My name is Kevin McCarthy; my wife is Gail.

When my story begins, we were both 27, married for six years, childless by choice. I won’t bore you with the details of how we got together. It was typical of thousands of other relationships: We met, hit it off, fell in love and got married.

At the time of our marriage, I would say that we were very average. Neither of us had to beat off the opposite sex with sticks, but children and dogs didn’t run off howling either.

We had sex a comfortable 3-4 times a week. It wasn’t exactly boring, but Skinemax wouldn’t be shooting a series about our sex life, either. We were usually in missionary, occasionally doggie-style, rarer still with her on top and don’t even think about anal. We both enjoyed it when I performed oral on her, oral on me was for special occasions only, and woe unto me if I came in her mouth!

After six years working behind desks, we were both getting a little out of shape. We weren’t exactly candidates for a fat farm, but that would be a distinct possibility if we didn’t do something.

“Gail,” I said, “I’ve been taking a good look in the mirror, and I’ve been developing a bit of a spare tire. I think I need to go on a diet, maybe take up jogging or join a health club or something.”

“That’s silly,” Gail said, “We’re not kids anymore, it’s normal to put on a few extra pounds as we get older, or is this your sneaky way of telling me that I’m getting fat?”

“No, not at all. I just think that it wouldn’t hurt for both of us to get in better shape.”

I thought she was going to throw something at me, but she just turned back to the stove.

Looking back over her shoulder she said, “You do what you want, just leave me out of it.”

Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do to get her to help us eat healthier. The best that I could do was to refuse her high-cholesterol breakfasts, eat salads for lunch and reduce my portion at dinner.

I did begin jogging and joined a health club. I again tried to get Gail to join me, but she still refused, and not very politely either.

It was hard work! I had never played any organized sports, just the occasional pick-up basketball or softball game, and the only running I did was when I had to run to catch a bus. The gym was something else again; it was like walking into another world. I was intimidated by all the hard bodies and didn’t really know just where to start. Julie, one of the staff members, was very helpful. She showed me the various machines, how to use them and what parts of the body they worked. She reassured me not to be intimidated, that not everybody started out with a hard body.

One thing I discovered was that I loved running! Getting out in the fresh air, just going with the flow, I found that running cleared my mind. I often started a run stewing over a problem and had a solution by the end of the run.

At first, it was a little frustrating, I was busting my ass with little to show for it. Suddenly, it was like a dam breaking; I was able to do another set, or I had more of a kick at the end of my runs. I was beginning to see a difference in my body as well.

One strange thing I noticed was that as I got into better shape, Gail seemed to be less and less interested in sex. I would have thought that me being more hunky would have turned her on, but instead she seemed somehow threatened by it.

As I lost weight and built muscle, I realized that I needed a new wardrobe, which seemed to just make Gail still more resentful.

“Don’t you think we have better things to do with our money than spend it on new clothes?” she said.

I couldn’t think of a good response, so I just shrugged my shoulders and walked away.

I couldn’t help noticing the admiring glances from the women in the office, but despite Gail’s attitude I considered myself happily married and off the market.

I noticed Gail seemed to be getting depressed, and tried to talk to her.

“Gail,” I said, “what’s the matter? You seem so sad all the time. I worry about you, why won’t you talk to me?”

“It’s just that you look so young and handsome, while I’m just an old frump. I’m afraid I’ll lose you to some young tramp.”

“Gail, I keep telling you that you’re an attractive woman and I love you; but if you’re unsure of yourself why don’t you come to the club with me?”

“I’d be too embarrassed around all of those hard bodies...”

“Gail, first of all, they’re not all hard bodies, and most of them didn’t start that way; they had to work for it.”

“I’m sorry, Kevin, I just can’t!”

I was at a loss. I brought her flowers every week. At least once a week I went to her office to take her out to lunch. Then one day she shocked the shit out of me.

“Kevin, please don’t come to the office anymore.”

“Wh ... what? Why? I love having lunch with you.”

