Chapter 63: Playing a Melody

September 4, 1988, Chicago, Illinois

"Bill's on the pole for today's race," I said when we arrived home from Saint Innocent of Moscow. "The race starts in about five minutes, so if one of you would fix lunch, I'd appreciate it."

"I'll do it, Tiger. I don't care if I miss them going around in circles the first fifty times!"

"Darlington is an oval," I said snarkily. "An egg-shaped oval. Or, to be supremely nerdy, the 'long' half of a prolate spheroid, joined to a 'short' half of a roughly spherical ellipsoid, or even a slightly oblate spheroid!"

"Oh, shut up!" Jessica exclaimed, laughing. "I don't mind missing them going around in an egg-shaped oval the first fifty times or so! Go turn on the TV before you miss it and blame me!"

Kara and I took Jesse into the great room with us and I turned on the TV just in time to see the cars roll off pit lane and onto the 'Lady in Black'. The Darlington track, often called 'The Track Too Tough to Tame', was, as I'd said to Jessica, a mile-long egg-shaped oval track. Legend had it that one end of the track was narrower than the other because the farmer who owned a minnow pond wouldn't allow it to be removed to build the track.

"Is a mile-long track a short track?" Kara asked.

"Not really," I said. "It's kind of an intermediate track. Obviously, it's not a superspeedway like Daytona or Talladega, but it's also not like Martinsville or Bristol. The narrow end of the track makes it seem like a short track, though. Bill's done OK here. His biggest win turned out to be in '85 when winning Darlington let him win the Winston Million and earned him the nickname 'Million Dollar Bill', though I seriously prefer 'Awesome Bill from Dawsonville'."

"So he has a good chance?" she asked as the green flag fell.

"I think so. He just jumped everyone on that start and he has clear track ahead of him. The problem is that damned black #3 right behind him, and Wallace in the #27 who's only a couple of cars back. Those are the guys he has to beat. Winning isn't as important as finishing in front of them."

"That's just strange," Kara said.

"Tell me about it! NASCAR points reward consistency more than winning. I think there should be a much bigger point spread from first to second and second to third. Right now, it's possible for the 2nd place finisher to have an equal number of points with the first place finisher, if the second-place finisher leads the most laps."

"How would you set it up?" she asked.

"Well, instead of 180 to win, I'd make it 200 to win, 175 for second, 160 for third, then drop ten points for each position until you get to eighteenth, and then everyone else gets five points for starting the race, but nothing more. No bonus for leading the most laps or leading a lap."

"Bill would have won the championship in '85 based on that formula, right?"

"Yes, I think so. I'd have to calculate it for sure, but he won 11 races and only finished 100 points behind Waltrip. A lot would depend on where Waltrip and Elliott finished when they didn't place in the top five. If I remember right, Waltrip had an average finish that was one spot better than Bill over the course of the year. I don't think that could overcome the couple of hundred points advantage Bill would have had from my way of scoring."

"He looks good right now! He's already lapping some cars!"

"That happens because he's so far out front on a clear track."

Jessica brought in sandwiches and chips, and glasses of lemonade. A short while later, Jennifer came to collect Jesse and took him back to the coach house.

The caution fell at lap 41, but Bill managed to maintain the lead after pit stops. He held it through another caution period, until lap 108, when Sterling Marlin passed him. Bill got back in the lead about fifteen laps later, but only led for ten, before being passed by Geoffrey Bodine.

"Damn it! He needs to get back in front!" I groused.

"He's still ahead of Wallace and Earnhardt," Kara said.

That was true until a few laps later, when Earnhardt passed Bill and then took the lead. Earnhardt and Wallace traded the lead back and forth, with occasional laps led by Bodine, Ricky Rudd, and Marlin. Bill just couldn't get back to the front. It held that way until a late caution, on lap 328. When the cars came back on the track after pit stops, and the green flag fell on lap 331, Bill powered his way to the lead and never looked back. Wallace and Earnhardt tried their damnedest to pass Bill, but in the end, he beat Wallace back to the line by a quarter of a second.

"That was TOO close!" I said, breathing a sigh of relief.

"How many points will he gain?" Jessica asked.

"Well, I think he led the most laps, so it should be ten on Wallace and fifteen on Earnhardt. The problem is, that next week they're at Richmond, which is a three-quarter-mile track. If Bill can get a top-ten, he'll be in good shape."

"Keep thinking positive thoughts," Kara said.

"I will!"

September 5, 1988, Chicago, Illinois

"So, what are you going to do?" Jessica asked as Kara and I walked her to work.

