Chapter 15

2007 – Home at States

Professionally I was doing great. I could now use a new title if I wanted to, and I had managed to file two new patent applications. Most probably they wouldn’t be bringing me - or us - the same kind of money like my first one did, but I was quite sure that they would put a nice boost to my income for the following years. Pam was waiting for the high school to start and she also thought that I should go on dates in order to get Marie out of my head. I forced a smile and refused. Even if I tried not to show it, the truth was that Marie’s betrayal still hurt. A lot.

Just before Pam’s school was about to start my lawyer asked me to a hurried meeting with him and his relative, the PI that I had hired years ago. When I entered his office I could sense some uneasiness. When I nodded to my investigator I could easily see the probable source of those feelings. I was almost immediately seated in the meeting room so there was no time to find out anything more about that. Maybe it would come out during the meeting. When the meeting started my lawyer took the lead.

“Greg, you should be happy to know just recently we had a breakthrough in our investigation, and we know the person who stole the video. In fact we already have a notarized statement from him. Now it seems possible to connect him to the person behind all this. However, there are a few things you should know.”

I rose my eyebrows and he looked a bit uneasy when he continued.

“I guess you remember that the video was also released onto the internet?”

I nodded my head.

“Yes, I had an idea about that. But it was supposed to be quite marginal.”

“And you do know that the two women also performing in that video are together and in movie business?”

“Yes, I guess nothing has changed there.”

“In fact, there have been some changes you are probably not aware of.”

Now he looked a bit uneasy.

“Once it became clear that the video was on the net and they realized that there was no way to get it removed, those two girls took a different approach.”

At that point he took a sip of water and a deep breath.

“Instead of fighting it, they made two more videos together, and they have now officially published all three videos on a high quality pay site. As your attorney, I accepted the deal on your behalf, since I couldn’t see any other working option. Since your name was already out there, there was no point in changing that, either.”

I was not sure if I could believe my ears and I kept on looking at him.

“So you are telling me that because of that agreement besides being a Doctor of Engineering I’m also a porn star?”

“Maybe not a star...”

Suddenly he just seemed to lose his temper.

“Hell, maybe you are. Since they couldn’t find any contact information for you, there are several agents and some female stars from those kinds of films who have contacted me and told that they’d like to use you or make a ‘private’ film with you. Fuck, there are even some Hollywood actresses who would like to contact you. Shit, if I had known what would happen I would never have agreed.”

I looked at him and then my PI, who averted my gaze. I turned my gaze back to my lawyer and I could see that the look on his face was both angry and worried. I had been thinking that my life could not get any more messed up! That silly thought was the last straw. I just burst out laughing.

It took me some time to calm down but when I was able to speak again I just shook my head.

“Just when I had thought that my life could not get any messier! Please, tell me that I’m at least making some money with that video.”

“In fact, you are. Nothing compared to your patents, but still something worth noticing.”

I kept on shaking my head when he continued.

“You should know that we have now given all the information we have gathered to the Feds - after all, this has already become too big for the two of us. Besides, the possibility for some good compensation is much better this way.”

At this point my PI, John, cleared his throat.

“There is another thing we should talk about. Look, during these two years, you have paid me some good money. However, now I feel that I have been cheating you a bit.”

“How come? You got some real results.”

“But charging you is not exactly correct, if I’m involved myself. Look, while doing the examination, Lisa and I became quite close and we talking about getting married. So it doesn’t feel right to take your money when I’m actually working for her. Or us.”

For some reason, that hurt me much more than the idea of performing in a porn flick. Even if Lisa had abandoned me without any warning at a low point in my life and even if I knew that we were not destined to be together, it still hurt. Why would she have the right be happy when it was denied to me?

I noticed that he was about to continue but I raised my hand and took a deep breath before speaking.

“Look, you did the work I asked you to do, right? There’s nothing wrong with two people finding each other and being happy together. Just be good to her, Lisa is a very nice girl.”

The rest of the discussion was more or less meaningless to me. We were talking about how we would attack Karen’s father, who was the person who had ordered the theft and the original release of the video on the internet. We also talked about the amount of compensation we’d request. Even if I took part in the discussion, my mind was far away and still thinking about love and happiness. When it was time to go home, I could accept the fact that Lisa could be happy with my investigator. At least some sort of acceptance.

While I was still sulking on the drive back home I almost had a seizure. Pam would be going to high school. Even if it was more than ten years ago, I still well remembered the time when I started high school. I also remembered what was going on the minds those youngsters. Suddenly, I had something else to worry about than the current status of my love life, or what kind of car I should buy instead of this rented one.

