Chapter 2: After Effects

Christmas Day, 1983, Milford, Ohio

"Bullshit!" Stephanie said, laughing. "Just how gullible do you think I am?"

"In some ways, I wish I was kidding. I'm not, Squirt. When I got back to the Spencers' last night, Kara was there waiting for me. The tree was set up in my room exactly the same as the last two years, and she had two gifts under the tree for me. I'm sure Melanie helped her set it up."

"Oh my fucking God!" Stephanie exploded. "You slept with Kara? Are you a complete idiot? I hope you used a rubber!"

My face fell, and I stared at my feet. I hadn't even THOUGHT about birth control. Visions of Becky flashed through my head and realized that I might have been trapped in the same way I had been once before. A trap that was greater than the one that Joyce said that Connie was laying for me. I'd been so out of sorts that I hadn't even considered the possibility.

"Yes, I slept with her. No I didn't use a rubber. And I didn't even ask her about the Pill."

"You fucking idiot!" Stephanie exclaimed angrily. "Do you have any idea what you might have just done? Bethany and Jennifer will skin you alive. And that assumes that I don't kill you right now. How could you be so stupid?"

"I was completely off kilter and it's obvious I wasn't thinking clearly. I think with the way it all happened that your concerns are misplaced."

"You think? You think? You have to be the dumbest boy on the planet, Steve! And I saw your face when I asked. You realize that I might be right!"

"You might, but it doesn't fit anything else that she said or did. I read a letter that she wrote, as well. So, no, I don't think she set this up as an elaborate trap. Not at all."

"Well, you'll find out soon enough," Stephanie said, eyeing me suspiciously. "What did you promise her?"

"Nothing except to call her in a few weeks. She didn't ask me for anything else. In fact, she was completely realistic about everything. She didn't ask me for anything except to take her to bed. Heck, she didn't even call it making love."

"So, what? It was just a casual screw?"

"No, Squirt. You know it's never just a casual screw with me. She even acknowledged that we might never be together ever again. In a sense, this was a completely new Kara, one who was grounded in reality. She said she has a lot of work to do before she could be in a relationship with me, or anyone."

"Yeah, well, what is Jennifer going to say? Hmm?"

"Jennifer excluded exactly one person, Squirt. And you know who that was. Jennifer will reprimand me for not being careful about birth control, and be worried that I'm getting myself into something that could go very badly, but in the end, Jennifer gave me permission to have sex with anyone I wanted to, except for Becky.

"As for Kara, she said something that makes me even more sure that it wasn't an elaborate trap. She asked me if you and I were sleeping together again. I said we were and she not only didn't get upset, she said she assumed that was the case and that it was so much a part of me that she'd have been surprised if we hadn't taken up with each other again."

"Kara said that?! You're not pulling my leg?"

"No, I'm not pulling your leg. And Squirt, Bethany told me that she'd be OK with the arrangement Jennifer proposed."

"No fucking way!" Stephanie breathed.

"Yes way," I chuckled. "Bethany is OK with being my wife, with me having kids with Elyse, with Jennifer as a long-term lover, AND, you and me still being intimate. Heck, that even includes me being with Josie, if that's Jennifer's long-term love."

"Holy shit!" she whispered. "It's all falling into place!"

"Maybe. I'm not sure it's what I want. I still have this thing about marrying one girl and only one girl."

"You're an idiot, Big Brother. When the time comes to run your own business, and it will, you better find some smart people to surround yourself with or your idiocy will sink you!"

"Oh? And Four Dimensional Software was horribly run?"

"Beth and Krista ran it, Big Brother. You did the programming!"

I sighed, "You make a good point. But that's for later, let's swim. Then I need to make some phone calls."

"I can't WAIT to hear your calls with Jennifer and Bethany," she smirked.

"Those will be later, these first ones will be to Sweden. Let's go swim."

"I don't think our conversation is done yet."

I nodded and quickly changed into my suit, Stephanie smirking as I did so, and then we went to swim.

