The class was English Composition and I’d been given three papers to write. I’d been given the subject for the first two and they were already written and turned in. The third paper was to be on whatever I could think of. The paper was actually one that should have been done in freshman year, but because of all the credit hours I’d accrued in the Army I was admitted as a sophomore. But it turned out there were certain core credits I had to have that hadn’t been covered by what I’d done in the Army and English Composition was one of them. The problem was that I couldn’t think of anything that the instructor hadn’t already seen a thousand times.

I sat there at the kitchen table with my elbow on the table and my hand under my chin as I stared down at the legal pad and tried to think of something to write about. Nothing came to me. Nothing grabbed my attention. I noticed that I had written the word ‘nothing’ on the legal pad and had underlined it a couple of times. I stared at the word and wondered about it.

It was such a negative word. It meant what? Not anything? Why did we have it? It meant the same as a dozen other words. As I looked at it some of those other words occurred to me and for some reason I didn’t understand underneath it I jotted down nil, no, zero, and zilch. On a whim I opened up the dictionary and looked up the definition of the word. There were a bunch and all negative.

I began to wonder if the word could possibly be used as a positive. Could it be used in a way that wasn’t totally negative? Almost instantly I thought of my English Lit class. One of the things we touched on was Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing. I smiled as I thought about it. Much Ado About Nada? Much Ado About Zilch? Much Ado About Nil? Curiosity made me open Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations. Whoa! Pages 1399 and 1400; a page and a half on just the word ‘nothing’. Could I? A paper on the word ‘nothing’? Nah! Put your brain to work Bobby. You have to be able to come up with something decent.

Just then the front door opened and Nancy came in.

“How’s the paper coming Rob?”

“It isn’t. For some reason I’ve gone brain dead.

I suppose here would be a good place to let you know that I’m Robert Allen Denton junior and my roommate is my wife Nancy. I usually refer to myself as Bobby, but depending who I’m with I’m called Bob, Rob, JR or Al. Don’t ask me why other people call me different names because I haven’t a clue. I’m twenty-four and a junior at Metro State College in Denver.

My parents couldn’t afford to send me to college so at eighteen I let an Army recruiter sweet talk me into joining up for the educational benefits and two days after high school graduation I was on a bus for Fort Knox, Kentucky for basic training. After basic it was Fort Lee, Virginia for Quartermaster School and then I did some world travelling. Korea, Japan, Okinawa, Washington (the state) for Fort Lewis and lastly Fort Hood, Texas.

Discharge in hand I headed for home and heartbreak. On the way to the airport to pick me up my parents were killed when a truck driver lost control of his truck. It put me in a severe funk. I was really close to my mom and dad. I ended up going on a six month drunk and pity party. What the hell; I could afford it. Their life insurance and a settlement from the trucking company along with the money from selling the house because I couldn’t bear to live with the memories it brought gave me enough to stay drunk for the rest of my life. It probably would have been a short life if not for Jazmine Knoles.

I was on my third Jack on ice when Jaz sat down beside me at the bar and said “Hi Rob; how’ve you been?”

“Not so good. You?”

“Good days and bad days. Hear you’ve been trying to drink yourself to death.”

“Why would you care? As I remember it you always considered me a loser.”

“I did not!”

As I sat there I thought back to when I’d first met Jaz. It was the seventh grade. I was smitten. It took me two months of trying before I got her to say yes to a date. The first led to several more and by the middle of the eighth grade we were going steady. That lasted till the middle of the ninth. We had a date for Saturday to go to the movies and before we left school on Friday I told her I would see her at noon on Saturday. She gave me a funny look and told me that she thought she had cancelled the date because she had to go with her parents to see her grandmother. I was pissed at the short notice, but I could understand. There were some things I had to do with my parents from time to time. When I got home my next door neighbor, Billy Neubert, asked me if I have ever been roller skating and I told him I had. He told me his dad had been given a pair of tickets to Skate City and he had given them to Billy and he asked me if I would like to go with him. Since Jaz had cancelled on me I said yes.