Pam had been waiting for me in the furnished house we had been leasing for the last two months. To me it seemed that she had been looking at the courses of her new school, but of course she would have had time to close all the other computer screens, if there had been any. I prepared some light lunch for us, and after that I asked Pam if we could have a little talk.

“Sure, Dad, what is worrying you?”

I made a mental note that if I could read some other people there was no reason why they could not read me as well. On the other hand, I had made no attempt to hide my feelings or worry.

“Pam, you will be starting high school in a few days. I have no worries about you being academically successful, but there are some other issues in high school that need to be remembered.”

“You mean bullying and those kind of things, Dad?”

“Well ... yes - and no. There is something in my past that may come to haunt me, and therefore also you, sometime in the future.”

“What do you mean by that, Dad?”

“Due to some recent things that I had nothing to do with, it is possible that some of your new schoolmates may recognize me.”

She blushed. She blushed deeply. I looked at her and groaned.

“I’m sorry, Dad. I just had nothing to do, and I googled your name. Please don’t be mad at me.”

She looked so sad that I pulled her to my lap while shaking my head.

“Honey, why should I be mad to you? You haven’t done anything wrong.”

Then I told her the whole story how it had happened in the first place. How those two girls had been friends of my girlfriend and me, and how they got the idea of making a film together. It was half a joke and half a serious attempt to test their equipment. Nobody ever intended to publish it, yet it had been the main reason for all of the events that followed. I even picked up the example DVD that had been given to me, and showed it to her.

When I finished my story, Pam was sitting next to me on the sofa and she looked at me with those dark eyes that reminded me so much of Toey.

“Dad, please don’t be mad to me but I’m happy that the things turned out this way. I know that my mom was happier than ever when she was with you, and then you have given me a possibility to live a life I never considered possible. I’ve seen places and people - and I’ve got the best possible Dad.”

Then she kissed my cheek and hugged me. I guess that our tears mixed together during the time we were hugging each other. After that we sat together in silence for a moment.

Suddenly, Pam started smiling.

“Dad, you said that you’re getting some money from that film? And you did that when you were only eighteen? I just wonder...”

“Young woman, you better stop that line of thought, right now!“

I did my best to sound serious, but that can be quite difficult when you are facing a teasing teenaged girl. After a moment she turned serious and looked at my eyes.

“Dad, have you tried contacting Marie? I know she hurt you, but...”

Did she really know me that well? I sighed before answering.

“Yes, twice. But the number she used to have is no longer any good. If she’d really wanted to contact me she’d have been able to do that.”

“How about the girlfriend you used to have before you came to mom and me? Have you talked to her?”

The level of feelings I had when she forced me to think about Karen, surprised me. I knew for sure that I had loved her back then, but I could not have believed the amount of hurt I was feeling when she reminded me about her.

“No, honey, and I doubt if I ever will. We came from different worlds and it turned out that those differences were too much to overcome. I’m quite sure that she has now found someone else who has money and comes and from the right family.”

“But you are not sure?”

“Pam, it is not only that,” I said and took a deep breath. “Look, all people have their flaws. One of mine is that I can be quite ruthless when it comes to betrayal. I know that not all of it is justified, but I just cannot help it. Years ago when I talked about it with a shrink, after Lisa had left me, he suggested that it was because I feel that my parents abandoned me when they died in that accident. Maybe he was right, but to me that sounded so much like rubbish that I stopped seeing him.”

I kissed Pam on her cheek before continuing.

“I’ve tried to work on that issue, but I’m quite sure that I’ll never really tolerate that kind of behavior from anyone close to me.”

We continued our discussion for some time, and I explained to her just why I thought trust was so important a part of any relationship. However, despite everything, I had to admit that I felt much better after our discussion.

Later in the evening, when it was time to go sleep, I remembered the DVD and that I had left on the living room table. I definitely didn’t want it to be lying around, so I went back to look for it. I couldn’t find it. I was about to ask Pam if she’d seen it, when I noticed that there was a dim blinking light under her door. Then I heard a low moan coming from her room as I stopped by the door.

I stood there for a moment wondering if that was how my mother had felt some years back. Then I silently tiptoed to my own bedroom, and did what every father who has daughters will do at some point: I started worrying. The following morning I called my lawyer and asked to talk with his wife. Ok, I had to explain the reason first, and I’m sure the damned guy was still laughing his ass off when I finished my call. But the following day I took a blushing Pam to see a gynecologist since there was no Marie any more in my life.