Chapter 1

Spring Break is supposed to bring life altering moments. I know it did for my father and I. One minute we were laughing and joking around like normal then without a moments notice it all stopped. It was all a blur until I felt like my lungs were going through my chest. My head hit the dash to only knock me out. When I woke up I heard voices around me. I slowly opened my eyes to see my legs trapped. My head was throbbing while I turned to see my father’s head against the steering wheel. There were some men dressed in yellow trying to open the driver door. I felt a hand on my chest to only turn to see a man in white.

“Can you hear me kid?” He asks while I see a fire fighter working on getting the passenger door open

“Yes, my ... my dad please help him.” I answered turning to see my dad’s eyes were open but no movement I turn to look at the man with tears.

“I’m ... I’m sorry son but he didn’t make it.” He tells me as I start to cry so hard

I turn to look over to my father before reaching for his hand that was going cold.

“I love you dad please don’t leave me.” I say before I notice his door is popped open

Two paramedics pull him out making my hold of his hand slip.

“NO PLEASE DON’T TAKE HIM FROM ME!” I yell trying to reach to only scream in pain

I turn my eye down at my legs. Both are stuck and keeping me from going to my dad. I look up and notice they put him on a gurney only to cover his face. I lay on my left side crying for the man that always nurtured me. Only to be taken away from me. Before long I am helped out, but shove everyone away to get to my role model. I try to take a step to only fall flat on my chest. I start to crawl yelling for my father. I start feeling hands help me up while I struggle to get to my dad to no avail. One of the paramedics who is a female places her arms around me.

“Shh honey it will be ok. Calm down honey your in shock. Let us take care of you please.” She tells me as I look up to her

She looks young maybe not much older then me. I see she cares as I just give in nodding my head sadly. I look over to see my father for the last time that day while he is put in a ambulance. I am helped onto a gurney. They have me lay back. I look at the young woman to see concern on her face.

“What is your name honey?” She asks while a needle is being put in the back of my hand

“Alex ... Alex Cartwright.” I say sadly while seeing her smile

“My name is Sarah. I will stay with you until we get to the hospital.” She says to me while I nod They get me in the ambulance while I see the one my father was placed in drive off.

“Bye dad.” I say with tears that won’t stop Sarah gets in to only come to sit on my left. She takes my hand to help keep me calm. She wipes my tears away seeing my hurt.

“How old are you Alex?” She asks with a small smile “Fifteen, I’ll be sixteen in June which is in three months.” I say as the door shut in back

“I am eighteen.” Sarah says with a smile

“And your a paramedic?” I ask to get a nod

“Yes I am in training that is. I graduated early at 17 so I wanted to follow my mother’s career. I hope to be one in another three months.” She tells me while I hear a chuckle

“Why is he laughing?” I ask being concerned

“Because I will be the youngest woman to be a paramedic.” She says while I nod

“Well I hope you make it Sarah.” I say trying to smile but don’t make it as I feel sad

“Aww thank you sweetie.” She says before I lay my head back and cry

Sarah does all she can to comfort me, but I can’t help missing my father. Then I remembered my mother. I told Sarah as she told me she will be called once I am at the hospital being looked over. I just nod while looking up at the ceiling of the ambulance. After what felt like forever I feel the vehicle stop then back up. The doors open a few minutes later. They get me inside the emergency room before I am looked over. Sarah leaves telling me she hopes I will be ok after everything thing. I tell her thanks and I hope she makes it being a paramedic. Sarah smiles thanking me in the end. I watch her walking away to only let out a sigh. She was nice to me I hoped that she did make it for she could help those that needed an ear to talk to in times of need. The doctor appointed to me checked me over from head to toe. He checked my legs since he was told that my legs were trapped in the wreckage. When he checked my right leg out I only winced in pain. When he checked my left that was when I screamed. He had me sent to get a x-ray. After a few were taken I was sent back to only see my mother sitting. When the bed was placed back she came over to me.

