Chapter 30

By the time they reached their hotel room, Paige could not contain her mirth and Max couldn’t stop blushing.

“I swear I didn’t know!” Max protested. “All I thought was that we’d be close to a topless beach if we maybe wanted to go check it out for a little while! I...”

“You overshot the mark.” Paige stepped into his arms and kissed him, then grinned broadly. “And I overpacked. So did you, I imagine. You brought clothes?”

“I assume I’m going to need them at the casino.” Max ran his hand through his hair. “And this place is clothing optional. Right? That means I can wear clothes if I want to.”

“I suppose,” said Paige skeptically. “Personally, I’m going to work on getting rid of my tanlines while we’re here.”

“You’re going to walk around naked?” Max was both aroused and horrified at the possibility.

“At a nude resort?” Paige raised an eyebrow.

“I didn’t know it was a nude resort,” Max protested again.

“Well, now we know,” said Paige. “Do you mind seeing me naked all weekend?”

“Me? No.” Max sat on the bed. “It’s everybody else seeing you naked I have to wrap my brain around.”

Paige sighed and pulled her t-shirt off. “Max, everyone is naked out there. I’m sure you get used to it pretty quickly. Nobody’s even going to look twice at me.”

“I find that extremely hard to believe,” said Max. “You’re probably the hottest girl here.”

“Maybe.” Paige sounded casual, but looked pleased. “We haven’t seen a lot of people yet.”

Max shook his head in wonder. “There are kids here.”

“Kids whose parents took them to a nude resort,” Paige pointed out. “Obviously, they’re not of the typical American opinion that seeing a nipple will ruin their children for life.”

“Aren’t you American?” Max asked. “You told me you were from Indiana.”

“I am,” said Paige. “This is just as weird for me as it must be for you. But what are we going to do? Spend the weekend at a nude resort, keep our clothes on, go home and tell everyone we were too freaked out to enjoy ourselves?”

Max shook his head. “God. Whatever we do, my friends are going to have a field day with this.”

“So...” Paige drew out the single syllable. “Are we going to experience the adventure we find ourselves on or do we keep our clothes on, make a run for the casino, and only come back here to sleep?”

“The poker room doesn’t open until after dinner.” Max closed his eyes. “I ... don’t think I can go naked right away. How about we look around, get some sense of what the protocol is here, and maybe drink until this starts to feel like a happy accident?”

“Sounds good.” Paige finally sounded sympathetic. “You don’t mind if I go topless. Do you?”

“How are you more comfortable about this than I am?” Max asked.

“I’m not comfortable,” said Paige. “I left my comfort zone back in New York. But people who let discomfort and embarrassment stop them don’t get very far in comedy. And this is funny as hell.”

“I suppose it is pretty funny.” Max allowed himself to laugh.

“Not just pretty funny.” Paige stripped off her t-shirt, leaving herself bare from the waist up. “It’s so funny, I’m already writing a whole web series in my head about an uptight American couple who come to St. Martin and accidentally check into a nude resort. Everything that happens this weekend is material.”

Max let go of the tension and allowed himself to revel in the absurdity of the moment. “This is a hazard of dating a comedy writer. Isn’t it?”

Paige nodded. “It’s almost as hazardous as dating a guy who books hotels without making sure they’re not full of naked people.”

“I’d definitely remember to check that in the future,” said Max.

“To make sure the hotel is full of naked people or to make sure it isn’t?” Paige teased.

“Let’s see how this weekend goes.” Even as he was trying to get over the shock of walking into a hotel lobby and seeing a dozen naked people, part of his mind was racing ahead to the potential advantages of spending the weekend in such a setting, acknowledging that he would eventually get over the shock.

“All right.” Paige leaned in and kissed him. “Then I’m going to grab a shower and not get dressed so we can go out.”

“All right.” As she headed into the bathroom, Max dug into his carry-on for his laptop. Growing up as an aspiring programmer, he’d long ago learned to Google things before he asked questions. As he was reading over the results, Paige re-emerged. “There’s no shower.”

Max rose to look in the bathroom. “What do you mean there’s no shower?” He looked around the small room in confusion and ran his hands along the back wall. “There must be.”

“Max, are you looking for secret doors?” Paige asked, standing in the doorway.