The first person I saw when we walked into Skate City was Jaz and she was skating with Ronnie Holbrook. He was a tenth grader and also a neighbor. I did not like Ronnie. We’d had a couple of fights over the past two years and as far as I was concerned he was also an asshole. I gave a seconds thought to going up to them and saying something like “I didn’t know your grandmother was so ugly” but that probably would have gotten me in another fist fight with the asshole which would likely have gotten us thrown out of the place and barred from every coming back. I decided to just ignore them. Jaz would see me sooner or later and know she was busted and that just might be enough to ruin her day.

So ignore them I did, but they didn’t ignore me. Twenty minutes after we got there Holbrook came up to me and asked if he was going to have any trouble with me. I laughed at him and said:

“Not that it matters, but you just might want to remember that the score so far is three for me and two for you and even in those two I gave as good as I got. But to answer your question there isn’t any reason. She is a lying backstabbing cunt and if that is what you like in a girl you are welcome to her.”

He gave me a look that he must have thought was intimidating, but to me looked ridiculous and laughable and I waked away from him. He and Jaz soon left. When I got home mom told me that Dick Moore had called and wanted me to call him back. I did and he told me a bunch of guys wanted to get together for a pick-up softball game at five. I cleared it with mom and then told him to count me in. I got home around eight and dad told me that Jaz had called twice and wanted me to call her. I didn’t and she called again Sunday. Mom handed me the phone and I said:

“What do you want?”

“I want you to come over.”

“Why?

“I need to explain yesterday.”

“Nothing to explain. You lied to me, broke our date and went out with some other guy. That’s pretty cut and dried. No explanation needed. Goodbye Jazmine.”

She tried to get with me on Monday and Tuesday, but I just walked away from her. She finally got the message and stayed away from me.

I dated other girls but stayed away from going steady with any of them until the middle of the tenth grade. I was having lunch in the school cafeteria and I was sitting alone at a table for four when Jazmine sat down on the seat opposite me. I looked up from the book I was reading and she said:

“Have I been punished enough Rob? Can we please get back together?”

To be honest about it I had missed her and so I asked “What have you in mind?”

“How about a movie tonight and see where it goes from there?”

And just like that we were back together. I never did ask about the Ronnie Holbrook incident and she never offered an explanation.

Things were great until a week before senior prom. It was lunch time and I was in the school cafeteria waiting for Jazmine. I noticed that she didn’t smile as she walked toward me and sat down. She looked at me and said:

“I’m sorry Rob, but I can’t see you anymore. I’ve met someone and we seem to have an instant attraction to each other.”

“A week before prom and knowing that it is probably too late for me to find another date? Thanks a bunch Miss Knoles” and I got up and walked away from her.

I couldn’t find a date and I didn’t want to go stag so I missed my senior prom and now here she was four years later seemingly concerned about my drinking?

“I never said you were a loser Rob.”

“Sure gave me that impression.”

“Damn it Rob; I was young, growing up and making mistakes like every other teenager on the planet. You going to tell me that you were perfect and didn’t screw up from time to time?”

“Hardly.”

“Finish your drink and let’s get out of here.”

“And go where?”

“To a party. If you are going to drink at least do it among friends.”

It turned out it was a birthday party for Nancy Neubert who was a classmate of ours although her name was now Nancy Aldrige. There were several other classmates there and it was a little like old home week. I was talking with Billy Neubert (Nancy’s brother) and he asked me what my major was.

“My major?”

“That’s why you joined the Army wasn’t it? So you could afford college?”

“Oh. Yes it was. I kind of got sidetracked by my parents passing.”

I hadn’t noticed Jazmine off to the side listening until she said “We are getting ready to fix that.”

Billy looked at her and then back at me and I could read on his face what he was thinking,

“You two? Again?”

