Chapter 38: One of Those Moods

March 26, 1988, Chicago, Illinois

"How did you two do on your midterms?" I asked my ROTC tutoring students.

"We both got B's, believe it or not!" Pablo said.

"I told you I have a reputation to live up to! And you've had A's on your assignments since I started tutoring you. You're both carrying a C in the class now, right?"

"Yes," Ron said.

"Good. Between assignments and the final, you'll end up with a B if you keep going the way you are now."

"I'm amazed at how much easier it is. Why can't Doctor Bauer explain it like you do?"

"I think it's different to lecture to a room of two hundred Freshmen than to work one-on-one with people. I can adjust how I explain things to your individual needs. Doctor Bauer has to teach the way that works best for the majority. It's why I've had quite a few tutoring requests over the years."

"He mentioned your name in class as an example of how IIT students can succeed. I guess you and three other students started your company?"

"Four others if you count Penny O'Neil, who's a current student, and was in High School when she started working for me. I have some other IIT grads or students working for NIKA as well. Shall we get to work on your assignments?"

They pulled out the latest assignment, and we began discussing how to solve the problem, and how to write the code in FORTRAN. I absolutely detested FORTRAN, but I had never been able to convince Doctor Bauer that BASIC was a better option. I thought, perhaps, with PCs really taking off, he might change his mind. But for now, it was FORTRAN in CS100 and PASCAL in CS200.

When we finished, I was confident that they had a solid grasp of the latest concepts, and I encouraged them to let new cadets know about the tutoring in the Fall.

"Are you only tutoring ROTC cadets?" they asked.

"I think so. I don't have a lot of spare time. What I do have, I want to use to help you Navy and Marine guys as best I'm able to."

They handed over their tutoring fees, and I walked them to the door. Kara's chemistry study group was still in the Indian room, so I decided to head to the office for a few hours.

"Hey, Tasha," I said, waving to her as I walked in.

"Do you have a minute?" she asked.

I walked over to her cubicle and pulled a guest chair over to sit on.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Is there a rule about me dating someone at NIKA?" she asked.

"No. Just about me or one of the other managers dating the staff. Are you and Zeke going out?"

"He asked me out, but I wanted to check with you first."

"My only caution is that if things don't work out, you two will still have to work together. If you can keep things professional in the office, no matter what, then I don't see any reason to tell you to not do it."

"Do you think he's OK for me?" she asked, sounding almost like a little girl talking to her father.

"I don't think that's up to me, Tasha," I said gently. "You have to decide that."

"But I trust you, and want your opinion," she said.

This was exactly what I'd thought was going to happen, and I suspected something similar from Penny, especially since her cheating incident.

"Yes, Tasha, he's a nice guy, and I think it would be fine for you to go out on a date with him."

She smiled, "Cool! Thanks!"

"You're welcome. I saw that you received a splendid review. Congratulations."

"I work really hard and try to always do better than Dave expects!"

"Which is what I hope everyone here tries to do!"

She smiled and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. I took that as the end of the conversation, so I got up and after I put the guest chair back, I went to my office.

"Hi!" Penny said, jumping up to kiss me on the cheek. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed some extra time to get my Unix server working. I'm close. I just installed C-News and now I have to configure my Telebit Trailblazer+ and get it to call UUNET via UUCP. Once I get that working, then I have to configure sendmail, and then I'll have a full Usenet feed and electronic mail access to anyone connected directly or indirectly to UUNET."

"What's 'Usenet'?" she asked.

"It's a store-and-forward discussion system. Sort of like a BBS. It's something cool to have. Being able to send electronic mail to people other than our customers that have cc:Mail will be awesome. I'm going to ask Greg to see if there is a way we can gateway our cc:Mail to this Unix server that I have here."

"That sounds totally cool! I didn't know that you were working on something like that."

"It's been part time, but I had some extra time today because Kara's chemistry study group is still meeting and Jess is working."

She went back to work, and I unboxed the new modem and connected it to the computer, then plugged in the phone line. After a few attempts, I got UUCP configured to call UUNET, and then started working on my sendmail configuration. The M4 macro language was quite convoluted, and I quickly ran into a problem that I couldn't resolve. I decided to get C-News configured and see if I could find some help in one of the newsgroups. I'd finally got it set up and transferring news when I had to head back to the house to make dinner. That meant leaving the solution to the problem with sendmail until I had some time to work on it during the week.

