Chapter 9

So it had off to Denny’s where they ate and went back home, where he’d been told someone had pooped in the pool. They’d gone to bed, had some more fun, and Jessie went to sleep. He didn’t; she was a lot sicker than he thought. He wondered if the psychiatrist knew more than he’d shared. Jessie’s comment about semen slurping almost pushed him over the edge. Edge of what he didn’t know; at the moment he was ready to just walk out but what really scared him had been her emotional disappearance. He went downstairs and looked stuff up on the Internet. He read about something called Catatonia and it scared him. Was that what he saw? He needed to see Dr. Korlov again, and alone. He knew he had to wait until Monday, but he was determined to find out all he could.

The next morning Jessie slept in. The girls were the happiest he’d seen them. There’d been no poop in the pool, it was a joke they played on dad. By noon the girls were frolicking in the pool with their boyfriends.

It was a little after 1:00 when everything went awry ... again. Jessie had been fiddling around in the den, he supposed she was looking over her options when she came out and she was loaded for bear. “Gary,” she yelled, “I’ve been checking your finances. I thought you were worth something,” Her voice went up an octave, “You’re not worth jack shit!”

Surprised he replied, “What?”

She was armed for war, “Don’t what me! I’ve been looking over your bank account and your so-called investments. You haven’t got squat. How can I quit the firm and start my own business without as least a little something from you?”

Gary stood there, numb.

She got even worse! “Got nothing to say? Didn’t think so. Jesus fucking H. Christ this god damned divorce is going forward. You’re a mother fucking worthless piece of dog shit! Speaking of dog shit; take Daisy with you this time. I hate the bitch!”

At that precise moment they both heard Dorothy and Melanie screaming out by the pool. They weren’t fun screams.

Gary ran to the back door, “What’s wrong?”

Dorothy looked terrified, “Katy’s drowning!”

Melanie was crying and wringing her hands, “Daddy, daddy, she’s in the water!”

With no time to think! Gary ran for the pool. Horror! It was Katy! Listless! At the bottom of the pool! He jumped in and waded, then dove to the where she was. He yanked her by the hair and pulled her up. Coughing and gasping himself he got to the side and threw her to the concrete, scraping her knees. Now what? In one leap out of the pool, and he was at her mouth. Talking to himself, “OK, think fast! Do something! All right, calm down. Clear the airways, mouth to mouth, massage her chest, mouth to mouth again. Oh God come on!”

More mouth to mouth. A cough, and then another. A gasp! Vomit! She opened her eyes! Gary yelled, “Someone call 911!”

He looked down at his youngest angel, “You all right honey?”

More coughing, “Daddy, Jimmy...”

Melanie broke in, “We weren’t paying attention. Her boyfriend Jimmy kept pushing her away from the side. He wouldn’t let her out.”

Gary looked and saw the boy, “You should go home son.” That was one boy he never wanted to see again.

Dorothy was beside her father, hugging him, “Oh daddy.”

Melanie was crying too, “I got 911. They’re on the way.” She sniffed, “Daddy you saved Katy’s life.” Melanie skinned her knees as she dropped to the pavement and hugged her dad’s other side. She kept crying, she couldn’t stop, “Daddy I love you so much.”

Katy was on an elbow, “What happened? I almost drowned?”

Recovering, Dorothy said, “Our dad just saved your life.”

Daisy had awakened and had come over by then. Katy gave her an affectionate scuff on the ears; then a look at her dad followed by two arms around his waist and another cough, “Daddy, my very own daddy.”

Gary glanced over and caught Jessie in the corner of his eye. She’d followed him out. Tears were on her cheeks, and she’d stained her shorts. He said, “You better get cleaned up honey.”

Jessie looked down at her pants; she’d peed herself. She nodded and whispered, “Yes.” She turned and ran back in the house.

