Chapter 6

Dan Leland was more than a little perturbed at being disturbed in his isolated cabin outside the city limits, scant half an hour after Freydís Dagsdóttir and Sía Marksdóttir left his bed. The Icelandic cuties, friends, cousins, and tourists, had been trapped in Texas past their holidays due to the Mayhem. Now they made the best of things by fucking various men as a team. Apparently, it was Icelandic tradition for two women who bedded the same man to call themselves “stomach sisters,” and these ladies wanted to be that as many times over as possible.

Dan slipped and nearly fell coming out of the shower, adding to his irritation. This had better be good, he knew that much! He put on his most casual outfit, a bathrobe, undershirt, boxers, and house slippers, quite deliberately imitating The Dude from the Big Lebowski. He even put on the shades. It was a riot! Anyone who dealt with Dan would deal with The Dude now, right, even if he wasn’t quite Jeff Bridges.

Finally answering the door, he found to his extreme annoyance that it was Alycen, his soon-to-be ex-sister-in-law. What the fuck did she want with him, anyway? Was she looking for David? Too fucking bad. David had made himself scarce lately, thankfully, since taking up with that Jewish cutie of his. Dan told himself that if David ever screwed up and dumped Sasha, he’d totally hit that, but otherwise, he wouldn’t do that to his own brother.

While Dan didn’t believe in monogamy, or even closed triads such as David seemed to prefer, it was David’s life to live and he didn’t make those kinds of choices for his brother. That was David’s life, his decisions, and his consequences that he faced for them, just as Dan did for choosing a bachelor’s lifestyle. It was a trade-off that Dan happily accepted, chiefly to be totally in charge of his own life and not have to account to anyone for his actions or whereabouts. He was mostly a loner who invited lovers of both sexes into his bed, but that was the extent of it.

“What the fuck do you want?” Dan didn’t waste time with undeserved courtesies.

“That’s kinda rude of you ... no wonder you’re still not married! You could use a woman’s touch, so could this place, in fact. What is this, the world’s most rustic bachelor pad? Anyway, where’s David?” Alycen rambled, as if expecting Dan to know such things, let alone tell his brother’s bitchy wife.

“Fuck if I know! Fuck if I care! Wherever Sasha and Trudy want to go or take him, I suppose,” Dan smirked now, waiting to see the impact of his words on the stupid cunt who had railroaded his brother.

“Language, mister! Who the hell are Sasha and Trudy?” Alycen scolded him before interrogating him, making Dan chuckle.

“Bite me, stupid bitch! I’m his brother, not his parole officer or marriage counselor! He’s his own man, at least until those two get their claws into him, and as kidnappers go, they’re kinda easy on the eyes. It’s not a life for me, but that’s the difference between my brother and me. David likes a full house with a wife or girlfriend or both and kids, that kind of deal. He’s been domesticated, housebroken.

“That kind of life ain’t for me. I come and go as I fucking please, without twenty questions about my motherfucking whereabouts! That’s why I don’t work a 9 to 5 job. That’s why I deal pot instead. It’s an honest living, just doesn’t put you on someone else’s dime. I got into it right as the Mayhem kicked in and I’ve enjoyed the freedom of it ever since. Life’s too fucking short to be a slave to the Man, you know,” Dan expounded on his philosophy as he rolled up a joint in Alycen’s presence and just lit up in front of her.

“Be that as it may, I was looking for him, hoping that you’d know his whereabouts,” Alycen fumed while standing in the doorway, not even being invited inside by this antisocial prick of a brother-in-law.