Chapter 7

Well, as they say, the best laid plans of mice and men, right? I was minding my own business, sharpening my cutlass, when the door to my chambers opened in haste and in burst Cersei Lannister, Grand Maester Pycelle, and Qyburn, a conspiracy of three if there ever was one. It smacked of treachery to me, but even more so when three older members of Qyburn’s “little birds” followed them into my room. These were lads, not girls, of course. Clearly, they were in no mood to parley or banter.

“Seize him and take him to the black cells! This is the raper, the man who raped, buggered, and attempted to choke the life out of your Queen Regent!” Qyburn instructed his three agents, which proved to be a fatal mistake on his part.

I picked up my cutlass and easily wounded two of the three youths, though one of them managed to stab me in a hurry. I picked him up and threw him at Pycelle before thrusting both through with my blade. Qyburn now panicked and ran, understandably afraid of the possible consequences of assaulting Ser Roger Waters, Lord Commander of the City Watch and Knight Inquisitor of the Realm.

Clearly, the new Master of Whispers had counted on sleight of hand rather than combating the Gold Cloaks hand to hand. The White Cloaks of the Kingsguard or Lannister guards would have been too brazen, so he tried this instead. The ruse was clever, but it failed because I could see through their bluff. They didn’t have enough manpower to overpower me and they knew it. They weren’t even strong enough to fight off one man with a cutlass.

Even so, I needed to heal ... and fast. I was wounded pretty badly. But how to do so without losing control of King’s Landing just yet? I didn’t care if I held onto power permanently or not. I imagined that with many absences, I would probably lose my dominance at court, but I couldn’t bear to let the story unfold anywhere close to how it had. I also didn’t want to risk my companions, so I seized the remote and pressed the right buttons to transport myself, Jenny, Carrie, Bancey, Claere, Nora, Lara, Emely, Alyse, Tenas, Justen, Damon, Arnie, and Janene out of the Game of Thrones universe. I also grabbed Cersei herself for rather obvious reasons.

“Ah, here we are ... just where we need to be,” I smiled as a bunch of us stood there in the house of Eddie Fournier in Bon Temps, Louisiana.

Yes, we were suddenly in the universe of True Blood ... just after Lafayette Reynolds departed, before Jason Stackhouse and Amy Burley abducted Eddie.

“Eddie Fournier?” I asked the gay, heavyset vampire.

“Yes? How did you know my name?” Eddie wondered.

“Trust me, I have no time to explain. I need just a little of your blood to heal me of this wound, and in return, I’ll keep the two drainers coming your way from kidnapping you. Whatever you do, DON’T ANSWER THAT DOOR!” I cautioned Eddie, who was a bit nervous and scared by now.

“How much of my blood do you need?” Eddie asked me, more than a little confused and terrified by now.

“Just enough to heal this wound right here. Another plus, of course, is that we’ll be connected, so if you’re in danger or I am, we can know it right away, right?” I pointed out.

“True. How long until you’re safe and I’m safe?” Eddie worried.

“You’ll see. There, sorry to have to take so much of your blood, but it will work out. Just trust me. See this gash in my side. It’s already healing, isn’t it?” I showed Eddie where his blood helped us out.

“That’s good, because I need some blood now myself,” Eddie warned me.

“Yes, you got a little weak there, didn’t you? This is Cersei. Drink from her,” I cut Cersei’s left hand and poured a good bit of her blood into a cup, which I gave Eddie to drink to her horror.

I got the impression that Eddie preferred True Blood most of the time, that he never hunted, but he was now desperate enough to take whatever sustenance he could get. He drank the whole thing, but he needed more, so I pulled Cersei by her hair and dragged her over to where Eddie could drink directly from the source. Well, I thought, this is one solution, isn’t it? D and D had dropped the valonqar stuff, anyway, so why worry about it? Let Eddie drain Cersei dry. It couldn’t happen to a nicer bitch, could it?

Predictably, Eddie, having never properly fed before, didn’t know when to stop it, though I did. I just chose not to intervene. An exsanguinated Cersei, dead and dry, served my purposes rather well. Back at King’s Landing, Cersei was absent as much as me, Pycelle was dead, and Qyburn had just lost his patron. The High Sparrow, Lancel Lannister, and Septa Unella were now fully at the mercy of House Tyrell and Olenna, the Queen of Thorns, herself.

House Lannister was in steady decline, in terms of both wealth and power. Advantage House Tyrell, which meant Olenna, Mace, Ser Loras, and best of all, Margaery. A much saner dynasty to rule until I got back, I should think. The Faith Militant and the Sparrows were toast as well, having damaged the prestige and respect gained by the Faith of the Seven and the Septas. The new High Septon was sure to be much tamer. He might even be the old, deposed one restored to office.