Chapter 8: Evening After

After Trent left I was in a daze. I knew that I had about an hour before Chris would appear. I was disappointed with the size of my nipples still standing up through my bra and jumper but I decided I couldn’t do anything about that. I popped an Orange pill like he’d suggested, to help clear my head and muscles. I then busied myself hiding my crimes.

My clothes from the back door were nowhere to be seen. I guess that Trent had done something with them, I’d ask him later. I managed to eat something and drank a gallon of water.

The bed sheets were surprisingly clean so I didn’t bother changing them. I was glad my boyfriend had opened the window in the bedroom. I could still smell sex in there, but it may have been emanating from me. I was lucky, knowing that Chris’ sense of smell wasn’t too good. However, I was concerned about my personal smell of sex. I could feel it with every step and had already changed out of trousers as I’d made them damp at the crotch within 10 mins. I was now in a long skirt and that just served to share my sex smell. I knew I should shower, it would be quick and easy but something in me almost wanted Chris to notice. I was also worried if he asked how I’d deal with the lie.

After deciding that the house was tidy and setting up a story to tell him about how I’d spent my day I sat down for a moment to take it all in. At that moment realising that once again, I felt great, relaxed and wonderful. I started the day careful and safe. But that white pill had given me the horn and I’d let Trent back into my life. Somehow I’d smoked that Meth or whatever it was.

Fuck that felt like a bad thing to accept. I’d smoked meth again, was it even meth? I’d clearly liked it and ended up in some dazed sex state, like before. However this time lucky for me I’d only had one cock near me. I realised that I obviously liked smoking that stuff and needed to be slightly careful of where I accepted it. I’d managed to avoid an STD so far but if I carried on like this, well I’d be in trouble sooner or later. I contemplated that I was accepting that I was going to have these drugs again. That was a big step. I don’t know how I felt about that.

Then I’d allowed Trent, my boyfriend. I liked calling him that. I paused on that thought for a moment. I had a black boyfriend. Geezzz what would anyone that knew me think of that. I giggled a little bit, imagining all their faces. I realised that at some point this was all going to come out if I carried on. I thought that through for a while, wondering if there were options to avoid it completely.

I lost that train of thought way too quickly as my mind jumped to the drug that he injected into me. Heroin maybe, I dunno, as far as I knew it could have been coke or fentanyl or whatever they call it. Not sure I wanted to know. But my god. In fact just thinking about that now made me feel good. I instantly started to hope I’d get to try it again tomorrow. Oh wow! that feeling when that hit. However I’d lost hours of time. Which was better, the smoking or the needle? God I couldn’t separate them, somehow I’d managed to try both. Maybe every day could be like this.

It also had me thinking about how deep I’d come in only, what, 10 days? How deep could this hole go, where would I end up. What would happen to my family and current life. Somehow I shrugged my shoulders, not particularly worried.

I troubled over the thought that I really wasn’t bothered about the fact I was heading into serious junkie territory. I shivered and giggled at the thought. It was almost not real, like I was daring myself to do it. Crazy. These orange pills certainly didn’t help one think straight and sort problems out.

My nipples throbbed, reminding me that he thought he was going to get me lactating. That made me chuckle, surely it wasn’t going to happen. He said about some drugs that I’d had? I don’t remember those and could they really work? God I didn’t want that, did I? I mean I’d have to pump and stuff every few hours. How’d that work out for holidays or trips? Would people be able to tell or notice? How’d I explain any of it? And my God my poor nipples.

Clutching my boobs I gave them a good hard squeeze. It felt good, like when you push on a pain point somewhere. God, I fed Claire 20 years ago when she was a baby. That went well but I’m so much more different now.

Picturing her as a baby I started to think about the risk of that still. Right now I had a black man’s semen inside me. Probably at least 3 or 4 loads from him. I knew the morning after pill had me covered from yesterday but if this life change of mine was going to happen, should I think about going on the pill? I mean I know I’m in my 40s but I was still ovulating, I could feel it each month, something I’ve always been able to feel. I mean having a baby was very dangerous when on drugs, wasn’t it? And very not fair. God there were real world consequences to more than just me on all this.

