Chapter 76: Throwing It All Away

October 31, 1988, Chicago, Illinois

"There was no race yesterday?" Kara asked while I was showering after my run with Jacquelyn.

"No. There's one next week. We didn't watch last week's race because I was so preoccupied. I saw the results in the paper. Rusty Wallace won again, but Bill finished fourth and Earnhardt fifth. Bill has a 79 point lead on Wallace and a 198 point lead on Earnhardt. With two races to go, Labonte is out of it because he's 508 points back. They race in Phoenix next week, then two weeks later in Atlanta to end the season. Two top-fives will lock it up for Bill."

"You just don't seem excited by that right now."

"No. I know it's important because of Stephie, but with Jess gone, I just can't get excited about much of anything. I'm just barely keeping it together. For once, I'm glad that I'm so busy that I don't have time to think. But even then, she creeps into my thoughts when I'm busy and it makes it hard to focus."

"Is Gwen going to call you after the deposition today?"

"Yes. I think Bethany has the strategy pegged. It's all about trying to get more money from me."

"Could that be what this is about? Just money?"

"But that would make no sense. A DNA test with both the father and the mother's DNA is conclusive. It CAN'T be a shakedown. If it was, they would have folded as soon as I demanded the DNA test. Carla has to believe it's true. And if she does, I can't see how it can't be."

"You don't think there could have been another guy?"

"Possible, but not likely. It makes no sense for there to have been another guy. Bethany agrees with me on that. Remember, she talked to Carla about her issues."

I finished my shower, dressed, kissed Kara and Birgit, and headed to the office. I couldn't work with Jeri because I had conversion work to do. I'd also miss working with her on Tuesday, as I had to go up to Milwaukee to Belarus. Jeri and I were making good progress, and we felt we'd finish for a mid-January demo that would actually work, though not be feature complete.

I was on my best behavior, and careful not to say or do anything to upset her. The last thing I needed was another talk with Dave, or worse, with the Board of Directors. I'd gotten some time from Jack to do a bit of QA on what Jeri and I had completed so far, and he'd given us some advice on minor changes to make.

Gwen called at 3:20pm, just after I'd returned from IIT, to report on the deposition.

"I think Bethany is right about their strategy. I should have guessed that myself. Based on what I heard today, I don't think they'll win the motion on Wednesday, and I wouldn't be surprised if they simply withdraw it tomorrow. Their emergency appeal of the dismissal of the separate maintenance claim was rejected. They can proceed with that only after the case is completely resolved."

"Interesting," I said. "So it wasn't ruled on?"

"No. It was what's called an 'interlocutory appeal'. Those don't often succeed. Basically, they have to wait for the entire case to be decided, then they can appeal everything. It's about judicial economy — one visit to the Court of Appeals versus several. It's going to come down to the DNA test. Once those results are in, we'll worry about the child support amount and custody and visitation."

"It sounds as if you think I'm the father," I observed.

"After the deposition, I can't see how you aren't. She claims that she only had sex once before the baby was born, and it was with you. She also said that from the time you first went out until the baby was born; she never even kissed another guy. I feel that she was telling the truth. That's pretty damning by itself, and if it is true, then we both know what the DNA test is going to show."

"Does she have a boyfriend or husband?" I asked.

"She's engaged. That may be part of the reason for the sole custody claim. She may want her future husband to adopt Rachel."

"I am NOT going to give up my parental rights without a fight," I said.

"I know. I've put her attorney on notice of that fact. One thing that works in your favor, and this is a bit cynical, is that you have a lot more money than she does. You can afford to fight longer — a lot longer. She'll try to recover her attorney fees, but we'll argue that she didn't give you a chance to accept paternity and agree to child support in advance of her suit, and because of that, she's not entitled to recover the fees."

"What a mess," I sighed.

"Yes. But so far, it's gone about as well as can be expected. I'll let you know what happens with the hearing on the restraining order."

"Thanks, Gwen," I said.

As I had done every day since Jess had left, I went to the hospital to wait outside. And as had happened nearly every day, Alicia came out and informed me that Jess had left the hospital via the garage. I'd been tempted to try to confront her in the hospital, but the last thing I wanted to do was cause trouble. I thanked Alicia and went inside and went up to Doctor Barton's office. After a five-minute wait, I was shown in.

"I was going to call you," he said. "Jessica has a disciplinary hearing Thursday at 1:00pm."

"Medical or behavioral?" I asked.