Max dropped his hands. “Uh ... I’m going to say no. That would be ridiculous.” He turned to face her. “That’s going to wind up in your web series. Isn’t it?”

“Comedy gold,” said Paige. “Do you think there’s some kind of communal shower or something?”

“I just don’t know,” said Max. “I could call the front desk and ask. I was just Googling protocols of clothing optional resorts, but maybe it would be better to ask someone to just explain it to us.”

“You mean admit you made a mistake?” Paige frowned. “That really cuts down on the potential hilarity of the situation.”

“You can punch it up in rewrite.” Max picked up the phone.

“They might throw us out,” Paige added.

Max frowned. “You sound like you’ve gotten attached to the idea of staying here.”

“Max, I’ve been trying to come up with a really original idea for a web series for like a year and nothing has felt fresh. This feels fresh.” Paige put a hand on her hip. “I can already see it. SXM Vacation could do for nudist resorts what ... I don’t know... Orange is the New Black did for prison.”

“What did...”

“Prisons are super-popular now,” Paige said. “All the young people are going there, particularly in hip, urban communities.”

Max winced. “Edgy.”

“All edge. No center.” Paige reminded him. It was the name of her new comedy troupe. “Are you going to rat us out to the warden?”

Max sighed and sat back. “I’d really rather risk getting thrown out now instead of later because I broke some rule. I don’t want to get caught with my dick in my hand ... as it were.”

“That might be a thing here,” said Paige.

“And that’s what I’d like to find out,” said Max. “I appreciate the comedic value of me walking around here without a clue, but I’d kind of like to relax a little bit on this vacation too.”

Paige closed her eyes and nodded. “All right. I guess I’d like to know where the shower is too.”

Max called the front desk and was rewarded with a burst of French. He managed to say, “I’m sorry. I don’t...” before the woman on the other end changed to heavily French-accented English. He said. “Ah. This is our first visit to your resort and my girlfriend was just wondering where our shower was.”

“Of course. Each unit comes with a shower conveniently placed on the patio for al fresco bathing,” came the singsong reply.

Max twisted to look out the door at the patio. Sure enough, there was a low faux bamboo enclosure outside. Paige followed him line of sight, laughed, shrugged, stripped out of the remainder of her clothes, and headed outside.

“Was there anything else I can help you with today?” asked the woman.

“Yeah.” Max said slowly. “I actually didn’t realize this was a clothing optional resort when I reserved a room for the weekend. I was hoping...”

“Mon dieu. I was afraid this would happen,” said the woman quickly. “Mr. Whitford, we apologize for any confusion and will of course provide you with a full refund. I can help you...”

“No, you misunderstand,” said Max. “Now that we’re here, we’d like to stay. I was just hoping someone could explain the protocols to us. We don’t want to accidentally offend anyone or make anybody uncomfortable.”

“I’m afraid that’s not possible, sir,” said the woman firmly. “There was a brief glitch on our website that allowed non-members to make reservations, but this is a members-only club. We aren’t open to the general public.”

“I understand,” said Max as reasonably as he could with his stomach sinking. Paige had asked him not to make this call for fear they would be thrown out and she’d been right. “But you did accept our reservation. You let us check in. Since we’re already here, I’d like you to make an exception.”

“As I said, that’s not possible. We are a members-only club,” said the woman.

Max closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His whole wonderful weekend was about to fall to pieces because of a software glitch. He said, “May I ask who I’m speaking to, please?”

“My name is Edmee,” said the woman.

“Thank you, Edmee,” said Max. “Do you have a supervisor I could speak to?”

“I am the day manager of this resort, monsieur. I have no supervisor.”

“Good.” Max swallowed. He’d listened to his father negotiate out of any number of difficult situations and subsequently expound on his process for doing so in the painstaking way of a man with few obvious skills, proud of the ones he could demonstrate. “Edmee, I don’t want to name-drop, but I’m only on Saint Martin for a couple of days scouting locations on behalf of Nick Coyle-Stone and the Coyle Group. I can’t afford any delays. Nick is expecting his plane back.”

Edmee didn’t answer right away. Max heard typing over the phone and prayed she was googling Nick and the Coyle Group rather than escalating the situation to a security problem. At least if it were the latter, getting thrown out of a nudist resort for not being nudists would provide Paige some of the humor she craved.