I turned to Jazmine and said “We are getting ready to fix it? How are we going to do that” putting heavy emphasis on the “We.”

“Next term starts in three weeks and we (also with heavy emphasis on the “we”) are going to have you signed up by then.”

Billy wandered off and I asked Jazmine “You taking over the running of my life now?”

“Someone has to do it since it seems like you won’t so it might as well be me.”

“And you decided it should be you? Why?”

“I don’t want my husband to be an alcoholic. I want him to amount to something.

“Whoa up there missy. You and I? That died a long time ago. In our senior year as I remember it.”

“Yes, and we’ve had this conversation before. You remember? The one about being young and making teenaged mistakes. I’m not a teen anymore and I want the same thing I wanted back when I said yes when you first asked me to go steady. That would be you.”

Ever been at a complete loss of what to say? That was me at that point. I finally managed to get out “I’m not an alcoholic!”

“Maybe not yet, but you are headed that way. I know the death of your parents hit you hard, but ask yourself what they would think about the way you are living your life right now? Are they up there looking down on you and asking themselves where they went wrong. Looking at each other and saying “We didn’t raise him to be like that.”

That hit me. That hit me hard. When I left that party I had a date with Jazmine for the next evening. It led to more and I did enroll for the start of the next term and a month later Jazmine moved in with me. Jaz had just graduated and had a job as a paralegal at a local law firm. Things went along great until three weeks before the end of my freshman year. It was a Saturday and we had just finished having breakfast at the Village Inn when she hit me with it.

“I’m moving out this afternoon. I’ve already got a place.”

I just looked at her and didn’t say a word. I picked up the check, went and paid and then headed for the door. She was still sitting in the booth when I went outside. I already had the car started when she came running up and got in the car.

“You were just going to leave me here?”

“Yes.”

She didn’t say another word on the way to the apartment and I didn’t either. She started packing as soon and I stayed out of her way and ignored her. She had her bags by the door and was ready to leave, but I stopped her. I held out my hand and said:

“The key.”

She gave me a long look and then dug her keyring out of her purse, took the apartment key off the ring and handed it to me.

“I want to stay friends Rob, but I met this real interesting guy at work and I just didn’t feel it would be right to see him while living here with you.”

I didn’t say a word; just turned my back to her and went into the kitchen and got a Coke out of the fridge. As I popped the top I heard the front door close. I sat down on the couch and stared at the wall. I’m human so my thoughts were about me and what was I lacking. I was loving and attentive and I thought I was taking good care of her sexually. I couldn’t see where I had done anything wrong, but I couldn’t argue with the fact that she was gone. I finished my Coke and was headed out the door to go to Bud’s Bar when I caught myself and said to myself:

“Oh no Bobby; we are not going that route again.

I finished my sophomore year and signed up for summer classes. I’d stayed in touch with the classmates I’d reconnected with at Nancy’s birthday party and we got together every so often. After one of get togethers I found myself in bed with Nancy. She’d caught hubby cheating on her and had kicked him out. That night turned into a friends with benefits relationship. We liked each other, but we both knew there wasn’t enough of a spark there to take us any farther. We both liked sex and that was good enough for us at that time in our lives. Besides, I wanted to concentrate on school and finish in two and a half years so I really didn’t want to take the time to find a lady for the long haul.

Naturally the fickle finger of fate looked at me and said “I don’t give a shit about what you want; what I want is the way things will go.

Nancy and I had been fuck buddies for a little over five months when I got the infamous “We need to talk.”

“There is no easy way for me to say this so I’ll go straight at it. I’m pregnant.”

As far as I knew I was the only one Nancy was playing with so I did the right thing and made her Nancy Denton and she moved in with me.

About five months after the “I do’s were said I was sitting in an IHOP having lunch when Jazmine came in, saw me and came over and sat down.

“How have you been Rob?”

“Good.”

“Why did you marry Nancy?”

“What business is it of your?”