“It’s the way the other women gawk at you when you come in.”

“I thought you would like that, having the other women jealous of you.”

“At first I was, but the last time I was in a stall in the ladies’ room when I heard Sally and Jane talking.”

“So, what did they say that’s got you so upset?”

She was hesitant to speak, so I put my arm around her, pulling her close.

She started crying, and I could barely understand her through her sobs.

“Th ... they were saying things like, ‘What is a hunk like that doing with a schlump like Gail?’ ‘Boy, I’d like to give him a ride, but he doesn’t even seem to see anyone but her.’”

“Why do you care what they think,” I said, “Besides, didn’t you hear what they said? You’re the only one for me. I see what’s beneath the surface, and that’s the woman I love, the only woman I’ll ever love.”

I pulled her a little tighter, giving her a tender kiss on the top of her head, as she cried herself to sleep right there on my shoulder.

I was at a loss. Obviously, I wanted her to get in better shape, but only for her health and self-confidence. My love for her was unconditional; it wasn’t predicated on her looks. She was a contradiction, upset and lacking in confidence in her appearance, but unwilling to do anything about it.

What was worse was that our sex life, which had already been deteriorating, was getting even worse. Nothing I tried worked. I bought her sexy lingerie that she refused to wear; I got scented massage oils to give her sensual massages and she fell asleep!

I’ll admit to getting frustrated, but I believed strongly in fidelity and in our marriage vows, including, “for better and for worse.”

We muddled along for a while; despite my frustration, I kept trying to reassure and encourage her, but it was a losing battle.

My office Christmas party was approaching, and over her objections, I took Gail shopping for a nice dress. It was quite uncomfortable at the party. Gail could barely let go of my arm; the only times she let go were when one of us had to use the restroom or when I went to the bar. Her eyes kept darting around, eyeing the other women jealously, her anger barely contained if she thought anyone was giving me the eye.

She grudgingly danced a few dances with me, and we spent the rest of the evening just watching the other couples dance.

While we sat there, Sharon Gomes, one of associates, came over.

“Excuse me,” she said to Gail, “would you mind if I had a dance with your husband?”

“Whatever,” Gail said unhappily.

“Would you like to have a dance, Kevin?” Sharon asked.

“No, thank you,” I said, “I’ll stay here with Gail.”

This happened a few more times, and Gail just seemed to get madder and madder.

“Kevin, I’m tired,” she said finally, “Please take me home.”

“Of course, Honey,” I said, “I’ll go get our coats.”

In the car on the way home she got nasty.

“Why didn’t you dance with those sluts,” she snarled, “You obviously wanted to!”

“That’s not true, Honey,” I said, “I only wanted to be with you, that’s why I kept saying no to them.”

“Then why did they keep coming over? They’re probably having a good laugh over Kevin’s fat cow wife!”

“Gail, they were just being friendly. They saw that we weren’t dancing and thought that I might want to dance while you were resting.”

“Yeah, right, ‘friendly, ‘ I’ll just bet!” she said turning her back to me and staring angrily out the side window.

We rode the rest of the way home in an uneasy silence. The car barely came to a stop in the driveway when she jumped out and slammed the door. She was in the house, slamming the front door before I could even get out of the car. Although I had my house keys, I was glad that she at least didn’t try to lock me out.

If I thought our sex life was bad before, it was about to enter a deep freeze. Any attempt at intimacy was soundly rebuffed. When I joined her in bed, if she wasn’t already facing away she promptly turned her back to me, and if I tried to cuddle, she would brusquely shove me away.

I gave up on trying to get her to eat better and exercise; but despite my enforced celibacy, I refused to seek out other partners, even though I had plenty of opportunities.

I didn’t know it at the time, but despite all my efforts to reassure her that I still loved her and found her attractive, her low self-esteem caused her to seek comfort in the arms of other men.

I still don’t know exactly how long she had been cheating, but I eventually did catch her, and her reaction was hardly what I had expected.

