Chapter 1

“You know, hon, I’ve thought of your ... Father’s Day gift, and it occurred to me that I really screwed up lately in the gift area. I’m gonna have to come up with something really special. My track record isn’t the best, so I know that I’m asking for a lot of faith in me, but if you show it, you’ll really like the results. Trust me, baby,” Claire Melinda Dunphy told her husband of over a quarter of a century, Philip Humphrey Dunphy.

“Really, because I thought that some of your worst gifts have surprisingly given us some great moments together. You know what I mean. Some learning experiences. We’ve learned that you don’t know my tastes in music, at least not when it comes to Spandau Ballet, but at least you tried! You went all out, completely on a wrong assumption, but with the right motives, babe,” Phil reassured his wife and mother of his three children.

“Yeah, well, this particular gift will require a bit of ... imagination and trust. A lot of faith, in fact. And some understanding, okay? Just trust me, hon,” Claire told Phil, even as her thoughts went back to that one time that Gloria gave her hubby a “kiss cam” smooch.

Phil has always told me that he’d never stray, but I know that he’d really love to get into Gloria’s pants given half a chance. It’s not as if he’s a big womanizer. He’s just ... very fond of Gloria, and who could blame him? She’s a diva and a pain in the ass, but she’s also a fiery, passionate woman, a quintessential Latina. Well, that will be a great Father’s Day gift for my husband, but it wouldn’t be fair to Dad, unless ... unless I compensated by getting him some strange, too. Rather than try to recruit someone else and risk the secret getting out, I’ll have to do the job myself.

The only question is how to make it work and fool everyone? If I’m very lucky, they won’t know until it’s too late and the deed is done, if ever. Well, I can think of at least one solution for how to deal with Phil and Gloria, but what about Dad? How do I trick my own father into having incestuous, adulterous sex with his own happily married daughter? Well, it’s a challenge for sure, but for Father’s Day, it’s worth it. I’ve cleaned up my wild past and been mostly good, so what’s the harm in being a little bad now and then, for auld lang syne or something like that?

“Claire, Claire, Earth to Claire?” Phil’s voice brought his wife out of her thoughts, in which she even pictured herself getting taken hard, doggy-style, by dear old Dad.

“Oh, sorry, I just imagined my Father’s Day gift to Dad now. He needs one, too, you know, babe,” Claire fudged the truth a bit there, though not entirely.

“Oh, okay, dear. If that’s all, I have to go to speak to Cam. He has something that he wants to show me. I don’t even know if I want to know what it is, because for all I know, he might want me to give a demonstration for his class or something. I just hope that it doesn’t involve more clowns, given how I feel about them,” Phil grumbled at the thought of just what his wife’s brother-in-law might have in mind.

“Oh, relax, it’s probably just something for Lily! You know, both of you are the fun parents, so maybe you need to work on getting along better. After all this time, I wonder how you aren’t chummier,” Claire suggested, an idea popping in her head as she thought on his words.

Clowns, clowns, yes, that’s it! Clowns! I’ll try to convince Phil that the best way to deal with his extreme fear of clowns is to fuck one! I’ll then have to trick Gloria into dressing as a clown for Dad’s benefit. I just have to hope that no one compares notes, of course. The final trick would be to fool Dad into thinking that I’m Gloria in such a way that he screws me good and hard. How do I do that, though?

Blindfold? Yes ... that’s perfect! He wouldn’t be duped easily if he could see any part of my skin. I’m just far too pale for that. I have to leave a note or something that makes him think that it’s from her and has him put on a blindfold to meet me, thinking that I’m Gloria. Either that, or it really has to be dark. He just can’t see any significant bit of flesh or the game is up.

However, this can only happen once, right? It’s just a one-time deal, so it needs to have a real impact. What better and more fitting way on Father’s Day than for Phil to knock Gloria up and Dad to do the same to me? It will just be the one pregnancy and no one will be any wiser for it! Hopefully, we both have daughters, as that would be good for Dad in some ways to get past his fear of fathering another girl. Naturally, I’ll have to make sure that both of us ladies skip our birth control pills on Father’s Day itself. That can definitely be arranged.

By this point, Phil had already left and Claire was free for a moment to really kick her plans into high gear. Sure, it was very naughty and wicked, plotting to commit adultery and incest as well as cuckold both her father and husband, but it would be a real treat for both men and everyone would get some strange, so what was the harm? The kinky thrill of having Dad’s cum running down her thighs would be something to bring a smile to her face for years to come, as would the sight of Gloria getting fat with Phil’s spawn.