“Look; I know I screwed things up between us, but I’ve always been fond of you and I don’t like seeing you screwed over.”

“Except by you right?”

“Okay, I guess I deserved that, but the question is still why did you marry Nancy?”

I didn’t need to duck the question because anyone with a brain could see Nancy’s condition and do the math.

“I got her pregnant.”

“Are you absolutely sure that it is yours?”

“Why in the hell would you ask me that?”

“Everyone knows she’s been having an affair with a married man she works with. They have been going at it for over two years now.”

“Bullshit Jaz! I can account for her time. We leave for work at the same time and she is always beats me home.”

“They work together Rob. They take long lunches several times a week. He is married and couldn’t marry her if the baby is his. It could be yours, but if I was you I’d want to check it out.”

“Long lunches? How would you know that?”

“We work at the same place Rob. Surely you knew that.”

“I didn’t. I still don’t understand why you care about my marriage to Nancy.”

“Simple. If she has you I can’t have you.”

I had to laugh at that. “Get serious Jaz; you had me. Three times if I remember right and all three times you kicked me to the curb.”

“We all make mistakes Rob. Some bigger than others and right now I’m paying for it.”

“How?”

“I want you and can’t have you and it hurts” and then she stood up and left. And left me with a lot to think about.

Was Nancy cheating on me? If so was the baby his and not mine? I wouldn’t know anything about the baby until a DNA test could be done, but I could find out if my wife was cheating on me. I was by no means rich, but I was well off and a check to Spenser Investigations put things in motion. Two weeks later I knew that Jazmine had known what she was talking about. The first week Nancy and James Augustus had long lunches in the rooms at the Quality Inn on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. The second week it was Monday, Wednesday and Friday. A hefty bribe to three desk clerks got the lunching couple assigned to rooms where the Spenser people had put in recording devices. I couldn’t use them in court, but that didn’t matter to me. It was the absolute proof I needed to know for sure. I listened to them more than watching them because I wanted to hear what Nancy had to say. I was surprised when neither one of them bad mouthed me. I was only referred to once when Augustus said:

“You sure that hubby hasn’t a clue about us?”

“He doesn’t have a clue lover; not a clue.”

My next visit was to the law offices of Dewey, Cheatum and Howe. I laid out everything I had to Stanley Howe and he gave me my options. It wasn’t as bleak as people had led me to believe. She had a job while I was an unemployed student so there would be no alimony. Child support would be an issue, but not until the baby was born. The child issue would most likely postpone the divorce until a DNA test could prove paternity.

The really sticky part would be the splitting of the assets. It would most likely be a fifty/fifty split and the attorney wasn’t sure if the funds I had prior to marrying Nancy would be exempt lacking a prenuptial agreement. I decided that I wouldn’t let it become a problem. Nancy had no idea of how much I had so I’d move the money and hide it. The attorney also informed me I could sue Augustus for alienation of affections and there was also the possibility of suing her employer if their policy and procedures manual had something in it about relationships between employees. After some thought I told him we would leave the employer out of it. If I went after them Nancy could lose her job and I didn’t want that. If the baby wasn’t mine she would need to be able to take care of it on her own.

I told him to draw up the papers using adultery as a reason, but to hold off service until I gave him the go ahead.

Nancy was home when I got there. When I came in the door she met me and hugged and kissed me. I kissed her back and she told me dinner was ready. We sat down to eat and she asked:

“How was your day?”

“A bit disturbing. Let me ask you a question. It is about a guy you work with. A fellow by the name of James Augustus. Do you have any idea of how much money he makes?”

“Why in the world would you ask me that?”

“I’m trying to get some idea of how much I can get if I sue him.”

“Sue him? For what?”

“I believe the legal jargon is alienation of affections. I had lunch today with and old high school classmate and was clued in on your affair with the man. Apparently it has been going on for two years now. I’m told the man is married and that has caused me to have some very bad thoughts. Some very, very, very bad thoughts. Thoughts like his being married would prevent him from marrying you if he got you pregnant. The thought that next came to me was did Nancy marry me because she couldn’t marry the real father of her child. Naturally I have to wonder if the baby is really mine.”

