Chapter 17: Defining Relationships

September 24, 1987, Chicago, Illinois

"Positive!" Kara shrieked from the bathroom very early on Thursday morning.

"Kara!" I said in a strong whisper. "It's 4:15am! You'll wake everyone!"

"Oh, let her be happy, Tiger! She's pregnant!"

"I have to call my mom!" she said.

"It's too early!" I protested.

It didn't do me any good. Kara flew naked across the bedroom to the phone and dialed the number. It took nearly a minute for someone to answer, and I assumed it was Paul when Kara asked for her mom. A few seconds later, Kara was shrieking into the phone that she was pregnant.

"She woke them both up at 4:15am to tell them something that could have waited two hours," I whispered.

"Men!" Jessica huffed.

"What?" I asked.

"First of all, it's 5:15am in Ohio. Second, she's happier than I've ever seen her, and that's saying something. And you want to pour cold water on her! Aren't you happy?"

"Of course! But not enough to wake up my dad to tell him! It could have waited."

"Men!" she huffed again.

I knew I wasn't going to win the argument, so I just kept my mouth shut while Kara babbled, incoherently, I thought, into the phone about being pregnant and happy. I needed to make breakfast for Jessica before walking her to the hospital, so I got up and dressed. Kara was still on the phone when I went down to the kitchen, so Jess stayed with her. They came down to the kitchen about five minutes later while I was making bacon, eggs, and toast.

"How's your mom?" I asked.

"Happy! She can't wait to have grandkids!"

"Wasn't it a bit early to call her?" I asked.

"No way! My first baby? Her first grandchild? Aren't you happy?"

"Yes, but I just thought you could have waited until a bit later."

"Men!" Kara huffed, and Jessica smirked.

I gave up and went back to making breakfast. I understood that Kara was excited, but she'd basically known for a week that she was most likely pregnant, and it was roughly nine months before our baby would be born. I just couldn't understand how the news couldn't have waited a couple of hours.

But, as both girls had correctly pointed out, I was a guy. It was also true that I had two sons already, and as happy as I was about Kara being pregnant, I had to admit to myself that the third time wasn't quite the same as the first. But one thing was sure, I knew enough never to say that to either Kara or Jessica!

When we finished breakfast, Kara and I walked Jessica to work, and as usual, Kara and I walked to my office, where we hugged and kissed before she headed home. I put on some coffee and fired up my computer. When the coffee was ready, I poured myself a cup and got to work on the medical software.

"Steve, remember we need to go to the bank this afternoon," Elyse said when she came in about two hours later.

"It's on my calendar," I said. "I'll be back from my lunch with Doctor Bauer long before then."

We'd handed in all the documents requested to the bank, and they'd run my credit report. Today was an interview with the loan committee. I'd talked it through with Jamie, Joyce, Elyse, and my dad, and I was prepared. I just needed to take my mind off it, and programming was the best way to do that. Elyse walked away, and I turned back to my computer.

My lunch with Doctor Bauer was in the faculty lounge as it had been the previous times I'd eaten with him. We talked about NIKA, about the CS students that I'd met, and Doctor Bauer continued to encourage me to work on a Master's degree. I replied that I'd consider it, but I really had no interest in going back to school, and I absolutely didn't have the time to do it. I thanked Doctor Bauer for lunch and was back in the office with plenty of time to spare.

The meeting at the bank lasted about an hour and seemed more like an interrogation than an interview. My dad and Joyce had impressed on me the need to remain calm and not let the questions fluster me. The only time I was really at risk of losing my temper was when they asked a couple of questions about my relationship with Kara and about my two children.

The only reason that the information about the boys had been submitted was that the bank had asked for a list of dependents in addition to my tax returns, and I'd listed both Jesse and Matthew. I'd talked to Jamie about not listing them because technically I wasn't supporting them, but he was concerned about the bank discovering the information and denying the loan, or worse, finding out much later and claiming fraud.

"You did fine, Steve," Elyse said as we walked back towards the office. "They were more than a little confused about your kids, but Jamie was right about being up front about everything. I could tell they were a bit uncomfortable about the situation, but in the end, your credit and the business financials are all well within their lending guidelines."

"When do we hear from them?"

"By the end of next week. That's plenty of time to get everything finished before we have to close on the sale."

"Do I need to do anything else?"

"No. That interview was the last thing we needed to do. Everything else is in order."

When we returned to the office, both Penny and Tasha had arrived, and I decided it was time to talk to Tasha. I'd thought about doing it on Tuesday, but had wanted to see if she'd approached me first. I didn't want to have the conversation in the office, so I decided to wait until 5:00pm and ask her to walk to the house with me.

