Chapter 14: The Retreat

Even though Sarah and I stood in the kitchen that morning and promised each other we would work everything out and never hurt each other again, the next few weeks didn’t go the way I had hoped. She had retreated, not all at once. It was slower than that. She still got the kids ready for daycare or took them out on daily outings. She still worked out with Roxie and her trainer three mornings a week. She still worked on the company’s interior design projects and the two private clients she was currently working for. She still spent time with Roxie and the other women she had started calling her friends. On the surface, everything looked fine. Under it, she had gone quiet again.

The clothes changed first. The shorter dresses and the tops that actually fit disappeared back into the closet. She started reaching for the same loose tops and jeans she had worn when we first moved that covered her body. When I asked about it, she said she was more comfortable that way. She stopped initiating. The light, teasing comments she had started making after the club nights stopped. She still kissed me goodnight. She still said she loved me. But the version of her that had come home from dancing wet and worked up and willing to try things we had not tried in years was gone. In its place was the careful, reserved woman I had been living with since after Michael was born.