March 27, 1988, Chicago, Illinois

"Fifteenth!" I sighed when the race started on Sunday afternoon. "If Bill can't qualify better than that, he's toast."

"Why are you so resigned to him falling short?" Kara asked. "This is only the fifth race! There's plenty of time. And, he could easily win from fifteenth."

"He could, but he's starting behind most of the guys who are ahead of him in points. On the plus side, Bonnett is starting 25th, so that should help Bill gain on him."

"You usually aren't so negative, Snuggle Bear. Have some faith. Don't you think Bill will do it for Stephie?"

"I hope so," I said.

In the end, Bill only managed to lead a single lap, and the Fords had nothing for Lake Speed's Oldsmobile. Speed easily held off Kulwicki, Davey Allison, and Elliott to win the race.

"See! He finished fourth!" Kara smiled. "Didn't you say 'top 5' was the key to winning the Cup?"

"Yes, I did. And Bill's up to 6th in points based on the graphic they just showed. He's only 78 points behind Earnhardt. Bonnet finishing thirty laps down helped a lot, and Bill finished in front of everyone who was ahead of him in points! And Kulwicki finishing second was amazing! Jason and the pit crew were really on top of things. The Fords look like they are really getting it together, though they still have work to do."

"Now you sound positive! I like that much better than the 'Gloomy Gus' attitude that you had when the race started!"

"I don't think I'd be so negative if it weren't for the promise. It kind of feels like Bill's letting her down. I promise to have a positive attitude next week!"

"What's that line from the movie you like so much?"

I laughed; she was referring to Kelly's Heroes.

"Always with the negative waves Moriarty, always with the negative waves!" I chuckled.

"Exactly! So, no more 'negative waves'. Just think good thoughts!"

"That is what 'Oddball' says in the movie! Shall we go find Jess?"

"She said she needed until 4:00pm. We have about an hour. Want to take a walk?"

"Sure," I said.

We put on our light Spring jackets and then walked along Woodlawn holding hands. Jessica's studying was taking even more time away from the small amount that we could spend together. The next three months were going to be really tough.

"You miss spending time with her, don't you?" Kara asked, reading my mind.

"I do. I mean, what do we do together at this point? We have breakfast five days a week, we have dinner four days, and we sleep most of the time. She's home, except Sunday, when she sleeps and studies for her Boards. I make love with Elyse more than I do with my wife!"

Kara laughed softly, "I know you well enough that you are NOT complaining about sex with Elyse!"

"No, of course not. And Leila has cashed in four of her coupons as well. But the only time we really have a chance to be with Jess is while we're sleeping! The last time the three of us made love was over two weeks ago!"

"Have you talked to her about it?" Kara asked.

"Not really. I don't want to make her feel worse than she already does. She knows the problem as well as I do. I guess I'm just whining to you because you'll listen."

"She'll have an entire week off, starting a week from today. That should let us spend some time together."

"Yes, but she already told me that she needs to study a few hours every day."

"A few hours, Snuggle Bear. There will be plenty of time to spend together. I do have a question for you."

"What's that?"

"Are you aware that she's thinking very seriously about getting pregnant?"

"I got that impression and we talked about it briefly. I think she feels like she's being left out, so to speak. My concern is she'll let the worry about that push her to do something that would mess up her plans to volunteer with MSF, or interfere with her training."

"I agree, but you have to consider her emotional state, and the fact that Jennifer, Elyse, and I will all have babies by you, and she won't."

"It's her emotional state that I'm worried about," I said. "I don't think adding a baby of her own to her current stress is a smart idea. I was a bit worried when you decided to have our first baby together before you finished your Master's, but you are one of the least-stressed people that I know. Jess, on the other hand, is already so stressed out that she can barely keep it together."

"You'll break her heart if you refuse, you know," Kara said softly.

"And she'll have a breakdown at the rate she's going," I said. "Adding a baby isn't going to help."

"You have to let her decide. And then we'll help her through it."

"I suppose so. How are you doing? How far can we walk?"

