Chapter 6

“Hey, Honey, you’re home early for a Saturday night. Is Emily not feeling well?” Shirley Stewart, Beth’s mother, asked.

“No. Emily is just being Emily. I’m just tired and wanted to come home.”

Looking concerned, Ms. Stewart motioned her daughter forward, “Come here, let me feel your forehead. You look a little flushed. You’re not getting sick, are you?”

Beth let her mother put the back of her hand on her forehead, “It’s okay, Mom. I feel fine. Just tired. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, Hon. I’m never too busy to talk to my sweetie. What do you want to ask me?”

“Just stuff like, when did you know you were gay?”

Ms. Stewart put her arm around Beth, “Well, now, that’s an excellent question. Come, let’s sit in the living room and get comfortable. I have a feeling this is going to be an important mother-and-daughter talk. Come and sit right next to me.”

Shirley Stewart kept her arm around her daughter as Beth sat at her side. Beth put her head on her mother’s shoulder and curled her legs under herself as she waited for her mother to answer her question.

Beth’s mother thought for a moment before she answered Beth’s question, “When did I know I was gay? Well, let me see. I knew I liked girls when I was in high school because I would get all tingly in the girl’s locker room after gym and softball practice. But I did not know what to do about it. I dated boys because all the other girls did. That’s what girls were expected to do. I probably should not tell you this, but I even let a couple of them get to second base.”

Beth seemed to relax a little, “Oh, Mom, that’s so funny to think of you with a guy.”

“Then you are going to think this is hilarious. In college, I slept with several men and had some very satisfying sex with them before I was able to admit that I was truly gay. Yes, the sex with the guys was good, but that’s all it was, just sex. When I finally took the plunge and let one of the girls I knew was gay seduce me, I learned the difference between sex with men and sex with a woman. When I was with a man, I was ready to go home once we had fulfilled the primary purpose of going to bed together. With women, I did not want to go home. I wanted to stay and just cuddle and enjoy the closeness of her. I could enjoy sex with men, but I could not fall in love with them. But I can very easily fall in love with a woman. I actually did. Twice, as a matter of fact.”

Beth bowed her head and, just above a whisper, confessed, “I had sex with a boy.”

Ms. Stewart kissed her daughter’s forehead, “And?”

“I needed to find out what it was like and prove to myself I’m gay.”

Ms. Stewart gathered her daughter a little tighter in her arms, “And what did you find out about yourself?”

“I liked it a lot more than I thought I ever could. It’s so different from when I’m with Emily.”

“And the boy?” Ms. Stewart asked.

“He is a friend. I can trust him. I think he likes me ... as a friend.”

It wasn’t too hard for Ms. Stewart to guess who the boy was, “It’s Steven, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” As Beth looked into her mother’s eyes, she admitted, “Mom, he said he loves me, and I got all squishy inside. Emily never told me she loved me. She only says she loves what we do.”

“You could do a hell of a lot worse than that boy, Beth. Look, Sweetheart, just because I’m gay doesn’t automatically make you gay. I always wanted you to find your own way, so when you came out and declared you were gay, I only wanted to support you in your choice. If you find you are not gay or even bi-sexual, I will still support you. It makes no difference to me as long as you are happy and whomever you choose for a partner treats you well.”

“I told him I might want to do it again.”

Beth’s mother held her tighter, “Well then, we need to get you an appointment with my doctor.”

A half-hour later, Beth went to bed. Ms. Stewart went to her bedroom, stripped down to her panties, and put on her Philadelphia Eagles football shirt. She went to Beth’s bedroom, got in bed with her, and did what she always did when Beth was upset or sad. She held her daughter in her arms and kissed the back of her neck, “Goodnight, Elizabeth. I love you.”

“Goodnight, Mom. I love you too.”