Chapter 12

“Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible – it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could.” Barbara de Angelis

Shortly after Thomas’s fourth birthday, I was going through my usual nighttime ritual of trying to put the Devil Dog Prince in bed.

I had carried him on my shoulders to his room, got him his obligatory drink of water, and read not one, not two, but three stories. He was still awake.

Mindy had told me she would be waiting in bed for me (nekked!!), so I was in rather a hurry.

When Thomas asked for a fourth story, I refused, but told him I would sing a song.

Mac Davis is an incredibly gifted singer and songwriter, and one of his biggest hits was “Watching Scotty Grow.”

So I sang that song, changing the words where appropriate. Hey, when you sing it, you can sing it any way you like.

There he sits with a pen and a yellow pad
What a handsome lad
That’s my boy.
B-R-L-F-Q spells Mom and Dad
Well, that ain’t too bad
That’s my boy.

I heard someone by the door, and I knew that Mindy was trying to see what was taking so long.

You can have your TV and your nightclubs
And you can have your drive-in picture show
I’ll stay here with my little man near
We’ll listen to the radio
Biding my time and watching Tommy grow.
Making a castle out of building blocks
And a cardboard box
That’s my boy
Mickey Mouse says it’s thirteen o’clock
Well, that’s quite a shock!
That’s my boy.
In four short years
I’ve gone from rags to riches
And what I did before that I don’t know.
So let it rain on my windowpane
I got my own rainbow
And we’re sitting here shining
Watching Tommy grow.

I could hear Mindy softly crying.

Riding on daddy’s shoulders off to bed
Old sleepy head
That’s my boy.
Got to have a drink of water and a story read
A teddy bear named Fred
That’s my boy.
What’s that you say Momma?
Come on and keep your feet warm?
Well save me a place
I’ll be there in a minute or so
I’ll think I’ll stay right here and
Say a little prayer before I go
Me and God are watching Tommy grow,
Me and God (and Mommy) are watching Tommy grow.

Tommy, err, Thomas was finally asleep.

As I walked into the hallway Mindy was waiting and gave me such a tight hug she almost broke a couple of ribs. Then she kissed me.

“What did I ever do to deserve someone as wonderful as you,” she asked.

“I don’t know, Princess,” I answered with a big smile, “but it must have been something incredible. Either that or I guess sometimes God rewards the less fortunate and the mentally impaired with wonderful things!”

“Alan,” she said, “sometimes I don’t know whether to hit you or kiss you!”

I told her I remember her saying that same thing once before, and that time she chose to kiss me.

“And look where that led!” I exclaimed, waving my hand towards Thomas’s bedroom.

She chose the same thing this time as well, so I picked up my beautiful wife, and carried her to our bedroom where we continued kissing, and more, for quite some time to come!

What was it like to have twins? Different to say the least.

Thomas was so independent and noisy (screaming and yelling and attacking me every chance he got), but also very quiet at other times. Jenny was, usually, very prim and proper, but could have given Thomas lessons in playing in mud at other times. She talked almost non-stop. She adored her big brother and followed him around like a puppy dog.

Thomas, who could be so boisterous when it came to doing things on his own, was also very protective of his little sister.

The twins babbled almost constantly to each other, and could not bear to be apart from each other. They both started crawling, talking and walking earlier than either Thomas or Jenny had.

Four months after the twins; first birthday, which was three weeks after Jenny’s third birthday, which was two weeks after Thomas’s fifth birthday, I again started keeping a calendar about Mindy, which was marked with notations such as RWWF, SN and especially MB.

Alan Jr., joined the family eight months later.

Jennifer threatened to either go on strike as a babysitter, or open a home-vasectomy clinic where she would use Tom’s old dull, rusty bayonet to perform operations. I think, I mean I HOPE she is kidding!

Of course Jennifer still keeps making little snide remarks about “redneck hillbillies who pick up women at family reunions!”

It was many years later, but I finally got Jennifer back for all her “redneck hillbilly” jokes.

Tom and Jennifer had been invited to a Halloween costume party. Tom, the warrior, was going as a medieval knight, while Jennifer had decided to go as Queen Elizabeth I. Jennifer is never the type to do anything halfway, and since Queen Elizabeth I was a redhead, she decided to dye her hair red, instead of just wearing a wig.

What I didn’t know was that Jennifer had been “touching up” her natural blonde hair for years, since it had started turning gray.

You also have to realize the water in Florida is horrible! Tap water is barely drinkable – at least for someone who had grown up with the sweet water in North Carolina. I had spent a LOT of money installing different water treatment systems in my house to remove the chlorine in the water, and make it drinkable.

