Chapter 5: A Visitor

The next morning I woke up nicely and didn’t feel too bad. Chris had work to go to but didn’t want to leave me alone. I also wondered what I was going to do about my work. Apparently, Chris had taken care of that and I wasn’t to worry about it. He ended up going to work after we chatted about it and I explained that I was ok and wouldn’t be going anywhere.

He joked that he was going to take my car keys to be sure, I told him that was a good idea, so he did. I didn’t completely trust myself yet but felt good enough to be left on my own. I felt pretty normal and kissed him as he left. The house was suddenly quiet and empty.

I managed to fill my day. I’d quickly washed and dried the party clothes and put them all in a bin bag. I still didn’t really know why I washed them, maybe part of my upbringing as I didn’t want the bin bag to open and my neighbours to see them as they were before I’d cleaned them up at least. I felt wrong handling them, unable to believe that I’d worn some of them and completely unsure I’d ever fitted into some of them.

I started to feel strange again as the afternoon started. Cold, achy, worried, sweaty, sad, hungry, a mix of confused feelings. It concerned me, but I was a strong woman, I could cope.

At around 3 pm a car pulled up outside our house, not one that I recognised. However I soon worked it out when I saw Trent exit the car and sway his way up our path. My heart was racing with concern. He pounded loudly on the door, while I cowered in the house unable to answer it. I thought about calling Chris, telling him to come home quickly. I held my nerve, I didn’t want to cause him more trouble. Surely, Trent would go away soon, I mean he didn’t know that I was here.

“Hey Emily, I know you’re in there. Just want to check you’re ok. Mrs HAMMER.” He shouted the Mrs HAMMER so loudly that I knew the neighbours would have heard him. Fuck, should I stay hidden and ignore him?

He banged the door loudly and again called out, “Mrs HAMMER, are you ok?”

Fuck I had to shut him up. Quickly deciding I could deal with this. I was a grown woman after all. Running to the door as he was banging it again. Opening it to a huge grin on his face, “Hey baby, good to see you.” and he leaned forward to give me a kiss. I dodged it but that left him room to step into the house. He smoothly stood to the side of me and this time caughting me off guard putting his arm behind my back, leaning in for a kiss.

His lips closed on mine as we both stood in the open doorway to the street. I panicked and pushed him away, closing the door, whilst looking to see if anyone was looking. By the time I’d confirmed no onlookers he was no longer next to me.

I found him sitting on our sofa, huge grin on his face, “Hey baby, I miss you already.”

I was about to tell him no and to please leave when he raised his hands in surrender. “Don’t worry, I’m just here to check you’re ok,” his smile huge and charming. “I’ll leave right away if you want.” He moved to get up but didn’t quite get there, waiting for me no doubt.

I didn’t really want him here, it was too risky. I needed to get better and away from this life. No matter how much I loved it. I shook my head, to clear my thoughts. “No, err I mean yes. Sorry, you should leave.” God, I was a mess. “Please.”

He stood slowly and put a comedy pout on, nodding at me. “No problem my lady. I understand. I hoped you’d want to see your boyfriend again.”

My mind screamed Fuck offfff, but I also now I felt sad for him.

He turned towards the door to leave, asking me, “Maybe I can come back tomorrow?”

I felt bad and didn’t want to hurt him. His use of the word boyfriend made me worry again. It triggered a feeling in me. One that I quickly buried but still found myself, “Yes, that’s ok.”

He turned and smiled at me, pleased that his opening was back again. “Before I go, can I help with anything?”

I didn’t understand. “No, I’m ok thank you.”

He smiled, reaching into his pocket, I’ll leave this here in case you change your mind. I can take it with me tomorrow when I pop around. I watched him put a small tin on the hallway shelf. “Can I get a kiss before I leave?”

I stood my ground and didn’t answer.

“Can I at least text you later?”

I nodded and he was gone. I was proud of myself for standing up to him. For not folding. I knew I was on the recovery. However the tin called to me. I didn’t want Chris to see it or know that Trent had been here. I had nothing to hide since nothing happened but I didn’t want a complicated discussion with him. I quickly put the tin in the same hiding place next to the other empty baggie. I didn’t open it, I didn’t want or need to see what was inside.

Chris returned home, we had tea and relaxed. We did chat a little about how bad the last 7 days had been but neither of us wanted to go into much detail. We were obviously both clearly nervous about sharing too much. My headache was much stronger as the evening wore on. I was feeling tired and almost a little sick. Chris noticed and asked if I was ok? I lied saying that it was probably the morning after pill. He winced a little as I said it so I decided to keep quiet about how I really felt.

Our evening played on as usual, I was playing junk on my ipad while he was on his laptop, when a message came in via my mobile from Trent.

‘Hey babe. You ok?’

I quickly replied, ‘Yer not bad, thank you.’

‘Feeling a little off? It’d be expected.’