Chapter 23

The work week started much as any other, cleaning up the previous week’s mess. Soon it was mid-week and I had still not heard from Jen. I called her office, Tiffany answered telling me she was in a meeting and was really busy. I left a message for Jen to call me when she got a chance. Later that night, Jen called me at home. She told me she had just gotten home after a long day in court. She did sound tired, so I decided to cut it short. I told her I would call her Friday to see about the weekend. I told her I wanted to take her somewhere special, just the two of us. She replied that sounded good to her and we would talk later.

I had no sooner hung the phone, when it rang again. I grabbed it quickly, thinking Jen may have changed her mind. It was Beth.

“Hey Jeff, how are you?” she said softly.

“I’m ok Beth, what’s up with you?” I replied.

“Jeff, I need to talk to you. Just you and I, one on one, no interruptions.” she stated.

I started to make excuses, the last thing I needed right now was more drama in my life. I added that things were really crazy right now and I might not be the best person for her to confide in.

“Please Jeff, if you care for me at all, do this, please.” she pleaded.

What could I say, I was trapped. After all she was family, and really we had to get this settled. I agreed that we would meet the following Friday night at my house. It was over a week away and I had a plan. I was going to tell Jen that I loved her, that I wanted us to be a permanent thing, whatever that took. That would take care of both situations and by the time I met Beth next week, Jen and I would be a couple for good.

The weekend arrived quickly and I was so looking forward to meeting with Jennifer. I called her Friday night but she was still at work. She told me she would be getting home at about nine o’clock, if all went well. I asked her if she had eaten, offering to bring her dinner. She told me she would fix a frozen dinner when she got home, she didn’t have time to eat. She told me she was staying late tonight to avoid going in on Saturday. She promised she would call me in the morning as soon as she got up.

I hung up the phone and looked at the clock, it was seven thirty. I thought to myself, if Jen got home at nine o’clock and was off tomorrow, why not grab a late dinner and surprise her? I jumped up, showered and dressed. I called in a take out order at one of Jen’s favorite sandwich shops, deciding to surprise her. I picked up the order and drove to Jen’s condo arriving there about quarter till nine. I saw Jen’s parking spot was still empty, she had not arrived yet. I sat in the parking lot for about an hour waiting for her. At a little after ten o’clock, I started up the car and pulled out of the lot. As I did, I suddenly got a feeling, and turned the other way. As I drove in the other direction, I really hoped I was wrong. A few minutes later, as I pulled into Tiff’s parking lot, my heart sank. Jen’s car was parked next to Tiff’s, they were together. I turned the car off and thought for a moment, not sure of what to do. After a few moments, I reached down, started the car and pulled out, heading home.

I woke the next morning to a dull, overcast sky threatening rain. I waited a few hours and called Jen to try to make plans for later. She answered in a sleepy voice. I asked her how her night went, did she get her work done? She told me yes, she had finished and gotten home about nine thirty and went straight to bed. I didn’t let on I knew better, I was going to wait till tonight to lay all my cards on the table. We made plans to go to a nice restaurant that night and enjoy a quiet evening.

I picked Jen up about seven and we drove to the restaurant. All day long I had been trying to come up with my “speech” so to speak. How to say it, when to say it. I had rewritten it in my head a thousand times, I would probably do so a few more before I got it out.

I asked the hostess to seat us in a quiet booth so we would not be distracted by patrons coming and going. She seated us near the rear of the restaurant, in a very private booth. We both slid in across from each other and picked up our menus. A few moments passed, and our waiter approached. He took our orders, picked up the menus and told us it would be about twenty minutes for our food to arrive. Perfect, it’s now or never.

“Jen, there’s something I have been meaning to talk to you about.” I said softly, reaching over and touching her hand.

“Yea, me too.” she replied looking into my eyes.

“Oh, well, you want to go first?” I asked, surprised.

“No, you go ahead Jeff.” she answered.

I thought one last time, making sure I knew what I was going to say.

“Jen, these past few months I have spent with you have been special. After I lost Susan, I thought that part of my life was over. But then you came along and things got a lot better.” I started.

“I have been wanting to tell you something now for over a month, but never could find the right time, or the right words.” I continued.