“Oh god I thought I lost you too when I didn’t see you in here.” She says leaning over to hug me

“I’m so sorry mom. Did ... did they tell you about dad?” I state asking to feel her head nod

“Yes honey they did. It must of been scary for you. I wish neither of you went on that fishing trip. I had such a bad feeling to find out it my feeling was true.” She says raising up taking my right hand

“Me too mom please don’t get mad at me.” I say seeing her eyes go wide

“Why would I be mad at you? You or your dad did nothing wrong. I have already talked to the police. They tell me it was the trucker’s fault for not letting people know there was a turned trailer on it’s side. I plan to sue the company for wrongful death and injury.” Mom says while I squeeze her hand

“Mom can ... can we talk about that later. I ... I don’t want to think about it right now.” I say to see her show sympathy

“Oh god I am so sorry sweetheart.” She says while I just show tears

We talk a little before the doctor comes back with the x-rays. He shows mom and I that my left leg was badly damaged. He explained that I may not have 100 percent function out of it. He said my dancing days might be over trying to make a joke that I wasn’t laughing at. Mom asked him how long would I be in the hospital. He told her a few days so he could keep a eye on me. He said I had a concussion from my head hitting the dash. Mom nodded with deep concern. It was ten minutes later that I was issued a room. Mom knew the room because she was a nurse here at the hospital. Terra Cartwright 38, 5’10, 145 lbs since she stayed in good shape. Long blonde hair and blue eyes. He and dad met in college and married a year after to what I was told over and over. She called the family telling them what happened while I laid in my bed feeling tears. I couldn’t get the look my father had on his face out of my mind.Every time I close my eyes that is all I see and I wake up with tears coming down. My mother noticed hanging up coming over to me. She grabbed my right hand with her right just to place her left on my right cheek.

“We’ll get through this baby you’ll see. We will get back on track.” She says while I nod

We talked for about a hour before the door opened. At that moment I noticed Aunt Cindy, Uncle Gus, Trace, and Beth come in. They all came over in tears. Beth got to me first.

“Oh Alex I am so sorry sweetie.” She says leaning over to hug me

“We all are honey. Damien is on his way. He feels so bad for inviting you and Chad for a guys week.” Aunt Cindy says while I nod

“Trace and I should of followed you both like we wanted too.” Uncle Gus says while Trace nods

“Then you guys might of got hurt. Dad and I didn’t see anything when he went around the curve.” I say seeing nods before the damn burst “ OH GOD MY DAD IS DEAD!”

Mom, Beth, and Aunt Cindy lean to comfort me letting me cry. Uncle Gus and Trace stand looking on not knowing what to do to help me. All I can see are my dad’s eyes when I close mine. I feel tears on my chest while my mother, aunt, and cousin cry along with me.

The days after come and go while my family visit. Mom made it a point to take care of me while I was in the hospital. Uncle Damien stayed around the clock taking it upon himself. He was my dad’s identical twin. So I was having a bit of a hard time looking at him. I think he understood, but made a point to keep me smiling. He was 40, 6’3, 234 lbs all muscle, long red hair and blue eyes. Almost the splitting image of dad in build. I asked mom to tell my friends that I was alright so they wouldn’t worry. She did in which they came and visited. Dusty, Maxine, Mina, Zack and Trina, who was my girlfriend, showed up. I grew up with Dusty, Maxine, and Mina. Their families were above middle class just as mine were. Dusty’s dad was a lawyer while his mom was a secretary for Maxine’s dad’s company. Maxine’s mom was Dusty’s dad’s secretary. Mina’s dad was a accountant while her mother was a therapist. I thought of them as my family. Trina’s mother was high class, but liked me because I kept her daughter out of trouble. Trina Maxwell 16, 5’10, 160 lbs, long black hair and brown eyes. Her skin was beautiful being caramel color since she was African American. I loved her so much as she loved me. Dusty Tomlinson 16, 6’1, 214 lbs, short brown hair and brown eyes. He was on the school wrestling team, and was pretty good. Maxine Collinsworth 16, 5’9, 155 lbs with short blonde hair and blue eyes. She of course was on the girl’s basketball team. She was also good at sports. Mina Chou 16, 5’10, 145 lbs with long silk black hair and brown eyes. She was a cheerleader just like Trina was. Trina and I started becoming boyfriend and girlfriend at the age of fourteen. Zack Hollander 16, 6’0, 205 lbs, short brown hair and brown eyes. He was my closest friend since preschool. They all would come during the afternoon and visit until 9 o’clock at night when the nurses would have to kick them out.