They spent the better part of the rest of the day at the hospital. The E.M.T. complimented Gary on his quick work, but when Gary told them he was a teacher their compliments drifted into knowing nods. One remarked, “One thing the county got right.” He was referring to the requirement that all teachers be given instruction in C.P.R. At the hospital Gary handled all the inquiries and paperwork. Jessie sat mutely in chair and watched.

~~~V~~~

The next several days were quiet in the McGowan household. Gary continued his normal chores, cutting grass, weeding, doing the laundry, cooking and cleaning. Dorothy and Melanie did their Walmart thing. Katy was swamped with phone calls; girlfriends calling in their affection while boys, new boys, offered their services, anything from beating the pulp out of Jimmy to what sounded like proposals of marriage. Every one of them had to meet her dad; some were loquacious talking up their own youthful heroics, others just shook his hand and stared. Katy enjoyed her new celebrity. Jessie went back to work, usually getting home before 3:00, and keeping a very low profile. It took her nearly a week to work up the courage to talk to her husband.

One afternoon after the girls were gone Jessie found Gary. Her demeanor had changed. She asked, “Have you thought about what you’re going to do?”

Stumped, he asked, “About what?”

“About Snyder,” she said.

“Oh, that,” he said, “You really want me to do something?”

She looked impatient, “Yes, of course.”

“You want me to beat him up?”

“That could work,” she said.

“What if he beats me?”

She smiled, “He wouldn’t if you tried hard enough.”

“Jessie,” he said, “Fighting doesn’t work that way. Usually there’s one guy who’s bigger, stronger, faster, with a longer reach, and most of the time he wins.”

She said, “You’re afraid aren’t you.”

“It’s not that,” he said, “It’s a lot of things.”

“No, you’re afraid,” she said.

“Listen honey,” he started, but she interrupted.

“Don’t call me honey. I’m not your honey. This is about my honor and your pride. He took advantage of me. I know that now so now it’s up to you to make it right.”

“Jessie, if I start a fight and I win he’ll only call the police and I’ll get thrown in jail. Then again, if I start a fight and he wins, he’ll still call the police and I’ll still end up in jail.” That’s what he told her, but he could see she wasn’t listening.

She said, “What if I fixed it so that you could beat him up and he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it?”

He asked, “How are you going to do that?”

His question flew right by her, “Then you’ll do it.”

“I didn’t say that,” he said.

“Don’t worry, she said, “I’ll fix it,” then almost like a clock she turned the page, “What’re you doing right now?”

He answered, “I thought I’d cut the grass.”

She said, “Forget that. I need you to put some cream on my stomach and back.”

“Can’t it wait,” he asked?

She smiled that special mischievous smile he remembered from when she and he were first married. She walked over, pulled down his fly, and reached in, “My, my,” she said, “your little fella needs some attention too,” she put her fingertips on the top of his penis and started fondling. She used her other hand to undo his belt and unbutton his top button. His trousers drooped down to his ankles. She used her hands on his boxers, and they joined his pants on the floor. She knelt down and started kissing and sucking the tip of his penis. Though they’d been pretty busy lately he was still susceptible. Pretty quickly her tongue and lips had him driving into her mouth. He tried, but couldn’t last. He ejaculated; she swallowed almost every drop. He looked down in time to see her take her fingers, wipe some spilled semen from her chin and put it in her mouth; she used her tongue to lick him clean. It all felt and looked so good. He asked, “Got your cream handy?”

She stood back up, took his hand, and said, “It’s upstairs.”

The weekend flew by. He couldn’t believe how she’d changed. She skipped work. The beast he’d suffered with for months turned into his very own private sex slave. She bought new clothes. She bathed twice, sometimes three times a day, and always asked him to oil or massage her, or just hold and cuddle with her. He’d missed this Jessie, and was delighted to get her back.

Gary missed one appointment with Dr. Korlov but on Tuesday a week later he made it. As it turned out Jessie went in for an hour, and after her time he went for a short discussion. Their “short discussion” turned out to be a little longer.

The first thing that came out of Gary’s mouth even surprised even him, “You know doctor I feel more like one of those gerbils than a husband.”

The doctor didn’t get it right away, but then he said, “You’re running in circles, as in a hamster wheel.”

