Chapter 10

Robbie

I was tired but Deanna and I would talk. I had to know. I walked in the house, she was sitting in our den in the dark with those beautiful feet tucked under her and a box of tissues beside her. I asked if she was alright and started to go to her but she waved me off. Sit down Robbie, we need to talk and when I’m through you will most likely never come near me again. I was stunned. Was she leaving me? Confessing? What? Whatever it is, she’s beat me to the punch.

I sat in my recliner and said ok, Deanna, the floor is yours. She said these words will be just words in a few minutes so please hear me out. Robbie, for 24 years, you have been my dream man, lover, best friend, devoted husband and father. I love you with all my heart and soul, I always will. We have had the best of times together and I have cherished every one of them. I looked at her with big tears in my eyes knowing she is hurting with every word but choices have consequences. Robbie, I have betrayed and disrespected you, our marriage, our girls, myself and everything our vows stood for 24 years. I’ve let you down as a wife, lover and partner. For the past few months I’ve been having an affair with a young coworker. You met him at the hospital that day in the ER. You saw him holding my hand and I think you suspected something then but at that point, that’s all it was. He persisted and pursued me relentlessly over the next few weeks and I had lunch with him a few times. He slowly broke through my defenses. We graduated to some heavy petting but no actual sex at that point but I didn’t stop the touching. I know I should have but again I forgot who and what I am for awhile until it was too late. He has said he loves me and wants me to be his wife. I have told him repeatedly that you are the love of my life and I want to grow old with you. I smiled at that comment ... she didn’t. She said that won’t happen. Robbie, the day I got my cast off and flew to Houston, unknown to me, he had driven down the night before to be with me. One thing led to another and the bottom line is he spent the next 48 hours fucking me senseless. I won’t go into the details because you don’t want to hear them. I stopped her ... and held my hands up ... I went to the bathroom and lost everything in my stomach. She stood over me and tried to help but I pushed her away and said don’t touch me. It’s the first time in all these years I’ve ever said anything like that to her. She fled to the other room as fast as she could limp that way. When I returned, she was just staring ... I said is that all? She said I wish it was ... He looked at me and said AND? Her tears flowed freely now ... she could barely talk ... she said Robbie ... I’m pregnant. During the lust filled sex, I forgot I wasn’t protected since your vasectomy. She was right ... it was the worst. I said how long.? I said I’m little over 2 months along. I said, do you love him? She said I thought I did on some level at the time but I know I don’t now. I said does he know he’s going to be a daddy? She said, not yet. Nancy is the only one who knows. I’ll have a baby bump in a few weeks and everyone will know. I went back to the bathroom with dry heaves ... and broke down. I locked the door and sobbed like a baby. I heard her moving around In the house and came out. She had two suitcases packed by the door. I said where will you go? Nancy said I could stay with her for awhile. I couldn’t resist ... the anger came out. I said, what’s the problem, Baby Daddy won’t let you in. That hurt her to the core. I saw it in her eyes. She said I don’t know, not gonna ask and don’t care. I know it’s too late, but I woke up when I saw the blue lines on that EPT to what a fool I’ve been. I’ve lost everything that mattered in my life. It’s a shame it took letting him put a baby in me to do it.