Nancy’s face had turned pale as I spoke and I said “So back to the original question Nancy. How much does your lover make?”

“I don’t know who fed you that bullshit, but Jim is nothing more than a coworker.”

“Let me see if I have this right. You and Augustus are no more than coworkers and that means whenever you are together it is on company business. Right?”

“That’s right.”

“So if I called your employer they would assure me that you were on company business when the two of you checked into the Quality Inn on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday of the week before last and on Monday, Wednesday and Friday of last week. Boy! It is sure a relief to know that it was just some company business.”

“Sarcasm is not your forte Rob. All right; so you caught me. Now what?”

“Divorce and then we wait until we can get a DNA test done on the baby to see if I’m going to be a part-time father or not.”

“There doesn’t need to be a divorce Rob.”

“It is what usually happens when one partner in a marriage gets caught cheating on the other partner. Isn’t that what you did to your ex when you caught him cheating on you? Do you think I’m stupid Nanc? If you have been fucking Augustus for two years that means you were cheating on your husband. It was only six months after your divorce that we hooked up. You divorced him for cheating on you while you were cheating on him?”

“I know it sounds weird, but that’s not the way it was. In the first place I haven’t been seeing Jim for two years. It has only been about fourteen months. When I found out Mike was cheating on me I decided to get my revenge by giving away what he thought was his to someone else. That someone was Jim and while I didn’t intend for it to happen we fell in love and decided to get married. I divorced Mike, but by the time the divorce was started an ex girl friend of Jim’s told him she was pregnant and he was the father. He stepped up and married her. He doesn’t love her, but he is absolutely crazy about his son. He had DNA done and the boy is his. He won’t leave her because he won’t be a part-time father to his son. We still love each other, but can never be. Ironically the same thing happened to you and me.”

“I can see how it happened, but it changes nothing.”

“It doesn’t matter that I love you?”

“No you don’t. Long ago we agreed there was no spark between us and all we would ever be was friends with benefits.”

“That was then. The longer we were together the stronger my feelings for you got. When we married it was because I wanted to marry you. Yes I did use the pregnancy to make it happen, but that was because of the no spark thing. I was sure I could make you love me if we were permanent. I thought it was worth the chance. If I had no feelings for you I wouldn’t have married you. There isn’t as much stigma attached to an unmarried mother that there used to be. My problem is that I love two men equally and I want them both. My solution to the problem was to see one on the side and live with the other. I never expected that you would find out.”

“But that is where we are right now Nanc. I did find out. Now for me the question is what to do about it.”

“How about you do nothing? Why not keep things as the way they are and see if you can come to love me as I’ve come to love you?”

“You can’t be serious. Stay with a woman who believes it is all right to love another man and have sex with him three times a week?”

“That won’t happen anymore. Now that you know it forces me to make a choice and that choice is you. While you are thinking about what to do think about this. I’ve never said no to you when you want to make love and as a matter of fact I come after you more than you come after me. Have you ever seen a lack of love or affection from me? No you haven’t and it is because I love you and I’ve shown it every day since we said I do.”

She was right about all of it and until my talk with Jazmine I thought I was in hog heaven. Nanc was a great cook, a tiger in the bedroom and was always doing things to show she cared for me. And as much as I hated to admit it to myself I was in love with two women. I had come to love Nancy even if she didn’t seem to know it, but I also loved Jazmine. Always had and probably always will. The only difference between Nancy and me is that I wasn’t fucking the other love in my life. But that difference was the key. I didn’t do it because it wouldn’t have been right. I’d committed myself to Nancy and that meant my feelings for Jazmine had to be pushed to the back of my mind and left there. I thought long and hard and then made a decision that I hoped wouldn’t turn out to be stupid.