And what about sexually transmitted diseases? I’d been lucky so far hadn’t I? Very lucky indeed after what I think happened over the last week and a bit. However Trent appeared to really care about that. He had my back. But should I rely on him to keep me safe?

Safe, I burst out laughing at myself.

Safe, there was no such thing in this new world I was heading into. I mean I really had no idea what I was putting into my body. That orange pill just earlier as a simple example. My head was starting to hurt thinking all this over. I stood and started to pace to clear my mind. Again receiving a slick knicker reminder of what I’d done earlier today.

2. Third Day at home

I woke up naturally at 7:40 am, pleased that I’d hit my natural waking rhythm. Chris was already up and somewhere getting ready for work as normal. I remembered that simple, easy, safe, and boring evening last night with him. He didn’t hint once that he could smell sex on me or anything like that. Either we’d covered our tracks well, he was in denial or he really didn’t pick up on it. I was slightly disappointed with myself as I realised that I was pleased that my deception was on game.

I did realise that this morning I was cold. My head was aching again as were my hips and boobs. I couldn’t quite work those out but I was fairly sure I was already pretty dependent on a drug of some sort, a definite addiction was there. In fact I was already imagining the high that I hoped would come with a secret dark visitor today. I shivered at the evilness of that thought.

During my shower, I really needed to work my boobs. There was something going on with them. The very flesh of them was aching, almost sore. Surely, that couldn’t be the machines and drugs already. However, I couldn’t deny how much I needed to massage them hard and I mean really hard. I could feel all sorts inside them moving and almost clicking. I pictured an old car engine being brought back to life with new oil or something.

Once I was dried I almost absent mindedly popped a white pill in. I didn’t even think of it, just in it went. I was very aware of how achy everything was. I also surprised myself by auto texting Trent telling him I’d put that pill in. I didn’t even start with a good morning or anything. In fact, I sent him some texts last night that he hadn’t replied to. I was slightly disappointed and a little worried that he wasn’t coming this morning.

I dressed as usual, a thick jumper that came past my ass, some leggings and a usual matching underwear set. My mind jumped to the bin bag of other clothes but I dismissed that very quickly.

Chris and I passed the early morning as normal, the only difference was that I wasn’t going to work. He again told me not to worry about that for the moment. Everything else was normal apart from I was very quickly starting to power up and get a little horny. Not like I needed to wank or anything but more I felt a buzz, alive and ready. It was strange.

What else was strange was that the second Chris pulled away in his car, Trent turned up and I mean Chris couldn’t have gone round the corner before his car pulled up. As soon as I saw it my heart leapt for joy. Shit, here comes another day. I was so excited.

“Morning darling,” as he stepped into my house. I had a fleeting thought of ‘what would the neighbours think of this black man turning up the second her husband left’, but I still welcomed him in with a hug and a kiss.

“So babes, how you feeling today?” he asked with a smirk.

I squirmed under his gaze, “Good thanks. Glad to see you.”

“Me?” he waved his hands over his body.

“My cock?” grabbing his crotch.

“Or my bag of special candy?” tapping the bag on his shoulder.

Oh god what a question, I loved it all. But my eyes were drawn to his bag, wondering if he had something for me in there. He saw my gaze and chuckled, “Good,” nodding, “Good!”

Christ, he was pleased that I wanted drugs. That made me shiver. He was pleased that ‘he’ was turning me into a junkie. I couldn’t work out what that meant, and I didn’t try.

“First things first,” and he reached into his jacket pocket and handed me two little bottles. “Take 3 of this one,” the bigger bottle, “and two of this,” the smaller one. “Wash them down with a lot of water and see you in a mo.”

He walked past me up the stairs. I wasn’t particularly shocked at his boldness, in fact I liked it. Popping to the kitchen with a spring in my step to wash the directed pills down. I did have a quick read of the labels. They were normal vitamin like bottles you’d buy from Boots Pharmacy, Domperidone and Fenugreek. I’d never heard of either of them and he’d not handed me the paper bits that go with them so I wasn’t 100 % sure what doses I should be taking. However I trusted him and took exactly as he said. They were big tablets, so I guessed I was taking a big dose, shrugging as I did.