"I'm fine. We can keep going as long as you like. I haven't really had any issues with my feet like the other girls. I'm pretty much at the point where I have to stop karate, because my belly is going to get in the way. Not to mention other things!"

I chuckled, "You didn't need any help in the breast department!"

"No, I didn't! I feel fine and I'm happy. That's good enough for me!"

"Me, too," I said, squeezing her hand.

"How are YOU doing?"

"I'm fine, I think. Or do you see some kind of problem?"

Kara laughed, "We girls can usually tell when something's wrong, even if you don't know it yourself, at least consciously. Right now, I think everything seems fine, except for your concerns about Jess. You're spending time with the guys; you love your boys to death and spend lots of time with them; you and Elyse have a healthy sex life; you have Leila to play with from time to time; work is going well; you and your dad were able to spend time together; and karate gives you exercise and mental discipline."

"So it's only Jessica?" I asked.

"Well, that and what I suppose is your never-ending spiritual quest. I remember Father Basil saying that the Good Friday services at Saint Innocent were really special. Would you want to go?"

"It would take time away from being with Jess," I sighed.

"Not that much, really. It would only be a few hours. And we'd be together, the three of us. I think you worry too much. It's only three months and she'll be done with these 90-hour weeks. She'll have her license, and she'll be on regular surgical shifts doing general, not trauma, surgery."

"I don't think I worry too much," I said. "I think Jess is heading for a breakdown of some kind. Physical, emotional, mental."

"Why don't you talk to Doctor Barton?" Kara asked. "I don't seem to be able to get through to you."

"Because I'm truly worried about her and about our marriage. We knew it was going to be hard, but it's even harder than we thought."

"So you've decided to become a pussy and run from a challenge? Is that it?" Kara asked sharply.

I laughed, hard, causing Kara to give me a strange look.

"I always thought that was an odd way to call someone a coward," I smirked. "After all, a pussy bleeds for a week every month, and can take a pounding and come back for more!"

Kara giggled, "OK. But you know what I meant!"

"I never said I was giving up or running from the challenge, just that it was harder than I expected it to be. I'm here and I'm sure as hell not going anywhere. You know that!"

"I do. But you get yourself into these moods. You've done it over Bill Elliott, even though there's a long way to go in the race season. You're doing it over Jess. You did it over Kaitlin, which almost caused you to chastise Jess for a minor act that you took as a slight!"

"Shit!" I sighed. "I am working myself into one of my moods, aren't I?"

"Yes, you are!" she smirked. "But once I get you to see it, you get yourself out of it. I thought I might have to get Jess to allow a virgin sacrifice to snap you out of it!"

I laughed, "There is no way I'd throw an available virgin into a volcano!" I chuckled. "They're far too valuable for that!"

"Fawn would have you in a heartbeat!" Kara teased.

"And then I could watch my last heartbeat as Doctor Barton cut my heart out of my chest and held it in front of my dying eyes. You know, like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Only instead of Kali, it would be Saint Luke, the patron of doctors! Thanks, but no thanks!"

"Maybe you ARE a coward!" Kara giggled.

"Oh stop! You know damned well she's off limits and why. And besides, I doubt Jess would EVER countenance a dalliance with Fawn under any circumstances, tight reins or no."

"It's been four months. I think if you ask her, she might loosen up the reins."

"I'm in no position to ask. And even if I was, I don't know any eligible girls, and I'm not really looking for one at this point."

"Then you missed your little sister's friends from UofC giving you the eye."

"You're trying to stir up trouble again!" I smirked.

"Not at all! Remember, I know you. One of the sure signs that you're due for a dalliance is working yourself into snits."

"I think what I'm due for is making love with my wives. And I don't mean just a quick lovemaking session before falling asleep. That's what I need. That's all I need right now."

"But you know I have to be really careful for the next couple of months."

"I know," I said. "And I am NOT complaining about that. You and I make love regularly. It feels a bit odd to do it without Jessica there, but she made it clear that we should."

"Yes, she did. We should give her something extra special during her vacation!" Kara giggled.

"You know I won't complain about that!" I chuckled.

"No, I'm sure you won't! But I am a bit concerned that when I have our baby, and Jess is still working her crazy shifts, you'll feel, well, neglected. This won't be like with Jennifer or Elyse."