When Jennifer decided to dye her hair red, it was a “perfect storm” of circumstances. The dye already in her hair reacted with the chlorine and other chemicals in the water, and the red dye.

Mindy was helping her Mom dye her hair, and when they finished it was not red. It was a bright orange!

Jennifer was very upset, and was asking “What am I going to do now?”

I couldn’t resist. It was MY opportunity for a little revenge.

I told her she could use a lot of black mascara, black eyeliner and black lipstick, “and go to the Halloween party as a Jack-o-lantern!”

Mindy and Tom started laughing. At least until Jennifer started glaring at them both, then Tom “remembered” he had some important paperwork he had “forgotten” about and left to go to his study. I could still hear him chuckling as he walked down the hall!

Mindy ended up going to the store for some different dyes, and eventually they got Jennifer’s hair the right color.

But now every time Jennifer says anything about “rednecks” I simply let her know I am going to the store and ask if she would like me to get her any pumpkins!

Ah, revenge is a dish best served cold!

Several times I have mentioned going back to work after the wedding, but haven’t related any details.

After the wedding, I had returned to working on property for different Realtors in the area, getting houses ready for sale. Soon I had more business than I could handle.

I didn’t mind getting very early starts, but I really wanted to try to be home early so Mindy and I could spend time together. However, my work just seemed to start taking more and more of my time.

After the honeymoon, I would usually try to be home by 3 pm, but that soon became 4 pm, then 5 pm, and even 6 pm.

I really hated not being able to spend time with Mindy, but also felt an obligation to the realtors who were counting on me.

I wasn’t sure what to do.

Mindy was handling all the paperwork for the business (and this was at her request since she wanted to get some practical experience in the business world), including making sure all taxes were paid on time, and now she had a suggestion.

“You need to expand, Alan,” she said, “start hiring some people to help you.”

At first, I was opposed to the idea. I was already working more hours than I wanted to, but felt an obligation to help the realtors I was working with. Most of them had become not just customers of mine, but also friends.

I felt if I started hiring people, then the business would take even more time away from Mindy, and our soon-to-be-born son.

I didn’t need to work, but really enjoyed keeping myself busy. Especially with something that provided an almost instant validation of my hard work and abilities.

What I didn’t know was while in high school Mindy had taken several college-level business courses. I have told you about the long conversation Mindy and I had had about her wanting to become an accountant. Those college-level courses were actually part of that desire.

While in high school, she had actually written a business plan for one of those courses, and had actually used my business as the model for one of those plans. How it could be set up, how many people I could hire, and so on.

Not surprisingly, knowing Mindy, she had received an “A” for the course, and after the honeymoon, she had actually contacted her teacher about actually implementing the proposal into real life. They had expanded the proposal, and Mindy went over the entire proposal with me one day.

By hiring some other people, Mindy showed me that I could actually get a lot more work accomplished, while working fewer hours.

I was intrigued, but not sure if it would actually work.

Yes, I had been a “leader” in the Marine Corps, but that was within a structured military environment, and I wasn’t sure if my leadership skills – such as they were – would translate into the civilian world.

That was actually where Mindy’s idea was a stroke of genius. I was most comfortable with other military people, and one of Mindy’s key proposals was I mostly hire other veterans!

Mindy had already spoken with her Dad, without my knowing it, and Tom had a suggestion as to where to find those veterans.

As you know, Tom and I are disabled veterans ourselves, and so we visited the Veterans’ Administration Hospital in Miami, and also a Veteran’s Rehabilitation facility, and I hired several disabled veterans for help with my carpentry business.

It turned out to be the best decision I had ever made in my life ... well, other than marrying Mindy, of course.

At first, I only hired veterans whose disability I felt would not interfere with the type of work carpenters and contractors normally do, such as driving nails, cutting boards, etc.

I was still seeing their disability, not their ability.

At first I only hired veterans who were still ambulatory, that is they may have lost a leg, but could still get around with a prosthetic. It never dawned on me that someone who was confined to a wheelchair could actually do the kind of work I was doing.

One of the men I had hired kept trying to get me to hire a friend who had lost both legs, and could not wear prosthetics.

How on earth could this man help me, I wondered, but finally agreed to give it a try. He turned out to be the best equipment operator I had ever seen. Yes, we had to modify some of the woodworking tools in order for him to operate them, but he could fabricate anything.

The best hire I made was a one-armed carpenter. I know that sounds ridiculous. How can a man with only one arm be a carpenter?

When this man came to me and asked for a job, I was impressed with his resume, with his experience as a carpenter and contractor, but I resisted. I was still looking at his disability, not ability.