Despite her request that I not come by her office any more, I picked up some flowers and decided to surprise her and take her out for lunch. Well, there was a surprise all right, but not quite the one that I was planning.

As I approached her office I could hear the normal chatter you get from any office, but as soon as I walked in, it stopped.

I saw that Gail’s desk was empty, and scanned the office looking for her. One of her office mates, Sally Cohen, made a motion with her eyes to the supervisor’s office at the back.

I headed towards the closed door, and the sounds I heard told me exactly what I was going to find. I battled with myself, but finally decided I had to see things for myself and opened the door. I couldn’t imagine why it wasn’t locked, maybe they just didn’t care.

As much as I thought I was prepared, nothing could have prepared me for the sight in front of me.

She was bent over the supervisor’s desk, with her eyes closed, her shirt and bra pushed up and her tits hanging down as one of his hands was cruelly twisting a nipple. Her skirt was pushed up to her waist, her panties nowhere to be seen.

Her supervisor was behind her, his pants and underwear around his ankles while he pounded into her while slapping her ass.

She was crying, “Fuck me, fuck me harder!” when I dropped the flowers, the vase shattering on the floor.

They both looked up, surprisingly showing no shame at being caught, when Gail added insult to injury.

“Well, you finally caught me,” she said with a smirk, “Now you know how it feels.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I asked. “How does what feel?”

“Being cheated on, of course,” she said, “Did you really think that I was so stupid as to believe that you weren’t screwing those gym sluts?”

“But I’m not! Whatever gave you that idea?”

“Well, you’re certainly not taking care of business at home!”

“Only because you won’t let me; but I take my vows seriously, and would never be unfaithful. I would ask you for proof, but I know you don’t have any because nothing’s happened.”

Gail just stared at me silently, then said, “Keep going, John, I was almost there.”

John just stood there dumb-founded for a moment, probably wondering if I was going to slug him or not, then started to slowly move in and out of Gail’s cunt. When she started pushing back he began moving faster, and they soon were acting as if I wasn’t even there.

I turned and left John’s office with my head down. I didn’t bother closing the door. They didn’t seem to care, so why should I?

Sally caught my eye and mouthed, “I’m sorry.”

I nodded my thanks as my tears started to flow, and I left the office as quickly as I could.

I was lost. I loved Gail with all my heart, even as she pushed me away.

One thing I was NOT going to do was put up with her infidelity. This situation had come to a head and the future of our marriage was in the balance. I had tried everything I knew. There would be no more passively riding along.

I went back to my office, but I hope I wasn’t working on anything important, because I had absolutely no idea of that I was doing.

I went home, grabbed a beer and sat in the darkened living room, taking just a few sips as the beer got warm.

Gail walked in, much more subdued from the last time I saw her.

“Kevin,” she said, “c ... can we talk?”

“What’s the point?” I asked, “You’ve certainly made your position quite clear!”

I could see her mind running through all the cheaters’ usual excuses, realizing that there wasn’t anything that she could say, then sat down heavily with her head in her hands.

I left her there, and went to the hall closet, taking out suitcases and garment bags. When I dragged them past her to our bedroom, she got up and followed me. I began thrusting things from my dresser drawers into the suitcases.

“What are you doing, Kevin?” she asked, after about three minutes of my silent packing.

“I’m leaving, at least for now. I’ve been putting up with your bullshit for months. I’ve tried to encourage you and be supportive. I never complained as our love life dwindled down to nothing, and what did I receive in return? Accusations of cheating while YOU were out there cheating on me!”

“Are y ... you going to divorce me?”

“Truthfully? I don’t know. God knows that I should, it would certainly serve you right, but Heaven help me, I still love your sorry ass.

“I certainly can’t stay here. You have my cell number. Meanwhile, I suggest you take a good, hard look at yourself. Maybe get some professional help.”

With that, I saw her angry side come out again.

“What, are you saying I’m crazy?” she barked.

“I don’t know,” I said, “that’s above my pay grade, but you certainly haven’t been acting very rationally.”

