Chapter 29

“Excuse me, folks! Mr. President, Ms. Grisham, Dr. Tyson, Dr. May, Mr. Nye. I believe that you recognize me, the source of recent developments on the topic at hand. As the foremost expert on demonology, let me promise you that there is indeed nothing to fear from being turned. Nothing at all. Yes, technically, it’s eternal damnation, but that simply means that you won’t go to Heaven. You’ll become a devil of Hell when you die. You won’t be tormented or anything.

“I should also, in fairness, point out that there is nothing to fear from conversion to Michaelism, which is your other supernatural choice, unless you want to go for what’s going on in China, which I wouldn’t recommend. You want to talk about needing an exorcism, that’ll do it. That dude is a demented psychopath. I should know. I was in Heaven with him, ages ago, before I was cast out with Lucifer and the other fallen angels. Why do you think that we rebelled?

“The Holy Ghost was a very bad influence on Jehovah and Jesus, the other two members of the Trinity. It wasn’t one God in Three Persons or other such nonsense. It was basically three Gods in a committee, with Jehovah the final Supreme Being. They were all batshit insane, but of the three, the Holy Ghost takes the fucking cake. Nuttier than a fruitcake. No empathy. No conscience at all, contrary to the propaganda, or frankly, lies in the Bible. If that dude is your conscience, you ain’t got one at all. His only agenda now is to lead all of humanity and life on Earth to destruction, a mass extinction, the biggest of all, since he knows that he can’t win outright.

“Now, let me clear about something. I’m not Satan. That motherfucker got himself iced, along with Jehovah and Jesus, by making one last attempt at doing the Apocalypse his way. It was a suicide mission, but it succeeded at the cost of himself. It’s kinda like that ending to Rapture Palooza, but not quite. I’m Lord Asmodeus, and you can be thankful that I run Hell now, just as I will soon basically rule Earth, assuming that we can save it from the clutches of not-Casper over in China. I’m the guy who decided that torment was out, turning Hell into one everlasting frat party with no hangovers was in. I’m King of Hell and Prince of Darkness.

“Any questions, while my handsome assistant and my four lovely other assistants proceed to Super Drain these three and turn the Press Secretary?” I took over the press conference and made it clear that President Trump was now my puppet.

“Yeah, Kyra Phillips, ABC News. Mr, sorry, Lord Asmodeus, isn’t this supposed to be President Trump’s press conference?” Kyra Phillips asked with her husband, Fox News’s John Roberts, standing right behind her.

“Why, yes, it is, Kyra, but as I noted, I’m a necessary part of this, given my inherent expertise on the subject at hand. I’m sure that President Trump will be happy to defer to me on this long enough to inform him and our illustrious scientists, as well as fine reporters like yourselves, here better on the topic. I mean, honestly, do you know of anyone better informed about demonology than the chief of all devils?” I countered, making her blush a bit.

“Point taken. I wonder, though, what President Trump and his other guests think of this,” Kyra continued.

“Look, it’s really quite simple. There’s a douchebag over in China, making that country even more viciously ruled than it used to be, and we all know what pricks the CCP were, right? So, to put it in the most honest and straightforward terms, he’s a nutter, he’s some kind of deposed god. I hate to disappoint people from the evangelical side of the party, but you’re gonna have to choose between this asshole and Michael or Asmodeus at some point. Jesus ain’t an option no more, nor is Jehovah. We’re going to fight this guy, the Holy Ghost, more than likely. Michael and Asmodeus are on the same side, the same team, at least for now. That’s all that Asmodeus is trying to tell you, okay?

“Now, did you have anything to say to everyone, guys?” President Donald J. Trump turned to the three scientists with him, who had said precious little so far.

“Yeah, look, gov’nor. It’s a bit dodgy, this whole demon stuff, but they’re here. You can see several of ‘em right here. Mr. Asmodeus, these five folks, plus Mr. Tapper here, plus Ms. Bash. Anyone else here a devil? They’re an obviously intelligent species, they’re not harmin’ anyone, so why fear ‘em, why not leave ‘em be?” Dr. Brian May, mostly known for his guitar work with Queen rather than his new career of astrophysics, spoke rather bluntly with a pronounced English accent.

“Absolutely nothing to fear, I assure you of that,” Lauren declared as she unzipped Dr. May’s pants and simply took charge of his cock with her gaping mouth.

“Oh ... fuckkk!” Brian reacted viscerally to the unabashed way that Lauren sucked him, not giving him a chance to decline it as she drained his balls.

“So ... regarding this, let me stipulate that it’s clear that, if anything, it’s that guy in China that’s the threat. He’s the one executing folks, I mean,” Bill Nye the Science Guy asserted while Claire began sucking him off in earnest.

