Chapter 75: I Just Don\'t Feel Like It

October 26, 1988, Chicago, Illinois

"It's been an entire week?" Doctor Barton asked as we sat down to lunch in our usual booth at Medici.

"Nine days," I sighed. "I think she's decided to end our marriage. It wouldn't surprise me to hear from a lawyer at this point."

"I don't know what to say," Al said gravely. "She's not talking to anyone, including her colleagues, who she's close to. I'm talking a bit out of school, but she's been written up, twice, by the Chief Resident for her attitude and behavior. And we don't write things down until it gets serious. A third write up means she has to appear before the hospital disciplinary board. They can kick her out of the Residency program."

"Fuck me," I said.

"That's a bit crude," Al replied, "but it nicely sums up my feelings as well. How are things going with the paternity suit?"

"The hearing on the motions to dismiss part of the claim and for expedited paternity testing is being held in about an hour. Gwen will call and let me know."

"It's really the case that Illinois has no provisions for unmarried partners even if they live together?"

"That's correct. Gwen said that part of the claim will be dismissed as a matter of law. Well, she used lawyer weasel words so as not to promise, but it was pretty clear."

Doctor Barton smiled, "We do that too. 'He should make a full recovery'. You don't promise what you can't guarantee. But I bet you do it, too. 'This should work'. Right?"

I chuckled, "With computers, nothing is guaranteed! They do exactly what you tell them to do, not what you want them to do."

"So they're teenagers, then?"

I chuckled, "Something like that."

"I'm glad you can laugh, Steve. This has to be hell for you."

"It is," I sighed. "But as Elyse reminds me every day, I have Kara, Elyse, my kids, karate, and my work, all of which needs my attention. If I just shut down, they get hurt, too. I also need stuff to take my mind off Jess, or else I'd obsess every second of every day. As it is, I have a tough time sleeping, and she's all I think about except when I'm able to lose myself in work or karate. But that doesn't always work."

"Is this seriously impacting your work? Do you maybe need to talk to someone? A counselor? Or a doctor about the sleep problem?"

I sighed, "I managed to yell at the meekest, mildest person at my company yesterday. Dave, who's my boss in the convoluted setup I have, reamed me good about it this morning. In fact, when I get back, I have to meet with him and that employee so I can apologize."

"Steve, if you need help, get it. Elyse is right about not giving up on everything else. As for Jessica, don't give up on her. She may crash and burn, and then she's going to need you to help pick up the pieces."

"How bad?" I asked.

"So far, it's just the attitude. But that seeps into your work, as you well know, and it could lead to mistakes. Serious mistakes. And that could ruin her career. It's one thing to be expelled on a disciplinary issue. That can be worked out, and it's possible to be reinstated. But a medical error? Nobody can predict what will happen. And being dismissed for something like that is on your record forever. She could even lose her medical license."

"Jesus," I whispered.

"I suggested to the Chief Resident that Jessica take a week of vacation to get her head screwed on straight, but Jessica outright refused. We can't make her go without something negative showing up on her permanent record, and we really don't want to do that. But if we think patients are seriously at risk, we'll have to act. Maybe, and I'm hoping against hope, you aren't the father, and that ends this entire episode."

"Don't hold your breath, Al. The facts of the case are pretty damning. I was with this woman at the right time, and given the circumstances, I can't imagine that she was with someone else in the time that followed before she would have missed her period. It's possible, but unlikely."

"Then all we can do is hope that Jessica comes to her senses."

"I agree. I keep coming to the ER at 4:00pm and waiting for her, but she always goes out the other door. I thought about coming inside, but I decided that would be a bad idea."

"It might provoke a reaction that results in her being expelled, and if it were bad enough, there wouldn't be much I could do to have her readmitted. It pains me to say this, but she wouldn't be the first doctor to wash out because of outside stress."

"Doc, I'd rather lose her forever than have that happen. I know that sounds bad, but being a doctor means everything to her. If she washes out, I'm afraid of what she'll do."

"You and me both, Steve," Al said grimly. "You and me both."

I went back to the office after lunch and let Dave know I was ready for the meeting with Jeri. The three of us went into the conference room and sat down. Jeri looked nervous, scared even, and I knew that was totally my fault. It had started as a simple disagreement over how to complete a task and I'd blown it completely out of proportion, eventually yelling at Jeri and asking her if she was stupid. It hadn't been one of my finer moments.

"Jeri, I'm sorry. I had no business yelling at you, or anyone, for that matter. It was unprofessional. I hope you'll accept my apology and we can continue working together. I've been under a tremendous amount of stress, but that is no excuse for my behavior."

"It's OK," she said nervously. "I was really worried that I'd done something wrong."