As I turned to leave, I heard her crying, “Please don’t go.”

I hesitated for just a moment, then headed out the door, closing it behind me. Was I closing the door on my marriage? I didn’t know, but ultimately that was in Gail’s hands.

I found a decent extended-stay hotel that wasn’t too expensive, and sat down to examine the wreckage of my marriage.

Gail sent many texts, emails and voice mails. I read or listened to them all, but there was nothing there that really changed our basic situation.

I buried myself in my work. A few people knew my situation, so soon the whole office knew. It didn’t take long for some of the single and even not-so-single women to come sniffing around, but I wasn’t quite ready for that yet.

At the end of the week, I sent her an email with a list, not exactly of demands, but suggestions of things that she should consider doing, not just to get me back, but to improve her own life, with or without me.

Number one I knew she would push back hard on: See a psychologist, try to get to the root of her self-esteem issues, and why she could convince herself that I was cheating to the extent that she felt justified in cheating herself.

I thought that number two might get even a worse reaction: Lose some weight and get in better shape. I made it clear that this wasn’t because I thought that she was fat, or turned off by her weight, but for her own health and self-esteem. I didn’t expect her to buy that, but it was the truth.

I told her that I would arrange to deposit half the mortgage, homeowner’s insurance and utilities into the joint account. She would be responsible for the rest and for her food and car payments.

I got the expected screaming voice mail response, and ignored it.

I thought about giving her a deadline, but decided against it. I didn’t want to be put in a position of backing down from a deadline and weakening my position. In my own mind, I was setting a six-month deadline to see some significant improvement. I wasn’t sure what that would look like, and wanted to keep my options open.

Just a few days after I sent the email I got a call from her sister, June, asking to talk to me, and I agreed. We met at a local bar after work.

“Kevin,” she said, “What’s going on? Gail’s frantic; she said that you left her.”

“Did she tell you why?” I asked.

“Not really. She just said that she did something foolish and you got mad and walked out.”

I let out a long sigh. I wasn’t sure how much of our personal life I wanted to share, but June had been a good sister-in-law and had become a good friend as well. Maybe she could help?

“June, as you know, I’ve been working on getting myself into better shape.”

“Yes, Kevin, we’ve noticed. We’re all proud of how well you’ve done.”

“Apparently, not everyone. Gail seems to resent it.”

“That’s not true, Kevin! Gail was always bragging about you!”

“Well, you couldn’t prove it by me. It seemed like the more I got into shape, the more distant she became. I don’t suppose she told you about our love life?”

“Um ... er...”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Sh ... she was embarrassed...”

“But not too embarrassed to screw some low-life!”

June looked stunned.

“She never said anything about that.”

“Look, June, I loved ... I love Gail. Yes, I wanted her to work on herself, not because I didn’t love her just the way she was, but for her own health and self-image. Instead, she kept pushing me further and further away, was unreasonably jealous and accused me of cheating without cause. Then, I find out that she was cheating on me.”

“I ... I don’t know what to say, Kevin. I know that Gail loves you to death, and this separation is killing her.”

“June, do you really want to help Gail?”

“Of course I do!”

“Then talk to her, get her to get some counseling. I don’t know if there is any hope for us if she doesn’t get some help.”

“I’ll do what I can, but please give her some time. Don’t do anything rash.”

“I won’t, but I can’t wait forever, the clock is ticking.”

We gave each other a brief hug and went our separate ways.

There wasn’t any formal contact for a couple of weeks, though I did hear that her parents had to help her out with some bills.

I heard from June that she finally got through to Gail that she needed to get some help, and that she had begun seeing a therapist. It was too early to know how much it would help, but at least it was a start.

I spoke to Gail at least once a week. It was obviously hard to tell from just a phone call, but the therapy did seem to be helping; she seemed to be much more on an even keel.

She still wasn’t doing anything to get into better shape, and I was getting frustrated.

Despite my frustration, I still had hopes, so I resisted the urge to formally date, but I did start joining some group outings, just to be sociable.

