else’.”

For the first time since meeting her, she looked really out of balance for a moment, instead of just being passive. Only for a moment, but still. Now, I’d either trust my instincts or not. The look on my face turned serious and I looked at the ground for a moment before raising my gaze again. All the time, I kept my hand on her shoulder and she hadn’t made any move to push it away.

“If we are going to be close friends, Linnea, there’s something else I need to tell you about myself. Something about my heritage...”

I dared to open myself a bit more and the feeling I got from her was that she was even more terrified than she had been. There were lots of mixed feelings floating around and I started to worry if there was somebody else like me who’d be able to ‘see’ her.

“I’m not a bastard son of a noble, but an orphan since my teens. I was a hunter, but I have also been entertaining some women older than me - much older than me - and I have also been sleeping with someone they did business with.”

I kept on carefully watching Linnea and how her feelings changed when I made my ‘confession’. I wasn’t lying - I didn’t dare to risk it if she really could see it. Now I was almost fascinated to follow - to see/feel/sense - how Linnea changed from truly terrified to almost relieved. I carefully closed myself again, but not before making sure that I wasn’t able to sense anything threatening around us.

“Why did you lie about it?”

“Should I have been proudly claiming what I have been doing, really?”

“There must be worse things than that, like...”

“Like killing?”

If I had tried to shock her it seemed that I was only partly successful. Instead, all of a sudden there was some life behind those green eyes again. For most of the time those eyes had seemed almost colorless but now they were green, definitely green. More importantly, she didn’t pull away.

“It depends.”

I put a smile on my face, trying to make sure that my smile was not a happy one. Well, that was easy, even though the reason for that was totally different than she probably thought. Inside my head, I wondered how long it might take before I would be able to be myself again. That Stian who could occasionally go out to the forest and hunt - or just enjoy the wilderness. I held my gaze on those green eyes.

“If it happened in order to protect those close to me?”

“Do you love those older women?” She totally ignored my question and her own question was a loaded one, but I had only myself to blame. I lifted my hand from her shoulder and looked into the distance. Which in this case was a battered building wall not so far away. What if she really could see if I was lying? Or why couldn’t she?

“I do care a whole lot about them. After all, without their help I wouldn’t be here studying.”

I was surprised to feel the tip of Linnea’s fingers wipe my cheek. “There’s nothing wrong in admitting that you care about some people, Stian.”

What was that supposed to mean? Even if I had been engaged to Saga and almost engaged to Erika and Siv, I really couldn’t say that I was able to understand women. Living with the Elves did not really help me with that, since they were quite far from being ‘normal’ women, if there even was such a thing. I stopped those thoughts since they would not lead me anywhere.

While we started walking away from the University building nothing more was said, but just before it was time to go our own ways, I dared to sense her quickly a bit. Somehow she felt better, less worried, less stressed. Something to think about. Especially as I had no idea if it was because I had killed - or because I loved.

A few weeks later I was a nervous wreck. It was the time to give us back our first calculus exams, and the rules were simple. If you failed an exam, you failed the class. Not even my red pass would help me there. The only way to pass the class would be to try again the following year, and that didn’t appeal to me a bit. Linnea had done a marvelous job with teaching me, but there just was so much I’d had no idea about. So, I had a good reason to be worried. Because of the heavy studying, I had not had time for much else. The only extra things had been some brief visits to the library. No, to The Library, since that’s what it was. The Library.

I forced myself to calm down during the class. Patience. That was one thing I needed to learn, and it was the thing the Elves were masters of. For them a delay of one year would have been nothing, something barely worth mentioning since the year could be used to other useful things. I just had some nagging feeling that now, there wasn’t that much time to waste. I felt that I should hurry with my studies and my mission. Patience. The Elven women had tried to convince me that I would have been better prepared for this if I had waited and studied there for two more years. But I had the nagging feeling that we wouldn’t have the time. Because the Human leaders did not have the same kind of patience the Elves did. Human leaders wanted to see the things happen in their lifetime. Which didn’t mean that I shouldn’t have learned to become more patient. Patience. I truly hated that word, which was almost funny, considering how patient I could be while hunting.

“Well, Stian, how did it go for you?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t looked.”

