Chapter 1

Finishing the last pirouette, exhilarated and out of breath, I took my final position on stage. The audience burst into exuberant applause as I curtsied first, followed by Julian’s bow, and then we waited for the minor dancers to take their bows before joining arms and bowing together.

I was still breathing hard, but smiling with an energetic joy that little but dancing could give me. It had been a long ballet, the two hours consumed mostly by solo dances performed by Julian or myself; or, we both took to the stage together to dance out our dramatized love story. Glancing around at the audience, yearning for a glance of Chris and Carrie among them. My peripheral vision caught a glance of movement in the wings, though, and I turned my head just enough that I could look out of the side of my eyes...

Christopher. Just out of sight of the audience, he stood and watched us, blue gaze unwaveringly fixed on me. His mouth quirked up into a smile when he saw I noticed him, and I wanted to wave back when he lifted a hand to me. The butterflies rose in my stomach, fluttering anxiously, a bolt of anxiety and excitement going through my body. It was painful to wait for our cue to leave the stage, but we did, and I still hung onto Julian every minute.

Then we were all going off ... when I looked toward Christopher’s hiding place, I found, to my sinking disappointment, that he’d left ... but as soon as I pushed back the curtain to enter the backstage area, strong arms encircled my waist and lifted me high into the air. I let out a shriek of both surprise and joy.

My brother twirled me in a merry circle before letting me stand again and pulling me close for a hug. It was quick, as we were being watched, but still a hair’s-breadth long than a normal sibling hug would be. I tried not to focus on the feeling of his body against mine, how nice it was, how much I’d missed him ... and failed miserably.

‘How are you, the famous Catherine Dahl?’ he said jokingly, reaching back to the little table behind him to retrieve something—oh, his flowers for me! I hugged them close to my chest and took a long breath of the sweet scent, wishing I could hold him close like this, no matter the spark of shame that lit in my chest at the thought.

Oh, Christopher ... he knew me so well. Well enough to see the flash in my blue eyes and know how much I truly wanted him. But we were in plain sight of everybody, introduced many times before as brother and sister to all the other dancers ... not to mention, I was Julian’s girlfriend. It was stupid to go moony at all in front of anyone, ever, because Chris was my brother and that meant we had the ‘rules’ to think about ... and yet I was still just standing there, holding the bouquet of crimson red roses and baby’s breath he’d lovingly brought me.

‘Oh, you know.’ I laughed, trying to take on a casual, similarly joking air. ‘All the reporters are tiring me out.’ But the jest felt dry in my throat, and suddenly I felt scrutinized. I tensed when I felt the possessive arm around my shoulder and Julian came up beside me. My eyes flitted shamefully away from Christopher’s gaze, lowering to the floor.

‘Christopher,’ he said icily in greeting to my brother. His dark eyes flashed murder and suspicion; the same expressive eyes I’d once thought might save me from sinful thoughts and feelings for my brother...

‘How are you, Julian?’ my brother’s smile was more painted on now, but he kept a calm and friendly composure. I wished Julian would be more outwardly civil, at least ... it felt like everyone was looking at the three of us!

‘Oh, doing well,’ Julian said dismissively. His arm slithered from my shoulders to my waist, propelling me halfway around so I was almost facing him. Grabbing my chin with his other hand (hard), I let him kiss me, painfully aware of Christopher’s gaze on us. In public, he was careful not to let his jealousy show, but I knew him better than anybody. When the forced kiss was over, I saw the tightness in his shoulders and back, but his face and stance were cool as ever.

‘That was good, sweetheart,’ Julian said to me. ‘The ballet, I mean.’ There was a general titter of laughter from the dancers, and they seemed more disinterested now.

‘You were wonderful,’ I said, forcing a warm smile and smoothing his brown hair. ‘We were very much in sync tonight.’

‘As we will be again, tonight,’ he said back lasciviously, only loud enough for myself—and Christopher—to hear that particular remark. My somewhat nervous laugh was my only response.

‘I’m going to go get changed,’ I told Julian, ‘and you should too. I also have a lot of catching up to do with my brother since he’s travelled a long way already and he isn’t staying long, so we’re going to talk. Chris, where’s Carrie?’ I saw Julian’s face change as my attention turned to my brother, but he walked away angrily instead of sticking around to jab, like he usually did.

Watching Julian leave, I led the way to my dressing room. Christopher walked at my side as we talked.

‘Carrie’s downstairs, in the restaurant,’ Chris replied. ‘She’s having a late supper before we head home tonight.’ ‘What about you?’

‘I have ... other priorities,’ he said, without looking my way, but the smallest of smiles creased his lips.

I went in first, and my brother followed. Locking the door behind us, I let Christopher wrap his arms around me once more, sinking into the comfort of his embrace. We stood like that a long time, just locked in that caress, before I finally worked up the strength to pull away. The urge to kiss him, just once, just softly, was nearly overwhelming. But I knew it would never be just that one. Chris’ lips were like an addiction: a single kiss would leave me breathless and yearning for the next, and he was right there, so close, so what would another hurt? It was easy.

In the end, however, he would be lying on top of me or pressing me against the wall ... and I was only too willing. Usually, however, we would be able to stop before ... before we did something more than kiss and touch and grind our bodies together. Before I was with Julian, my only excuse had been its wrongness ... and then Paul, of course. Now I could use Julian as an excuse, no matter how Chris saw through it. Saw, and was angered by, Julian’s behavior ... the bruises he occasionally saw on my body, though I did my best to hide them and refused to say much. So he knew it was a sham, really.

A few times, I hadn’t been able to stop Christopher’s lust, or my own. I gave in to him without even trying to reason out of it. It was sheer, consuming hunger. The love we had for each other made our bond all the stronger and harder to resist.

Tonight, I was adamant to steer away from anything too physical. Clearing my throat, I smiled weakly and took a single step back, casually sitting in one of the chairs and crossing my arms over mt chest. ‘Tell me about what’s been going on recently in your life. I mean, I do read all your letters, and it’s nice to talk over the phone ... but it’s not the same.’

Christopher swallowed his disappointment and sat opposite me, trying a smile as well.

‘Carrie’s had some troubles in school,’ he began.

‘Oh, no. She’s still being bullied?’ I said. Why were those kids being so hateful?

Chris sighed. ‘Yes. I tell her all the time to just be strong and stay positive, and not to listen ... but she’s not able to do that.’

‘I’ll try and talk to her tonight,’ I vowed, standing to unlace my costume. Chris stood quickly to help me, although I hadn’t asked him to. We were standing in front of the big make-up mirror, so I could look at him standing behind me. His eyes were on my back and shoulders, but the hunger there was easy to see. I want to kiss you, I thought, and I knew he wouldn’t stop me. If we stopped, it was always because of me; I’d never heard Christopher argue against making love to me before.