Chapter 4

Gary and Carolyn had been seeing each other since spring break. There’d been some heavy petting, but nothing else happened, no more blow jobs. He met her mother and got the impression she was the manipulative type; not manipulative like Jessie, no Carolyn’s mother liked to play the frail helpless but loving mom role. He liked her, but she was a whiner. He could see she had Carolyn wrapped around her little finger. He wondered how it would work out if he married her daughter, her personal slave would have new priorities. He didn’t think her mother would be able to handle it; he had his own doubts too.

He and Carolyn did a lot of talking. He asked her if she liked to hunt; she said she hated the idea of killing innocent animals. That bothered him; it could mean a choice. Melanie liked to hunt; she even had her own deer head on the wall in her room. He asked Carolyn about fishing; she said she’d never been fishing, and she was afraid of baiting hooks, worms and such. She said she’d seen some sportsman specials and definitely didn’t like the idea of taking a hook out of a fish’s mouth. Gary laughed about that; baiting and removing hooks, and cleaning fish had been a regular part of his married diet, what with three daughters and a finicky wife. He asked her about boating and swimming. She said she loved to swim in a pool, but never really been boating. She said she’d like to try, though she said her mom said she, Carolyn, had a weak stomach, and she’d most likely get very seasick. Everything had to pass through mom for approval.

Things at his school were hectic; it was near the end of the year, plans for September were being made, schedules aligned, a list of repairs made up, orders for new student desks and chairs, new materials for the media center, what used to be called the library, were being organized, and final teacher evaluations were just around the corner.

Yes, it was a busy time. Still, Gary had time to think. He had two women on his mind. He adored Carolyn, but he wondered if his previous feelings hadn’t been more infatuation than true love. He got the impression she was having second thoughts too. Then what was going on with Jessie? According to Dorothy, if it was possible, Jessie was still working hard, but unhappier than ever. The thought kept coming back, this wasn’t the Jessie he once knew. Something was wrong. People don’t roll back and forth like she was. He was still convinced she needed help, professional help, or was he just trying to convince himself.

Regarding Jessie’s professional life Gary knew as long as she produced and didn’t make any big mistakes she’d be OK, but if she wore herself out or had some kind of emotional collapse they wouldn’t care, she’d be like a finger in a glass of water. He thought maybe he should go visit her parents? Maybe they saw something?

Thursday of that very week he stopped in to see Jessie’s mom and dad. They let him in, and they all walked back to their kitchen. It was an older frame type house in an upscale older neighborhood built probably around the end of the Nineteenth Century, well maintained, but old. As soon as they sat down he knew something was wrong. They looked scared so he went straight to the point. “I saw Jessie the other day. I know you and I haven’t talked for quite a while, but I’m worried. Have you seen anything?”

Her father looked suspicious, “I’m surprised you care. Aren’t you a big part of her troubles?”

Gary knew Jessie had been feeding them a line of bull, “You blame me for our break up.”

“Isn’t it your fault,” her dad said?

Gary half knew this would be a waste of time, “What has she told you?”

“Don’t play the innocent,” her father started, “you can’t lie to us.”

“Lie about what,” he asked. “What has she told you?”

“We know how you hit her and beat on her.”

Pissed off, Gary responded, “You know that’s not true. I never hit her, or any woman. You really don’t know why we’re divorcing.”

Her dad sat back, crossed his arms, and smugly replied, “OK Mr. McGowan, suppose you tell us.”

Gary did just that. He told them about the big gala, about how he went to the bathroom, about the guy with the panties that matched the pair she’d worn. He told them about the big fight, how she threw the panties out, and refused to show him hers.

Her father wasn’t convinced, “So you never really saw. I mean she never showed you so you still don’t know if the panties she threw out were actually hers.”

“No,” Gary said, “but she confessed to the sex. She told me she fucked someone. She even told me who,” after a deep sigh he concluded, “ask her the next time you see her. Ask her about Jeffrey Snyder.”

Her father had nothing to say.

Hilda, her mom, looked haggard, “Gary we just don’t know who to believe.”