"I don't know yet," I said. "I told Melody that I'd meet her for breakfast and we'd take it from there. No promises."

"You're really struggling with this one, aren't you?" Kara observed.

"Yes. It's complicated, I guess. I know I say that about a lot of things, but I'm trying to figure out the right balance. I told you what Jolene said yesterday."

Kara giggled, "I still say you should have thrown her down on the mat and relieved her of her frustration in the way you do best!"

"I know you're teasing, Kara," Jessica said. "I think Steve made the right decision. These are complicated relationships and he has to see them regularly at the dojo, and with Melody, also at the house, because she's one of Stephanie's friends. It's different with that girl up in Milwaukee. He's not going to travel up there just to see her, and he's not going to invent work that he'd have to bill to his Russian friends as a pretext."

"So you don't have a problem if I see her again at some point?" I asked.

"No." Jessica said. "You didn't give any indication that there's a budding relationship or anything like that."

"A friendship, I guess. But it's uncomplicated. One of the few things that is! Tasha was complicated. Lyudmila could have been complicated, but she turned out not to be. Jolene is complicated. Melody is complicated. In fact, all of Stephanie's friends would be complicated, for much the same reason."

"That sounds like you're saying that any girl who has any interaction with you, except on rare occasions, creates a problem," Kara responded.

"Has the potential to be a problem," I countered. "Just being complicated isn't a problem, it's what those complications are. I've run into plenty of difficult situations in the past, as I'm sure you can imagine. A lot of girls have difficulty separating sex from love, and my concern is emotional attachment. Tasha was a prime example of that, and Penny was as well. Or is. That's one of those situations that are SO complicated that I can't contemplate it. It's the same thing that kept me from giving in to Becky on several occasions. But obviously, I let my guard down a few times there."

"You're worried that Melody won't be able to handle it as just a fuck?" Kara asked.

"Exactly. Some girls can. Some can't. I'm sure there are guys like that, too, though I suspect they're an extreme minority. And even when they set out to just fuck, sometimes it doesn't work out that way."

"Like with me," Kara said.

"Precisely."

"Which is why you wouldn't have sex with me at first. You thought I might develop an attachment that you couldn't reciprocate."

I nodded, "That's right."

We walked up the sidewalk to the door and I pressed the brake on the carriage wheel.

"I'm sure you'll do the right thing," Jessica said. "You usually do."

"I don't want to hurt her," I said.

"I know," she said.

We hugged and kissed, and then Jess and Kara hugged and kissed. Jessica bent down to kiss Birgit, then walked through the double-doors to whatever awaited her inside. I released the brake on the carriage, and Kara and I started our walk home.

"What are your plans for the day?" I asked.

"We're taking all the kids to the park. We'll have a picnic and stay all afternoon. We're leaving around 9:00am, and Kathy, Julia, Carol, and Ginny are meeting us there with their kids. The guys are playing golf, so they won't miss the girls. And Jennifer and I gave Veronica the day off."

"Leila and Alejandra are leaving early because they're going to a cookout with Sofia and Stavros at his parents' house in Racine," I said. "And Stephanie and Jorge had something going on today."

"You could bring Melody to the house, then. Nobody will be home before 6:00pm."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea," I said. "If we do this, her dorm is a better choice for a host of reasons."

"I thought you might want to use the sauna. It's a nice, relaxing, calming place to talk."

"Until things heat up!" I chuckled. "I'll think about it."

"Don't overthink it, Snuggle Bear. Just see where she's at and take it from there."

"That's my plan," I said.

"Are you happy overall, Snuggle Bear?"

"Yes, I think so. Do you think that I'm not?"

"I don't know, actually. Your children make you happy, but you just don't seem to be yourself, I guess."

"Too sober? Too thoughtful? Too introspective?"

"You've always been introspective; maybe too sober and thoughtful, or maybe just preoccupied. I know your responsibilities at work and karate require all of that, but, for example, you didn't start skydiving again like you planned."

"The new drop zone is even further away," I said. "It would be an extra forty-five minutes to get there. And honestly, I just don't have the time. What do you propose that I do? And don't say that I need to find more dalliances. That is NOT the problem!"

"No," Kara smiled. "It's not that. I think you need some time to just relax. We should plan a vacation. I think that actually might be it."

"When? If Jess gets pregnant, she'll have her baby early next Summer which pretty much means no vacation before school starts for you again."

"How about December? Classes end on the 1st, and exams are over on the 9th. Maybe Jess could get a week off, then?"

"What would we do?"

"Nothing!" Kara said. "Nothing at all! We'd rent a cabin somewhere in Wisconsin or Minnesota or the Upper Peninsula and build a fire and make love for a week!"

