Chapter 7

We found ourselves watching True Blood, of all things, on TV together, at least the first few episodes through the “on demand” function. I had to admit to myself that while I found Anna Paquin reasonably attractive, and Lynn Collins as well, Rutina Wesley particularly got my attention. Something about the way that she acted as Tara Thornton, all drawn to Jason Stackhouse (as played by Ryan Kwanten) absolutely appealed to me.

The Bill and Sookie romance was nice, though I was a bit put off by the way that Sookie found it less objectionable to share blood than to fuck. I thought, what the actual fuck? Wasn’t sharing blood a lot more invasive and intimate than sex? Then again, maybe the girl had issues about sex or something, though she clearly wanted to get it on with Bill.

“I understand that, but I think that she’s used to thinking of casual sex as something cheap, probably because she associates it with her brother. Never mind that his fucking around is the only thing about him that’s not boorish, at least if you ask me,” Tricia told me her view, at least.

“Bear in mind that she probably finds it a bit distracting to fuck someone whose mind she can read, and that’s almost everyone in town,” she added an afterthought.

“True, that would be a little disorienting for me,” I replied to my wife.

I continued, “Clearly, Bill’s complete imperviousness to her mind powers is a relief, but it’s also more dangerous. Then again, maybe that’s part of the appeal. He could be a completely evil character and she wouldn’t know it yet. In a way, it’s counter-intuitive. You would think that knowing someone’s secrets would make it easier to have sexual intimacy with them, because you would be able to confirm that they don’t have HIV, syphilis, or something like that. Then again, as you said, it’s a serious distraction to read their minds during coupling.”

“For my money, I find that Sam Merlotte guy very attractive. There’s just something about him ... Mmmm ... I would love to get him naked and see his hairy bod in the sack with me!” Vicki Pappas confessed to me.

“I agree, though my favorite male would still be Jason. I would love to just get him and Tara into bed with me and fuck the both of them like crazy!” Stavros admitted to us.

“I wouldn’t mind sleeping with Arlene. She’s kinda cute. Her and Rene. They make a nice couple. I’d love to bed them both,” Fanny told us, making me chuckle.

“I don’t know. Arlene’s a little flaky, but not bad. Rene, however, gives me the creeps for some reason. Not sure why, but he does,” Rachel Cohen spoke her mind.

“Same here, sis. It’s just ... odd. He is, I mean. Sam Merlotte, though. Yummy. Vicki has that right!” Rebecca Cohen agreed with her twin.

“Strangely, who I find most attractive is that Pam character. I wouldn’t mind a little time with her in the sack,” Emma licked her lips as she spoke, “She’s got femme fatale energy going on, so it’s probably just the danger.”

“I like that Terry guy myself. He’s a veteran. I love that. He seems vulnerable, but still quite manly. A real bloke,” Kay added her two cents.

“The sheriff. I love older men in positions of authority,” Selena blushed as she told me that.

“Duly noted, speaking as one,” I winked at my middle daughter.

“Would you be a fang-banger, if you could?” Tricia asked Selena.

“Depends on the vampire. Bill, maybe. That crazy bald one, hell, no! And who the fuck is really killing those fang-bangers, anyway?” Selena thought aloud.

“I think that’s kind of the point, all that mystery and such. Dawn kind of annoyed me, though, so I don’t know if I was too upset with her death. What little I saw of her, she went from seeming like a cool girlfriend to a real bossy bitch! I’d never treat Jason that way myself! As if I could ever kick a man out of my bed, one that I really loved, that is,” Vicki commented, adding, “Take these guys, for example. I will never, ever, kick them out of my bed. Period. It’s not just my bed, anyway, especially if we all move in together.”

“Bloody right, it isn’t! And I fully agree. Dawn went from ‘right on, girl, ‘ to ‘what the actual bloody fuck, you stupid tart, ‘ in just one episode! True, Jason shouldn’t have railed on her for fucking a vampire, but considering what happened to Maudette, he would naturally tend to despise vampires. He probably didn’t care for Vampire Bill, either, come to think of it. Though he’s a bit of a hypocrite for wanting their blood while hating them and that business of fucking in trash, gross!” Tricia laughed.

“He was fucking trash in trash, so that’s fitting. Maudette was a bit weird, but not bad. Just kinky. Tara ... pretty damn hot and I don’t blame Sam at all for doing her. Dawn, whatever her annoying tendencies and trigger-happy ways, still had some taste and class to her. It’s clear that if Jason wasn’t on V, he wouldn’t have been screwing in the trash.

“That is not clear of Randi Sue, I’m sure. Then she has the nerve to tell him that he’s going to Hell for visiting Fangtasia? What a stupid cunt! That girl willingly, knowingly kept fucking while covered in rotten food! Disgusting! Some things just aren’t done, and having sex on top of garbage is just a step too far for me! Literally a trashy thing to do!” Stavros observed while fondling Tricia’s butt.

“On a different topic, how about some lunch? I’m getting hungry, despite the gross talk, so what do you guys think of eating something? Up to Daddy, of course, but I could use some food!” Sarah, our youngest, urged us.

“Well, that makes sense. But afterwards, I know what you said about it being about me, but what I want is to play Truth or Dare, so that’s what we’re doing. Since it’s my day and all, and we’ve had a chance to recover. Also, Susie got left out by mistake last round, so she gets two turns this time. I won’t have any of my daughters excluded from things, aside from the unfortunate need to leave you out of the actual sex. Very unfortunate, really. We’ll play at least one round of Truth or Dare, and you’ll moderate as before, my sweet daughter!” I told Sarah, who beamed as I kissed her forehead.

Susie hugged Sarah right then and told her, “Don’t worry, I was a bit distracted myself right then, so it’s cool. Still, I’ll gladly take a double turn, no doubt of that, since I was deprived of it, albeit by accident rather than design.”

“Thank you, sis, for being understanding. I really am sorry about that. I didn’t mean to leave you out at all. Tell you what, since your birthday comes not long after mine, when your birthday comes, as I’ll be of age, I’ll be your sex slave all day long. Agreed? And every one of your birthdays after that, in fact,” Sarah offered Susie.

“You mean it, sis? I get to own you on my next birthday, just as you get to own Emma? Every birthday? Awesome! I like this new family tradition of birthday sex slaves! I wish to pay it forward, in fact. So, on Pippa’s birthday, I’m her sex slave, and every one of her birthdays afterward. Is that cool with everyone?” Susie asked.

Then we headed to the kitchen and the Cohens got lunch ready for us all.

“Then I’m Selena’s sex slave on her next birthday!” Pippa declared, “And all birthdays of hers afterward.”

“Alright, then, I’m Emma’s sex slave on her birthdays!” Selena proposed.

“Very well, then. I’m Fanny’s sex slave on her birthday, then,” Kay threw her hat in the ring.

“As I am for Kay!” Fanny told us all, “It’s only fair. Seven daughters, it’s only right to pay it forward, as Susie said. Here’s to our sisterly bondage and may it bring us closer still!”

“Alright, then I’m Rachel’s and Rebecca’s sex slave on their birthday!” Stavros offered the ladies.

This caused Rachel to stick her head out of the kitchen to give the thumbs-up sign.

“Whose slave should I be, on birthdays and all that?” I asked.

I was truly curious about it, as we sat at the dining room table and listened to the Cohens giggling while making lunch.