Her dad, Fred, put his hand on hers, “Hildy.”

“It’s true Fred,” she said, “Things have been terrible, just awful. Since she got that partnership I don’t know. I wish I did.”

“Tell me what you’ve seen,” Gary asked.

Her father breathed a sigh of his own, “Jessie’s always been a hard worker. She always did well in school, tried her best. You know? She’s our only child. You know that. She’s all we’ve got. I mean other than our granddaughters. God knows we tried our best. She hardly talks to us anymore. Says we’re the reason she’s the way she is. We don’t know what she means. Do you?”

Gary replied, “No, I wish I knew.”

Hilda commented, “She told us you were mean to her, mental cruelty and all that; she said you abused her and she had to get out.”

Gary asked, “You think I could ever do anything to hurt your daughter?”

Diffident, shaken, looking older, Fred shrugged, “I don’t know. I don’t think so, but until today no one ever said otherwise. We never saw anything, but she’s our daughter. I can’t believe she’d lie to us, not about something like this. The two of you always seemed so happy.”

Her mom interrupted, “I saw things. I heard things too. Last year, last fall she seemed different, she got mean. She was short with the girls, and she always complained about you, said you were lazy and worthless. Since the divorce whenever she does come she just goes to her old room. She never talks to us; except to tell us she hates us. She just goes to her room, rummages around, sometimes she just cries. Sometime she cries all night.”

Fred said, “Now Hildy. She hasn’t been here that much.”

Gary had to get them back to the real reason for his visit, “How about a cup of coffee?”

While the coffee was brewing he explained what he was afraid was happening, “You said how Jessie was always a hard worker. Well the partners have her working night and day. I’m afraid they’ve just about pushed her over the edge. I doubt if we’ll ever get back, but we have the girls, they need a real mother, not some phantom. Worse, what if she breaks down? What if she just collapses? I’ve been thinking about counseling, if not together then at least her.

Hilda was sobbing, “She won’t even let us see our granddaughters.”

Fred chided, “We see them. They were here a couple weeks ago.”

Listening to Fred and Hilda Gary still didn’t know what was going on. Dorothy once asked him why none of their grandparents wanted to see them anymore. He remembered he hadn’t known what she was talking about. He figured Jessie had been keeping the kids from his mother, but he thought they’d been seeing her parents. He’d misjudged that. He said, “Tell you what. This Friday I’ll bring the girls over. It’s supposed to be my weekend anyway. You’ll get to see them. Other than that I don’t know what I’m going to do. I wish I had a clue, but somehow we’ve got to fix this.”

As Gary drove back to his house he knew he needed to do something. Maybe that weekend? He had to find a way to get Jessie to talk to him. Then he thought he had it. Dorothy was graduating in a few days. Had Jessie made any plans? He knew the kids at her school almost always had special family graduation parties. Maybe he could get Jessie to do something? He could use the excuse about her college choices. He was also sure Jessie would never talk to him directly. He’d have to use a go between; the logical choice was, of course, Dorothy.

Jessie had been very flexible about Gary’s visitation privileges. It wasn’t unusual for him to get the girls on a Friday as long as he brought them home at a reasonable time. That was especially true if she had a date. He called Dorothy, “I need you girls this Friday night. Can you fix it with your mom and sisters?”

“I think so,” she said.

Sure enough he had all three girls in the Jeep and headed for Jessie’s mom and dad’s by 8:00 p.m. They were so excited; they were getting to see their grandparents for the first time in weeks. He was pretty excited too, since all three of them had been dating or going out with girlfriends pretty regularly on Fridays, he thought it was a pretty big concession on their part, girls being what they are.

On the way he got a chance to talk to Dorothy about what he wanted, “Dorothy,” he began, “I imagine most of your girlfriends who are graduating will be having parties.”

She said, “Yes, that’s true, but mom said I didn’t need one.”

