Chapter 7

The move into my Ullswater house went smoothly. I found I could get a good Sunday lunch at the local pub. For the first few weeks I stayed at work until 9 pm while I got on top of the admin systems. Being head of department I only had five hours of teaching to do each week. The rest of my time was spent on admin duties, attending meetings and managing the staff. Once I'd got my head around the system I found that I had a lot more time than I did as a lecturer. At weekends I was able to get out and do a bit of fell walking. I established a friendly relationship with the barmaid at the Black Lion, A pleasant young widow who was always up for a bit of cash in hand work. She agreed to come in and clean my house before going to work in the pub. As time went by we introduced a benefits side to our friendship. Life was O.K. I had a good job, more time to enjoy life and I was making friends but always there was that hole in my life; a hole that should have been filled by my family, and that special someone.

David and Phoebe kept me abreast of what was happening down in Kent. It came as no surprise to learn that Ion had disappeared. Romania had been accepted as a member of the EU so the Home Office decided to grant all outstanding requests for permanent residence. He had no need for Penny anymore. Phoebe and Robert loved coming up to see me. The Lake District is a beautiful place most times of year. It was on one of those visits that they told me about Ion.

"Aren't you going to say it" Phoebe asked.

"Say what?"

"I told you so.--Go on you can say it you've earned the right."

"Why bother, it gives me no comfort to know your mother is suffering."

"Well there is the puzzle Dad. She doesn't seem to be; suffering that is. Not like you were after she ... Well anyway she doesn't seem to be that unhappy about it. She spends a lot of her time with Gran."

"Ah those two always did get on well together."

"Watch out Dad, They are planning something."

"They can plan all they like; it doesn't mean that I have to go along with it."

"Is there really no chance Dad?"

"None at all, that ship has sailed."

She never raised the subject again but I was a little curious, I called my mother every week and she'd never mentioned Penny. As I told Phoebe they'd always been friendly, mum was one of those who wanted me to patch things up. I at least, expected her to tell me Penny was free but she said nothing. I was grateful really knowing that someone was there for mum. She was nearly eighty and I felt guilty for being more than three hundred miles away. I dreaded the day when she didn't answer the phone. Knowing that Penny was looking in on her made me feel better.

It started in mid September. I got a text telling me to ring mum as soon as possible. When I called I got Penny. She told me mum was in hospital with a urinary tract infection. I left on Friday night to be with her that weekend. Three days later she was back home and right as rain, but it was the beginning of the end. By mid November she'd been in hospital another two times. Finally it was pneumonia, and this time she didn't pull through.

I took some compassionate leave from the college and stayed with Phoebe while I arranged the funeral. Mum would have been very pleased to see the turnout at the Funeral. The fact that Lady Caroline turned up would have made her day. I did my best to make the wake a celebration of her life rather than a mournful occasion, however, I wasn't feeling too cheerful. The guilt ate into me. When she needed me I'd been more than three hundred miles away. I was talking to Caroline when Penny came up to talk to her.

"Caroline, it's so lovely to see you."

Lady Caroline looked straight through her. She put her arm around me.

"Come outside Drew, I'd like to speak to you."

We walked out of the hall and into the street.

"What happened between you and Percy? The last time I saw her it was Drew this and Drew that, and now I find that she's married to Clifford, someone I've never particularly cared for. What went on between you two?"

"She went to Germany."

"And didn't you try to stop her?"

"Strange as it may seem Caroline, I was on my way to do just that when she phoned me to say she was already there."

"And you gave up just like that. Doesn't sound like the Drew I know? Please don't tell me you're getting back with Penny."

"No Caroline. There's no chance of that. She's here because my mother always liked her. She was actually very good to Mum when I was up in Ullswater."

"I see. --I might have some work coming up in Oituz soon. Would you be up to managing it for me? It might take as long as ten days,"

"As long as it falls within the college holiday times, I'll certainly do it."

"Good man, I knew I could depend on you. Come we'd better go back in there, you've got mourners to talk to."

As the afternoon progressed, people started to drift away. I, of course, had to stand at the door thanking everyone for coming. As the afternoon came to an end there was only David, Phoebe, Penny and me. Penny got her coat and came over to me. It was the first time I'd spoken to Penny since Ion left.

"So you told Caroline about us." she said.

"I didn't have to; her best friend's daughter was there with me in Bucharest."

"Would that be the same woman who spoke to me on the phone?"

"Yes it probably was"

"Well it certainly explains a thing or two, Caroline knowing. Ex-Parliamentary private secretary, contacts throughout the civil service and charity sector. Ion doesn't stand a chance does he?"

"I'm not sure I understand."