“Mr. Whitford, I do sincerely apologize for the inconvenience we’ve caused and I’ll be happy to pay for your accommodations at a resort more appropriate to your lifestyle, but I wouldn’t be able to keep my job if the members realized I’d let a couple of non-members stay at the resort. Club Indochine members are drawn from a very specific, largely misunderstood lifestyle. They’re very sensitive to matters of privacy.”

“Of course. I understand completely.” Max said reasonably. Having another hotel paid for would make this trip effectively free, but he smelled blood in the water. “Obviously, I don’t want you to lose your job. That’s why I asked for someone to explain protocol to us - so we wouldn’t embarrass you or your resort over this error on your part.”

“It’s not simply a matter of protocol,” insisted Edmee. “All of our members are partial owners of the club and the membership rolls are small enough that people would recognize you as non-members and ask you about it.”

“Hmm,” Max let the silence after that sound stretch out before asking. “Do you ever let prospective members stay here?”

“No. That would be highly irregular,” said Edmee.

“All right.” Max sighed. He hated the idea of disappointing Paige and decided that one more push couldn’t make things worse. “In that case, I’ll be happy to tell people I’m here as an advance scout for Mr. Coyle and that I’ve been offered a temporary membership in that role.”

The outrageous request couched in terms of a generous offer was a Donald Whitford specialty. It frequently made the person you were speaking to wonder if you were entirely sane and got them thinking about extraordinary methods of dealing with you they wouldn’t consider if everyone involved was entirely rational. As soon as Max made the offer, Edmee said, “Mr. Whitford, I’d like to talk to someone about what we can do to provide you with a satisfactory stay on St. Martin. Could you hold please?”

“Of course,” said Max. He waited on hold a long time. The longer it took, the more confident he felt that Edmee was working her probably-naked ass off to actually find a resolution and not just pretending to talk to someone.

Paige returned from the shower and opened the closet for a towel. “What’s the word?”

“They want us to leave,” said Max. “We ... might have to pretend we’re advance scouts for Nick, who is considering buying a share in the resort if we want to stay.”

Paige’s eyes widened. “Is that a good idea?”

“It’s a very, very bad idea,” said Max. “But it’s a brilliant prank. If it gets back to Nick, that’s how I’m going to play it.”

“He’s your friend,” Paige said uncertainly.

“Mr. Whitford, would it be all right if I came to your room to discuss this further?” Edmee asked.

“Of course. As soon as my girlfriend...” Max had been about to say Paige would need to get dressed, but stopped himself. “Whenever you’d like to come over, Edmee.”

Max got off the phone. “The manager is coming over to see what she can do for us.”

“Should I get dressed or should you get undressed?” asked Paige.

“Neither, I think. Now that I’ve told one giant lie, we should probably hew as closely to the truth as possible for everything else,” said Max. “You know you’re attractive enough to walk around here naked. I’m less sure. Enough people have told me I’m getting into better shape that I’m willing to dip my toe in the water, but I’m not sure I believe them yet. I’d like to see how strangers react to me walking around almost naked.”

“You’ll be beating them off with a stick ... as it were,” said Paige.

Edmee knocked on the door. Max had somehow imagined her as matronly. If he’d known she was a beautiful, curvy caramel-skinned woman, he might not have had the nerve to pull the stunt he’d just pulled. Or he might have. Emily had given him a pretty good education in what happened if he let beautiful women take advantage of him.

He also had Emily to thank for his eyes not popping out of his head when he opened the door and found a beautiful woman waiting there dressed in a pair of loose-fitting white capri pants, pool shoes, and a smile. “Mr. Whitford, thank you for seeing me. I’d like to apologize again for how long this has taken to resolve. I’m sure you appreciate our need to be very careful on matters of privacy.”

“Of course,” said Max. “Please, call me Max. This is Paige.”

“Max, Paige.” Edmee nodded. “This is good. Some guests here do not like to share their surnames. We are a close-knit community, but sometimes one of us is outed as a naturist and there can be grave consequences in more closed-minded communities. I’m sure you understand?”

“Got it. Don’t ask for last names,” said Max.