“I think you do,” he said, “and here’s how we’re going to finagle it. You tell her you’ve been thinking maybe English literature isn’t what you want in college. Tell her you’ve been thinking about the law like she wants. Tell her you’d like the opportunity to meet some real lawyers in a social setting and not just in an office. Tell her you want her to arrange a party where you can do that. Explain to her it could be like your graduation party, and tell her you want to do it at home.”

Dorothy replied like he thought she would, “Gee dad that’s the stupidest idea ever!” Gary laughed, “You’re right, but what I really want is a chance to corner your mother. Trap her in a situation where she’d have to talk to me. I’ve got to flesh out what’s been eating her up. We all know it’s only partly her job. There’s more to it.”

Dorothy crossed her eyes, always a good sign, “I see. You want to force the truth out of her in a way she won’t see happening.”

“Not exactly, but you’ve got the right idea,” he answered.

He was more than surprised when Dorothy called back and said her mom fell for it. Not only that, she said her mom expected him call a caterer, buy the booze, and get the house ready. That was going to be easy; caterer and booze were nothing, and he’d already done almost everything around the house except the painting and wallpapering. He had two whole weekends to get the flower beds right, the lawn ready, and get everything inside the house spic and span. As it turned out, things worked even better than he thought.

How did things work better? Dorothy and her mom planned the party for the Sunday weekend after Memorial Day. It was actually after her graduation, but it would make it harder for Jessie’s colleagues to beg off. Gary was glad, he figured most of the partners would find a reason to cop out, but the younger lawyers were like a young Jessie; they’d all want the recognition only a partner could give, they’d be there. Moreover, Jessie was cheap, and didn’t want to spend the money on outside “paid” help. It also gave Gary more time to figure out what to say, if he got the chance.

So he showed up every Saturday and Sunday to work around his old house. Jessie was there off and on, and that was good because he thought Jessie was loosening up a little around him, and if she did he’d get a chance to talk to her.

Jessie still swore to the girls their father was responsible for everything, and since he never tried to dissuade them, they weren’t sure, but he suspected they knew more than they let on. He thought they knew their mom had been unfaithful. He was pretty sure at least Dorothy knew that.

Gary was in his old den just wiping down the walls when he noticed their old wedding album lying on the floor behind the sofa. Jessie often slept on that sofa so she must have gotten the album out at some time. He saw the album and decided to take a break. He was skimming through the pages when Jessie walked by. She looked really pissed about something, probably him being there. She saw he had the album open. She looked surprised, then ashamed.

He asked, “Want to look with me?”

She jumped back like he’d bitten her. She turned and walked rapidly down the hallway, then outside and to her car. Gary heard her as she pulled away. She didn’t come back either. He figured she drove off, hid someplace to wait till he left.

Gary thought he knew why she behaved the way she did. There was only one reason for it – regret, maybe remorse. He thought there had to be a way to get her to open up. His guessed his best chance would be at Dorothy’s party. It had been at that gala back in December when the wheels went off the cart. Maybe another party would help solve things. What did he have to lose? Damn it! He was back in their house and he had the girls.

He and Carolyn had been getting on each other’s nerves. It wasn’t Carolyn so much as it was her mother; the woman had her daughter so far under her thumb the girl was afraid to go to the store without clearing it. He wasn’t sure anymore if he loved her; she was pretty, she was well built, she was cooperative to a fault, and obedient except where her mother was concerned. It kept running through his head if he married her he’d be trading in a half crazed panther for a doormat. He wanted neither.

It had been Memorial Day weekend; Gary had seen his girls, and yes unfortunately he’d seen his bitch wife too. What’s the old phrase; “Absence makes the heart grow fonder?” Jessie had driven him from his home and started divorce procedures months back. From January to May he hardly saw her, and when he did it was only for brief moments, and then he was treated like “road kill”.

But since he started working around her house he’d seen her nearly every day. He realized being close wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. He recalled those slips of paper in her apartment; he thought he could make a few slips of his own now. If he bothered to write anything he’d start with “haughty, arrogant, insensitive, self-important, and just downright nasty”. He was getting tired of her; he’d managed it before last December, but since, being alone for so long without being brow beaten, now just the sight of her had been making him angry.