Sometimes it was dinner and a couple of drinks on the occasional Friday after work; always a mixed group, and I made it a point not to hang with any particular woman for too long or too often.

It was all quite innocent, and it felt good to get out of my funk. I was in such a good mood that I was even feeling better about the fate of my relationship with Gail. Little did I know...

One Saturday a bunch of us decided that it would be fun to relive a bit of our childhood and spend the day at a nearby amusement park.

When we got off one of the wild rides we were all feeling a little dizzy, and Sharon stumbled and fell into my arms. Right in front of Gail and June!

.

“Get away from my husband!” screamed Gail as she whaled away at her with her purse. When some of the other guys protected Sharon, Gail turned her wrath on me.

“I knew you were screwing around on me!” she screamed, “And here I was feeling guilty for cheating on ‘Mr. Wonderful.’ Well, the truth has finally come out.” She turned and sobbed on June’s shoulder.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Gail,” I said, “I’m just out here with some friends from work.”

As Gail turned around, a half-dozen hands went up.

“That’s Henry, Sharon’s fiancé,” I pointed to Henry who was hugging a sobbing Sharon. “Now that you’ve totally ruined what was supposed to be a fun day, why don’t you go home and leave me alone.”

As I turned and walked away, I saw June leading a crying Gail to the exit while the crowd that had gathered to watch the confrontation drifted away.

I was totally drained. Thank goodness I wasn’t driving, I probably would have driven off the road. Henry and Sharon dropped me off.

“Are you going to be okay, Kevin?” Sharon asked.

“As well as I ever am these days,” I said with a sigh, “How about you? I’m so sorry you were subjected to that.”

“I’m okay, Kevin, it was more of a shock than anything else.”

I leaned into the window and shook Henry’s hand as Sharon gave me a peck on the cheek, then watched them drive away before dragging myself into my house.

I was shaken to my core, but a big question loomed: Was this a setback, maybe a fatal one, or could this somehow be the shock to the system that would get through to Gail?

There were several missed calls and messages on my phone, but I was too spent to deal with them now. I took a long hot shower and fell into bed.

The next day I awoke with a new resolve. While I wasn’t quite ready to completely give up on Gail, I decided I wasn’t going continue to put my life on hold indefinitely. I wasn’t about to get involved with anyone at work, but Sharon had been after me to let her fix me up with some of her single friends, and when I got into the office on Monday I gave her the go ahead.

Sharon eased me back into the dating pool, setting me up with several single friends and relatives. While I found them all to be generally pleasant to be with, I just didn’t click with any of them. None went more than two or three dates, some not even that. I could tell that Sharon was getting frustrated with me.

“Just what the hell are you looking for, Kevin?” she said, “Most guys would jump at the chance to be with any of those women.”

“I honestly don’t know, Sharon. None of them felt ‘right’.”

“Ugh, maybe you’re still too hung up on Gail,” she said, storming out of my office.

‘Could it be?’ I thought, ‘After all she’s put me through, do I still want Gail?’

I spent the next couple of days thinking about what Sharon had said, and as I relaxed with the Sunday paper, I was disturbed by a knock on my front door. I went to open the door and had to take a step back; it was Gail.

I had been getting periodic calls from June, giving me updates on Gail. I guess that Gail was pretty mortified by her behavior at the amusement park. She had re-dedicated herself to her therapy and was making some progress. She had also joined a gym, but I was beginning to think that it was too little, too late.

As soon as I recovered from my shock, I stepped back and motioned her in, closing the door behind her. I couldn’t help noticing that she had lost quite a bit of weight.

“Would you like some coffee?” I asked her.

“Yes, please,” she answered nervously.

After I put the coffee on to brew, I put a few snacks out and we sat at the table, neither of us quite ready to start the conversation.

When the coffee was ready, I prepared hers the way I remembered that she liked it and brought the cups to the table.

“You look good, Gail.”

