Chapter 57

I had to wonder just how I would even track Lucifer down, what with having to go back to sleep every morning, but that was my burden to bear. At least with the Colt, I had a fighting chance once I located him, and I would be able to waste anyone who got in my way. I used the vampire blood connection to locate Sam, and with him, Dean. I saw their Impala parked at a motel, nor far from where I found Crowley. Odds are, they were looking for him themselves.

I knocked on their door, repeatedly in fact. Hell, I banged on their door, hoping that finding the Winchesters would draw Lucifer and Michael to me like a homing beacon. With any luck, it might draw in more people than that. I just didn’t know for sure what to expect once they all arrived and who they would be. At least if I had the Colt and my own posse, and the Muses, for that matter, on my side, I stood the proverbial snowball’s chance in Hell. Maybe.

“Hello, who is this?” a wary Dean answered the door before Sam saw me and gestured for me to come in inside.

“Who is this?” Dean asked his brother now, understandably far more skeptical.

“The Candyman,” I answered for him, “no, seriously, I’m a vampire who stopped your brother from breaking the last seal, but then broke it myself. Long story on that.”

“You ... you broke the final seal? You jump-started the Apocalypse? Great work, buddy! Who all did you kill, besides all of us?” Dean insulted me, not too shocking, but then I had my guys grab him.

“I don’t have time for this, so let’s get you on side, okay?” I told Dean, as I bit into his neck and took some blood, and then cut myself to feed him some of mine.

“What the fuck?” Sam asked me himself now.

“Come off it, Sam. You’ve had vampire and demon blood both now. Which would you honestly rather have? Which one has more drawbacks? You tell me. It was my bite that stopped you from taking the blame, so just thank me later and shut up for now. I also iced Raphael, for the record, though I couldn’t quite get rid of Chuck Shurley,” I stipulated.

“Chuck Shurley ... the Prophet, the writer? Why would you want him dead? And you killed an Archangel? Raphael the Archangel? Who else?” Dean demanded.

“Well, I didn’t mean the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle! Yes, the fucking Archangel! I killed him, along with Ruby and Lilith. Chuck Shurley didn’t die, because, apparently, he wasn’t just a Prophet. Or isn’t, I should say. By the way, most of my posse are fellow vampires. Except for Margaery, Melanie, and Melissa, here. Margaery’s my wife. And they’re all my lovers, you see. All of them. Vampires and humans alike. My harem, if you will,” I laughed now as I explained it to the Winchesters.

“And what happened with Chuck?” Sam insisted.

“He’s ... not dead, because he’s not human. He’s a bit more than a Prophet. He’s immortal. In fact, he’s God,” I let that little bit of info sink in with both of the brothers for a second.

“Chuck ... Shurley ... is God? As in, the Almighty? As in ... Jehovah? We’ve been looking for the bastard all this time, and now you tell me that he’s been living right under our noses, writing fan fiction about us, and amusing himself at our expense? Oh, I’m gonna tear that bastard a new hole when I see him next!” Dean snapped.

“Would I lie to you? Now that we have this ... vampire blood connection, you can sense my nature. Would I lie to you, Dean? Sam? And yes, I really am a vampire. Full-scale, all the way, dead in the coffin, can’t come out during daylight, vampire. None of this pansy, sparkly, Twilight bullcrap written by a Mormon author, none of that rubbish. A real, honest-to-Chuck, fully fledged blood-sucking, Undead monster, okay?” I reassured them.

“So, now that your ... blood is in me, what does that make me, your bitch like Sammy was Ruby’s?” Dean retorted, more than a little paranoid, though I couldn’t blame him too much.

“Not exactly, but it means that I can always find you. That’s how I find you guys, through Sam and my blood ties to him. My blood inside him reached out and drew me to him, in fact. Yes, before you ask, I control all of these people in my posse. The humans through my blood, the vampires as their Maker. In case you’re wondering, no, I don’t piss or poop. That’s just not something that my kind does in my own universe. Yes, I’m from another universe,” I added now.

“Another universe? There’s more than one?” Sam asked now, truly curious.

“I’m afraid so. Now, here’s the rub. Chuck Shurley is only God in this universe, not in my own. The version of Lucifer that exists here is specific to here as well. Crowley, for instance, only exists in this universe. Same with your angelic friends, Castiel, Zachariah, etc. A lot of that is just from this universe. The crossroads demons, etc. You get the idea. You guys are unique to it as well, as are your parents,” I clarified, really shocking the brothers for sure.

“Okay, what about that gun of yours ... is that the Colt?” Dean probed now.

“Yes, Dino, it is. THE Colt, the special one made by Samuel Colt himself. I got it off Crowley. Firesale special, I’m afraid. Now, listen, any moment now, we’re likely to have company, so just bear that in mind. It could be Meg, could be Azazel, could be Crowley, could be Lucifer or Michael or Gabriel or Chuck or God knows who, but you get the point. What we really need are one of those damn angel knives of theirs, but for now, we have the Colt, among other things. By the way, Chuck totally threw Raphael under the bus. Very disturbing, even if useful in this case,” I declared, though this was likely understood, anyway.

“That’s one way of putting it,” I heard another voice.

“Cass!” Dean responded to Castiel’s presence.

“So, you’re the big, bad angel, huh? I already killed your brother, Raphael. I’m just glad that you’re a friend of the Winchesters here. Otherwise, with this Colt, I might be tempted to smoke you, too. He might have been the first angel I’ve killed, but I doubt he’ll be the last. I also smoked two demons, but you already know that by now. Ruby and Lilith, I mean,” I told Castiel, watching his face turn very pale.

“You’re the one who unleashed the Apocalypse ... why?” Castiel demanded to know, not being too familiar with me.

“It was ... necessary. At least for now. I agree with Zachariah on that at least. It was ... just unavoidable. I tried to avoid it for a little bit, but no dice. Not that it matters. We can still prevent the Apocalypse from going full-scale by ... killing Lucifer. I happen to have the means to do so ... with this Colt right here,” I announced.

“Wait, I thought that it could only wound Archangels,” Sam asked.

“Not anymore. Let’s say that we ... made some new ... and better bullets that can do more than that,” I heard another voice.

Clio. Calliope stood with her and handed me a belt full of special bullets, all designed to work with said Colt, and there were a lot more than just the original thirteen in number. Calliope winked at me as they both planted kisses on me. Damn, those Muses worked faster than expected! I chuckled as I made out with them and then they kissed each of my party on the lips.

“You know that we love you, if you didn’t before!” Calliope reassured me.

“Yeah, we’re your biggest fans. Though we like Dean, Sam, and Castiel, too. What can we say? Oh, look who we found here!” Clio practically threw Bobby Singer inside the room now.

“Bobby? What’s going on here?” Dean asked him now.

“Yeah, I was minding my own business ... showering, actually, when these two pretty, but very ... strong ladies seized me and brought me right here for some goddamned reason! I’ll be damned if I know why they did that!” Bobby cussed as he stared at the Muses.

“Oh, you liked it and you know it!” Clio planted a kiss on his lips before Calliope added hers.

“Think of it as ... foreplay!” Calliope added with a wicked gleam in her eyes.

“I owe you a big one, both of you ladies!” I told both Muses, who shrugged.