"What do we do with Birgit?"

"Bring her along, of course! She won't mind if the three of us make love as long as she gets fed!"

"I think that sounds like a good idea," I said. "Getting away from everything. No phone. No TV. No computer."

"Do you want me to look into it?" she asked.

"Yes, and we can talk to Jess about it tonight. She's already planning one week off for Orthodox Holy Week next year."

"I'll find a nice, cozy, out-of-the way place for us to go."

"Thanks," I said.

When we arrived back home, we went up to our room, and I lay with Kara while she fed Birgit. I left about 5:00am to run with Jacquelyn, and when we finished, I headed back home for a shower. Kara and I cuddled with Birgit after my shower. The love I felt from Kara and the feelings we both shared being with Birgit made me wish we could stay in bed all day; but I knew we both had places to go and people to meet today.

I left just before 7:30am to meet Melody at a small breakfast café near the Museum of Science and Industry. It was a bit chilly for early September, with the temperature hovering around 50°F. I had on a light jacket as well as my usual fedora, and when I saw Melody, she was wearing a cable-knit sweater and had her hands shoved into the pocket of her jeans.

"You could have waited inside," I said when I walked up to her.

"It's not so bad, but I expected it to be a bit warmer!"

"Hey, it's Chicago. If you don't like the weather, wait a day and it will change!"

We walked into the café and were seated right away. I refused the menu and just ordered coffee, bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast, and Melody did the same.

"So?" she asked.

"Let's just eat breakfast and worry about what comes next after we eat. How was your first week of school?"

"Good," she said. "Not much happens, really. In each class, we get our syllabus and our first reading assignment, and maybe a bit of homework. How is your business?"

"Busy, which is a good thing. Have you talked to Cheryl?"

"Almost every day. She's doing OK, I guess. She did go see the counselor you recommended, but she quit going. I'm not sure why. She seems to be doing better, though I'm a bit worried about her."

"Why?" I asked.

"I'm not sure I should say, but I need to talk to someone."

"I'll keep it to myself," I said.

"I think she's trying to prove that she's straight. She's been with at least three different guys since the party."

I nodded, "And I bet that's why she stopped seeing Doctor Alborg. He very likely told her that was destructive behavior. It doesn't work like that. I have another friend, someone you have never met, who used to live with us, who got married to prove that she was straight. At some point, that's going to blow up in her face, I'm sure. It may already have, but she more or less dropped out of our circle of friends a year ago, so I don't know."

"So what should I do?"

"Be her friend. Don't judge her, but encourage her to use protection and get tested for STDs. Gently encourage her to seek professional help. Society is so damned judgmental, and friends and parents can be the worst. I've been around gay and bisexual people since High School, and I've seen the shit that society dishes out. Jennifer's dad took a long time to come around, and Josie's parents barely tolerate her relationship with Jennifer. I've had my fill of judgmental assholes on just about every topic imaginable."

"So you don't think it's wrong? In any way?"

"Is what you're hoping we do wrong? In any way?"

"I don't think so, obviously."

I smiled, "I'm not sure that's so obvious. You had to think about it for nearly a month. And what would your parents say about it?"

"It's different. We're straight, you know, normal."

"I am ANYTHING but normal," I said fiercely. "And I'll be damned if I will allow anyone to tell me that what Jennifer and Josie do is abnormal in ANY way. They love each other, for Pete's sake! Where the fuck do you get off saying that it's not normal?"

"Sorry," she said, cringing at my outburst. "Please don't be angry with me!"

I took a deep breath and blew it out.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm not angry and I shouldn't have blown up like that. But it's exactly that attitude that is the problem. You and I don't get to define for anyone else what their relationship should be. Do you want your parents to define yours?"

"No way!"

"Well, then why do you think you should define Cheryl's? Or Jennifer's?"

"No, I guess not. But it's weird. You know, to think of two guys like that. Yuck!"

"Melody, I'm about as straight as they come. I would feel the same way about sex with a guy or watching two guys have sex. But guess what? Nobody is MAKING me do that. What they do is their business. And besides, I bet there are things men and women do which you feel that way about!"

"But what if they kiss in public and stuff?"

"You've kissed in public, haven't you?"

"Of course!"

"So, what's the issue?"

"Uh ... uhm ... I ... uh ... I don't know. I guess it just makes me uncomfortable."

"Your comfort isn't their problem," I said gently. "You were pretty uncomfortable with the things that Lisa, Peggy, and I revealed that we'd done in the past. And I seem to recall you offering that you would do anything I wanted! Think that through a minute."