As I headed upstairs, I was pleased with myself for remembering to bring the bottles with me. I didn’t want to leave them on the countertop and have to explain them to Chris later.

I was surprised when I entered the bedroom to see he was very prepared today and almost moving at a frantic speed. He didn’t even look up at me as he was busy doing stuff with his back to me, at my bedside table, “You still clean?”

I didn’t understand, “Clean?”

“Yer you didn’t go out fucking anyone else last night?”

I was shocked at his question and answered instantly, “Of course not.” I couldn’t really understand why he was asking that.

My eyes now caught sight of the bra and pumps on the bed. Yesterday made a bit of sense now. It was my old bra and that he’d somehow modified to hold the pumps and bottle in place. It looked mediaeval, like something a crazy scientist would make up.

“Yup put it on please babes.” He’d finished whatever he was doing and had turned to me.

I stood there with the pill bottles in hand looking at it. I was a little disappointed, there was no nice chat, no sex, no drugs to make me feel good. He was just trying to connect me up to that crazy machine. It was 9:10 am so very early to start all this whatever. He must have picked up on my confusion as he stood and walked towards me. Taking the pill bottles from me, he started to lift my jumper up explaining, “We need to get 2, one hour long, milking sessions in today. You can do one with Chris if you want later?”

He stood up next to me and pulled my jumper over my head. “I errrr.” I shook my head, “Why two?”

Throwing my jumper on the floor, he sat on the bed. I stood there in my bra and leggings. I tried to strike a pose for him with a smile. Hoping to turn him on. He smiled back and answered my question, “Fuck love, you are amazing. My plan today is to get you smashed out of your head right now and get the machine stimulating those jugs of yours.” He nodded at my boobs. “Then we’ll let you recover and have some fun.” He winked. “Then a break before another quick float into la la land with some more milking.” Looking at his watch “Should be done nicely before 3 pm, giving you time to relax before Chris comes home.”

I was shocked at his plan. The ‘smashed out of my mind’ had me smirking, but the bra and milking thing wasn’t really something I wanted. “I’m not sure I want to do the bra thing.”

He smiled at me, “I do.”

We both paused waiting for one or the other to break. He shrugged his shoulders, “This is part of how you pay babes.”

“Oh,” though I didn’t fully understand. “I could pay cash instead.”

He shook his head and stood back up, “Narrrr this is better,”. Hugging me and starting a kiss. I accepted and returned it, this was better. I wasn’t however surprised when I felt his hands fumbling with my bra clasp at the back. I felt the tension release as he sprung it open.

Instantly, he stood back and forcefully pulled it off me, “Put it on for me, I wanna watch.’’ He reached forward and delicately pulled on my left nipple. It caused me to gasp.

“Perv!,” I said and with a snigger as I reluctantly picked the weird bra up. It was heavy with the pumps and bottles on them. The cables weren’t connected so it was easy to manipulate. I had a look at the bottles. They were huge, I remember the baby bottles being, I dunno, 250 mls. These were easily twice that size. I twisted one, yup each had 250, 500 and 750 mls on them. They looked brand new and were crystal clear. It was comical. “You can’t imagine I can fill anywhere like this.”

“You’ll see,” he smirked back at me.

I shook my head, “Do I really have to do this?” holding it up to him.

“If you want that,” and he nodded behind him at the tripod and tin like before. Instantly my mind locked into it and I relived the feeling from yesterday. I didn’t debate it a second more, it was worth it.

Slipping my arms into the bra I pulled it up and with a little wrestling managed to get my boobs into place and the back done up. It was then a bit of a fiddle to get my nipples into place around the funnels. I didn’t like it, it made me feel strange. When done I looked up at him and he had a huge grin on his face.

“You’re a natural.”

I gave him the ‘whatever’ look. He turned and headed to the bedside cabinet. That excited me and made me wonder, “Do you want these off?” indicating my leggings.

He didn’t turn to me, instead I saw a flame flicker over there and my heart pulsed. He answered, “Yer get your cunt out and get comfy on the bed, quick.”

With my eyes fixed on his back, picturing what he was doing. I quickly stripped out of my leggings and knickers. Very aware of the extra weight on my chest. I jumped onto the bed, excited and sat myself up as he passed me the tie thing.