It turned out he knew more about organizing job sites, about organizing work crews, about coordinating everything so the right men and the right supplies and the right tools would be where they needed to be than anyone I had ever known.

He became my general foreman.

By the time Mindy and I came home from the hospital with Thomas, my business had tripled.

Once Mindy and I came home we quickly settled into a routine. I would get up in the morning while Mindy and Thomas were still sleeping. At my office (yes, I now had an actual office), Robert the general foreman, and I would go over jobs we were working on, then study projects other people wanted us to do. We would submit bids and if they were accepted, start completing those jobs as well.

Before Mindy returned to school, I would return home for an early lunch with Mindy, and to spend time with her and Thomas.

After lunch I would drive to different job sites to see if there were any problems I could help with, then I would usually stop working around three in the afternoon, so I could spend the rest of the day with Mindy and Thomas.

After Mindy returned to school, I would just grab a sandwich somewhere, but continued to try to be home with Mindy and Thomas each day by three pm.

Soon our business added home remodeling and restoration. Robert and I continued to hire veterans, and especially disabled veterans whenever possible.

One of the biggest mistakes I made in starting the business was entirely my fault.

I knew every time I went to anyone’s office, it seemed the receptionist was always female, and usually young and pretty. I thought there was some sort of unspoken business rule receptionists had to be (1) female, (2) young, and (3) pretty.

Although I was trying to hire only veterans, and usually disabled veterans, I thought there wasn’t much chance of finding a young, pretty, disabled, female veteran, so very soon after starting the business, I just hired a young, pretty female as a receptionist and to answer the phones.

What an unmitigated disaster!

She knew absolutely nothing about construction. In fact I’m not sure she knew much of anything other than how to wear short dresses and cross her legs a lot.

Just the day before Art walked in ... well actually rolled in since he was in a wheelchair, we had to let her go.

She had received a phone call from one of our construction crews in the field. They had everything they needed ... except nails. Not one single nail had been delivered. Three men on the job site, waiting to go to work, and they couldn’t.

When one called in to tell our receptionist they needed 20-penny nails, she just took a note. Even though she had been told repeatedly to call me or Robert if anything happened, she didn’t bother. I guess she was working on crossing her legs.

When Robert got to the office a few hours later, he found a note saying one of the crew needed 20 pennies and some nails!

I had planned on taking the previous day off, but when Robert called me to let me know what happened I had to cancel my plans with Mindy and come in to let our airhead go.

The next day I met Art. I don’t think I have ever seen a more defeated man.

I think his first words to me were, “Well, I know you probably don’t have a job for me, so I won’t waste your time.” Then he started to leave. We hadn’t even introduced ourselves at this point.

I told him to wait, and come into my office.

We introduced ourselves. I asked him about his missing leg and arm. He looked at me somewhat surprised.

“Usually no one ever mentions my leg and arm,” he said, “like if they don’t ask, I won’t notice they are gone.”

Art had been a reservist whose unit had been called up. He lost a leg and arm in Afghanistan, and since returning home no one would hire him, or even give him a chance.

It was obvious talking to Art he was very articulate. I found out he had graduated from college, but his father had also been a carpenter, and he loved working with wood like I did, so he became a carpenter.

Then he lost the leg and arm.

I told Art I had one position in mind, but I wasn’t sure how he would feel about it.

I then explained about our now departed, but not lamented receptionist, and what an idiot she had been and asked how he would feel about taking that job.

I also added that I REALLY needed someone with construction and carpentry experience in the position.

Art agreed to give it a try, and started the next day.

It was a match made in heaven! I honestly don’t know how we had existed before. Art not only became the receptionist, but I quickly promoted him to director of communications, in charge of keeping contact with all our ever growing number of work crews.

Two years later Art married, and a year after he and his wife had a baby boy.

I hope you can imagine my surprise when Art told me they were naming his son Alan.

I, of course, was honored, but asked why.

Art then told me the rest of the story.

A few months after coming back from Afghanistan, his then wife left him, saying she couldn’t take living with a cripple.

For nearly a year, he had applied for every job under the sun, but usually didn’t even get an interview. He was living off his military disability pay, but that only went so far.

Art had become so depressed, he was planning on committing suicide. Then he heard about my company, and decided to try one more – one last – time.

That was why he had been so defeated that day. He already had everything planned to end his life that night, and thought he was just wasting time talking to me.

He couldn’t believe it when I hired him. For what he could do, not rejecting him for what he couldn’t do.

A year after starting work, he met a girl who also saw Art for what he could do, not what he couldn’t do and a year later they married, and later they had a son named Alan.