I was standing outside with Linnea, holding those precious sheets of paper - folded - in my hands. I had folded those two sheets of paper immediately, without checking the result. I really didn’t want to check the result, since I was able to see enough red marks at the back of the second paper in order to realize that there was something I hadn’t solved correctly.

“Oh, come on!”

Without any warning Linnea snapped those folded sheets from my hands and opened my exam. I closed my eyes.

“Sixty-seven percent. Sixty-seven! I was sure that I taught you better than this!”

Sixty-seven percent. Sixty-seven percent! That meant that I had passed! Without any more thinking I took Linnea’s head between my hands and kissed her on the mouth. Damn, without her I would have been totally lost. Only then I realized what I had done. I quickly pulled back and looked carefully at Linnea since I hadn’t really planned to do that.

“I was sure that I had failed. Without you I would have failed for sure! Oh, how did you do?”

Instead of waiting for her to answer I took her graded papers from her hand and took a look at the top.

“Ninety-five percent! Oh sweet Mother Earth, what do I need to do in order to keep you teaching me?”

Only then I noticed that, after my kiss, Linnea had just been standing there, looking at me. Looking. It took even more time for me to realize that I had kissed her the way I used to kiss the women in my real family - well, when I kissed without the tongues playing. The problem was that with them, I used to add some magic enhancement to those kisses. I wanted to curse! I felt that I needed to run and escape. Instead, I put a smile on my face, folded her papers and gave them back to her while taking mine from her hand. Then, making sure that I was still smiling, I met her gaze.

“Linnea, I’d like to offer you a dinner at that restaurant I know. If you agree, I’m certain that Alva can arrange a table for us. Would you agree, please?”

This time I added some magic push to my words, not much, but some. Damn, I was sure that I was already screwed and a little more would not change anything. Besides, one part of my mission had been to find people who could do magic. To find people who could help me with my mission.

To find them - not expose myself to them!

Before I went to sleep that evening I double-checked the way to the secret corridor in my room. I had my backpack packed with some essentials and I set some wards inside my room before going to sleep.

I had made an offer that we could take a carriage ride to the other side of the town, but Linnea had refused immediately. Okay, it would have cost me some money, but I could have afforded it. Still, I knew better than arguing with a woman. Especially a red-headed woman. So, we had walked to the restaurant. In a way it made sense, since the University students didn’t usually dine in a restaurant. Especially not in one like we would be visiting. However, from Alva I had heard that I was - almost - considered as a part of that family, too. After all, I had been working there for a whole day - or then it was because I was a friend of Alva. Whatever the reason, I knew that I was prepared to help them in the future, if needed.

“Who are you really, Stian?”

“I’ll answer you if you show me that you can really see if I’m lying or not.”

Since nobody had come after me, I had already made an assumption that Linnea was not ‘one of those’ - whoever or whatever they were - people or Mages I needed to avoid. We were seated in one of the small booths, but in here all the booths were isolated so that you couldn’t hear what was happening around you. Still, it didn’t stop Linnea for nervously checking the space around us. I put a reassuring smile on my face and put my hand over hers on the top of the table.

“Trust me, nobody is interested in us. This place is full of important people, their lovers and whoever else you might imagine. Two students are barely a curiosity.”

“Who are you, Stian?”

I took a deep breath. “Someone who needs to learn things in order to help people he cares about. Besides learning, I’d also like to gather a group of friends who might be able to help me with that mission.”

I could almost feel the intense gaze Linnea gave me.

“It’s like a flicker. If someone lies to me, it’s like he or she flickers when he or she speaks. You didn’t flicker when you spoke to me. That was odd, since everybody lies. Everybody.”

I nodded to her and very carefully sensed around but I couldn’t sense anything threatening. Which might prove something - or then not.

“That must make relationships difficult.”

“You cannot even imagine!”, Linnea shook her head while saying that, but then she was gazing me again. “Why haven’t you made any move on me? Am I so ugly?”

Yes, why indeed. It wasn’t because I wasn’t horny, since I was. I reminded myself that she really might be able to see if I was lying or not.

“First, I don’t see you as ugly; and I haven’t made any move on you, because I have a hunch that you would not have liked it.”