With nervous hands I sort of managed to get it in place. Very aware of how strange I must have looked, naked except for this strange bra. Christ I was a mess, but I didn’t care. I watched his hands working a syringe into the liquid pool in the small tray. That was for me. That was for me. I couldn’t get that thought out of my head.

The next few seconds were a blur as the drug was injected into the same arm as before, into my vein in seconds. Before it hit he had me laying down on the bed and to spread my legs bringing my feet back towards my butt. My brain was in a scramble focused on the feeling that was to come. I think he said something about..., in case he wanted to ... and it hit. The same as yesterday, colours, white, my own gargle of sorts and my mind went. It was like being hit with the biggest orgasm you could have but all in a split second and 10 times the size. It completely obliterated every thought. The power of the feeling was astonishing. I’m surprised my mind didn’t completely explode.

My mind stirred, hearing and very definitely feeling the whirr of the pumps, opening my eyes slightly. My head still weary, my mind still spinning. I looked straight at the clock, it was 10:14 am, I was on my own. Umm I’d been out of it in pure bliss for over an hour. God darn, YES. I moved my body slightly to stretch, feeling every muscle work. I felt strange everywhere.

Putting my hands on my boobs, I felt them aching, no surprise after an hour of my nipples being sucked like this. But it was more my actual boob. I started to mash and squash them in the bra, it felt good. It felt relieving.

At about that time I realised that my pussy felt good. Taking a hand from a boob I felt my pussy. I wasn’t surprised to find it soaking. I’d been fucked, hadn’t I? I felt dirty. Then why did it excite me? I wondered who it was. I knew it was obviously Trent but I didn’t ‘know’ that for sure. And did they see these things on my tits? I sniggered and felt a little horny again.

Looking around the room, it was still spinning a bit. That made me giggle. I closed my eyes, holding my boobs and took the feelings in. Allowing the cloud-like dance to continue in my head. It was such an ethereal feeling, hard to truly understand but I knew I loved it and wanted more. I was beyond happy, it really was bliss. Even as I was massaging the strange feeling in my boobs, that hurt but it was a nice hurt.

After some time I heard the door go and somehow knew it was Trent. I mean it could have been Chris and if he’d walked in here right now it would have blown his mind. I half wanted that to happen, to shock him. I kept my eyes closed and stopped moving my hands as I heard footsteps on the stairs. I waited a few moments before asking the strange, “Did you fuck me?”

He laughed, it was Trent. I opened my eyes to see him there, my head still spinning. “I couldn’t help myself. When’d you wake up?”

I turned to look at the clock, “About 15 mins ago.”

“Sorry I wasn’t here.”

“What am I, a baby? It’s ok.” But it was lovely that he said sorry. He did care for me.

“I couldn’t help it. I had to fuck you.”

I sniggered at him, “Yer”

He chuckled, asking, “Oh you liked that, did you?” I blushed and nodded at him. “Interesting, could you tell and feel it?”

“Nope, but I felt your left overs in me.”

His turn to sort of blush before he asked me, “Your udders ok?”

I realised that I’d started to massage them again, “Yer, they feel funny.”

“That’ll be your lobules. I’m betting you have record breaking lobules in there.” I was confused, what the fuck was he talking about. He continued, “Tits are basically fat and lobules when with milk. You aren’t fat in general but your tits are colossal. So odds are that you have big lobules.”

“You a secret doctor?” I was taking the piss.

“Told you I’m something of an expert in things like this,” and he smirked, obviously there was something else there. “How you feeling?”

“Still a little high, it’s nice,” and I wiggled my head. I still had questions, “So my boobs are aching because they’re changing?” He nodded. “What, already?”

He nodded again, “Yup probably. Those meds you took earlier are a big dose.”

“Oh.” I looked shocked at him.

He laughed, “But you appear to like big doses of various pharmaceuticals, don’t you?” I squirmed. “Let’s get this off you.”

Over the next 10 minutes we removed the crazy bra device and he rubbed the cream into my big nipples. I was slightly disappointed that these ministrations weren’t making me feel sexy. Nipple play used to do it for me. I was certainly changing, in many ways.