Today was dad’s funeral. It was around eleven o’clock that Thursday morning. I am in a wheel chair since the doctor made it clear that I don’t stand on my left leg for a few more days. Mom is on my right as Trina is on my left. The preacher is saying the last rites to my father. Family and friends are attending with Uncle Damien, Uncle Gus, and Trace standing behind us. Aunt Cindy and Beth are on mom’s right in seats. Dusty, Maxine, Zack and Mina are on Trina’s left. Tears are being shed by those that knew my father. Once the service is over a tall man comes over wearing a biker vest. A woman follows behind wearing a black dress, but she looks pregnant. He stands in front of me looking down.

“I am sorry for your loss. Chad was a good man.” He says while I nod

“Who are you sir?” I ask seeing him extend his hand

“My name is Gray Covington. I used to ride with your dad and Uncle Damien when we were your age.” He says shocking me

“Wait ... my dad was a biker?” I ask to get some chuckles and a giggle from the woman

“Not really a biker, biker. He mostly liked to ride around. I hoped he would of became a biker like Damien and I, but I respected his decision by marrying your mother.” Gray says while turning to the woman,”This is Tessa my wife. She might be younger then me, but she is a good woman.”

“Nice to meet you Alex and Terra.” Tessa says shaking our hands

Uncle Damien comes around to hug his old friend.

“About time you showed up. I called the other day man.” Uncle Damien says while Gray laughs

“Sorry we would of been here sooner, but Tessa had a false contraction.” Gray states while Tessa nods

“When are you due Tessa?” My mother asks with concern

“In a month. This will be our first.” Tessa says while Trina squeezes my hand

“Um excuse me, but this is my girlfriend Trina, and my friends Dusty, Maxine, Zack, and Mina.” I say while they all nod

“Well it’s nice to meet you all. We are truly sorry.” Tessa says getting nods

“Thank you, Mr. Cartwright was like another dad to us.” My friends all say getting nods

“Sounds like Chad being the father figure. He was always trying to keep Damien and I out of trouble.” Gray says turning to look at dad’s coffin with a smile I watch as he steps up to it only to reach in his vest pocket to pull out something. He places it on top while I look at my Uncle Damien.

“What is that Uncle Damien?” I ask seeing him smile

“It’s a patch from Gray’s club. He has been wanting to make Chad and I members for a long time now.” Uncle Damien says sadly while I turn to see my mother show tears

“Yeah it’s just you both are too stubburn to join.” Tessa says with a grin

“Hey I am a lone wolf. I try to stay neutral ... safer that way.” Uncle Damien says getting laughs

“Well my friend it may be safer, but you can always count on my club and I to be there if you need us.” Gray says after rejoining the small group

They talked for a bit longer until Gray and Tessa had to leave. She had a doctors appointment tomorrow. They both hugged me saying if I ever needed them to call. I thanked them before they hugged mom. Trina stood up stepping behind me. Mom asked me if I was ready to go to only get a yes. I was wheeled to the car and only helped in. Uncle Damien put my wheel chair in the trunk. Trina got in the the back with me while he got in the drivers seat while mom sat in the passenger seat. The ride home was in silence letting everyone think. Dusty, Maxine, Zack and Mina were behind us while Uncle Gus and the others behind them. I felt numb at that moment for some reason until I felt Trina place her head on my left shoulder. I turned to look at her.

“I love you Trina.” I say seeing her look in my eyes

“I love you too Alex.” She says before placing a kiss on my lips

I loved kissing her since each kiss made me warm in my heart. The rest of the day went uneventful except Trina helping me to the bathroom. I guess she wanted to help me all she could. That day went by until it was time for bed around ten o’clock. Mom gave me my pain pills then helped me up the stairs to my room. I told her sorry in which she told me it was ok. That it was her right as a mother to help me. I just nodded while walking to my bedroom door. Walking in I felt her stop me. I turned to see her tears start to form.

