Chapter 8

July 2009, Sudan

The drive from the side of the hotel to my home was luckily a short one. I filled the silent moments by telling Karen about the surroundings, the mosques, and the Christian church. I just didn't want to answer to her questions. Once we got to my home and she saw the remote-controlled gate, her eyebrows rose a little. I then helped her to carry some of her stuff inside. As soon as we got inside we stopped as my family was there to meet us.

"Karen, I'd like you to meet my family. My wife Hana, my daughter Pam and my daughter Naiya. Hana, Pam - this is Karen. She's a journalist and is here to write an article about our little bridge project."

It hadn't been very often when Karen was at a loss for words, but this seemed to be one of those moments. I guess the fact that I was married was a shock for her, but then when she saw my wife who was in fact two months junior to my daughter Pam. Also there was my even younger daughter who was only ten months old. It probably shocked her a bit more when both Hana and Pam came and kissed and hugged me just like they usually did when I came back home.

I could see from Pam's eyes, that she had already been able to make the connection between Karen here and now, and the one from my past. She searched my gaze for confirmation, and I gave her the smallest of nods. I saw no reason to hide that fact from her. Meanwhile Hana had turned to Karen.

"Lady Karen. The dinner is almost ready, but you may want to freshen before it. May I show you the bathroom and the towels."

"Yes, that would be very nice. Thank you. And please, just call me Karen."

"As you like."

I almost burst out laughing as I knew that Hana didn't usually behave like that. But I was also aware that despite her young age, she knew very well how to be a polite hostess. The same thought also made me very sad. At the age of sixteen she should have been a teenage girl going on movies and dates - not a mother of a ten month old baby, and wife to a man twelve years her senior. At a moment like this, I felt that I had already burned out all the anger that ever existed inside me, and all that was left was sadness.

Once again Pam read my feelings, and was on her way to hug me but instead I just patted her shoulder, and went to pick up some clean clothes for myself. Her reaction reminded me once again that I should be careful around her, as she could read me and my feelings like no one else.

End of year 2005 - Central America

A few months after the problems with the Child Protective Services back home, I was fixing the roof of the school building. Now I knew why my PI had asked those questions. For nearly two months I had been in an isolated training facility where the Company instructed us in what they expected from us. They wanted me to be a passive spy - a nark, or an informant. They knew that there were some locals who had some businesses running, on the dark side. The Company had gotten so many hits lately that they didn't want something or someone to come and bite their ass later on. They also gave me some lectures about weapons and some Martial Arts training on the top of those lessons I had had during high school and college. So now there was a possibility that I could last a bit more than a few seconds if I had to fight someone and could totally surprise him. No illusions there.

Pam had been there with me all the time, and she became more or less a mascot to all the trainers. She learned Spanish at a tremendous rate, and she had absolutely loved the Martial Arts training the trainers agreed to give her. I almost felt sorry for the boys who might want to cop a feel of her against her will. On the other hand, she might be more merciful than I. Besides, the moves taught to us were not something to use while playing with other kids.

As it had turned out that the teaching part was merely the better half of the story. They sent me and Pam to Central America in the name of a new charity operation, and I would be a part-time teacher and a part-time janitor. Even if they didn't tell me anything in detail, it was quite clear that they didn't trust the local military, and they were almost sure that the local police force was in the pocket of the drug smugglers and the human traffickers. A great place to take your kid, for sure. Also a really nice career move for someone who had just started planning his doctoral studies.

But beggars can't be choosers - and in more ways than one, I was a beggar. In less time than a year and a half, this was the third time I had flown away from my home. It had become a bad habit. My lawyers and my PI had made me understand that the real wisdom is to fight only those fights you could win. And this one I couldn't win, not on my own and not even with their help. My thoughts got back to the training I was given. They did their best during the short time available. The thing I hadn't really understood before was that I had a knack for observing the surroundings and for spoken languages. If I just forget the grammar, I could quite quickly get an idea on how to speak the language.

Still, starting to teach mathematics and science in Spanish had been a scary experience. For some reason, teaching English was a whole lot easier. When I was giving finishing touches to the roof, which would hopefully no longer leak, I wondered what would the people who had accused me think about my current place of work. I climbed down and groaned when I remembered that I could not use the shower inside. I was not at all self-conscious of my body but the girls had been keeping an eye on me when I was on the roof, and they would certainly try to sneak a peek. Yes, I was the only male in all-girl school. On the other hand, I was the only person around here, who was between fifteen and forty.

The girls were either abandoned or orphans and their age varied from seven to fifteen. Besides me there were two female teachers, the headmistress who was in her late fifties, and another silent woman who was in her forties. I had a feeling that both of the other teachers just tolerated me, and if Pam had not been with me they would not have accepted me at all. But the girls, now that was a different story.

Some of the girls had had some bad experiences with the male gender, and even after a month they kept their distance. But for some of the older girls, I was something else. In the beginning their attention had been almost flattering, but after a month I was ready to climb the walls. If there had been some professionals available, I would have been more than willing to use my lempiras on them. Or my last few dollars, if they had preferred. But the nearby village was so small that it barely could provide enough food for the school, and the only place you could call a shop served all the other purposes as well.

I knew that there were two old widows living in the village who would have shared their bed with me in a heartbeat. In fact, once they found out that I was single, they both said it openly when I visited the shop. I didn't blush much, and I was very polite to them when I declined. I wasn't that desperate. At least, not yet. On the other hand, if the woman didn't have many teeth there wasn't that much to worry about if she gave you a blowjob, correct? No, I wasn't that desperate yet.

I was quite sure that I'd heard at least a few giggles during the time I showered. I had once repaired the walls of this outdoor shower but it was not before I complained to Pam that some of the panels were loose again that I understood why that happened. I finished my washing, and kept on thinking of those two old widows so that there was no risk in getting hard in the shower. Back at our small apartment, I got a hug from Pam. The rest of the evening we shared what had happened to us during the day. I could only wonder how she could be so happy a person. She had lost her mother, had to move to a different country just to be banished from there. I guess I would have gone insane without her. Of course, I would not need to be here if she were not with me, but I just couldn't see any of that as her fault.

Close to the end of the year I was almost a nutcase. Our living quarters were quite small, so besides sleeping and visits to toilet there was not much room for privacy. There was no insulation in the walls and any words spoken, could clearly be heard throughout the place. First I was ashamed the next morning after I had jacked off, but Pam didn't look at me any differently the next morning ... at least, not much. However, the relief I got that way was only temporary, and it didn't stop the girls from teasing and flashing. Another thing was that I was getting equally frustrated about, was that there was absolutely nothing to report to the Company. Not even rumors.