We swam and then ate breakfast with Dad. I didn't say anything to him about Kara because there wasn't really much to say, and frankly, it wasn't something I wanted to discuss with too many people. After Stephanie and I cleaned up the kitchen, I went to my old room to call Karin, Sofia, and Tina and wish them all «God Jul». I didn't go into the Kara situation with any of them, either, because, as I'd told myself about talking to my dad, there really wasn't much to say for the time being.

"I don't think I heard Kara's name," Stephanie said when I hung up from the third call.

"What could I say to anyone at this point?" I asked. "I didn't mention it to Dad, either. And I'd like to keep it that way, at least for now. I'll talk to Bethany and Jennifer, but nobody else really needs to know right now. I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about it. I'm actually thinking of waiting to tell Jen until tomorrow, so I can do it face to face. I want to tell Bethany face-to-face as well, but it's going to be hard to swing that on Christmas Day."

"One thing is for sure, Big Brother, things are never boring with you!"

"That's true," I agreed, "This was so out of left-field, though. Of all the things that could have happened, this was probably the most unexpected. I sure didn't see it coming."

"Nobody could have, Big Brother. At least not you or me or any of our friends."

"I'm wondering what Kara's going to say to her mom. Kara told me that she'd told her mom she was going to hang out with Susie, but then stayed the night with me."

"Something doesn't add up," Stephanie said thoughtfully. "If she didn't tell her mom she'd be out all night, wouldn't her mom have been worried and started looking for her?"

"You know, that's a good point. She said that Susie was covering for her. Maybe she said she was going to sleep over?"

"On Christmas Eve? Does that even make sense?"

I sighed, "Nothing makes sense right now, Squirt."

"Are you going to call her and ask her about the Pill?"

"Why? What purpose would that serve at this point? Either she's on it or she's not. If she's not, she's either pregnant, or she's not. A phone call isn't going to change that and asking that question after the fact just doesn't seem to make sense to me. I'm pretty sure she wasn't trying to trap me, Squirt. That notion just doesn't fit the evidence."

"You are pretty damned calm for a guy who could have made an emotionally and mentally unbalanced girl pregnant!"

"Stephanie, I know you don't believe me, and I almost don't believe it myself, but she was calm, clear, and lucid, and the letter she wrote was anything but unbalanced. Like I said, it was a completely new Kara, grounded in reality. I don't believe for a moment her issues are gone, and she agrees. That's part of what makes me sure about birth control. She didn't need an elaborate scam to trap me, and I don't think she could have pulled it off if she was still unbalanced."

"Jennifer forgave you once, for Becky. I don't think she has it in her to do that again," Stephanie observed.

"What's to forgive? Jennifer would be OK if I married Kara, as long as Kara didn't object to me having Jennifer as a permanent lover and having kids with her. Remember what I told you, Squirt. Jennifer doesn't want to be my wife, and I think I understand why — that would really cause problems if people found out that she had a female lover."

"And it won't if she's just your mistress, or whatever?"

"Not the same way. I mean, if I was running for President or something, sure, but I'm not. This way, Jennifer can be seen in public with a woman and it doesn't cause me problems."

"Interesting. So what's Elyse's rationale?"

"That one I haven't quite figured out. She wants to have kids with me, and is OK with not being married to me, or anyone, for that matter. She's changed a lot in the last couple of years. She'd marry me if I asked, but she knows I'm not likely to ask her. I have a question for you, Squirt. What about you and Jennifer? How do you feel about Josie?"

"I'm fine with that," she said. "It's kind of like you and whoever you end up marrying. As long as I can still be involved with you guys, I'm fine. Eventually, I'm going to get married and have kids of my own. What happens then between all of us depends on who I marry. If he can't deal with you and me, then we know what happens. The same if he can't deal with Jen and me. One thing I know for sure, Jen's not going to let any guy other than you touch her, ever, so it's not like I could invite her to my bed after I get married, at least not with my husband there."

"That's more or less how I see that working out, assuming it goes the way Jennifer is suggesting. You and me, well, we've sort of got past the horny teenager and honeymoon phases, haven't we? We're not taking the crazy chances we used to take. It's become, comfortable, I guess."