After a moment she nodded - and smiled. Well, almost smiled. She probably was the most serious person I’d ever known.

We were then interrupted by the waitress who brought us our appetizers combined with some crisp cider for Linnea and a beer for me. As soon as Alva had heard about my plan, she had made it clear to me that she’d be responsible for our menu. I smiled to Linnea as we were ready to start.

“Alva will be disappointed if you don’t become a real girlfriend to me. Just to let you know, I’m not offended at all.”

“It’s not that. It’s...”

I put my fork back on the plate and put my right hand over her left one.

“Linnea, whatever it is, I do not judge, I’ll be your friend.”

“You really mean it.”

I rolled my eyes. “There’s not much point in saying things to you unless you mean it. So, whatever it is, you can either tell me or not tell me. I can understand that some things can be quite personal, even too personal to tell anyone.”

“I don’t like it.” she told me. “I get nothing out of it. To me it’s just painful and usually somewhat disgusting.”

I almost had to move closer to Linnea in order to hear what she whispered. I nodded. “I have to admit that, without the good feeling, the basic idea of two sweaty bodies sharing their liquids...”

Then I shook my head while smiling.

“Let’s not think about that now. Thinking about it that way might make me lose my appetite and this food just looks too good for that.”

She didn’t laugh, not even close. But the glint in her eyes was something that hadn’t been there before. I was sure that there was a story behind her presence at the University and I was hoping to hear it at some point. From that point on, I decided to ignore my plans, my agenda, everything except my friend across the table and the good food they carried to our table. We did talk about the classes, the odd group of people I lived with, but after the second glass of decent (not good) wine - I now knew the difference - Linnea told something about her aunt, the person she lived with and whom she helped occasionally. I’m not a master with female communication, but the last few years have taught me something and I was able to tell that their relationship was not an easy one. It was at least conflicted, since it seemed that Linnea also felt that she had to be grateful to her aunt. She owed her aunt something - or was it that she was owned by her aunt? I didn’t dare ask.

In a way that was almost funny. I didn’t - yet - know how old Linnea was, but something happened there. It was like Saga and I after we had made love for the first time. Two young people with a common secret. Only that this time it wasn’t a shared secret, but we knew something about each other. A part of me enjoyed the feeling since it was something I had missed. Oh, I missed my ladies and the whole valley, since it was my home; but I hadn’t had much time to examine this kind of feelings before moving there and - not counting the children there - even the youngest of them was several times older than me. Not several years, but several times. I still had some problems with that idea.

Soon after we both had finished the blackberry pie we had had for dessert, I knew that it would be time for us to go. I didn’t want to push my welcome since I was sure that Alva had made it clear that I would pay a reduced price for our meals - which didn’t make them cheap. Still, Linnea’s eyes almost popped out when I piled up those silver coins for the waitress. Once she was gone, I smiled at Linnea.

“Believe me, this was much cheaper than one or two extra years at the University. Since without your help, that would have happened to me. Now, you’ll need to let me walk you to your home.”

“It’s not that late yet. I know the way.”

“Yet it’s Laugardag and there may be some people looking for young women walking alone.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“And I believe that, but it would still make me feel better if I could make sure that you’ll get there safely. Besides, I’m sure there is some telltale living nearby watching and following you. Wouldn’t you like her to see how I kiss your check?”

“It’s him, not her.”

“Okay, my lady. Show me the way.”

After saying that, I took Linnea’s hand in mine. Maybe we weren’t anything more than friends, but I intended to get the most out of it. Even if it probably would have been safe for her to walk these streets at this hour, even if it was Laugardag. Laugardag. It had taken me some time to get used to different weekdays. Since there had been no church and no priests where I grew up there had been no reason to make some day special, like the Sunnudag here. Nature and animals didn’t care about weekdays and therefore the people didn’t. The Elves used the same calendar as the others, but they didn’t really care about weekdays either. I had noticed some difference between days while doing business with Birgit, but the people I dealt with cared more about their business than weekdays. Here, at Aston, most of the University business was off after Frjadag, even if The Library was open on Laugardag. On Sunnudag those people who didn’t go to church nursed their hangovers - I guess that those who went to church did the same thing at church.