"Come on Drew you're not daft. After Ion got fired, no one in Bucharest would touch him. You say it wasn't you who got him sacked and on reflection you never had the contacts to pull off the blacklisting. Caroline does though." She started to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"It was his dream to be an interpreter for the EU in Brussels the poor lamb doesn't stand a chance does he?"

I grinned. "With Caroline on his case probably not."

She reached out and squeezed my hand. "How are you holding up?"

"Not bad I suppose I just wish I hadn't moved to Cumbria. I feel guilty being all the way up there, while she was suffering down here."

"You shouldn't, she understood. She was incredibly proud of you, she talked about you all the time, I've learned more about your childhood these last few months than in all our years together."

"Well thank you for being with her. It was a comfort knowing you were here for her."

"It really was no trouble, I enjoyed being there. --And you shouldn't feel guilty. You had to work and your mum knew that."

She left and David came over to me.

"Well that's it Dad everyone's gone. We should lock up and take the keys back. --I see you and mum are speaking again."

"Yeah, well, she did a lot for your Gran these last few months. I just wanted to say thanks."

Mum didn't have a lot in the way of cash. I found an insurance policy that covered the cost of her funeral. The only asset she had was her house. She and dad had bought it new in 1958 for two thousand pounds. I was more than a little surprised when the estate agent valued it at £300,000 and said that a bit of modernisation would bump it up by another twenty grand. Enough to buy my little cottage outright and have cash left over.

That November, and December, weren't the brightest of months. It seemed strange to me but I missed mum even though I hardly saw her since I'd moved up to Ullswater. On Sundays when I would have called her I found myself picking up the phone before correcting myself. I found myself thinking about Penny. She'd spent so much time with mum before she died, she must be feeling pretty empty. Once or twice I was tempted to ring her but always changed my mind. When I called Phoebe I always asked after her.

"She's lonely dad, but she's OK" was all that she would say.

That Christmas I travelled down to Kent. As usual, I travelled a couple of days before the holiday. I was staying with Phoebe and was overjoyed to find out she was pregnant. She seamed a bit uneasy from the time I arrived and it took her a whole day to get around to telling me why.

"Dad ... About Christmas Day. You know we normally spend Christmas day with you and Gran here and then go to Mum's on Boxing Day. Well now that Gran is not with us and Ion's left mum on her own. I didn't want either of you to have to be on your own for a day. I've err ... I've invited Mum over for Christmas. She says she won't come if it makes you uncomfortable."

I waited to see if there was anything else to come. I'd already worked out that it would be difficult and knowing Phoebe I'd expected something like this.

"Please Dad. I know what she did to you was wrong. She knows it too and I know how sorry she is. Please Dad just for two days can't we try to be a family all together."

I told myself it was my recent bereavement that made the tears come so readily, but come they did. Phoebe ran across the room and hugged me.

"I'm sorry Dad we don't have to if you can't manage it."

"It's not that my darling girl. A few years ago I'd have said you are your mother's daughter. That's how I remember her, always the peace maker, always thinking of others. Don't change; promise me you'll never change like she did."

"She hasn't changed Dad, she just lost her way for a while that's all. I think we both know who to blame for that."

"It takes two to tango Pheeb you can't put all the blame on him."

"So do I tell her no then? I'll hate myself for doing it but I will if that's what you want?"

"Tell her it's OK; just promise me no games of postman's knock."

She laughed at me. "It's a deal. You really are the best Dad."

After calling her mother and giving her the good news she came and sat beside me. "This is going to be the best Christmas for years. Thanks Dad."

The day itself went off well. David, Robert and I went to the pub for a drink before lunch. When we got back Penny was there and was getting stuck into the wine. Lunch was really good and by the time the Christmas pudding was finished, we were all bloated. I called David out to the kitchen to help me wash up.

"Your mother seems to be putting the wine away today; I don't remember her drinking like that before."

"She's changed in a lot of ways Dad. The happiest I've seen her in recent years was when she was caring for Gran, She's not the confident woman I grew up with. I'll tell you Dad if I ever meet that bastard again he'll wish he was never born."

"Can you do your old man a favour Son? Keep an eye on her. Don't let her make a fool of herself."

"Why? What do you expect her to do?"

"I don't know but I've never seen her drink like that I'm a bit worried about how it will affect her."

David agreed to help and he tried. Whenever he got her a drink it was always less than half a glass. On one occasion he had a brainwave and topped up the glass with sparkling water.

"What's this?" she asked him.

"It's a spritz." he said. "I thought it would remind you of Romania."

A look of anger flashed across her face before she got control again.

"I've no need to be reminded of Romania thank you. I'm reminded of it every morning."