“Is that what they called them,” Gary asked? “Well, yeah, that’s exactly how I feel; one minute Jessie’s fine, she’s warm and reasonable, then she’ll turn on a dime and we’re back where we started – her hating me and me trying to figure out what to do next.”

The doctor listened and said, “She told me about Katy.”

“You mean her almost drowning?”

The doctor smiled, “Jessie’s never seen you like that.”

Gary tried to clarify the matter, “All I did was what any father would do.”

“No,” said the doctor, “what you did was extraordinary. You saved your child’s life. From what Jessie said you knew exactly what to do. You moved with quickness and authority. You not only saved your daughter, you saved hers as well.”

Gary tried to interrupt, “Well I...”

“No,” said Korlov, “You must have been magnificent. Jessie loved you before, now she’s got a case of hero worship like I’ve not seen before. She doesn’t just love you, she worships you. He hesitated, then added, “Regrettably it makes her situation worse.”

“Worse,” exclaimed Gary!

“Yes worse. You see,” said the doctor, “it’s served to heighten her ambivalence. You keep putting the lie to her confused notion that you’re a loser and a failure.”

Gary shrugged, “I can’t seem to get anything right can I?”

Dr. Korlov smiled, he steepled his hands, something he liked to do, “Let me explain a few things. What I’m about to say won’t solve your problem or fix hers, but it might give you a better perspective. In fact I imagine you already know what I’m about to tell you.”

Gary replied, “I’m all ears.”

The doctor began, “Let’s look at Jessie’s background and life experiences. She comes from a successful and very affluent background. Her father’s a heart surgeon. Before retiring and having her only baby Mrs. Pearson was a Psychology professor at one of our state universities. Jessie got very good grades in high school; but neither parent was ever satisfied.” He paused and changed posture, “I found this out while she was under hypnosis. She doesn’t even consciously know that; but it’s a part of her problem. Then she met and fell madly in love with you, and I say madly because I know she loves you beyond all reasonable understanding, and that’s another part of her problem.”

“Why,” he asked.

“Think about it Mr. McGowan; you’re the only child of a single mom and some absent from birth father. Your mom has a limited education and limited intellectual scope. When you two first met you were a mediocre student at a mediocre state school, and yet she was so much in love she threw all caution to the wind, you joined in sexual congress and had a child way before she was either emotionally or intellectually ready.”

Gary nodded. He didn’t like where the doctor was headed, but he’d thought about most of the same things already.

The doctor continued, “Pregnant, no money, and no options she told you her condition and asked you to marry her. Isn’t this right?”

“Yes,” was Gary’s reply.

“But you didn’t ask her, she asked you, and why did she do that?”

“She needed a father for her baby,” was his response.

“No,” said the doctor, “she wanted you. She certainly knew enough to be able to avoid an unwanted pregnancy, but she didn’t care, she wanted you. She was afraid.”

“Afraid I would leave her,” Gary said.

Then the doctor told him some things he’d never seriously considered, “She was being childish, but she loved you so much, and she was so afraid you might get tired of her that she chose to get pregnant knowing you were too much of a man to ever walk away.”

“Look,” Gary said, “I knew she was immature, but when she said not to worry about pregnancy I thought she knew how to take care of those things. Later I suppose I thought she might have gotten pregnant to trap me, but by then we were so happy it didn’t matter.”

Dr. Korlov added, “Yes she did trap you, and ever since she’s had underlying feelings of guilt. Even at eighteen she was driven by self-doubt and feelings of inferiority. She’d never been 100% at anything; not at her very exclusive private high school, and not with her parents, though they loved her, they never knew how to give her the praise or the love she needed. Her home life was superficial, clinical even, everything was subject to analysis. As a pretty young girl at social settings she was repeatedly overlooked, passed over, by boys she liked. It never occurred to her she was passed over because they saw her as being too pretty, too distant, and too out of reach.”

Gary interjected, “But then I came along.”

“Yes, he said, “you came along. You were handsome, confident, and maybe a little arrogant. You literally swept her off her feet, and she was oh so ready to be swept.”

“So,” he said, “we were so happy. What went wrong?”