It was nearly 11 am when he asked me, “Do you want a bump, babes?”

I wasn’t sure how to answer. I mean, I still felt a little high from whatever he injected into me earlier. But I was also interested in floating or getting more excited. Was it really wrong that I wanted more? Did I not have a limit any more? I didn’t want to admit to myself that I did. He detected that, “Course you do, I can read you.” I blushed at how right he was, he also made me groan when he added, “You really are just a junkie now, aren’t you?”

I nodded, the acceptance feeling strange, “I think so. That’s bad, isn’t it?”

He laughed loudly, “Fuck no. I love it. You’re fucking perfect love.”

That meant more to me than it probably should have. I felt good for being this drug addicted woman. The remaining sane part of me realising how bad it all really was.

“Shuv some knickers on and meet me outside.” He walked past me and as he went down the stairs he called out, “Can’t have my girl with a cold, dry flange now can we?” He was so crude and I loved it.

It wasn’t cold outside but I was grateful for the knickers. It was strange standing outside with my boobs out like this. I know I did it yesterday but it was still different. He’d pulled two chairs from across the garden and was sitting in one not really near the door and was fiddling with some stuff again. I was sort of pleased to see the little glass tube with the dome at one end. I knew what that did to me and how I felt with it. I didn’t sit in the other seat, I was too nervous.

He looked up at me, “You wanna hold it?” I shook my head, I wasn’t ready for that. “You do want it though, don’t you?” I nodded, but that wasn’t good enough. “Tell me, no ask for it.”

This was different but it felt right, he was helping me afterall. He looked back down fiddling more as I tried to find the right words, “Trent can I have...” I stumbled, “can I have some stuff?” He chuckled but didn’t look up. I tried again, this time using his words, “Can I have a bump please.”

He looked up, “Why?”

“Cause I need it,” I answered automatically, very quickly. I heard how I sounded, and more just came out of me, “Please, I want and need it.”

He smiled, “Of course love, come here,” and he stood up. I walked towards him, very aware that I was practically naked, in my back garden and that he’d put his chair a bit away from the doorway. Various neighbours would be able to see this interaction if they looked. I looked around nervously as I managed to get to him. He knew what he was doing, his grin told me.

I crossed my arms over my boobs, to try to hide a little bit. He held the pipe up but then pulled back, “Drop the arms.” I did. “What will you do for me to have this?” He waved the pipe a little bit.

I didn’t like this game, but I also didn’t care. I saw it and needed it, “Anything, please.” I wasn’t sure what anything meant with him but I didn’t really care. I probably would and could do anything that he asked. He raised the pipe again, I smiled and leaned to it, my lips on the cold glass again. It felt familiar, I was excited.

I was getting to be a pro at this. Three lungs full were quickly absorbed into my bloodstream and I was quickly feeling the rush. Again I didn’t really know what this stuff was and I didn’t care.

3. Time Warp

For the next 9 days we did the same. Chris went to work and Trent appeared, to give me drugs and to milk me. The weekend was particularly tough as I couldn’t see Trent. I just about managed to hold it together with a balance of the Orange and White pills. I was following Trent’s recommendations carefully. Chris was definitely suspicious of something and I felt bad to keep him in the dark. However, I sort of noticed that the questions he was asking were strange, I could answer them easily without lying. It was like he didn’t want to know or catch me out.

A couple of things happened of note over those 9 days.

Sex - I had a lot of sex with Trent and I mean a lot. Chris and I did it once, he was pleased, I was certainly missing something during that go. I also noticed that I’d started to use my vibrator and dildo a lot more. I was almost always up for sex, even during my period that only lasted for 3 days. I was relieved that I wasn’t pregnant, but didn’t do anything to stop that from happening. I simply wasn’t bothered enough.

Outside World - Chris and I went out last weekend. It was nice but also strange. I felt like everyone was looking at me. Like they’d all seen me naked and could tell that I liked taking drugs. I even walked past a woman that I somehow felt a kinship with. We both made deep eye contact and stopped opposite each other. It was like we both knew each other’s secret. Outwardly she looked like a housewife like me, there must have been something that drew me to her. We didn’t say anything to each other, I could tell, so could she, we shared a smile. Had I been on my own I would have kissed and held her.