“Jen, I think I am in love with you. I would really like for us to be a permanent thing in each other’s lives, if you feel the same way.” I ended.

It felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I looked at Jen trying to get an idea of her reaction to the words I had just spoken. She had brought her hands up to her face and I could see water filling her eyes as she looked down at her napkin. I knew with Susan, crying at an emotional moment was usually a good thing. It seemed like forever before Jen lowered her hands to speak.

“Jeff, I don’t know what to say, I’m trying to think.” she replied.

Well that was not the reaction I was hoping for, but sometimes ladies take the long road to get where they are going. I squeezed her hand gently, as I watched a tear roll down her cheek.

“Jen, did I say something wrong?” I asked, “If I did, I am sorry.”

“No Jeff, you did not say anything wrong, it’s not that.” she answered.

“It’s ok Jen, just tell me how you feel, I will understand.” I promised.

She swallowed hard looking down again at her napkin, more tears rolling down her cheeks. She looked up at me with those beautiful eyes that I loved to look into.

“Jeff, I am in love too.” she said softly.

Once again, I squeezed her hand softly and smiled at her. I felt a warm feeling spreading over me as I waited for more.

“Jeff, I’m so sorry, I have fallen in love with Tiffany.” she said between sobs.

She must have felt my hand relax on hers, as the news hit me like a heavyweight fighters punch to the stomach. I think she saw the sadness wash over my face, my shoulders sag to the weight of her words.

“Jeff, I am so sorry, you deserve so much more. I never meant this to happen. It just did.” she said softly.

There was just silence as I saw the waiter approaching with our order. He set our food down in front of us, ask us if we needed anything else. I simply shook my head no, he turned and walked away.

“Jen, it’s ok, I understand, love is a strange thing, it just happens.” I started, “But can I ask you something?”

“Of course you can.” she answered.

“When did you realize you were in love with Tiffany?” I asked, “Was it the first night we were all together at my house?”

“No Jeff, it was before that.” she answered. “That was just the first time Tiffany and I had any physical contact. The sparks have been there for a long time. We just both knew it for sure that night.”

“Yes, I know. I heard you tell Tiff you loved her that night in bed.” I replied.

Jen reached up with her hands covering her face in horror.

“Oh My God, you heard us Jeff? I am so sorry, I feel terrible.” she replied.

She went on to explain that she had a crush on Tiffany almost as soon as the small woman began working for her. At the time Tiffany had a boyfriend, so Jen did not give a thought. Then she met me and she thought maybe she was wrong. But her feelings proved to be too strong. She kept apologizing to me over and over.

“Jen, it’s ok sweetie. I understand, just be happy. That’s all that matters in life.”

We quietly finished dinner and made our exit to the parking lot. I knew that we both felt terrible, so continuing the night made absolutely no sense for either of us. I pulled out of the parking lot and headed back to Jen’s. She realized where we were going and said nothing. As I pulled into her space, the silence in the car was deafening. I reached over and took her soft hand in mine.

“It’s ok Jen, really. I hope you are happy. I care a lot about you, I want that for you.” I told her.

“Jeff, please stay here for a moment. I will be right back.” she asked climbing out quickly.

She went into the building and was gone maybe five minutes when she re-emerged with Tiffany at her side. I looked around, I did not see Tiffany’s car anywhere. They both walked up to the driver’s side window and Jen motioned for me to step out, which I did. Jen reached up and put her arms around my neck and buried her face in my chest sobbing.

“Jen, told me what happened Jeff. You’re quite a man.” Tiff said softly.

“Not really Tiff. But I want her to be happy. Life is too short to be anything other. I know from experience.” I replied.

As soon as Jen released me, Tiff came over and gave me her own hug and kissed my neck. She broke away and looked up at me.

“Jeff, we talked for a minute before we came down. Would you spend the night with us here. Let us be as kind to you as you were to us tonight. We both want to do this for you. Please.” she asked.

I have to say, I seriously thought about it for a moment. Another night of wild passionate sex with two gorgeous women who were solely intent on my pleasure. But no matter how great that sounded, it would not help any of us.