“You not only gave me a job, Alan, you gave me a life. You gave me a reason to go on.” he said. “If not for you, I would be dead now.”

We were both crying.

He kept thanking me, but I kept thinking if not for Mindy, there would have been no business. And what would have happened to Art? And to the other veterans who were now working for me?

Mindy’s advice on starting the business had not only been essential, but she had also suggested a series of bonuses as well. If Robert and I thought three men could do a particular job in five days, and if they completed the job in only four, then each of the men could earn a bonus. There were also bonuses for completing the job under budget as well.

It is amazing what motivated people can accomplish when their work not only earns them a comfortable living, but they are also eligible for bonuses which could result in substantial additional pay as well.

I was already paying my men far more than they could have earned working with other contractors, and many of them were also receiving bonuses simply unheard of in any other business.

By the time Thomas was a year old, my business had tripled again, I had purchased a building, and my reputation for hiring disabled veterans, and the incredible work they could perform if given a chance made the local (Miami) news, then national news.

By the time Jenny was born my business had doubled again.

Soon I was asked to testify before Congress on how the Veterans Administration could be more effective in returning veterans to the work force. That was followed by a photo-op at the White House where I met the President.

Two years later, when the twins, Julie and J.J., were born, my business had doubled again, and I had sold the one building and bought a bigger building for my expanding business.

By now Mindy had a degree in Accounting, with a second degree in Literature.

Two years after that, we welcomed Alan into the family.

Mindy now had a degree in English to go along with her other degrees.

Alan just celebrated his second birthday, the twins are four, Jenny was six last month, and Thomas was eight before that.

Mindy is still the most beautiful woman I have ever known.

And is eight months pregnant.

She is working on her Master’s degree in accounting. Soon she will be able to “out-rank” me in terms of degrees, since she will have a Master’s and I only have bachelors’ degrees. I know I will never hear the end of it.

I love it!!

Of course I have always known Mindy is the real brains of the family, but do you think I will ever admit it to her? I am having WAY too much fun now!

Every chance I get, I again remind her my SAT scores were higher than hers.

I wish I could say everything has always gone perfectly during the years.

Unfortunately, I still manage to put my foot firmly into my mouth at times.

Once during each pregnancy I have been banished to the couch. Sometimes it is my fault, and sometimes it is not.

Well, actually it is always MY fault. Even if I have no clue what I did.

That would describe today. I will be sleeping on the couch tonight and still don’t understand why.

Mindy says I called her old, fat and ugly!

Yeah, surprised the crap out of me as well.

Let me tell you MY side of the story.

We were watching the news on TV tonight. There was a report about an aging rocker who was just arrested on drug charges. Mindy was sitting beside me on the couch (all the kids were in bed), and said she was familiar with his music, then said she had heard he had just gotten married for the fourth or fifth time, and asked if I knew anything about that.

One thing I have learned through the different pregnancies is to never answer a question a pregnant woman asks you, until you know the answer she wants to hear.

But tonight I was feeling so good, so comfortable. My beautiful wife was beside me, and she had given me the little “signal” that as good as the day had been, the night was going to be even better.

Life was good!

I really didn’t think anything about my answer, just said truthfully, “Yes, I remember.”

“They said he was 58, and his new wife was some young 18-year-old,” I said in complete innocence.

As soon as I felt Mindy stiffen beside me, I knew I was in trouble.

When she pulled her arm away from my side I knew I was in real trouble.

When she scooted six inches away from me, I knew I was in big, big trouble.

When she scooted another foot away from me, I knew I was either dead meat, or sleeping on the couch.

“You think I am old,” she wailed.

It took two hours of tossing and turning on the couch tonight before I finally figured that one out, but at the time I had no clue so I could only protest.

“No, Princess,” I stated, “you are young, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever known, and I love...”

That was as far as I got, before she stopped me.

“No,” she stated emphatically, “you think I am old. And you also think I am fat and ugly.”

It took two hours just to figure out the “old” part. I still have no clue on the fat and ugly part.

What I finally did figure out was my unfortunate use of two different things in one sentence.

Remember, I said “his new wife was some young, 18-year-old.”

As I have explained, pregnant women have lost all rational thought process, so I have to try to think in irrational thoughts.

Young equals 18-years-old

Therefore 26, almost 27-years-old equals Not Young

Not Young equals Old

I am sure there is a perfectly non-rational explanation of how Old must equal Fat and Ugly, but I may never know for sure.

You must not blame Mindy for this, because I knew it wasn’t Mindy’s fault. This was pure emotion, and pregnant women are controlled by emotions.

I know soon Mindy will come into the living room, and will sit down on the edge of the couch. She will reach out and touch the side of my face, and she will be softly crying. Then she will tell me how much she loves me, how much she misses me, and how much she wants to sleep with me.