“A great many things,” the doctor said, “Married with kids, who took care of you? No one. You did it all. You worked outside jobs, and struggled to get through college with average grades and low expectations. But when she went to college she swept through her classes like a hot knife through butter, ‘A’s in everything all the way through, and in three not four or more years. Then there was the down side; the sororities, she just couldn’t get in. Married with children made her different, no sorority wanted her, another failure in the midst of success. Who was to blame? Who got her pregnant?”

This was heavy stuff for Gary.

“Then what,” the doctor asked? “With her grades and her hard earned poise, she got into one of the most prestigious law firms in the state. She was surrounded by the elite, the very best of the profession, men and women who handled millions of dollars, argued and organized powerful financial programs, but who did she come home to, a man who taught eighth grade arithmetic. To her you’d become a relative failure, but she loved you, she loved you beyond all reasonable expectation, and by then you had three girls who also idolized you. At home you were the “crown prince”, the “king”, but at work her colleagues carefully and politely derided you. You had become everything and nothing.”

Then Gary added, “And then came the partnership.”

“Yes,” the doctor said, “Then came the partnership, and to her you became a handicap, a lodestone weighing her chances down. Even though she knew she was going to get the partnership she still felt caught, trapped; happy at home if she left things alone, happy at work if she pretended she wasn’t aware of the polite slander, but miserable all the same.”

“I understand,” Gary said, “but none of this is my fault.”

“It’s not about fault. If you’re still committed, and I think you are, you’re going to be blamed for a great many things. I wouldn’t take it to heart, not too much. She’s very unhappy. Oh and you know about the bet.”

He sat up, “I heard about some kind of bet between her and a man she works with.”

The doctor asked, “You know what the bet was?”

“No,” he said, “haven’t got a clue.”

“It was about you, and apparently everybody but you was in on it,” the doctor said.

“Good god,” Gary exclaimed, “What was it?”

He smiled, “I can tell you what it was, but never mention it; it’s been tearing her apart.”

“Come on damn it,” Gary said.

“Jessie wanted to make partner; she wanted that more than anything; it would please her and more importantly it would give her the love of her parents. As for you; she had your love, but it made her feel, how shall I say, uncomfortable. About the bet, it seemed to be some unspoken condition.”

Gary started, but the doctor held up his hand, “Hold it, we’re running out of time. I have other patients,” He went on, “Apparently, or not so apparent, you posed some kind of threat to the powers that be around her office. At least one of the oldest partners didn’t like you. Why? Who can say? It was an unspoken thing, if she wanted partner she had to dump you and marry somebody suitable. Word leaked out, and one of the lawyers competing to be partner made a bet; the bet being she would divorce you to get the partnership. She bet him she wouldn’t, but the competition was so ferocious she must have succumbed. You remember the night of the “so called” gala; that was the night she was going to give you the kiss off.”

Gary frowned, “She did too.”

The doctor frowned, “Keep quiet please. Just listen. Two more things. She’s pregnant. Know why?”

“We made love,” he said.

“Not exactly,” the doctor said, “She got pregnant the first time to keep you, and it worked. Then later, this past year, once she saw what was happening, what she was doing to herself, what the law firm was doing, she got scared all over again so she decided to do what worked nineteen years ago.”

Gary muttered, “No shit.”

The doctor said, “Shut up.” Then he finished, “Yes she did ask, or demand a divorce, and yes she went through with it, but only days later she realized she’d made a horrible mistake. We’ve all seen the movies where the hero falls over the cliff, but at the last minute grasps a rotted branch that keeps him from falling to his ruin. What’s the old line, ‘love conquers all,’ you must have said or done something, who knows, but it was you and something you said or did that brought her home. The problem is she’s still driven by her obsessive nature, but that drive has been complicated by a guilt that seems to be growing exponentially. It’s killing her.”

The doctor looked at his watch, “We can talk some more next time, but if you’re going to try to stick it out I have something that can help you,” He took out a pen and his prescription pad, wrote something indecipherable down, and handed it to Gary.

Gary asked, “What’s this?”

Korlov said, “It’s a prescription for M.D.M.A. I want you to keep it on hand. If you think you need it, take one, and now I’m going to break the law. You can also grind it up and give some to Jessie, but never tell her.

“What’s M.D.M.A.,” he asked?