"It was me, Jeri. I promise. Dave let me know just how badly I'd behaved this morning and I agreed with him that we should have this meeting and that I should apologize."

"Thanks. I want to keep working together."

"Good," I said. "Me too."

"Jeri, go on back to your workstation," Dave said. "I need to talk a bit more with Steve."

She got up and left the conference room, closing the door behind her.

"Steve, as your friend, I understand you're under stress. You haven't shared any details with me, and for you, that's rare. Whatever it is, I'll help if I can."

"Thanks, Dave. But right now, I can't share anything. When I can, I will."

"OK. Now, as your boss, I have to say that I simply will NOT tolerate that kind of behavior on my team. Do you hear me?"

"Yes. I won't let it happen again."

"You damned well better not. That poor girl almost quit!"

"I'm sorry," I said.

"I know. Go back to your office. Work on something else this afternoon. I know you have plenty to do. You can work with Jeri again starting tomorrow."

"Thanks, Dave," I said.

I headed back to my office and fixed bugs until Gwen called.

"We won both our motions," she said. "I thought that the judge might take the separate maintenance claim under advisement, but he agreed that the law is clear. Opposing counsel said that they would appeal, but as the judge pointed out, the appeal will be heard by the very court that made the ruling on which the judge relied, and which was affirmed by the Illinois Supreme Court. I don't think they'll get anywhere."

"When is the DNA testing?"

"I'm going to call the lab and arrange it. You can just go yourself; you don't have to coordinate with Miss Rizzi."

"OK. Let me know."

"There are a couple of things you need to know. Her attorney amended the complaint to demand sole custody and no visitation, and filed a motion for an emergency restraining order to prevent you from seeing the child."

"What the fuck?" I said.

"I have NO idea what their game is," she said. "I'm usually able to anticipate tactics, but neither of these makes sense to me. The judge denied the emergency application for a restraining order, but scheduled a hearing on it in two weeks. I filed a notice that I want to depose his client on this matter. You have a right to be at that deposition, though I would strongly advise you not to insist on being there."

"Why?" I asked.

"You know the old saw about never asking a question you don't know the answer to?"

"Yes."

"Well, in this case, I have no idea what their strategy is or what their plan is. And because of that, I don't want you anywhere near Miss Rizzi or her attorneys. Right now, our best strategy is to get the DNA test done and hope that it excludes you from being the father."

"Let me know," I said.

"I'll call you tomorrow with the details. Just be warned, this isn't a rape case or a murder case, so it might be a month before we have the results."

"You can't speed it up?"

"There aren't that many labs in Chicago that can do this test, and they have to prioritize."

"OK. And Gwen, on that sole custody issue? If they press it, I want you to file the exact same claim on my behalf. Scorched earth. Fire with fire."

"One step at a time, Steve. I know how to play this game to win. I was just surprised by this move on their part. Don't worry about it right now."

"You heard me, Gwen. If Rachel is my daughter, I'll spend every penny I have to make sure I can see her and be a part of her life."

"I know."

I hung up the phone and went to see Elyse. I told her what Gwen had said, and then went back to work fixing bugs.

October 29, 1988, Chicago, Illinois

"Steve, please!" Kara pleaded.

"I just don't feel like it," I said. "You go to the party. I'm going to stay in our room. I'm not going to be very good company, anyway. I told you that I snapped at Jeri and just about bit her head off!"

"You are NOT going to stay in here and sulk. You're going to put on your costume and try to enjoy yourself, at least as much as you can."

"Everyone is going to know that Jess isn't here! I don't want to deal with that!"

"All your close friends know, Steve. I called all of them. It was all I could do to keep Kathy and Bethany from rushing to the house, but I convinced them that you were OK. Now, are you going to prove me wrong?"

"But I'm NOT OK," I protested.

"Fine. I convinced them that you weren't suicidal, or homicidal, or any other 'cidal that needed their immediate attention. I even used your line with them."

"And what was that?" I asked.

"That at this point, you belong to me, and to a lesser extent, Elyse, and it's our responsibility. You know, just like you did with Stephie and Jason."

"Do they know WHY?" I asked.

"Don't be upset, Snuggle Bear, but I told both Bethany and Kathy what happened. They won't tell anyone."

I sighed, "I guess it had to come out eventually. I told Penny. She knew something was seriously wrong. You can imagine her response."

"That she was going to hunt this girl down and do away with her?"

"More or less."

"Did Sensei Jim try to call Jessica?"

"He left a message for her on Friday. She didn't call him back. I don't think that she will. When I talked to Al yesterday, he said she was still in the same mood that she's been for the past ten days."