“We think we have found an acceptable solution to our dilemma,” said Edmee. “Some cousins of your friend Nick are staying in a villa upbeach. As a favor to Nick, they would be happy to list you as their guests at Club Indochine. There is a chalet that shares a semi-private beach with their accommodations we would move you into. It’s a significant upgrade, but we wouldn’t charge you for it. Would this be acceptable?”

Max hesitated. He was already pushing his luck. Getting Nick indebted to a couple of unknown Stone nudists might really be beyond the pale. Edmee must have misread his hesitation because she added, “We would refund you for this room, of course.”

Unwilling to hang alone, Max turned to Paige. “What do you think, honey?”

“I don’t know,” said Paige. “I really like the shower here.”

“There is an identical shower at the chalet,” said Edmee. “I ... could throw in some free drink coupons for the poolside bar if it helps.”

As Paige opened her mouth, Max interrupted her, afraid she might keep negotiating. “Of course. Which cousins of Nick’s would we be the guests of?”

“Giovanni and Gianna Ferrarri-Stone. Have you heard of them?”

“I’m ... terrible with names,” said Max.

“You would remember them if you had met them. They are very ... how do Americans say ... colorful?”

“Colorful,” said Max and Paige at the same time.

“The are eccentric, but harmless. Their father Luca was one of six founding members of Club Indochine,” said Edmee. “They have a reputation for bringing us the most interesting guests.”

“I guess we’ll just have to be interesting then,” said Max with more gusto than he felt.

“If you would like to get your things together, I’ll call a bellhop to bring them to the chalet and I can give you a ride over to your upgraded accommodations,” said Edmee. “Will that be acceptable?”

“Yes. Thank you for doing this, Esmee. I’m sorry I’ve been such a pain today,” said Max.

“There was no pain,” said Edmee. “If I had known who you were, we would have found a way to accommodate you much more quickly, but you wouldn’t believe the number of con artists who try to talk their way in here. We are always looking to find new members for the club, particularly ones of your stature. If you do enjoy your visit, we hope you’ll consider applying for membership. I don’t know how often you’re able to borrow Nick’s Jetstream, but we’re close enough to New York any time you might want to take a relaxing weekend away from the world.”

“I can see the advantage of that.” Max didn’t miss that Edmee either knew or had guessed the model of Nick’s airplane. “While my girlfriend packs, I think you were going to tell me about the protocol of being a good guest here.”

“I’m done.” Paige held up a net bag with her clothes from the flight over in it. “Packing is way easier here than I’m used to.”

“Another advantage.” Edmee smiled at her. “If you two will follow me, I’ll give you a ride to your chalet.”

Max thought there was still a small chance Edmee was just trying to get the crazy people out of their room without incident so they could be driven to the highway and let off. He decided to have faith, but carried his carry-on with his laptop along with him just in case. He might have warned Paige of the possibility, but couldn’t think of a tactful way of suggesting she dress for possible eviction. Besides, her state of undress might make it easier to get a ride if they needed one.

But, Edmee acted in good faith, led them to an odd little car with a pickup-style bed currently full of white folding chairs and drove them down the beach, not towards the highway. “The problem with explaining protocol is that there are probably a hundred different unwritten rules I do not think of because I grew up in the community. I have never known another life. I would say there are a few big ones: Don’t touch people in ways you wouldn’t touch them if you were clothed. Try not to touch children if you haven’t been invited to do so by their parents. As a man, if you are going to engage in a vigorous physical activity, you should wear something to support your testicles. Also, try to keep an open mind. Many naturalists are entirely ordinary people - doctors, accountants, lawyers, teachers - but we are all of us considered deviant by our failure to be ashamed of our bodies. Many of us are deviant in other ways as well. If you find a particular aspect of human sexuality distasteful, you are encouraged to keep such opinions to yourself.”

“Do you prefer to be called naturalists?” Paige asked.

“Many do, but there is no consensus. People will generally correct you if you do not use their preferred term,” said Edmee. “Because you are guests, the members will probably give you a lot of leeway and gentle correction if you stray, but clearly mean well.”

“Are there any rules about photography?” Paige asked. “I’ve seen at least one fight on an ordinary beach over somebody taking pictures that someone else disapproved of.”