Stephanie sighed, "Honestly? It has. It's kind of sick, really. I'm sixteen and sex is 'comfortable'."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have started at fourteen getting it in every possible way!" I teased.

"No. I SHOULD have started at twelve, when I wanted it, Big Brother. Of course, then by fourteen I'd be in the same situation. Will it ever be as exciting as it was?"

"Jesus, is sex with me that boring?" I asked with a smile.

She smacked me on the arm, "Hell no! You know what I meant."

"It was the risk of getting caught, I think," I said. "That kind of put an edge on it. Well, after that first week, when it was just pure lust! It's still best with you, Squirt, it always has been. It's just different now. In a good way, I think."

"I guess," she said. "Is that normal?"

I chuckled, "I think so. I once described what I had with Stephie as comfortable. That's the longest, most stable relationship I've had, if you think about it. Basically it was two full years, most of which we were effectively or actually living together. For the most part, sex with Stephie wasn't over-the-top. It was just us expressing our love. Sure, there were times we played and had lots of fun, but mostly it was making love. And that's where you and I are.

"The same is true with Bethany. And it's even more so with Elyse and Jackie. For those two, it's about comfort and companionship. The orgasms are really secondary. They just want to be in my arms and sleep in my bed. I'm discovering that most of the girls in my life, you included, need that MORE than they need sex. That was true last night with Kara. Yes, we made love, but then when we got into bed, I asked her what she needed, and it was just to be held. I get that a lot, Squirt. And you know from personal experience it's not because the sex is boring!"

"I think you have it figured out, actually," Stephanie said. "What I miss with you isn't the orgasms. It's sleeping in your arms. That's what was really the most amazing thing about that first week. Yes, the orgasms were out of this world. Having you inside me the first time is something that I can't even begin to describe. But sleeping in your arms? Everything else paled in comparison."

"I'm going to give up on sex, I think," I teased.

"No way, Steve! I WANT those orgasms. But honestly, orgasms are short, cuddling is forever. And I know you believe that, too. Girls don't even have to ask you to cuddle them, you just do it naturally. That's part of why they want to be with you. My friends all talk about guys fucking and then leaving. You take showers. You cuddle. And you can fuck like nobody's business. Hell, you had Sandy van der Meer begging for more."

I sighed, "Yeah. And look what happened. She went looking for someone who would treat her like I did and do the things I did. She ended up with a dozen different guys, one of whom got her pregnant. That was pretty much all my fault."

"What?! You did what she wanted. It's not your fault how she reacted or that she decided to sleep with a dozen guys on some foolish quest to find someone like you. Look at how Ruth handled it. Night and day, Big Brother. But you did the same thing for each of them. Heck, look at how Trish and Shelly reacted. Or, and excuse me for bringing this up, Kim Smith and Kellie Linden."

I sighed again, "I've made a bunch of errors in judgment."

"No, you haven't! Except for Annie, and I don't see that quite the same way Bethany does, you can't be responsible for how the girl reacts. You can't even know how she's going to react. Mostly it's been good, Steve. Have you had anyone else act like Sandy? Just go totally nuts? I don't think so."

"Elizabeth Parker, but I don't think that was related to me. She wasn't a virgin when we got together, I don't think what happened afterwards was related to being with me. Pam Simpson, the girl I was with in Sweden, but I don't think that was a result of me, either. She was itching to have sex, and I wasn't around, so she looked for another outlet. And she tired of each of the guys pretty quickly. But now she's totally calmed down. And Kellie, of course. But she had some plan from the outset that backfired. She more or less used me and moved on. Other than that, you're right."

"Heck, a number of the girls have never been with anyone but you! And others went from you to one guy and stuck with him. So no, you haven't made a bunch of errors in judgment. Did you chase those girls? Or did they come to you? Kara was the extreme exception, Steve. But even with her, you started the chase, but then stopped and waited for her to come to you. You can't blame yourself for Sandy. She made her own decisions. And she has to live with them. And she's doing OK at this point."

"I suppose," I said.

"Do you regret having had sex with anyone; other than Annie and Sandy?"

Chapter 3 »