Deb opened the garage door and drove in, bringing the wide ranging thoughts she had been having during her drive home back into focus. She sat in the car and gathered herself while the garage door closed. When she thought she was ready she walked into the house. She was coming home late from work, again, and found me sitting in the kitchen. I was wearing my bath robe, having a sandwich and a beer, and listening to smooth jazz on the whole home sound system.

“Mike! Turn that shit down. It sounds like the sound track to a porno. We need to talk,” Deb demanded.

“What do we need to talk about this time?” I asked weary of her talks.

“Please take this seriously. Come out here to the living room, sit down here and listen to me.”

I picked up the remote control and turned down the volume as I went to the living room to sit at the spot on the couch where she pointed. I looked at her with my eyebrows raised and my eyes wide open, as she began to pace back and forth in our living room. She was building her courage to say something.

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, and I’ve decided that I want us to have an open marriage.”

She looked at me like she had just made history’s most momentous announcement. I sat there and looked at her, waiting for the rest I thought she would say.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Deb asked, she sounded frustrated.

“I was waiting for you to finish. You know, to tell me that you are bored with me, or to tell me that it will only be sex, or to tell me that you want to see what the size and shape of other men’s cocks are. You know the typical bullshit that a cheating, piece of shit, slut would say. So, I guess that means that you either are not serious, or I interrupted you before you got to the bullshit part.”

She looked at me, amazed that I would say what I said to her face.

“You just called me a slut!” She said angrily.

“I most certainly did not. I asked if you were going to say the things THAT a cheating, piece of shit, slut would say. Did you want to say any of those?”

“No! But I want to spice up our sex life. We could come home all horny and share stories and then fuck like bunnies.”

“First, we would have to have a sex life to spice up. In case you have not been keeping score, we haven’t made love or even fucked in almost three months. Second, you must think that I’d get excited if I was with a cheating, piece of shit?”

“It is not cheating if both parties agree, and I’m not what you called me!”

“Oh! OK, how does this work? Does thinking of cheating on me cause you to become a cheating, piece of shit, slut? Or do you cheat on me first and then become a cheating, piece of shit, slut after you do it? Or do you become a cheating, piece of shit, slut only when I don’t go along with it?”

“God damn it! Stop calling me names!”

“I never called you a name! I simply asked you when you WERE going to BECOME a cheating, piece of shit, slut. Well, I guess you could also become a cheating, piece of shit, slut if you already went out and did fuck some other cheating, piece of shit, slut. Because I figure that if I was still married and went out to fuck someone else, then that person would have to be a cheating, piece of shit, slut for fucking a married man.”

“MICHAEL! Stop saying that!”

“What?” I asked trying to sound like I was confused.

“You are implying that if we open our marriage that we’ll each become a cheating, piece of shit, slut!”

“No, I’m saying that you would become a cheating, piece of shit, slut, if you fucked someone without my permission. I also wanted to know at what point I’d become a cheating, piece of shit, slut as well. Does it happen when I go out and intentionally break our marriage vows, or is the intent to break them enough to make me a cheating, piece of shit, slut?”

“YOU WOULD NOT BE A CHEATING ANYTHING IF I GAVE YOU PERMISSION!”

She was shouting at the top of her lungs.

“Oh. OK, OK, calm down. Do I have it?”

“It? Do you have what? What is IT?” Deb asked, now she was more frustrated.

“The permission to fuck some cheating, piece of shit, slut.”

“Well, if we open our marriage you would have permission to come with me to some of the swinger get togethers and parties that my friends go to.”

“Oh! So, I’d have to come with you? I couldn’t just go out a fuck some cheating, piece of shit, slut on my own?”

“We would join a swinger’s club and go together.”

She was getting very impatient with me.

“But if I wanted to go off on my own, it would be OK because we would now be open to do what we wanted, right?”

“NO! We would go to the club parties together and swap with another couple.”

“A couple of cheating, piece of shit, sluts?”

“Stop saying that!”

“What if I don’t like them or if the guy is ugly?”

“The guy?”

“Well, I figured if we were going for an open marriage I might as well open up all the way. I used to really like it when you stuck your dildo up my ass. I wonder what a man’s cock would feel like. Maybe he can ass fuck both of us, then we can compare notes and get horny and then fuck like bunnies.”

“You want to be fucked by a man?” Deb looked like she had been slapped.

