Chapter 49

“So, Godric is in this church, preparing to be sacrificed, but you have found a way to rescue him, even if it involves, well, you know. A lot of blood and gore. So, what’s next, then? We have to find to barge into there from ... where, exactly?” Eric raised an eyebrow at my proposal.

“You’ll see. Very soon. Now, meet some folks. This is Jamie Lannister, King of Westeros. Well, King of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, and Protector of the Realm. This is my wife, the former Queen, Margaery Tyrell. And these are Prudence, Piper, and Phoebe Halliwell, three witches who are also sisters and have the ‘power of three’ together. This is their mother, Patty Halliwell, a ghost who used to be a witch.

“This is Buffy Summers, who is, and don’t panic here, a Vampire Slayer. But she will actually be helping save a vampire for once. This is Willow Rosenberg, another witch. This is Giles, who is a Watcher. He ... helps guide the Slayer, who for some odd reason must be female. This is Xander Harris, one of Buffy’s associates. This is Cordelia Chase, who’s not royalty, but often thinks that she is.

“This is Dr. Ross Geller, a paleontologist from New York City. Greenwich Village, in fact. This is his sister, Monica Geller, a chef, who also lives in Greenwich Village. This is his current girlfriend, Bonnie. This is Rachel Green, his ex-girlfriend who is also his fiancee. Long story on that. This is another ex-girlfriend, Julie. This is Phoebe Buffay and her twin sister, Ursula. Phoebe is a masseuse and Ursula is a waitress and a porn star.

“This is Chandler Bing, a statistical analyst. And this is Joey Tribbiani, an actor,” I rattled out several more introductions before Eric rolled his eyes.

“A lot of folks, many of them with no real ... combat training, I should think. What good would that do? It’s just ... weird. Are any of them going to be any good in a fight? Or just get in the way?” Pam spoke her mind now.

“Try me. Now, come on, guys! We wasted Maryann Forrester already. No reason that we can’t wreck some others. Particularly some crazy, closet case pastor and his shrew of a wife. Pretty shrew, but shrew nonetheless. Now, watch this!” I brought out the flamethrower that was a recent gift.

“Plus, he has us,” Clio observed.

“Exactly!” Calliope assured them.

“I’ll take my chances with them! They seem to be pretty cool! Tough, even!” Chow chuckled at that.

I grabbed the remote and clicked it thrice, opening the portal to reach the belly of the beast. I was deep inside the Fellowship of the Sun church, pretty late at night, just in time for the lockdown. The Soldiers of the Sun sentry noticed us and reached for his gun, his “honesty ring” almost blinding me and making me glad that Jason Stackhouse never attended the “Light of Day Institute” and got brainwashed by the likes of them. I immediately unloaded with my flamethrower, burning him to a crisp and making him scream so loudly that others came running. They started to attack us, but one of them was thrown back instantly. That would be Prue’s doing, of course.

“Nice work, witch!” I told her, even as I saw Jamie Lannister smite one of the warriors with his blade.

“Thanks, vampire!” Prue scoffed while Leo blasted someone with his White Lighter magic.

“Okay, my apologies! It’s clear that you figured this out better than expected,” Eric conceded while sinking his teeth into one of the Soldiers.

“Yeah, no kidding! Not bad for a bunch of naked and half-naked warriors!” Pam shouted as she pounced on someone, too.

“In five seconds, I can rip your heart out from your chest or slice your belly open, so you’d better ‘fess up! Where’s Godric? Where’s the Sheriff?” I demanded of one of my victims, now pointing my cutlass at him.

“He’s ... down there ... let me show you!” the man spoke while stinking of his own piss.

“Yes, show me, but then clean up! You reek, dude! You peed yourself, didn’t you?” I glamored him to comply with me.

“What’s this all about?” Gabe now confronted us, at which point I brandished the cutlass and threatened his groin.

“Me cutting you from sack to sternum if you don’t show us where we can find Godric!” I told Gabe, making him reach for his gun, “do you really think that you can move fast enough to shoot me before I run you through?”

“Try me, vamper!” Gabe snarled as he attacked me, forcing me to do as I warned him.

My cutlass was inside his belly before he could bring the gun even up to aim it, let alone fire it. I pulled it out and sank my fangs into his belly to suck a lot of blood directly from him. He struggled, but quickly lost strength as I drained him, after which I sliced off his head in one blow. That was enough of him! I just needed a little blood for a snack to pick me up.

“Come on, bitch! Show me where Godric is and I’ll let you survive long enough to go home and change clothes! Hurry, prick!” I ordered him as another Soldier of the Sun attacked me and Lord Randyll Tarly stabbed him faster than my head could turn.

Even more Soldiers of the Sun rushed at us and I brought out the flamethrower out to roast them. Piper then froze all of the Soldiers of the Sun left and I slapped her ass to show my appreciation. She tensed up a little, but then relaxed and remembered that she was naked, anyway. We took advantage of the frozen state of the enemy to go past my guide and look safely for Godric. I knew that there was a good reason to take the Halliwell sisters with us.

We finally found Godric and it was Jason and Hoyt, of all people, who freed him. Godric looked at us and smiled sadly as he saw Eric standing there, and then Bill as well. He also saw Sookie and somehow seemed to feel softness to her of all people. Buffy looked at this whole scene with particular surprise, especially as she never heard of Makers or progeny among the vampires of her universe. Willow simply looked at me with a shocking amount of lust just then.