“Alex you are all I have left of your father. Promise me you will never leave me.” She says shocking me by her words

“I promise mom just as long you promise you will never leave me. I lost one parent I can’t lose you.” I say while we hugged the other

“I promise my little man. You are the only man in my life now. I love you with all my heart.” She says placing a kiss on my forehead

We stood hugging each other before she broke the hug.

“Come on I will help you get in bed. I am sure your leg is bothering you.” She says while I nod agreeing

Once over and in the bed she covered me up to lean over to kiss my left cheek. Mom rose up to only leave while I laid there thinking of what the future held for us. I just hope my father was at peace and looking over us protecting us from harm. I was afraid to close my eyes because I had nightmares since that fateful day. The only thing that helped me get through them was Sarah and her kind words she gave me. I hope tonight she would use those words again in my dream.

Dad’s will reading was the next day. All the family was there. After the lawyer explained what dad left us mom and I were surprised. He gave mom 750,000 in investments and one million in a bank account. For me I also had 750,000,00 in investments and one million in a bank account. We turned to each other shocked. Mom asked how this could be. He explained that dad invested his money very wisely. He gave our other family members a generous sum of money each. Although I said I would give it all back just to have dad back. Mom agreed, but said it would help our future and not to go hog wild. She had always believed in hard work as did Aunt Cindy. My uncles suggested to let our investments grow and not touch them. After papers were signed he had me stay behind which made mom concerned. He told her that my dad had one last thing for his only son. She nodded respecting my fathers wishes. Once they left he got up bringing a separate file over to sit by me. He took a deep breathe before speaking.

“Alex what I am about to tell you doesn’t leave my office.” He says getting a nod before he continued “ Your father is giving you the Cartwright tradition. On ten acres of land is a hidden bomb shelter that your grandfather, Chad ... and Damien fixed up to be livable. A person can live in it when they need a place to think or just relax.”

“Wait ... your telling me that I have a place I can be alone in?” I ask getting a grin

“Yes exactly. Your father stated that he knows from experience that you may need a place to just be alone in your thoughts. Damien goes there from time to time from what Chad told me. The main thing is you can’t tell anyone. If you say get a girlfriend that you deeply trust then you have to ask Damien for permission.” He explains while I take in all that he tells me

After he is done he has me sign before telling me where it is. He hands me a map saying I need to memorize it then burn it. I look at it seeing it is by a park. I know the park since it’s the one Trina and our friends hangout at. I hand it back surprising him before he chuckles.

“Chad always said you had a photographic memory.” He says while I nod smiling

I watch as he stands up making his way over to a paper shredder. Once that is done he helps me up to give me a hug. I smile before he breaks it telling me if I ever needed help to call him. I thank him before he helps me out of the conference room. Mom comes over to help me out and to the car. She doesn’t pry into what was said. Once in the car I notice it’s about 12 o’clock in the afternoon. Mom surprises me by taking us out to eat. I enjoy spending time with her. I love my mother so much because she is all I have left as parents go. The rest of the day mom stayed by me. Mom helped me the best she could that wasn’t embrassing to either of us. That night I slept off and on thinking what was going to happen now.

The rest of March was filled with visits to a therapist for my legs and school. Mom took me a few times until she had to focus on other things. I kept wondering what was more important then me. Zack volunteered himself to take me. I told him he didn’t have to, but with him being one of my best friends, he took no for an answer. I would chuckle thinking he would be a good lawyer. Trina came a few times, but not all that often. The visits were some what painful, but I stuck to them. School was difficult getting around between classes, but I had a good reason to be a few minutes late. The teachers all understood seeing my cane in hand.

The month of April was like the end of March except mom would stay later at work. I would fix my own dinner the best I could. My home like was starting to get lonely at times. I would call Trina asking if she wanted to come over, but Trina would say she was busy. I called Dusty, Maxine, and Mina to get the same thing. Zack was the only one that would come over and hang out with me. I think if it wasn’t for him I would of gone crazy.

Lunch during the following weeks, half of it I would be talking to my friends wondering where Trina and Mina were. They would come back half way through saying they had to finish some class work. I would look at them wondering what class work since they had study hall 3rd period. I would notice Dusty and Maxine looking at me worried which was odd. Zack I think caught on to what I noticed, because he mouth to me,’They hiding something’. I had to agree since they never had the look they had before.