“Aren’t you going to be fucked in the ass by a guy? I know you used to like it.”

“But I’m a woman. You are a man.”

“Sherlock! You got it in one!” I winked at her and smiled.

“Mike, are you telling me that you might be gay?” She spoke quietly, afraid of my answer.

“No. Well I don’t know. I have never been with a man, but open is open, right?”

“No! I don’t want a man to have anal sex with you AND me!”

“So, you want him to just be with me. I got it! I’ll be a male, cheating, piece of shit, slut and you will be a female, just not with the same guy.”

“I guess that could happen.”

“What happens if there are no men for me? Or if I ass fuck all of the other male, cheating, piece of shit, sluts? What will you do, sit around and eat pussy all night?”

“I don’t eat pussy!” Deb scrunched up her face.

“So, you would be just better off not going and letting me do it on my own?”

“What? No, you are confusing me!”

“What is so confusing? We open our marriage and I get to fuck every man that you do.”

“No! I don’t want you to fuck other men!”

“Oh, good, I don’t want you fucking other men either. Hell, I could get and give you AIDS! I’m glad we cleared this up before we both made a really dangerous mistake.”

Just then her cell phone rang. She left the room and I followed her as she left the room and listened to her end of the conversation from around the corner.“Hello?””Yeah, I told him.””No, it is not going well!””I know you told me, but that is not what he said.””Robby, he said that he wants to fuck all of the men I do.””I’m serious. He says that if I fuck you, he gets to fuck you.””Oh, so you just want to fuck me again?””He doesn’t want to fuck your wife; he wants to fuck you! AND he wants me to eat her pussy! That’s disgusting.””No, I don’t want to eat her pussy.””Oh, you thought that you would be with her and me. Well, you better count on fucking me while Mike fucks your ass. I think that is what HE sees as a three-way.””We better put this on hold.””Until I can figure out if my husband is really gay or bi-sexual.””My God, what if he has already been fucking men and I don’t know it? I need to get checked for AIDS!””Yes, AIDS! I might have infected you and your wife, and you may have infected all of the members of the club.””I did get checked a couple of months ago, but not for AIDS. Shit!”

I coughed loudly like I was coming into the room.“Mike is coming I have to go.”

I walked into the room as she hung up and could see a change in her demeanor.

“So, tell me about these guys I get to have sex with. I assume that since you have made the decision that you at least know them.”

“I know a couple of them.”

“Have you already fucked them? I mean now that our marriage is open, the least you can do is let me know who they are so I can scope them out before I go to bed with them. Maybe you can give me some pointers to help me get them off.”

I opened my robe and started to stroke my cock.

“What are you doing?” She looked disgusted.

“Well, you wanted to compare stories after, why not compare notes before? The idea IS getting me excited,” I kept stroking.

“I wanted us to tell our stories to get ourselves excited about our experiences.”

“Right and we can see if we get excited for the same reasons by each of the guys dicks. Anyway, what all do I have to do?”

Deb shook her head as if she was trying to clear out an unwanted vision.

“First, you have to have a clean bill of health. The doctor needs to screen you for any STD’s.”

“Um, that doesn’t include AIDS or HIV screening does it?” I tried to look worried and stopped stroking myself.

“Why? Is there a problem?” Deb saw my dick soften.

“No,” I paused. “I don’t think so.”

“Mike, have you had sex with a guy before?”

“I was kind of wild when I was younger. I drank a lot and I’m told that I had sex with a lot of people that I don’t remember. There might have been a goat or sheep, too, but I’m not sure.”

“Could you have given me AIDS?” She sounded like she was about to freak out.

“I’m sure if I had done that, you would have shown symptoms already. Besides I always used rubbers. Well mostly. Does this mean that I don’t get to fuck the guys?”

“Michael! Why don’t you just fuck the women that will be there?”

“I don’t want to fuck them. Deb, the only woman that I want to fuck, other than you, is my secretary. You know Clare. She has been after me for almost a year. She got divorced and thinks that I’d be a good catch.”

“When did Clare get divorced?”

“A year ago, when she caught her husband going to swinger’s parties and fucking some cheating, piece of shit, slut. She always tells me that she needs a nice honest, loyal, and sexy guy like me. She asks me every Friday if this is the weekend I spend with her. I always laugh her off, but I guess I don’t have to do that anymore. I do have your permission, right?”