"Hi!" Penny said when I came into the office.

"Hi, Pretty Penny! How was school today?"

"Bo-ring! Like it is every day. The only thing that's even remotely challenging right now is chemistry, and Kara's helping me when I have questions. The computer class is the worst, because you taught me how to program in assembly four years ago!"

"Just hang in there," I said. "And keep your grades up."

"Straight A's so far!"

"Good!" I said. "Now get back to work!"

"Oh sure, you're out fooling around with Elyse and you tell ME to get back to work?"

"We were at the bank trying to get the loan for the new building! That's hardly 'fooling around'!"

"Uh-huh," she smirked, turning back to her keyboard.

I shook my head and sat down at my desk and started working. Just before 5:00pm I saved everything, said good night to Penny, got my usual kiss on the cheek and walked over to where Tasha was working.

"Hi," I said. "We need to talk."

"I'm kind of busy," she said, her eyes fixed on her screen.

"Tasha, we have to talk. You've been avoiding me ever since you left my house almost two weeks ago."

She shook her head and kept typing on her keyboard. There was no way that I could force her to talk to me, so I went back to my office, grabbed my fedora, and headed to the hospital to meet Jessica.

"Hi, Babe," I said, kissing her. "How was your day?"

"Quiet. I actually slept most of last night so I'll go to karate class today. How about you?"

"We had the meeting at the bank today. Elyse thought it went fine. Otherwise, lunch with Doctor Bauer and a usual day at the office."

When we arrived home, Sofia and I made dinner. After dinner, we all went to karate class. Jessica was making slow progress, but that was to be expected, given that she could only make one class a week. The other girls were progressing towards their belts and all of them would probably advance before the end of the year, though because Kara couldn't spar, she could only advance if Sensei Jim agreed to allow her to advance without that part of her test.

"Steve, check out the porch swing," my sister said as we walked up Woodlawn Avenue.

"Hi," I said when I walked up the steps to the porch.

"Hi," Tasha said quietly.

"OK if I sit down on the swing with you?"

"Sure," she said.

The girls went into the house and I sat down on the swing and waited for Tasha to talk.

"I'm sorry about before," she said.

"It's OK. I don't want to mess things up for you."

"You? You didn't do anything! It's all me," she blurted out. "It's my stupid problem!"

"Tasha, it's not stupid," I said gently. "You're just conflicted."

"But I shouldn't even be thinking what I'm thinking!" she sighed.

"And what's that?"

She shook her head, "I can't say it again! I'm so confused."

"That's normal. Why don't you tell me what started all of this."

She bit her lower lip and was silent for a minute. Then the words virtually tumbled from her mouth.

"When you came to Pascha two years ago, I really liked you. I thought you liked me too, but you had the other girls with you. You were pretty young, so I thought it wasn't too serious, and that maybe you could ask me out when I came to IIT. But you went and got married before I could even go on a date with you! The problem was, I had these strange feelings that I couldn't make go away. I didn't say or do anything, but then I saw how Courtney acted around you and you didn't discourage her, so I thought maybe I should act the same way. But I was too afraid."

She took a breath, and I had a chance to respond.

"Tasha, you should NOT act like Courtney," I said.

"But guys like that! They like girls who offer to have sex with them!"

"I suppose that's true about guys in general. But that's a bad way to try to get a guy to like you. He'll take what you offer and then dump you. And that would break your heart."

"Then why do girls do it?" Tasha asked.

"Hang on. I was talking about what would happen to YOU if you did that. Courtney seems prepared for exactly that — just having some fun and moving on. I don't think you are. Courtney would have fun and then move on to the next guy. Is that what you want? Just some fun with no meaning attached to it?"

She looked at me for the first time since I'd sat down, and it was an intense look, deep into my eyes.

"I have no idea what I want," she sighed. "Part of me wants what I said last time. Part of me is scared to death."

"I'd say that what you're feeling is normal."

"So what do I do?" she asked.

I laughed involuntarily and Tasha recoiled.

"Sorry," I said. "I laughed because of the absurdity of the question. I can't decide that for you! In a sense, it would be like asking the fox to guard the henhouse!"

"Wait! You want to? With me?"

I had to be very, very careful how I phrased my answer to her question because I didn't want her asking for something because she thought I wanted it. That would only make a complicated situation even more complicated.

"Tasha, that's not what actually matters. I'm probably not the right guy for you for a bunch of reasons."