“Ah, yes. It is requested that you do not bring devices that can take photos into the common areas or that, if you must bring them, you do not point them towards people,” said Edmee.

“That’s going to be weird. I kind of take my phone everywhere with me,” said Max. “I feel naked without it.”

When Edmee shot him a look, he blushed and laughed. “Which I guess doesn’t sound so bad to you, but I imagine I can do without it for a few hours at a time.”

“That was terrible,” said Paige.

“I didn’t even mean it as a joke,” said Max. “I don’t really have any experience with public nudity. Feeling naked is uncomfortable to me. I don’t even undress in the locker room at school. I hope I learn a new attitude, but I’m not sure two days is enough to undo a lifetime of being told to stay covered up.”

“I think even two days will change your perspective some,” said Edmee. “Honestly, I wish we could let everyone who is just curious about our way of life come and spend a few days here, but it would be impossible to do that and still keep out the creeps and the crusaders.”

She pulled up in front of a small house right on the waterfront. “This is your chalet. May I inspect it for habitability? The maids are supposed to leave each unit ready for new residents at a moment’s notice once the previous guest has checked out. They do not always do so.”

When Max agreed, Edmee placed a key-card in the front door, then handed one to Max and one to Paige. As they walked through the building, Paige asked. “So, are we just supposed to not mention what we see? Would it be weird if I told you that you had amazing tits?”

“Again, it will vary by individual.” Edmee emerged from the bedroom. “It is not weird for me and thank you. You have an exquisitely beautiful body yourself.”

Paige blushed. “Uh ... thank you. Apparently, I’m okay with compliments, but weird with adverbs.”

“Oh, yes. I will also mention ... It is not uncommon for men and women both to make some frank propositions here. Many naturalists seek romantic relationships with the like-minded and this is their only chance to fully live our chosen lifestyle. Many of us do not assume monogamy simply because two people are obviously lovers. Max, if you go with Paige to the common areas you will have to control your temper if many men seek to make love to her. It is a compliment, not a challenge.”

“We’re good on non-monogamy,” said Max. “Thanks.”

“The chalet looks good,” said Edmee. “If you need anything else, please call the front desk and ask for me.”

“Ok. Thank you for all your help,” said Max. We will.

Edmee hugged him. As she turned to hug Paige as well, Max said, “I guess hugging is okay here?”

Edmee hugged Paige. “It’s usually polite to indicate that you are offering a hug long enough for someone to reject it or step away the first time and to look for signs that the person you are hugging is seeking to break the clench. This is mostly the same as everywhere else, I think.”

After she’d left, Paige said, “I’m not imagining things. She does have amazing tits. Right?”

“She made a very strong case for me not wearing a shirt the rest of the weekend,” said Max. He looked down at Paige. “You do know that when you threatened to call Monica to finish you off on the plane, that really wasn’t much of a threat.”

“It wasn’t meant to be.” Paige smirked. “I was so horny, I would have let a total stranger lick my pussy if she could push me over the edge. Monica had already brought me a drink. We were drink sisters.”

Max closed his eyes and laughed. “You know, maybe you shouldn’t say things like that if I’m going to be walking around with my Johnson hanging out. It’s hard enough to hide an erection with pants on.”

“Comedy gold.” Paige came up on tiptoes to kiss Max.

Max kissed her back, loving the feel of her naked form against him. “I really should get a shower too. If I’m going to consider being naked, I want to be squeaky clean.”

“Check the patio,” said Paige.

Sure enough, there was a shower on the patio. This one had a real bamboo enclosure from six inches off the ground to a height of maybe three feet. It allowed for the smallest modicum of privacy while still showing off the beautiful expanse of turquoise waters, white sand, and palm trees - a working definition of paradise if Max had ever seen one.

He undressed inside, threw on a robe for the walk to the shower and left it hanging within easy reach for the six-step walk back to the living room. Even within the confines of the half-stall, the experience of being completely naked outside was both freeing and frightening at the same time in some close to equal measure. Determined to enjoy himself, Max let the pounding hot water ease the tension in his shoulders and stared out at the ocean and willed his sphincter to unclench as he enjoyed the sun filtering through the overhead canopy, the light breeze, and the sound of surf and seagulls so close by.