“Well, unless I miss my guess, this is really, fundamentally, a question of respecting another culture, and let’s be honest here, from what I’ve seen so far, demonic civilization has better ethics than human. Maybe it’s not the worst thing that ever happened to humanity and society?” Dr. Tyson suggested, even as Marisol and Kerry shared his dick like an ice cream cone.

“There you have it. I, for one, welcome our new demon overlords,” Stephanie Grisham suddenly decided to cast her lot with us, a sensible choice, as she showed by raising her skirt to offer us her holes.

“Jake, you know what to do,” I instructed Jake, who leered lustfully as he grabbed Stephanie and she wrapped her legs around him.

While Jake began actively fucking Stephanie, Lauren now mounted Brian May, Claire straddled Bill Nye the Science Guy, and Marisol and Kerry had their way with Neil de Grasse Tyson. I took the occasion to put my hand on Kyra’s ass and test her response, as well as that of John. Far from resisting me, Kyra simply gulped, looked at John for a second or two, got a nod from him, and dropped her pants to welcome me into her wet and juicy snatch from behind. Before John knew what hit him, Tiffany Trump then pushed him to the ground and climbed on top of him.

Donald Trump, for his part, reached for one of the other correspondents, in this case Hallie Jackson, and she simply yanked down his pants to deep throat him. Ivanka did the same to Jonathan Karl, making it abundantly clear that she was a succubus, too. Melania did her part by grabbing Peter Baker of the New York Times and making him her bitch for now. Chelsea Clinton, who was also back from her mission, found a reporter to attack, if one would consider that an attack, of course. Marc was back with her and he got it on with Frances Rivera of MSNBC.

Donald Jr. and Eric were back as well, and both of them were soon very involved in this. Also returned were Sam Waterston, Kristen Stewart, Danny Glover, Vanessa Trump, and Bill Maher, all of whom were now very busy fucking someone in the press. The Secret Service agents were soon intimate with various reporters as well, thanks to their new status as demons themselves, which they now revealed to the world. Taylor Swift even pulled a train of male correspondents, each eager to get a turn at that country/pop crossover diva even at the cost of their souls. It was soon a clusterfuck orgy and I couldn’t be prouder of myself for instigating it, especially on live, global TV.

I barely came inside Kyra Phillips and her yummy twat when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Azrael, along with Keith and Allison. They had blood splattered all over them. I knew what this meant. They had completed their missions ... all of them ... for now. I chuckled as I read their minds and realized that Turkey and Saudi Arabia were wide open to me now, as were Poland and Hungary. While princes squabbled for power in Riyadh, I could act quickly and seize the Kingdom, along with Turkey. The Balkans had already fallen to me wholesale, with Athens the piece de resistance. I had left Mount Athos, however, alone. Michael was welcome to those monks, just as he was to the inhabitants of Mecca and Medina.

“Where is the soul of Hillary Clinton? The souls of the other prizes?” I asked Azrael.

“In Hell for now, but awaiting their futures, of course. They’re in holding cells, I assure you. What are your orders for them and for us?” Azrael deferred to me, as he always should.

“New hit list. The entire Saudi cabinet and every Saudi prince without a halo aged eighteen years and up. Kill them all. Spare the women. We know that they’re chattel, anyway, have no say in the despicable policies of the regime. Then wipe out the entire Saudi military presence in Yemen. All of it. I want that war over. The Saudis and their proxies deserve to lose it and may that finally put an end to such a mess.

“Then wipe out what’s left of ISIS and Al Qaeda in Syria and Iraq. I want them done. Period. Over. I want that war over with at last. Spare only those with halos over their heads. Kill all of their other troops dead. White Helmets, too. They’ve gotta go. Spare American and other Western troops, Syrian government forces, Russian troops, and Kurds.

“Then go to Libya and exterminate every warlord and soldier involved in slave-trading. Period. Spare only those troops who are boy soldiers under fourteen and those with halos. All else must die. This work will be bloody, but necessary, and you’re destroyer demons. It’s what you do. Also, bring Hillary and co. to the Beckinsale house pronto, so I can pass final judgement on them today,” I instructed the group, Azrael in particular smiling.

The orgy finally wound itself down, so I snapped the necks of any women who were damned by now, leading others to emulate me, thus causing those ladies to turn at last. The men were already Super Drained and turned. The day was won. They could all await their instructions now and they would receive them for sure.

“Ivanka, go to Poland and start turning Poles with a vengeance. Same criteria as always. All Poles and foreigners present aged fourteen years and up without halos. Men, women, doesn’t matter. Turn them all. Make Poland another heavily demonic nation. I want you to leave a lasting impact on that country. I want to own Poland already.