“It’s ecstasy,” the doctor quickly held up a hand, “Hold it. Doctors have been prescribing it since the 1980’s. It’s good for P.T.S.D., it’s good for panic attacks, a variety of anxiety disorders, situational phobias, and people dealing with trust issues. If you feel overwhelmed, take one. If you see her falling into despair or into one of her stress related periods of depression, give her a small amount. I’m afraid to give the prescription to her; she’s so anxious sometimes I’m afraid she’d take too much, but I trust you.”

Gary said, “This is crazy.”

Dr. Korlov stood up, “Jessie said you liked country music.”

He nodded.

“Well,” he said, “God is great, beer is good and people are crazy.”

Gary laughed, “Ain’t that the truth.”

The doctor walked him to the door, “One more thing.”

He stopped, “I like country too,” and then he said, “There’s another old song. It went, ‘He owns a big estate just south of Savannah and a high rise hotel in downtown Atlanta and half the state of Georgia to his name ... She’d be set for life in his world but she chose the moon over Georgia... ‘ You remember that?”

The doctor had stopped Gary up, he felt something deep in his chest, or was it his heart, “Shenandoah did that. So what’s the point?”

The doctor smiled, “She’s had a choice; the law firm, prestige, money, and the partnership or you.”

Gary felt despondent, “And the jury’s still out.”

Korlov grinned, “Maybe. That’s up to you.”

They shook hands and Gary went back outside. Jessie was reading an old magazine. She got up, “You through?”

He nodded.

She said, “It took you long enough.” They left and went back to his Jeep.

Outside she said, “I’m hungry, let’s go to Napoli’s. I want some lasagna.”

Gary smiled and said, “OK.” He wondered what would happen next.

They were sitting in Napoli’s; Jessie was stuffing garlic bread and lasagna in her mouth. Gary was eating lasagna too when she asked, “So what are you going to do about Snyder?”

He finished another mouthful, took another sip of wine, and replied, “I’m going to beat the living shit out of him.”

She looked skeptical, “How are you going to do that?”

“Here’s how. Right now I’m not up to it. I figure he works out at some gym and eats right,” Gary held up a piece of lasagna, “I’ll bet he doesn’t eat much of this stuff.” He went on, “But I have a plan. Want to hear it?”

As she took in another mouthful of lasagna she replied doubtfully, “Yes.”

“First I’m going to sign up for some martial arts classes, probably Karate. I figure if I work at it, go to classes three or four nights a week and completely change my eating habits in a year or so I’ll be ready. Then I’ll find him and accost him someplace he’ll least expect it, like after his gym workout or after he’s has a long day at the office. I figure the wintertime when it’s mostly dark, maybe a real cold night. I’ll have beefed up for the cold, but he might not have.”

She kind of rolled, no squinted her eyes, “That could take a long time.”

“I know,” he said, “But something like this takes time and planning. I don’t care how many classes I have to take, how many nights I’m out, how much time I’m away from you and our girls I’m going to do this. I’m going to get ready and then I’m going to totally dismantle him. He’s going to get the beating of a lifetime.”

She’d crossed her legs under the table and started rocking her foot back and forth, a sure sign of growing anxiety. She muttered, “I thought a black eye or maybe a bloody nose.”

“Forget that,” he said, “I’m going deep on this guy. He’s not getting away with degrading my wife. When I’m finished with him he’ll be a different person.”

She had her hands in her lap under the table. She was wearing a short skirt. She started rocking and forth. He wondered if she was masturbating. She said, “I didn’t mean that you should kill him.”

“Oh don’t worry Jessie. I won’t kill him. I thought I’d gouge his eyes out, crush his larynx so he’d never talk again, and maybe turn both his knees to mush. I might break all his ribs, maybe smash his elbows; fifteen pounds of pressure breaks an elbow. If I learned enough I might be able to smash his skull so badly he’d lose most, if not all, rational ability. Yeah, turn him into a vegetable.” That’s what Gary said. Jessie said, “I don’t think that’s a good idea. It would take you years to prepare, and we’ll need you at home. I mean I’m having a baby, and if I do start my own legal business, somebody will have to be at home. I mean you could still work, but we’d need you at night. Our girls will need you at night. No that’s not a good plan. Besides, what if you got caught?”

Gary scratched his chin and looked off to the right, “You might be right. OK, I’ve got it. I already hunt. I’m a damn good shot, mostly with shorter range rifles and shotguns though. I’ll buy something more high powered and with a good scope site. I’ll find a place, and like a sniper I’ll gun him down. I’ll put one right through his brain.”

She was quavering, “Gary I don’t feel good. My stomach hurts. Maybe we should go home?”

