Chapter 70: Choices

An hour later, Jalen was knocked out next to Chrysti, his chest rising and falling in slow, steady breaths.

Chrysti, however, was wide awake. She stared up at the ceiling, her heart still racing, not from the club, not from the sex, but from everything. The weight of what just happened wouldn’t let her rest. She had told herself that she wasn’t going to be like the others, that she was smarter than this, and that if she ever slept with Jalen again, she would never let it get this deep.

Yet, here she was now, naked, tangled up with him. It wasn’t an accident. She had wanted it. She even asked for it. She made the choice. Now ... she had to deal with that choice.

She pressed a hand to her stomach, swallowing hard. What if she got pregnant? The thought terrified her more than anything else. Not because of the baby itself, but because of what it would mean. Jalen Moss would be in her life permanently, and Chrysti didn’t do permanent.

She’d spent years avoiding attachment, avoiding emotional risk. She’d seen what love did to people. Love weakened them, made them needy, desperate, and vulnerable. Chrysti had never let herself be any of those things since her Lucas had left her, but with Jalen, she was starting to lose that fight.

She turned her head, watching him sleep. He looked so peaceful, so content, so ... right lying next to her. For the first time in a long time, Chrysti felt afraid. Afraid that she might be falling for him or possible that she might already love him. She was afraid that if she was pregnant then she wouldn’t even want to run because deep down, she knew the truth.

She’d already chosen Jalen.

Lying there in the dark, listening to the steady rhythm of Jalen’s breathing, Chrysti thoughts were still racing.

Look, we’re okay! We’re fine! We’ll just get a Plan B first thing in the morning. We’ll take it, and everything will be fine. This will just be a moment of a lapse in judgement that we’ll never let happen again...

Yes, she’d get a Plan B. She was not ready for this. She was not ready to be tied down or to become another name in the ever-growing list of women carrying Jalen’s child. She refused to let herself become another piece of his world.

This, whatever this was, had already gotten out of hand. The sex was unreal, but the chemistry was dangerous. The way he looked at her was too much. Then on top of all that, a baby? That was crossing a line she was not willing to cross. Chrysti exhaled slowly, trying to push down the thoughts clawing at her mind.

Then, from seemingly out of nowhere, another part of her mind spoke up as if determined to make itself known. That part of her brain wondered ... What if she didn’t take the pill? What if she let fate decide? Would it be the worst thing in the world? Jalen wouldn’t run. He would be there for her.

That wasn’t the point, though. The point was she was not ready to need him, be vulnerable, nor to love him...

Lying there in the dark, Chrysti’s mind was at war with itself.

Voice 1: You’re an idiot, you know that? How could you be so stupid?!

Voice 2: But it felt so good, didn’t it? Not even talking about him cumming in you. The way he looked at you! The way he treated you like a queen! Made you feel so desired! Why are we resisting this?!

Voice 1: Because he’s a man, and all men betray you at some point.

Voice 2: I think even you know that Jalen is different...

Chrysti squeezed her eyes shut, but it didn’t silence the war raging in her head. She wanted to dismiss Voice 2, to shove it down, ignore the undeniable truth that was creeping up on her. Jalen was not like the others.

Voice 2: Jalen isn’t Lucas or your father, and he isn’t another man waiting to break you. He’s patient and real, and tonight he made you feel so desired and like the only woman in the world.

This, however, was what made it so scary; because that meant he could actually hurt her. That was something she swore she’d never allow again.

Unfortunately, for Chrysti, Voice 2 in her head wouldn’t shut up.

You felt it. You know it’s real. You know he would never abandon you. You know he would never try to hurt you.

Chrysti exhaled, frustrated with herself. This wasn’t just about getting pregnant. This was about losing control. Jalen made her want to let go, trust, and believe, but if she let herself fall for him completely, and ended up proving Voice 1 right, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to recover from it.

She glanced again at Jalen, who was still peacefully asleep.

She should grab her phone to set an alarm so she can wake up early and go buy that Plan B pill. She should protect herself ... but she didn’t move. She just laid there, letting Jalen’s warmth surround her as she tried to convince herself that she was still in control.