This would be one hell of a Father’s Day present to both of them and nobody would catch on to it. Even Gloria would benefit from it, well aside from the whole swollen belly thing! As for Claire, well, she would also have the pleasure of a strange dick for the first time in years, with the added kick of it being her own father! That was definitely a first for her, as she had never even considered incest in the past.

Dialing up Gloria’s cell, Claire waited for the inevitable stream of insanity sure to be packaged in that spirited Colombian accent of her stepmother’s. Sure enough, Gloria answered in a very impatient tone, perhaps a bit less than enthused about hearing from Claire right then. Well, Claire thought, this would be for her own good, so she’d have to like it or lump it!

“Claire, what is going on?” Gloria demanded, not one to waste time.

“Um, Gloria, this is going to sound weird, but I ... found out something strange that Dad wants for his Father’s Day present. Try to humor me, okay, and don’t even mention it in the future. He can’t know that I stumbled onto it. I overheard him speak of a fantasy of ... get this, and I know that this sounds very inappropriate coming from your stepdaughter, but... , “ Claire beat around the bush a bit, definitely working on Gloria to make her tired of waiting and eager to hear it.

“Just fucking tell me, okay! If Jay wants a fantasy done, I would like to hear it, so I can get on with it and do it! Just as long as it doesn’t involve Charro! That’s the nightmare scenario. I’d rather he do it with fifty putas than with her!” Gloria snapped, just as Claire hoped that she would, even as she abruptly had such wicked thoughts about Phil bending her over to fuck and spank her hard.

“Alright, okay, but keep an open mind. Dad ... wants to fuck a clown. I mean, seriously. A clown. You’ll need to keep in the doggy-style position, too. Don’t ask me why. It’s just part of the fantasy. I’m not sure why he doesn’t want to see the clown face, but that’s how it is. He doesn’t want to, that’s all. Just trust me, okay? That’s what Dad wants. I feel incredibly weird, creeped-out, and awkward suggesting this, but I want Dad to have a great Father’s Day, so that’s that. So, will you commit to this? Promise? Pinky swear?” Claire feigned some discomfort and disgust that she didn’t feel in the least, trying not to crack a smile at the moment.

“Claire, we’re on the phone! But sure, I agree to this. I swear. Just send me some details by text, if you can. It’s ... fucking weird, but if that’s what Jay wants on Father’s Day, mama will take the best care of papi! It sure beats Charro or putas, at least! What a relief compared to those!” Gloria snorted her assent, feeling a few butterflies in anxiety as she accepted the deal.

“Yes, thank you,” Claire said flatly as she hung up and texted a few more useful lines, or rather lies, to Gloria, now grinning broadly as she contemplated the idea of Phil fucking the Colombian cougar.

Next to phone was Dad, of course, aka Jay Pritchett, her own rather gruff old man. Claire wasted no time, wanting to kick this plan into high gear for Father’s Day with a vengeance. The more that she reflected on the idea of carrying her father’s love child in her womb, the hotter and steamier it sounded to her and she just had to make sure that it took place. It would, oh, yes, it would! It was the perfect Father’s Day gift to Dad, just as the tryst with Gloria was for Phil.

“Hey, Dad ... Happy Father’s Day ... early... , “ Claire told Jay, licking her own lips as she considered how much fun it would be to feel her father’s dick inside her cunt at last.

“Hey, pumpkin, thank you and what’s new?” Jay asked, rather curious about what went on in his daughter’s head whenever she called so tense as right then.

“Um ... Dad, I kinda stumbled on something that Gloria wanted to do for you ... for Father’s Day, and I’m rather afraid that she’ll chicken out before it happens. You know ... it’s just so weird and kinky that it’s very strange for me, as your daughter to mention it to you. Still, for both your sakes, I think that you need to help me help Gloria do this for you. She really wants to do it, Daddy. I know that I’m not always her biggest fan, but it would be good for both of you, maybe get you two out of any kind of rut, just as I’m trying to do for Phil and me. It’s crazy, but I really want to see this little sex game of yours work. Maybe because it would give me some hope that something like this will help Phil and me get some spark back in our marriage,” Claire pretended to have more serious problems than Phil and she already had, of course.