Chapter 10: Getting Back to Normal

I was released on the following Friday afternoon, wheelchair bound to the entrance where Reese met me with her Explorer. Ali was with her while the kids waited for us at home. The ladies put on a bit of a comedy act as they tried to help me into the big vehicle, but eventually I made it on my own. I was going to have to sit side-saddle in the back seat with my leg cast and fragile ribcage. I dreaded the thought of a quick stop as I fastened the shoulder belt as cautiously as I could. We were headed for my former home.

I'd had some time to think about Reese and Ali's plan for me. They were accurate on several points. My townhouse was two stories high with steep stairs to the bedrooms and main bathroom. The lower floor was the kitchen, living room, laundry room, and a small half-bath. It would have been very difficult for me to navigate in that confined space. In addition, the entrance, front and rear, was up a set of several steps, another obstacle. Our home had only two steps to the front door. And, of course, there was the presence of the children. That was a psychological plus. Grudgingly, I had to admit the women had come up with the best plan.

The first few days were a mixture of great and confusing. I wasn't sure what Ali and Reese had worked out between them, but they were getting along well together. Occasionally, I would see them talking quietly to each other, making sure I couldn't overhear them. Of course, I couldn't move to any extent without some effort, so it wasn't like I was going to be able to sneak up and listen in.

The plan was that Ali would still live and sleep at her home, looking after Jack and getting him off to school on time. She would leave work early and pick Jack up, bringing him here to the house for supper and then taking him home afterwards. Ali pitched in with the housework and cooking, taking some of the burden off Reese. If Jack had homework, he did it here. It wasn't a perfect plan, but I agreed it was better than anything I could come up with. On the weekends, Ali and Jack spent most of their time here, although Jack always went with Matt to his baseball games if he could, while Matt always went with Jack to his T-Ball game. Jack was becoming a little brother to Matt and I felt really good about that. Jess treated him well, too.

It was very comforting to be back in my own home for the first time in months. I knew where everything and everyone was. The ladies had set up a bed in my old office and that's where I slept. No stairs to climb. I was only a few paces away from the downstairs bathroom and the kitchen. By the third morning, I was awake early and worked myself into the kitchen and put the coffee on. I was beginning to feel useful again.

I was wearing an inflatable girdle around my ribs to cushion any stress and hold my healing ribs in place. I had taken to wearing sweat shirts and sweat pants as my daily attire. The sweat shirts fit over the girdle, while the sweat pants fit over my leg cast. I wore no underwear at first as the effort to use the toilet was an obstacle that made extra undergarments a problem. We had rented an elevated toilet seat to make life much easier for me. I learned to use my left hand much more than previously.

The women doted over me, so much so that I was feeling a bit guilty. Each day I tried to do a little more for myself and take some of the burden off them, but they seemed almost to resent my efforts. It was as if they felt taking care of me was their mission and I was failing to cooperate. It finally came down to my having a talk with both of them one evening.

"Ladies ... Reese ... Ali ... you can't know how grateful I am for all your help. I don't know how I would have made it without you. However, I am working hard to overcome my physical problems and I need to try and accomplish new things along the way. I know that you are unhappy with me doing some of these things. I can only say in my defense that I'm trying to get better and restore myself to my former abilities. I hope you can understand that."

They both tried to respond at once and I couldn't make heads nor tails out of their comments.

"One at a time, please," I begged.

They looked at each other until Reese began.

"Graham, we both feel you still need our help. I know you are trying to be more self-sufficient, but we think you are pushing yourself too hard. We know you are feeling better, but you still have a long way to go. Your ribs are not healed yet. Your leg is another two weeks from having the cast removed, if then. Your wrist is still weak, even though the cast will come off in a few days as well. The bandages on your face come off this week and then we will know just how much work needs to be done to restore you to your former self. You still have some difficult days ahead," she concluded.

"Reese ... Ali ... please don't think I'm not appreciative of your help. I am. I truly am. But part of what needs to heal for me is my mental state. I need to believe I'm going to be all right. I need to believe that I will still be physically capable of doing the things I'm used to doing. You know ... mowing the lawn ... taking out the trash ... washing the car. They aren't big things, but they are important to me."

"You left out sex," Ali said, shocking me, but strangely, not Reese.

"Okay," I agreed when I regained my wits. "That too, although it isn't quite as difficult to ... oh ... never mind," I said, realizing I'd backed myself into a corner.

The laughter of the two women just made me feel more foolish.

"Relax, Graham," Reese said kindly. "We're not competing for you. I gave up my claim a year ago and I know there's no going back. I made a big mistake, but I'm not going to mess up your life again. I know how Ali feels about you. I think I know how you feel about her. I wouldn't dare interfere. You deserve to be happy and I think your best chance is with Ali."

She said this all with a smile and no tears. She was sincere. It took a lot off my mind, but more importantly, it seemed to take that same burden off Reese as well. She came to me and kissed me gently on the lips. If it was a final farewell, I couldn't tell. I hoped not. I'd like to have her around as long as she was caring for our children.