It was the last weekend of April, a Saturday in fact. Mom promised that we would spend the evening together watching movies. It was around seven o’clock in the evening that I had fixed us some popcorn to eat. I grabbed a few soft drinks as well. Once in the living room I sat on the couch to only wait for my mother. I heard her coming down. I turned to see my mother wearing a tight dinner dress. I thought it was a bit to much. She went to look in the mirror that was on the living room wall not far for the front door.

“Mom um where you going?” I ask to see her turn and look at me

“Out honey to spend some time with a friend.” She says while I feel my heart sink

I turn to look at the TV before she lets out a gasp. I turn to see her looking at the coffee table that was holding a big bowl of popcorn and our drinks. She comes over to sit on my left.

“I am so sorry honey. I guess the week has been so busy I forgot tonight was movie night.” She says while I shrug

“No worries I know you need to be around those your age. I am just a stupid teenager.” I say to see a shocked look

“Alex you know I love hanging out with you, but I was asked out to have some fun. I will make it up to you next weekend.” She says while I just shrug again

She gives me a hug then kiss on the forehead. Mom gets up to put her shoes on before going over for her purse. Before she walks over to the front door she turns to look at me.

“I will be home late. I love you Alex never forget that.” She says before leaving in a hurry

“I love you too mom.” I say to the living room hearing her SUV door shut

I feel tears come to me while leaning forward. With my elbows on my knees I place my head in my hands. I try to think of all that has happened. How my mother has changed, and how Trina and my friends minus Zack have too. Those words mom spoke a month and a half ago come back. Her saying I was the only man in her life. Yeah right does she think I am stupid. I feel hurt and angry all at once. I cross my arms looking at the bowl off popcorn that I had fixed. I don’t know what comes over me I just swipe my left arm against the table knocking the bowl off making it fly in the air. The popcorn scatters everywhere. I don’t care at that moment because I was not all that important to her. I get up making my way to the VCR. I look for a movie to take my mind off things. I find one with the words written upon it ‘ Cheating Bitch’. I grab it only to put it in the VCR. I turn the TV on to only go back to my seat. I lean back against the back of the couch to relax. I stare at the screen to see it’s my mother’s bedroom. I see a man sitting on the bed naked. I have a bad feeling when a woman walks into frame. She is wearing stockings, a garter belt, and what looks like a thong with no bra.

“Mmm you look sexy beautiful.” The man says while the woman gets down on her knees in front of him

“Thanks so what do you want me to do tonight?” She asks with a familiar voice and a tone of being wanted

“For starters suck my dick so I can fuck that ass of yours Terra.” He says making my eyes go wide and jaw drop

“Mmm can’t wait.” She says while my heart breaks

I watch as my mother lowers her head to take his dick in her mouth. I look and see there is a date. The date shows a week before the wreck. I stop the tape quickly since I didn’t need to watch anymore. I sit there shocked not believing this bullshit. I start to think of what to do. Was there others that was just the same. I get up to make my way to my mother’s room. It’s a hurtful walk, but I endure the pain. Once in my mother’s room I start looking in areas that may be able to hide a camera or hold other hidden tapes. After like twenty minutes I find a tape in what looks like a camcorder. I carry the whole thing while returning back down to the living room. Once to the VCR I take the tape out of the camcorder to put it in the machine. I press play while standing there. What I see really makes me angry. My mother is on all fours like a dog while the guy is fucking her. I look at the date to see it’s the night before the wreck. I stop the tape to only eject it. I grab it then the first one after taking the few steps to the coffee table. I stand there thinking with the help of my cane of what to do with the tapes. I know I could not confront her about these. I decide to hide them for now up in my room. I grab the camcorder before making my way up the stairs again, but this time I feel numb inside. The woman I grew up to love, the woman that gave birth to me had done something so unforgivable. She was having an affair behind my father’s back andnow that he was gone she wouldn’t just tell me she had a new man. I don’t know what to think of her now. I know one thing she had lost all my trust and respect. Once in my room I look around for a nice hiding spot. I go to the head of the bed to only get down on my knees. I slide the camcorder under the bed up at the head. Then I grab the shoe box that I had some money in. I take the lid off to only place the tapes inside. I then replace the lid sliding the box back. I get up then take a seat on my bed. My legs are sore with some pain. I lay back to look up at the ceiling. I feel my anger build up thinking I will be glad when school was out because I will go somewhere else for the summer. I would only stay here for three more years then go to college and never comeback to live with a cheating bitch. I close my eyes hoping my dad would give me some idea of what to do for now. I really felt like a orphan since my father was dad and my mother was now a lying cheating whore who I considered dead to me.