"I know Kathy left her a message as well," Kara said. "But I don't think Jessica called her back."

"She won't," I sighed. "She's cut off everyone, including Doctor Barton. I didn't think that was even possible."

"Will you put on your costume, please?"

"But I wore this last year," I protested.

"I know. But you've been in such a mood that I knew it would just turn into a fight if I tried to get you to talk about a costume. Nobody will care, Steve. I'm going as Buttercup again. Please? Do this for me?"

"Can't everyone just let me have a snit for once?" I growled. "Don't I deserve that?"

"No. Elyse told you why."

"I'm beginning to regret ever taking her up on her offer to live with me!" I said angrily, and almost meaning it.

"No, you aren't! Look, is sulking going to get Jessica to come back?"

"No," I sighed.

"And is it going to help your kids? Or me? Or Elyse? Or your work? Or karate?"

"You know, you can be really annoying!"

"You only say that when you know one of us girls is right."

"Fine. As you wish."

I did love Kara, and meant that line as Westley had meant it in The Princess Bride.

"Much better!" Kara said with her usual lovely smile.

I put on the costume that I'd worn the previous year, and did my best to get myself into at least a passable mood, but it was hard. I missed Jessica something fierce, and each day I was becoming more and more convinced that she'd never speak to me again. Those two things were tearing me up inside, but I didn't know what to do. I let Kara lead me down the stairs, where I saw Bethany and Kathy waiting for me.

"We need him, Kara," Kathy said.

"Be gentle," Kara giggled. "I don't think he's had any in nearly two weeks!"

"Then this IS serious," Bethany said.

They took my arms and led me to the Indian room and shut and locked the door behind us.

"Kara only gave us the outline," Bethany said, "Will you tell us more?"

I sighed and indicated the basket chairs. The three of us sat down and I told them everything I knew to that point.

"You spoke with Carla back then, Bethany," I said. "Does ANY of this make sense?"

"I guess it depends on what you mean. Remember, all the legal stuff is orchestrated by lawyers to try to win. If you want my opinion, the restraining order and sole custody without visitation are negotiating points. She can only get a fixed amount from you, unless they can convince the judge that there are extenuating circumstances. On the other hand, you can offer anything you like and the court will sign off on it, so long as it meets or exceeds the formula minima."

"So you're saying that they'll come back and offer visitation in exchange for a higher payment than the law specifies?"

"That's my opinion," Bethany said. "I've seen similar things in custody battles for some of my clients. When are you having your DNA sample taken?"

"Friday. That was the soonest that the lab could get me in. And I guess Carla and Rachel won't be swabbed until the week after next. I don't know why there's a delay there. Given that, with Thanksgiving, Gwen is saying that the results won't be back until the first or second week of December. I tried to get Gwen to expedite things, but this is where we are."

"What's your gut feeling?" Kathy asked.

"That I'm the father. Nothing else makes sense. The only thing that gives me slight pause is that this is the same law firm that I tangled with before, with Callie Shepherd and the cheating incident."

"That seems awfully suspicious," Kathy agreed.

"I think so, but Jamie is reasonably sure it's just a coincidence because that law firm has a reputation for aggressively pursuing claims. We've seen that first hand."

"Kathy, when did you try to call Jessica?" Bethany asked.

"Last Tuesday, after Kara called me. I left a second message on Thursday. She didn't call back."

"Doctor Barton says that she's cut off everyone, including him. Her friend Alicia said the same thing," I added.

"How can we help you?" Kathy asked.

"Just be my friend," I said. "I don't think anyone can fix this right now except Jessica. Or the long-shot of a negative match on the DNA test."

"Let us know. What's the next thing that's going to happen?"

"Gwen Meyer, that's my attorney, is deposing Carla on Monday. There's a hearing on the restraining order on Wednesday."

"Have you even tried to see Carla or the child?" Bethany asked.

"No."

"Then they won't get the TRO. You don't pose a danger of any kind, have no criminal past, and have no history of abuse that they could point to. I'll be curious to hear what Carla says in the deposition."

"Bethany, would you talk to Gwen? You don't have any responsibility to Carla for privacy."

"If you think it would help."

"I have Gwen's emergency number. Let's go to my study and call her. You might have some useful information for the deposition."

"Whatever you need," Bethany said.

The three of us went to my study, and I dialed the emergency number Gwen had given me. She answered, and I explained why I was calling. She asked to talk to Bethany, so I put Bethany on the phone. They spoke for fifteen minutes, and then Bethany handed me the phone.

"That was VERY helpful," Gwen said. "I have some insight into Miss Rizzi's state of mind. That said, I have to say that everything Bethany said leads me to believe that you are indeed the father."