Lactation - It happened and Trent was chuffed. My boobs were bigger and certainly now producing milk. It started happening pretty quick but 3 days ago it really kicked up a gear. I was now having to get up in the middle of the night to express in secret, as they felt enormous and tight, and I needed an Orange pill by then anyway. I was expressing 40 oz, over a litre, every 24 hours now and needed to be milked 3 times a day. Trent took the milk away, I think to sell, I kinda liked that I was paying something towards my ‘upkeep’. Somehow Chris hadn’t noticed this yet, but in fairness the weekend was incoming, it was Thursday and only since Monday it had really kicked in. How I’d keep it covered up on Saturday was a problem for then. Current thinking was that I wasn’t going to bother hiding it and just deal with whatever.

Syringe Use - Trent had started to inject the drugs only every other day and we’d started to do so in different places on my body. He said that he didn’t want me having track marks, which the internet showed me was something I wanted to avoid. Again it was lovely that he had my best interests at heart, so I let him take control with that. As I now did for a lot of things.

Chris & I - we got on really well. I’m pretty sure he knew I was still taking drugs somehow but he didn’t want to know the details. I still didn’t trust myself with the keys to the car so he took them away every day. At this stage I wouldn’t have gone out anyway, I didn’t need to. I’d also noticed that Chris and I were cuddling more, we were also talking and being nicer to each other. I thought that drugs were supposed to ruin relationships, somehow mine was better. Though it could be that I was out of it a lot and couldn’t argue if I tried, I dunno.

I was sort of surprised that I was able to take note of all these changes. I felt like I’d dropped half my IQ and didn’t care. The 9 days had gone so quickly, really a complete blur. It was like time itself no longer really mattered, or not in the usual way for most people. All I cared for was what time would Trent appear and if I felt too off I took a pill.

At this stage it was all pretty amazing really, oh and I’d lost a little weight.

4. A Test

It was 9:45 am on Thursday morning. I’d now taken to leaving the front door unlocked and waiting in my bedroom. Trent was normally here, by now, so it was a little strange. I mean, he was only a little late, but it was the first time.

My breasts were swollen and sore, I needed to express. I wanted to squeeze them to relieve some of the aching but I knew when I did that it would make them start to leak and that made a right mess. Learned that yesterday. However, I wasn’t sure how long I could wait now, they felt very full. I was uncomfortable. At this point I realised that I needed my own set of pumps just in case. Today I’d have to do it manually if he didn’t turn up.

Also, I was starting to jitter a little, I could feel a shiver running up my spine. I knew I needed something and that an orange pill would sort me out. However, I also knew that if I took it, it would change how today went.

I needed to wait as long as I could.

Thank god he came only a few minutes later at 9:53 am, just before I was about to text him. However I was slightly surprised when I saw him walking towards the house without his usual small bag. I panicked slightly, I was standing at the top of the stairs when he entered my house. “Trent, ok?” I called down to him a little panicked.

He looked up and smiled, “Oh yer, we’re doing something different today.”

“Oh.” I wasn’t sure if I should be happy or sad. It was different, but he hadn’t let me down yet. I smiled at him but he could see the unsure look on my face.

“Come down here.” This was definitely different, but I headed down to meet him. Certainly feeling my boobs jiggle in their maternity bra as I walked. They moved a lot more now, I mean they used to move a lot before, but now they’re just crazy, especially when full. I had a quizzical look on my face when I reached him. He leaned forward kissing me, “You ok?”

“Yer I need.” I squirmed before him. He smiled but that didn’t help me, “I’m ready for candy and I need to relieve these.”

“Yup, put some shoes on. I’ll take care of all of that in a moment.”

“What? Why?”

“Trust me babe, let’s go?” and he pecked another kiss on my lips.

“Go? What?” However I was putting shoes on.

He held up a key he’d found near the door, “These to lock?”

“Errr yes,” and I was quickly shuffled out the door as he locked it. I didn’t like this, I was shaking a little and rather uncomfortable. Very pleased I was dressed decently, I’d started to wonder about not bothering after Chris had left, glad I’d not acted on that impulse.