Chapter 3: Before

I remember meeting Nick at Iowa State like it was yesterday. He walked up to the table where I was sitting, reading, confident and smiling, sat down next to me, and asked what I was reading. It didn’t take long for us to start dating and for me to develop feelings for him. He was funny, steady, and kind. He listened to me and made me feel special. He was safe, secure, honest, loyal, and loving. He put me first in all the small ways that mattered. After my relationship with James, I had needed that. My relationship with Nick blossomed; our marriage came soon after. We were desperately in love, with our whole lives ahead of us. Then the pregnancy with Nicole had come along, and it had been hard. I had developed Hyperemesis and ended up in hospitals, pumped full of liquids and medications. The months that followed had me feeling gray and useless. When she was finally born, both families had been overjoyed, and the house had felt happy again and with a new fullness only a baby can bring. Once Nicole was in daycare, I finished my degree and started at the firm in Des Moines. Work felt good. We had date nights. Sex with Nick improved, and it seemed like we were finding our way back.