And no matter what I say, no matter how much I plead and beg for us to go back to our bed, she will want to sleep with me on the couch.

Another night of pure hell.

But at least I will be with the woman I love more than life itself.

Now when Mindy was pregnant with the twins, I still have no clue as to why I had been consigned to the couch. I don’t know if it was something I said, or something I did. Or if it was something I did not say, or something I did not do.

I just know there is a perfectly non-rational reason for it, and I am guilty.

Speaking of the twins, I perhaps should explain something else.

When they were born, that meant we now had four children, ages four and down.

I asked Mindy if she wanted me to have that little surgery which would allow us to play as much as we wanted, but not have to worry about any consequences.

Mindy demurred, saying she loved being pregnant with my children, and wasn’t ready to stop yet.

After Alan was born, I again asked Mindy if she wanted me to have surgery.

Mindy again told me she loved being pregnant, knowing my child was growing inside her, and she wasn’t ready to stop yet.

During this pregnancy I again brought up the possibility of having surgery.

This time she again said she loved being pregnant, but would at least think about it.

That evening she said she wanted to go rent a movie, so we drove to the nearest video store and I let her pick one out.

She was only interested in one movie, a Steve Martin comedy.

Normally, I would not think anything about that, since his movies are usually really funny, but I must admit this one does have me a little worried.

“Cheaper By The Dozen,” was the only movie she wanted to rent.

When Mindy is ready to stop, then she will tell me. Until then, it is her body.

As a husband, it will be my duty to make my wife happy.

Even if that means I must sacrifice myself one, two, three, four, five, six or more times a day.

I will be ready, night and day. And the riding mower will also be ready!

After all, a man has to do what a man has to do!

We have had to make some changes.

With so many youngsters around, I sometimes find it necessary to “mow the lawn,” late at night. In the interest of propriety I did put a six-foot high privacy fence around the back yard.

The mower doesn’t run as well as it did a few years ago, but Mindy tells me if I ever try to trade it in on a newer model, she might have to do the same for me!

The mower shakes a lot more than it used to, and vibrates a lot more as well!

But I do have to “mow the grass” at least one night a month.

Oh, and just to spite Jennifer I actually did check into the possibility of buying a horse! I do have a reputation to keep up as a redneck hillbilly!

Unfortunately, local zoning ordinances don’t permit us to keep horses on the property.

But one day, sooner or later, I AM going to rent a horse.

I have to admit one thing has me worried about this pregnancy.

In each of the previous pregnancies, we knew (thanks to a sonogram) how many, and if it was going to be a boy or girl, or one of each.

This time Mindy did not want to know. She told the doctor, and me, she wanted it to be a surprise. The doctor agreed, and said he would not reveal anything to us.

This time, Mindy is already larger than she was with the twins, and already weighs more at eight months than she did with the twins at nine months.

So why does the doctor keep insisting that Mindy needs to gain more weight???

What is she carrying inside her? Or, dare I say it – how many??

I guess I will find out in another month.

I don’t know if my hand, head and hearing can take another multiple birth.

I have scheduled an appointment, after the baby (babies?), are born about getting a hearing aid.

Hey, you stand beside a military jet engine in full afterburner for hour after hour after hour and see how well you hear!

Someone once told me the secret to a happy marriage is for a woman to love a man a little and understand him a lot, while the man should love the woman a lot and try not to understand her at all.

Mindy cheats. She not only understands me a lot, she also loves me a lot more – far more than I deserve.

That might be summed up best by a song by “The King,” Elvis Presley. The song is entitled “The Wonder Of You.”

When no one else can understand me
When everything I do is wrong
You give me hope and consolation
You give me strength to carry on

And you’re always there
To lend a hand in everything I do
That’s the wonder, the wonder of you

And when you smile the world is brighter
You touch my hand and I’m a king
Your kiss to me is worth a fortune
Your love for me is everything

I guess, I’ll never know
The reason why you love me like you do
That’s the wonder,
The wonder of you.

I guess, I’ll never know
The reason why you love me as you do
That’s the wonder,
The wonder of you.

I have received a lot of advice over the years, but one of the best pieces of advice anyone ever gave me was my Dad. It actually took several years, even after I was married to Julie, to really understand what he meant, but losing Julie as I did always made me regret I wasn’t a better husband in the first couple of years of our marriage.

I have learned over the years, and now this principle rules my life.

“Men think,” my father said to me, after I first married Julie, “foreplay is something that starts when you go to bed at night. Women know foreplay is something that starts when you get out of bed in the morning.”