“Would you mind if we stopped at Carson’s on the way home? You know Carson’s is the gun shop where I always buy my supplies.”

“No, let’s go straight home. I feel sick. I think I might throw up, the baby you know.”

He reached across and took her hand, “Sure, we’ll go home. I’ll get you in bed. How about a nice massage?”

She whimpered, “Yes, I’d like that.”

They finished their meal. He ordered some cannoli for takeout, and they left the restaurant. On the way home she murmured again, “I thought just a black eye or a bloody nose.”

“No,” Gary said, “He should get what’s coming to him.”

“Well honestly,” she replied, “He never did that much.”

“What about the sex,” he asked?

“Not now, we can talk about that later...”

He said, “Sure. I only want what you want.”

She just looked out the window all the rest of the way home.

Once they got to the driveway he said again, “I’m going to kill that son-of-a-bitch.” He said it very quietly and very deliberately so she’d fully understand what he intended to do.

She did. She opened her door, jumped from the car, and ran in the house. Even before he got in the front door he heard what he presumed was the den door slam shut. Melanie and Katy came out. Melanie said, “What did you do now dad?”

He put my finger to his mouth, “Be quiet. Wait.”

They didn’t have to wait long.

Jessie came storming out of the den. She ran up and hugged her ‘maybe-maybe not’ husband, “Gary I don’t want you to do anything. Just forget what I said. Nothing happened anyway, I mean hardly anything happened,” she was sobbing, “Gary we need you. I need you. You can’t,” she glanced at Melanie and Katy. Dorothy had joined them, “You can’t do what you said. You just can’t.”

She started to squirm out of his arms, but he held her too tightly. “Jessie,” he said, “Have you thought about names for the new baby?”

She stopped sobbing. She wiped her nose, she relaxed, “Yes, yes I have.”

“OK, we’ll forget the other thing and concentrate on the things we absolutely need to do.” He waved the girls over, “Are you kids going to be busy tonight?”

Katy said, “Well I have...”

But Dorothy interrupted, “No dad, we’re all free. What did you want to talk about?”

He looked at Katy, “If you stayed home, is there anything you’d like for dinner?”

Katy replied, “Maybe some Chinese?”

Melanie groaned.

Dorothy stuck a finger in her mouth.

Jessie asked, “Has anyone ever noticed how Chinese places are always close to a veterinarian’s office?”

“Yeah,” said Melanie, “I found a vein in a piece of chicken once.”

Katy scowled and stomped her foot, “I don’t care. You guys always get what you want!”

Gary said, “I think some Chow Mein would be pretty good,” He looked at Melanie, “Veins and all.”

“Thanks daddy,” said Katy.

He thought, daddy, but said, “OK, Chinese it is.”

Melanie muttered under her breath at Katy, “I hope you get diarrhea.”

He said, “You order Katy. Wait till about six o’clock. Your mom and I just ate.”

She was her chirping self again, “OK dad.”

Looking down a Jessie he said, “How about that massage now?”

She smiled and whispered, “I need to take my pills too.” They went upstairs to get her pills and have a massage.

In the bedroom she started by giving him a big kiss, “Promise me,” she whispered, “You won’t do anything to Mr. Snyder.”

“OK,” he answered, “If you don’t want me to,” then he added, “You know what. Why don’t I give you a bath? I’ll wash your hair, and then brush it out. Maybe we can put it in pig tails.”

“Pig tails,” she scoffed, “I haven’t worn pig tails in years.”

He said, “The girls will like it.”

She almost giggled when she said, “OK,” maybe just once.”

They tried the pig tails thing, but it didn’t work, at thirty-seven a woman with short hair in pigtails was silly. On the other hand some other things did get accomplished. They took a shower together. He washed her and she washed him. The shower was at the end of their wide oval shaped tub. He’d never used it when he lived there and hadn’t since he’d come back in June, but Jessie and certainly the girls used it all the time. This time he persuaded Jessie to sit back and relax while he soaped her up and rinsed her off a second time. He washed and rinsed her hair, helped her out, and brushed it dry. Her hair wasn’t especially long, but she enjoyed the attention so much she vowed to let her hair grow out so he’d get another chance. The discussion about growing out her hair was their Segway into a more important topic.

He asked her, “Are you still serious about leaving the law firm?”

She replied, “I’ve given it a lot thought, and I believe it’s the right thing to do.”

He said, “If it wouldn’t be too much, I’d like your reasoning on that.”

“Gary,” she started, “Basically I’m unhappy working there, and there are reasons. Are you sure you want to hear?”

He answered, “Of course I want to hear; a decision like that affects us all.”