Reese stepped back and then it was Ali's turn.

"Do you think you can find some space in your life for me?" she asked in a soft, quiet voice.

"You know I can. But shouldn't you wait until we see how all this mess turns out?" I asked, pointing at my bandages.

She shook her head with a wry smile. "No ... I know enough already. I don't need a perfect specimen. I need a man. A real man. A man like Grime Rideout." She followed her statement with a loving kiss, gentle yet firm.

I tried not to do too much, but each day I wanted to push a little further and hopefully speed my recovery. I was back at the hospital for the removal of my facial bandages. It would be the first time I had seen the extent of the damages to my face. I was shocked. They had shaved half my head to put in the sutures and it was an angry red mess of blotches and skin when I saw if for the first time. I was not only taken aback with my appearance, I was despondent. How could anyone love a face like that?

Dr. Menard assured me that the angry coloring would disappear in a few days as it was exposed to air. He removed the sutures carefully and examined each area. There were no signs of infection, but the mess it had made of the right side of my head was repulsive to look at. I noticed a piece of my ear was missing, making me look even more disgusting. I sank in my chair, wondering what was to become of me. How could Ali ... or anyone ... love a man who looked like me?

"I've made an appointment with a Dr. Jonas Sylvan in Seattle for a consultation on your face," Dr. Menard told me. "He's a reconstructive surgeon and one of the best in the country. I'm confident he can restore you to something quite presentable. Will you be able to travel in two weeks?"

"Yes," I answered without hesitation. Anything to rid myself of this horror of my appearance. I would be there if I had to walk.

"Don't be discouraged, Graham. He really is very good and you will be very pleased with the results. I can see you are upset with your appearance, but it will look much less fearsome in a few days and you will be able to see what the doctor will see."

"I hope so, Doctor. Right now, I'm not very optimistic. I trust you, but this isn't your specialty. I guess I have to hope it will turn out as you think it will."

He smiled and nodded. "Thank you, Graham. You've been a good patient and I think I can say with confidence that this time next year, you will see what I mean. Good luck. I'll see you in another two weeks to remove your leg cast. You seem to be getting around quite well on it these days."

"Yes. I don't have any pain, so I can move about more easily. My ribs are still sore, but not like they were a couple of weeks ago. I know all those parts of me will heal. Now," I said as I looked in the mirror once more, "how will I look in the future?"

I left the bandages off when I walked slowly back to the waiting room. Both Reese and Ali were there and I was interested to see their reaction to the look of my face and head when they first saw it.

Reese was the first to see it and I could immediately see the shock and sorrow on her face. Ali was trying hard to mask her feelings, but I was sure she was shocked as well.

"Let's go home, ladies. The doctor tells me that it won't look as bad in a few days when the redness goes away. I have an appointment in Seattle in two weeks for a surgeon to look at it and see what he can do. My doctor is still optimistic. I guess I'll have to try and be optimistic too."

It was a quiet ride back to the house.

Two days before I was scheduled to be in Seattle, my leg cast came off. It felt strange at first. The plastic, breathable cast had prevented my skin from deteriorating, but there was some loss of muscle mass. I walked gingerly around on it at first until I got used to the feeling of having a sock and shoe on my left foot once more. My wrist cast had been removed a week earlier and x-rays indicated it had healed properly. I wore an elastic support on it for now.

I wish I could say I was optimistic when I left for Seattle with Ali. I had doubts that this surgeon could make me whole again in appearance. I had looked up Dr. Sylvan on the internet and sure enough, he was very highly regarded in his profession. All I could do was hand myself over to his care and wait for the results.

"We're going to do some skin peels, Mr. Rideout," Dr. Sylvan told me. "I have some pictures of other patients where I have done this type of procedure."

He laid out a number of 8 X 10 color photographs in front of me. They were before and after shots of damaged faces. I had to admit, they were impressive.

"Do you think you can restore my face to look like this?" I asked, pointing at one particular photo.

"Yes. I'm confident I can. This procedure is more common for your type of damage. Aside from your ear, most of the scarring is superficial and I'm fairly optimistic that we can reduce it dramatically."

"What about my ear?" I asked.

"That will be a little trickier," he acknowledged, "but I think with some cartilage I can reconstruct something close in appearance to your other ear."

I looked at the photo before me once more. If he could give me an appearance that was even close to what this showed, I would be satisfied.

"There are a couple of things to remember, however," the doctor said. "You'll never be able to grow a decent beard. A goatee at best, I think. And, it will be important not to get sunburnt on your face for a year or so. In fact, you shouldn't get sunburnt anyway as a general rule."

"If those are the only things I have to worry about, Doctor, I can live with them. What do you think, Ali?"

"I think I'm going to have my handsome man back once more," she smiled.

"So ... what happens next?" I asked.

The doctor went over the procedure, covering how many visits over what period of time were required. It was going to be several visits before everything was done, but I was anxious to get started. My next visit for my first procedure was scheduled for mid-June.