Eventually, he identified one gull among the cacophony throating a very distinctive caw, persistent and cyclical. A moment after he had the thought that it sounded almost human, he realized that it was in fact the not-terribly-distant sound of a woman enjoying herself immensely. It had taken him a moment to identify the sound because the woman had a deeper voice than Paige and wasn’t muffled by intervening walls like the other women he’d heard.

At least the month in the loft had given Max a bit of savoir-faire on the matter of audible sexual activity. There had been some good-natured ribbing of Lev and Arwen after that first night and a bit of blushing on their part, but now it was just an expected part of life in Nick Coyle’s College Dorm Fantasy Camp.

Nudity would probably be like that. He’d given his suburban American brain quite a shock by walking into the lobby of the Club Indochine and seeing a dozen naked people where that brain insisted naked people should not be. Being naked in front of those people would probably be weird at first, but eventually his brain would adapt to the idea that, here at least, there was no place naked people couldn’t turn up.

For instance, the man with the long, flowing black hair making his way up the path from the water to Max’s chalet wearing sandals and swinging what a generous god had given him would probably seem totally normal at some point. But right now, the sight of him approaching caused Max’s sphincter to snap tight again. Max was pretty sure the path from the beach didn’t lead anywhere but to his own back patio and, sure enough, when the man got within hailing distance, he called out. “Ho! You must be Max.”

“I am,” said Max.

“Ah.” The man strode through the gate and extended a hand to shake. “I am Giovanni Ferrari-Stone. You are to be my guest this weekend?”

Max shook his hand. “Yes. Thank you for doing that.”

“We have company?” Paige stepped out onto the patio, having put on a small, black bikini bottom.

“You must be Paige.” Giovanni smiled broadly. “I am Giovanni Ferrari-Stone, your host for this weekend.” He stepped forward and held out his arms for a hug. Paige hesitated a moment, then hugged him. Once the hug broke, Giovanni said, “I was just about to thank your lover Max for the opportunity to have both of you as my guests for the weekend. My sister Gianna will be along soon to meet you as well. She is occupied down the beach at the moment.”

As if she’d heard her name, the gull-woman cried out down the beach in a voice more woman than gull. Paige looked in the direction of the sound. Unabashed, Giovanni said, “Ah, yes. The ocean wind brings her passion to your ears even now. I tried to tell her we have guests coming, but I did not wish to interrupt.”

“She sounds lovely,” Paige said in a perfectly conversational voice.

“She is very full of life and joy,” agreed Giovanni. “I have come to ask if I may invite some friends to our villa tonight to meet you. We have heard many things about your friend Nick and would love to wine and dine his friends perhaps?”

“Oh.” The idea of a party where everyone was there to meet him and ask questions about Nick while naked was a bit too mind-numbingly terrifying for Max to contemplate. “I was actually planning to play poker tonight.”

“Ah, perfect.” Giovanni threw up his hands. “My friends and I frequently have a private game when we gather. You will join us tonight for conversation, cocktails, and poker?”

“Uh, ok.” Max said. “May I ask what limits?”

“We usually play twenty-five fifty with a two thousand euro buy-in,” said Giovanni. “We can go bigger if you are interested, but you must promise not to empty all of our pockets.”

Max had been hoping to find a table playing at about a tenth of the named blinds. “I ... uh didn’t bring anywhere near enough cash for that.” Before Giovanni could offer another solution, he added. “And just to be clear, I’m not the billionaire. I just work for him.”

“You are not friends with Nick Coyle?” Giovanni looked confused.

“We’re very good friends. I’ve known him our whole lives,” Max corrected him. “I just mean I’m not loaded like he is. I haven’t got thousands of dollars I can afford to lose at poker.”

“Ah!” Giovanni was smiling again. “You are a good player?”

“Maybe,” said Max. “I do all right in home games. But part of the reason we’re on Saint Martin is so I can play in a casino for the first time to find out if I’m a good player.”

“It is all good then,” said Giovanni. “You play with my money. We split the winnings. Yes? If you lose, it’s not so much money for me.”

“I, uh...” The deal was so tempting, Max forgot a lot of his nervousness about the part. “Paige, what do you think?”

“A party could be fun,” Paige sounded amused.