"Behavioral. She got into a shouting match with a medical student this morning. The Chief Resident wanted to suspend her on the spot, but I talked him out of it and he requested the hearing."

"Oh, God damn," I sighed.

"Nobody can talk to her, Steve. I'm at my wits' end, as I'm sure you are."

"What's going to happen?" I asked.

"It all depends on how she handles herself at the hearing. I thought about asking you to be there to speak for her, but I'm concerned that might set her off."

"You think she's going to be suspended, don't you," I said as a statement, not a question.

"Yes."

"Then I'm going to be there. I don't care if she hates me at this point, I can't let her throw away her medical career."

"You're a good man, Steve. Maybe a suspension is what she needs, but I agree, we can't let that happen without a fight. Come to my office on Thursday at about 12:45pm and we'll go to the hearing together. I'll let the hospital administrator know that you're going to speak, but I won't tell anyone else in advance."

"Thanks, Al," I said.

We shook hands, and I headed home.

"Jess is in real trouble," I told Kara when she arrived home. "She's probably going to be suspended. She's been acting out at work."

"Acting out? Like a little kid?"

"I don't know what else to call it," I said. "There's a hearing on Thursday. I talked to Al Barton, and I'm going to speak for her. I don't care if she hates my guts, I can't let her ruin her career."

"I'm coming too! What time?"

"I'm supposed to meet Al at his office at 12:45pm," I said.

"I'll end my office hours early," Kara said. "I'll be there. I'll make sure Veronica can stay with the kids. What happened with the deposition?"

"Nothing good," I said. "Gwen is convinced that Carla is telling the truth that I'm the only guy she was with before the baby was born. The custody stuff is probably a combination of what Bethany thought, plus the fact that Carla is engaged and likely wants her new husband to adopt Rachel."

"Can they do that?"

"Only if they terminate my parental rights, and that's not likely. I'll fight tooth and nail to prevent that. You know me and my kids."

"I do. You've never even seen this little girl and you're already fiercely protective of her."

"If she's mine, and I am sure that she is, you can be damned sure I'm going to be part of her life!"

November 1, 1988, Milwaukee, Wisconsin and Chicago, Illinois

"Do you think you'll be done before lunch?" Chris Gibson asked with a smirk.

"Yes, but I'm not going to be good company," I warned.

"What's wrong? Did I do something?"

I shook my head, "No. Let me get to work, please."

"OK," she said, sounding sad.

I went to the empty office next to hers and logged into the computer and started to work. My drive up had been agonizing because I hadn't been able to get Jessica's situation off my mind. I badly wanted her back, but even more, I wanted her to be a doctor. She was, without question, going to be a fantastic trauma surgeon who would potentially save many lives. But first, Doctor Barton and I had to try to convince her to save her career.

I finished the work that Chris had for me at 12:30pm and she practically begged me to take her to lunch. I refused several times, before finally relenting, and agreeing to go to Waukesha for Ponza Rottas. We took both cars, and parked side-by-side in the lot, and went into the restaurant.

"What's bothering you?" Chris asked after we ordered.

"Just some stuff at home," I said.

"Did you get in trouble for what we did last time you were here?"

I shook my head, "No. That was NOT the issue. And before you ask the next question, yes, I very much enjoyed it."

"But you aren't interested now?"

"No," I said. "And please don't think it has anything to do with you. Let me work out my problems, and then you can ask again. I can't promise for the future, but for now I have to say 'no'."

"OK. I just thought maybe I could cheer you up and make you feel really good."

"Oh, you could make me feel really good, but nobody can cheer me up right now."

"Will you tell me what's going on?"

"It's complicated," I sighed.

"Everything with you is complicated!"

"Sorry, I guess I overuse that word. The biggest issue right now is that my wife might be suspended from her medical Residency program. I can't give you any details, but she has a hearing on Thursday."

"Oh, wow! That's harsh. I guess I can see why having sex with me isn't at the top of your list of things to do right now."

"Exactly," I said.

We had our lunch and when we finished, Chris gave me a kiss on the cheek, told me she hoped everything worked out, and I headed back to Chicago. I arrived home just in time to walk to the hospital to sit in my usual spot.

"You heard?" Alicia said when she came out.

"I did," I sighed. "Have you talked to her?"

"I don't even try any more. Nobody does. Everyone pretty much hates her at this point — the nurses, the Residents, the medical students. She's a pariah in the ER. They'll be thrilled if she's suspended."

"Fuck," I said.