The month of May came and not fast enough. I started to become distant toward my mother. She asked me a few times what was wrong. I would just shrug my shoulders before going to my room. I would say very little to her. I guess I hurt her feelings but she hurt mine first and betrayed any loyalty I had towards her. It was the first Saturday of the month that she was home which was a surprise to me. Around ten o’clock that morning the door bell rung. I was in my room watching some TV when there was a knock on my bedroom door. I stay quiet until there is another knock. I sigh before telling the person to leave me alone. They open the door quickly rushing in. I see it’s Aunt Cindy. She goes over to shut my TV off before turning to face me.

“What is your deal Alex? Why are you ignoring your mother?” She asks while I just shake my head

“Why not she seems to not want to hang around me. She comes home late on the days she works, and goes out on her days off. She promised we would have a movie night which never happened because she had a date. She doesn’t take me to my therapies anymore my friend Zack does. So I am just here. She can do whatever she wants since she has been before dad died.” I say seeing her eyes go wide

“Alex maybe she goes out to relax and forget the lose of Chad. You don’t know what she is going through. Your still young sweetie ... she needs adult friends.” She says while I shake my head

“Yeah whatever. She said we would get through it together, but that was a lie just the same. Now if you will excuse me I want to be alone.” I say to see her eyes show shock

“Alex I don’t know what to say except give her time.” Aunt Cindy says while I shrug my shoulders

“I am by ignoring her. She isn’t the mother I grew up loving. She doesn’t even hug me like she use to or kiss my forehead. I have fucking nightmares of dad dying. Does anyone give a crap about me? I was there for fuck’s sake. Everyone is worried about here and forget I loved through it.” I say with tears while my aunt quickly comes over

She lays down placing her left arm around me. “Why haven’t you told your mom?” She asks while looking in my eyes

“How could I she hardly home except to sleep and dress? I feel like a fucking orphan. I mean I call the hospital and they say she left at five and she doesn’t come home until nine and tells me she has been at work the whole time.” I say seeing her eyes shoot open wide “Your not a orphan hun. You have your mother. Maybe her co-workers are mistaken.” She says while I shake my head no

“Not really since a mother is home on time after work, and home on her days off. A mother prioritizes her child’s needs over her own happiness. I don’t know what I have downstairs but it isn’t a mother.” I say to see sadness

She lays there with me for about ten minutes before getting up leaving me alone. Aunt Cindy goes back downstairs. I guess she is telling my mother what I said. I don’t really care, because I know it will go through one ear and out the other. I just lay there in the silence until my eyes closed just to fall asleep. I guess since the wreck I have been so tired from all the overworkings of my legs that I just can’t get enough. Before long I am deeply asleep not hearing any knocks or voices.

The days after my aunt showed up my mother seemed conflicted for some reason. She would come home with tears. I didn’t ask what was wrong, but guess she was feeling hurt for my being quiet around her. I loved her so much, but what I found hurt so much that it justified me to start shutting her out. I did feel bad at times, but angry just the same. My mother would sit next to me on the couch trying to spend time with me until she would get a phone call then leave saying she was sorry. I would just shrug not saying a word. The next two weeks went by being the same situations at home and school. Although when the last school dance came I debated on going until Trina asked me to go. We had arranged with Zack to pick us both up in which he said no problem. I made sure I was dressed pretty nice. It was around six o’clock Saturday evening that I was sitting on the couch waiting for Zack when my mom came down from upstairs. She went to sit in dad’s old chair. It was quiet for a few minutes before she spoke.