“Thank you so much. But I think I will leave you two alone.” I replied.

“You sure Jeff?” Jennifer asked.

“Yea, I’m sure.”

I wished the two of them goodnight, but made sure they understood to keep in touch with me. I still wanted Jennifer to know, I was there as a friend if she would need one. I got into my car and took a very long and lonely ride home.

I dreaded Mondays, but this one was really bad. I was starting a week with absolutely nothing to look forward to, this weekend, I would not spend with Jennifer. I trudged through the day at work, several people asking me if I was alright. I guess you could tell, I was somewhat not my normal self.

On the ride home my cell phone rang, I looked at the number, saw it was Jen. I answered quickly. She told me she just called to make sure I was ok, once again telling me how badly she felt about what had happened. I reassured her as best I could, once again wishing her happiness. Then she brought up something I had not thought of. How was she going to explain this to her parents, and my mother-in-law? She confided in me she really was not prepared to tell her parents she was in love with another woman.

We discussed it for a few moments, after which I told Jen to tell everyone, I was the one who decided that we stop seeing each other so much. That I was just not ready and I still missed Susan too much to get serious with anyone.

Jennifer replied that would not be fair of me to take the blame, when it was her fault this happened. I assured her this was the only way we could explain it, but not let on about her relationship with Tiffany. After some thought, we agreed.

It was mid-week when I got the call I had been expecting. It was my mother-in-law. After a brief hello, she got right to the point.

“Jeff, what happened with you and Jennifer?” she asked, “She told her mother you’re not seeing each other anymore.”

“Yea Mom, that’s true.” I replied, “I just wasn’t ready.”

“That’s not true Jeff. I know better, just what happened? Jen’s mother is really upset, she really likes you.” she demanded.

I didn’t know what to say and not give Jen away which I had no intention of doing.

“Mom, it’s me, I still miss Susan. No one can replace her.” I lied.

“Jeff, I will find out what happened, so you might as well tell me.” she continued.

“Mom, that’s all there is. I’m sorry, I really care for Jen, I wish it would have worked out.” I answered.

“I know you care for her, that’s why I know something more happened.” she stated.

I thanked my mother-in-law for her concern, but again told her I had made the decision to break it off with Jen. We talked for a few more seconds then hung up. I got home, took a shower and dropped into my chair to watch TV.

About an hour later Jennifer called and told me her mother had just gotten off the phone with her. She told me her mom had grilled her for over an hour about what had happened. I told Jen the conversation I had with my mother-in-law as well. Jen was scared that they would discover what was going on before she would be ready to tell them. I reassured her I would stick to my story and not let her down. She thanked me and we hung up. How in the hell did all of this get to this point, I thought.

Beth called me at the office on Friday morning to make sure we were still on for later that night. I assured her I would be home and had nothing to do. She told me she would be there about seven, as Lance was leaving town for a long weekend of golfing in another state. I told her that would be fine. During the day, I gave it a lot of thought and decided since I was already feeling pretty low, I would put my relationship with Beth to rest as well. It was time to end it all.

I got home around six in the evening, jumped in the shower, got out and ordered a pizza. I had just sat down to eat, when the doorbell rang. I got up, answered the door, it was Beth. She stepped in, I closed the door behind her. We entered the great room.

“Want some pizza Beth?” I asked.

“Sounds good”, she said with a smile.

I went into the kitchen, got Beth a plate and a glass of iced tea and returned. We sat and ate, making small talk, both knowing what was to come.

“You seeing Jennifer this weekend?” Beth asked.

“No, I’m not.” I answered, “We aren’t seeing each other right now.”

“What?” Beth exclaimed, “Jeff, what happened?”

I gave her the same lame duck excuse I gave her mother earlier in the week. Beth took it as well as my mother-in-law had, she knew better, but didn’t know how to get it out of me. I quickly changed the subject.

“So Beth, what did you want to talk about?” I asked.

“Jeff, I have decided what I want in life. I can’t be real explicit yet, but I wanted to tell you a few things.” she said.

“I’m not sure you really trust me anymore, but I need to say this. I still have feelings for you. Not a day passes that you’re not in my mind. I want you to know that.” she continued.