“Thank you. I finally took your advice and have been working out.”

“Well, it’s certainly working. So, what brings you by?”

“I ... I was wondering ... hoping, if there was still a chance for us?”

“I’m afraid that’s a very difficult question, Gail. I ... I’ve been dating...”

Gail’s face dropped, it looked like she was going to cry.

“There’s nobody serious, and I’m certainly glad that you’re improving yourself, I only wish that you had done so sooner. Right now, I’m afraid that it might be a case of ‘too little, too late’.”

If I thought that I was helping, I was sadly mistaken, as Gail put her head down on her arms on the table and started bawling. I was torn; on one hand I strongly believed that she had brought this situation on herself, but this was the woman that I had loved with all my heart for more than six years; could I, should I just cast her aside?

I realized that I might be making a huge mistake, but I offered to take her out to dinner.

She almost knocked the coffee cups off the table as she lunged over to hug me.

“Yes, yes,” she said, “I’d love that. What should I wear, what time will you pick me up?”

“Nothing too fancy,” I said, “a bit more than jeans and a t-shirt, and I’ll be by around six.”

With that she was halfway out the door before she ran back, gave me a big hug and kiss and was gone in a flash.

“What the fuck was I thinking?” I said to the empty house as I went to get ready for my date with my (soon to be?) ex-wife.

I pulled up at precisely six o’clock, and before I could even get out of the car she came bouncing out in a pair of designer jeans that hugged her butt, a pair of high-heel sandals and a white blouse open to the middle of her generous cleavage. She was certainly going all out!

I was able to get out of the car in time to open the passenger door for her, and she wasn’t shy about giving me a deep look down her blouse. As hot as she looked, I was beginning to think that this was a mistake, that she was expecting more out of this date than I was prepared to give.

The dinner was generally pleasant, though the conversation seemed to alternate between her “I’m so sorries,” and her sexual come-ons. One very sore subject was when I suggested that she not pin all her hopes on reconciling with me.

“Are you trying to tell me that we’re done?” she asked, barely holding back her tears.

“No, not exactly,” I said carefully, “but our relationship has suffered some serious damage, and I’m not sure that it can be so easily repaired. I’m really proud of the work you have done on yourself, and I’m not saying that there is no hope for us, but you have to be prepared for that possibility. You should be seeking out other relationships that don’t carry our baggage.”

Her tears were flowing a little more openly now, but she nodded her head.

“I ... I understand, Kevin. I’ll try, it will be hard, but I will try.”

She was clearly disappointed when I insisted on taking her straight home after dinner, but she brightened up as I walked her to the door.

“Are you sure you won’t come in for a nightcap?” she asked, batting her eyes at me.

“I don’t think that would be a very good idea right now,” I said.

She wrapped her arms around me, pressing her still impressive breasts against my chest while trying to give me a tonsillectomy with her tongue. As she pressed her thigh against my crotch, getting the expected reaction, I regained enough control to gently push her away.

“Very impressive, Gail,” I said with a smile as I beat feet to my car and headed home.

I still wasn’t sure that the evening wasn’t a huge mistake, but time would tell.

I decided that it would be best not to tell Sharon about my date with Gail when she walked into my office Monday morning and closed the door.

‘Uh-oh, ‘ I thought.

“Well,” she said, “have you got your head out of your ass yet?”

“Good morning to you, too, Sharon.”

“Don’t be a smart ass, Kevin. I’ve got a special friend in mind for you, and I don’t want you to blow this one. I’m not going to bother if you don’t think you can give her a fair shot.”

“That’s not fair. I’ve given them all fair shots, they just didn’t work out.”

“Well, we’ll see,” she said, “don’t make any plans for Friday night.”

I stood and saluted. “Yes, Ma’am” and she gave me the finger as she left my office.

Sharon surprised me by not setting up the traditional blind date, but instead, invited me to meet her friend Marilyn for dinner at Henry and Sharon’s house Friday night. She wisely figured that this would help alleviate the awkwardness of a first date.