"You don't want to be with me that way?" she asked, a tear forming in her eye.

"That's not what I said! I said I'm not sure that it's a good idea. That's a different thing."

"Because you're married?"

"Because I can't have a relationship with you."

"You can't be my friend? Why?"

"Of course I can be your friend. But is this something you want to do for the first time, or any time, with a friend?"

"I don't know," she sighed.

"Have you talked to anyone else about this?"

"Penny," she said.

I smiled, "She might not have been the best choice. Someone like Sofia would be a good choice."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," I said gently.

"If I wanted to, and you wanted to, could you?"

"Probably."

"What's it like?" she asked softly.

"Now THAT is a question for someone besides me! I don't think a guy can tell a girl what it's like, and I'm not even sure another girl can tell you what it will be like for you."

"But you're good at it?"

I smiled, "Again, not a question for me! Every guy will say that he's great at it."

"Penny says you're the best!" Tasha giggled.

"Penny talks WAY too much," I chuckled.

And Penny and I were going to have a serious talk about her talking too much. I didn't need her talking to girls like Courtney and encouraging them. The last thing I wanted was anything even remotely like what had happened back in High School. I was pretty sure that Shari wouldn't talk about what we'd done, though I couldn't be sure. I hadn't seen her since school started, though Kara had mentioned that she was back and was doing OK.

"Thanks for talking to me," Tasha said. "And I'm sorry I tried to avoid you."

"Do you want to come inside?" I asked.

"No, I'm going back to my dorm. And you need a shower!" she said with a soft laugh, scrunching her nose.

"Sorry," I chuckled. "We just came from karate."

We got up, and I walked Tasha to her car. She gave me a quick hug and a peck on the cheek, and then got into her car and pulled away from the curb. I went back to the house and took a shower and then found my wives already in the sauna with most of our housemates.

"How is she?" Kara asked.

"Better. At least she's talking to me."

"Good."

Thankfully, Kara let it drop with just that question. The situation with Tasha wasn't something I wanted to discuss in front of everyone. I was also happy that I could close my eyes and relaxed, allowing the heat and steam work their magic. I felt the tension subside and my mind clear. Twenty minutes later, the girls got up to leave, but I said that I'd stay for a few more minutes, and then meet them upstairs. Five minutes later, fully refreshed, I wrapped a towel around my waist and headed up to my room.

"I take it that you didn't resolve anything with Tasha?" Kara asked as I got into the shower.

"No. She's totally conflicted, and you know that I'm unsure about how to handle this. I do have to have a chat with Penny about keeping certain things to herself."

"She told Tasha about the two of you?"

"Yes, and about my skills as a lover."

Kara laughed, "Of course she did. I agree that you need to tell her to keep quiet. What will you do about Tasha?"

"If I turn her down, she'll feel rejected. If I agree, she could develop feelings that could create a nightmare scenario. Either way, I could lose her as an employee, and I don't want that to happen."

"You have to decide," Kara said.

"Jess, what do you think?" I asked, as I got out of the shower.

"It's a tough situation. If we'd gotten engaged and married even six months later, she'd have had her chance, so to speak."

"True. But the chance I think she was looking for then was a long-term relationship. The problem would have been slightly different, but it would have been a problem, nonetheless."

"You and Penny seemed to have worked it out," Jessica said.

"True. And we've pretty much clarified the terms of our long-term relationship. She still flirts, and she's made it clear that I can have her whenever I want, but she knows the rules you laid down. The bottom line is that she came to the conclusion a couple of years ago that if she couldn't have me to herself, she'd rather work for me than be a sex-buddy."

"And Tasha?"

"My concern is that she'd want some kind of long-term relationship, and it might interfere with her finding her own guy."

"Long-term? As in wanting to join our marriage?"

"No, I don't think so. But if she decides to ask, I could see her wanting to keep it up until she found her own guy. My concern is that she might never find her own guy. And I don't think I have permission for a long-term thing. And I'm not sure I want one."

"Can I change the subject and ask you about Leila?" Jessica inquired.

I chuckled, "Because once she finds out that Kara's pregnant, she's going to ask."

"Exactly."

I smiled, "I'd consider saying 'yes', but I'm concerned that if I did, she'd expect it for the next five years that she's living here."

"That fits within our agreement, at least in terms of time."

"So you'd really be OK with me having a long-term lover?" I asked.

"You and Elyse aren't going to stop being lovers when she gets pregnant with your second child. In fact, you won't stop until she finds a boyfriend. And she'll come back to you between boyfriends."