“Melania, go to Hungary and do the same thing. Turn them all. I want them taken over in a hurry and turned into my folks. Same rules. Fourteen years and up, regardless of sex or gender, provide that they don’t have halos. I want the gang-bangs to be legendary for both of you. Tiffany, same deal, but with Turkey. Turn them all. Everyone fourteen years and up, but without halos. No exceptions. Gang bang them all. Pull those trains.

“Chelsea, same deal, but Saudia Arabia and the whole peninsula, minus Mecca and Medina for now. Everyone, fourteen years old and above, without a halo, no exceptions for sex or gender. Grow a futa cock if you must, but bring those countries to heel. Vanessa, your mission is Iraq and Kuwait. Same kinda thing. Work the sex angle while Azrael and his destroyers use violence.

“Marc, your deal is Cyprus. Same kinda thing. Get them into our camp, both Turk and Greek Cypriots alike. Sweep through that island and turn everyone aged fourteen years and above, regardless of sex or gender, as long as they lack halos. Raid weddings, funerals, baptisms, festivals of all kinds. Turn ‘em all red. Snap necks when necessary. Same goes for all of you. Don’t leave a site until all present of age who lack halos have been turned. Leave convents and monasteries be, however. Any place that devout is likely to be deep Michaelist territory.

“Donald Junior, your targets are Iran and Afghanistan. Eric, yours are Egypt and Libya. We’ve tried everything else in vain, so we’ll try sex. Aged fourteen years and up, no halo, regardless of sex or gender, since demons are fundamentally omnisexual, they’re fair game. Go for ‘em. Don’t go to mosques or madrasas in the middle of prayer, don’t bother folks using prayer rugs, don’t disturb Jews or Christians in their prayers, either, but anyone of the stipulated segments ... take ‘em. Paint the towns red everywhere.

“I will have my army, damn it. The rest of you who crashed this party like me, come with me to the Beckinsale house and witness my judgment on the recently slain. The orgy can resume soon enough, but this must be done,” I commanded, leaving Trump to finish his press conference once everyone was clothed again.

A hush fell over the participants in the latest bacchanal, recorded, of course, for posterity, as I summoned the condemned to face my justice. Hillary was the first soul to face me, and since she lacked a body, she couldn’t shiver, but I could see and smell her fear. I was swift, but actually merciful. Very much so, in fact.

“Hillary Rodham Clinton, I hereby sentence you to serve as a maid to Kate Beckinsale, which shall consist largely of whatever services she might want from you, up to and including domestic work, sexual favors, and the like, for a period of seven years. After those seven years, we’ll review your case and decide what to do with you then.

“Nancy Pelosi, I hereby sentence you to serve as a maid to Monica Bellucci, which shall consist largely of whatever services she might want from you, up to and including domestic work, sexual favors, and the like, for a period of seven years. After those seven years, we’ll review your case and decide what to do with you then.

“Dianne Feinstein, I hereby sentence you to serve as a maid to Emma Watson, which shall consist largely of whatever services she might want from you, up to and including domestic work, sexual favors, and the like, for a period of seven years. After those seven years, we’ll review your case and decide what to do with you then.

“Kamala Harris, I hereby sentence you to serve as a maid to James Scura, which shall consist largely of whatever services he might want from you, up to and including domestic work, sexual favors, and the like, for a period of seven years. After those seven years, we’ll review your case and decide what to do with you then.

“Chuck Schumer, I hereby sentence you to serve as a maid to Kari Wuhrer, which shall consist largely of whatever services she might want from you, up to and including domestic work, sexual favors, and the like, for a period of seven years. After those seven years, we’ll review your case and decide what to do with you then. Yes, I said maid, not butler. You’re to be feminized up to a point, as you’ll see.

“Huma Abedin, I hereby sentence you to serve as a maid to Jane Krakowski, which shall consist largely of whatever services she might want from you, up to and including domestic work, sexual favors, and the like, for a period of seven years. After those seven years, we’ll review your case and decide what to do with you then.

“Recep Erdogan, I hereby sentence you to serve as a maid to Tina Fey, which shall consist largely of whatever services she might want from you, up to and including domestic work, sexual favors, and the like, for a period of seven years. After those seven years, we’ll review your case and decide what to do with you then. That should be especially punishing to a Turk, having to service a Greek that way. Tina, make sure to use Recep in the ‘Greek’ way a lot, if you catch my drift.

“Viktor Orban, I hereby sentence you to serve as a maid to Jeff Richmond, which shall consist largely of whatever services he might want from you, up to and including domestic work, sexual favors, and the like, for a period of seven years. After those seven years, we’ll review your case and decide what to do with you then. Get used to being feminized and taking it up the ass a lot.