"She doesn't care," Alicia said. "In fact, at this point, I don't think she cares about anything at all."

"Shit," I said. "I guess I'll go back to my office," I said.

"Walk me to my car?" she asked.

"Sure, I guess," I said.

We walked down the sidewalk and turned towards the parking lot. It was more or less on the way back to the office, so it wasn't out of my way. She walked up to a VW bug.

"This is me. Thanks. I'm sorry for everything that's going on."

"Me too," I said.

"If you want some cheering up, or just want to forget, I have a bottle of Jack Daniel's at home. We can order some pizza and get obliterated."

"I'm not sure that's the best plan for either of us. You have a shift early tomorrow and I don't drink to get drunk."

"Then have some pizza, a drink, and some good company."

She was cute, had a nice body, and was clearly available. But I wasn't interested in blowing apart even what I considered was a slim chance of reconciliation with Jessica.

"I'm flattered, but no. Now is not the time to do something like that."

"She doesn't care about you anymore," Alicia said.

"I know," I sighed. "But I still care about her."

Alicia got into her car and I walked back to the office to put the finishing touches on a proposal, then went home and spent the evening cooped up in the bedroom with Kara, just cuddling and taking comfort in the love of my remaining wife and my daughter.

November 2, 1988, Chicago, Illinois

"What's going on?" Elyse asked as I pounded away furiously on the keyboard of my Unix server.

"I'm talking to some people about some sort of e-mail worm that's spreading rapidly around ARPAnet. It's taken down a bunch of systems. It seems to affect the Digital VAX and Sun systems. I tried to send electronic mail to Scott but I haven't heard back from him. I'm not sure if he got it or not."

"Worm?"

"Some kind of self-replicating code that's taking down computers. Mine can't be affected because it doesn't spread via UUCP — the protocol my modem uses."

"Who did it? The Russians?"

"What?!" I chuckled. "In retaliation for Reagan ordering the new American Embassy in Moscow to be torn down because it was riddled with bugs?"

Elyse laughed, "I still don't see how that happened."

"Why? They had to use Soviet contractors. Who do you think THEY work for?"

"Uh, yeah. Never mind. Duh!"

"Exactly. Sure, this could be them, but it could also be something that got away from some college kid or researcher at one of the companies on ARPAnet. It'll take some time to sort out."

"So you aren't trying to solve the problem?"

"Nope. I'm just a spectator!"

November 3, 1988, Chicago, Illinois

"Hi, Steve," Al said. "Kara, I didn't expect you to be here."

"I had to come, Doctor Barton," Kara said. "I can't let Steve or Jessica go through this alone."

"Any update on the paternity suit?" he asked.

"No. They lost their attempt to get a restraining order and their interlocutory appeal. I have the DNA swab and blood draw on Friday at the lab. Carla and Rachel will have theirs next week. We should have a definitive answer the first or second week of December, but I have to tell you that after Monday's deposition, we're all convinced that I'm the father."

"Let's worry about that after Jessica's hearing. You'll have up to five minutes. Focus on what you know about her. Her dedication. Her love of medicine. Her abilities. Acknowledge that she's been under stress. Don't give any details, but you can say that you're part of it or responsible for it. Bringing up the separation is dicey. It could go either way."

"What do you mean?"

"It could reinforce her erratic behavior or it could be seen as a cause of the stress. I can't say for sure how it will be taken."

"Who makes the decision?"

"The Chief ER Resident, Chief Surgical Resident, an Attending from each service, and the hospital administrator. I'd normally fill one of the slots, but I'm speaking for her, so I'm not allowed to be on the Disciplinary Board. I had to weigh that as well. I don't think one vote will matter. It's going to be 5-0 one way or the other. It's our job to convince them to not suspend her. I'm warning you that it's a tough row to hoe. If she is suspended, we want it to be for as short a time as possible. And we do that by showing that she's been under intense stress."

"Damn," I said.

"This is very serious. I hear Alicia talked to you yesterday, and what she told you is true. Jessica is not liked at all at the moment. I don't know that everyone hates her, but it's close."

"OK. Let's do this," I said firmly.

We followed Doctor Barton to a conference room which had rows of chairs, plus a table in front with five chairs. There were several doctors and nurses sitting in the chairs, but nobody at the table. Jessica wasn't in the room. We sat down in the third row, and waited as doctors and nurses filed in, and the front table filled up. About one minute before the hearing was scheduled to start, Jessica came in. She saw us and I smiled, but she just glared at me.