As she got up and went to the kitchen to empty her drink away, David looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. I just nodded as his mother returned with a full glass of wine. By the evening she was slurring her speech and was more than a little unsteady on her feet. She was sitting next to me as we played a game of charades when it happened.

"Ooh look you're under the mistletoe. I looked up but didn't get the chance to see anything as she locked her lips on mine and her tongue was trying to force its way into my mouth. I struggled a bit and managed to push her off me. As I tried to stand Phoebe who'd been trying to act out Catch 22 yelled at her.

"Mother what do you think your doing?"

"What? He's my husband can't a girl kiss her husband under the mistletoe?"

"Mum, He's not your husband anymore and there is no mistletoe."

I got up and went into the hall to get my coat. When I went back into the living room, Penny was in tears. Phoebe sat beside her holding her shoulders.

"I'm going out for a walk" I said "I need to work off some of that food"

Penny reached out to me. "Don't go Drew please don't leave me again. I love you, it's always been you. Don't leave me."

"Mother stop this" Phoebe said shaking her mother.

David followed me to the front door. "Try to get her to bed" I said "She can't drive home in that state. She probably thinks this is her home. Put her in my bed, I'll sleep on the sofa."

"It's alright Dad I'll take the Sofa."

"Listen to your father, I'll take the sofa tonight and leave for home in the morning."

Robert overheard the conversation. "I think Pheeb will be upset if you leave Drew. Can't you manage another day?"

"I'm sorry Bob, I don't see anyway out of this without upsetting someone. I thought we could just be friendly. She managed it at the funeral but she wasn't drinking then."

"I don't think she drinks that much normally."

"All the more reason for me not to be here when she gets up. She'll have a hell of a hang over and if she remembers, she'll be embarrassed if she sees me."

We left it at that and after my walk I settled down on the sofa to sleep. In the morning Phoebe got up early to ensure I didn't leave without saying goodbye.

She insisted on cooking me breakfast and even made me up some sandwiches for the journey.

"I'm sorry Dad. I never expected it to happen. I told her to be calm. I don't know what came over her."

"I think it was the amount of drink she had. David tried to restrict her, but it didn't work out."

"Do you really have to go Dad?"

"I think it's for the best, I hope you have a good day."

There is very little traffic on the road on Boxing Day. The occasional car full of football fans with scarves flying from the windows, but that was about it. I was home in just over six hours. In need of some company, I walked down to the pub. For an hour or two I unloaded all my problems on my friend, cleaning lady and occasional bed partner Molly. Having no family of her own Molly had volunteered to work over the holiday. The air had a real bite to it as we came out and started walking back to my place. Molly was in a thoughtful mood.

"Would it really have been so terrible just to kiss her? You loved her once, and I know there's still a place in your heart for her. What harm would it have done? It's not like you to run away like that."

"I don't know Molly. I think it was the surprise of it all. Besides I don't want her getting ideas, you know getting her hopes up."

"So you've come running up here to fuck my brains out. At least I hope that's what you've got planned."

"You can read me like a book, Molly my love."

"Figure of speech? The my love bit? --Don't bother to answer, I know it's true. I've been trying to work my way into your heart, but it's so crowded in there. I mean, I expected to find your kids, but there's someone else, if it's not your ex, then who. I don't want to get into any cat fights. You're a good bloke Drew, but no man is worth that."

"Relax Molly no one will be coming after you, and tonight, I guarantee you'll find room in my heart for you."

We did, indeed, fuck each others brains out, and eventually drifted off to sleep, exhausted but happy. I didn't wake till mid morning, and only then to answer the phone. After reassuring Phoebe that I was OK, I went back and woke Molly with a cup of coffee.

"You'd make a great husband you know, pity it won't be mine. I'm really going to miss this."

"What do you mean; you're going to miss it? Who say's we have to stop."

"I do my lover. Just before he went to his family for Christmas Derek Warburton asked me to marry him."

"And you said yes?"

"No but I'm going to. Look we both know that this is going nowhere. I mean we're great in the sack together, but that's as far as it goes. Derek's a widower, he's got no baggage, and he loves me."

"Do you Love him?"

"I can learn to love him. He's a good man Drew and I'm not getting any younger. I don't want to be old and alone. You'd do well to think about that too."

"So is this the end of the line for us then."

"I'll still come in and clean for you, but no more sex, it wouldn't be right."

"Can we still be friends?"

"I'd like that, very much."

She pulled me down and kissed my lips.

"Don't leave it too long Drew."

It was the middle of February when I came home on Friday night to find a dog crate on my front doorstep. Inside the crate was a young chocolate Labrador, a lead, two cans of dog food and an envelope. Inside the envelope was a note.