Chapter 68: Yoga

Earlier that same day, the waiting room at Atlanta Obstetrics & Gynecology Specialists was exactly what Chrysti expected.

It was soft, beige, and deliberately calming in that way that made everything feel worse. She sat with her legs crossed, one foot bouncing slightly as she waited for her name to be called, her phone dark in her lap because she couldn’t focus on anything anyway.

She’d been putting this appointment off for weeks. The migraines had started about two months ago, dull at first, then progressively worse until she couldn’t focus during her fitness classes.

Then came the nausea, the random waves of dizziness, the exhaustion that made no sense given how hard she pushed herself physically. She’d assumed it was stress. Work stress, relationship stress, the general stress of her life. But last week when she nearly fainted during a Pilates class, she’d finally admitted she needed to know what was going on.

“Chrystiane Oliveira?”

She stood, following the nurse back through the doors, through the small exam room where they took her vitals and asked their standard questions. The usual stuff. Medications? Just the birth control pills. Sexual activity? Yes. Any new partners? She hesitated on that one before answering yes. Frequency of unprotected sex? That made her pause even longer.

She was on the pill for a reason, but she mentioned that she didn’t always make her partner use condoms. More specifically, that partner in question was Jalen Moss.

The nurse made notes and left her there to wait for the doctor.

Dr. Patricia Chen was in her fifties, competent and kind in a way that didn’t feel performative. She reviewed the vitals, asked about the symptoms, and listened while Chrysti walked through the timeline.

“How long have you been on the birth control pills?” Dr. Chen asked, making notes.

“Four months?” Chrysti said, keeping her voice neutral.

“And when did the migraines start?” Dr. Chen asked.

“About two months in.”

Dr. Chen nodded, still writing. “I’d like to do a blood test to rule out a few things, but based on the timeline and your symptoms, I’m fairly confident the birth control is the culprit. Some women’s bodies just don’t tolerate hormonal contraception well. The longer you stay on it, the more pronounced the side effects become.”

Chrysti felt something clench in her chest. “So, what do I do?”

“I’m going to recommend you stop taking it immediately. The migraines alone suggest your body is telling you something. Combined with the nausea and fatigue, it’s not worth continuing.” Dr. Chen looked at her directly. “The side effects should start clearing within a week or two of stopping, especially the migraines. The fatigue might take a little longer.”

Chrysti nodded slowly, processing. “And for ... contraception?”

“You have options.” Dr. Chen pulled up a chair and sat down, which somehow made everything feel more serious. “We could try a different birth control — a different formula, or a non-hormonal option like the copper IUD. Or you could explore barrier methods. But given your body’s reaction to the hormonal pills, I’d honestly recommend stepping back from hormonal contraception altogether.”

“How long does it take to get an IUD?” Chrysti asked.

Dr. Chen’s face faltered a little. “Unfortunately, we’re booked out pretty far for those appointments, but if we schedule today, we might be able to get you in next month. But I’d give yourself a few days off the pills first, see how you feel, and then decide. Some women find their body responds better once they’re off the hormones.”

They talked through options for another ten minutes. The copper IUD, which was non-hormonal and could stay in for years, condoms plus spermicide, and the diaphragm, though Dr. Chen noted that took more planning.

Chrysti found herself nodding along to all of it while her mind was somewhere else entirely.

The blood test came back clear for anything serious. No viruses or infections, no pregnancy (Thank God), no thyroid issues, and no vitamin deficiencies. Just the straightforward conclusion that her body didn’t want to be on hormonal birth control.

They scheduled her for an IUD appointment for the following month, and Dr. Chen handed her a printout about what to expect when stopping the pills.

“Stop taking them today,” Dr. Chen said as Chrysti was leaving. “No need to finish the pack. Your body will thank you.”

Chrysti drove home on autopilot, her hands gripping the steering wheel tighter than necessary. The relief of knowing what was wrong was undercut by something else, something that felt a lot like panic.

She’d chosen the pill deliberately. It had felt like control, like she was making a conscious decision about her body, her choices, her future. She had been on the pill, which meant she was the one managing the situation. She was the one deciding what happened. Not her father abandoning her nor Lucas cheating on her. She was in control.

But now that control was being taken away, not by a man but by her own body.

When she got home, she went straight to the bathroom and looked at the pack of pills sitting on the shelf. She’d been taking them religiously, one every morning with coffee, that small act of control that made her feel bulletproof. Now she was supposed to just ... stop?

She picked up the pack and held it, staring at the remaining pills. Seven more days left in the cycle. She could finish them. What would a few more days hurt?

But Dr. Chen’s voice echoed in her head: “Stop taking them today. Your body will thank you.”

Chrysti had put the pack down and walked away. She’d poured herself a glass of wine, realizing she could have wine now, since she wasn’t on the pills anymore, and settled onto the couch, leaving it untouched on the table.

And now here she was, staring at both the wine and the pills, contemplating a future that felt significantly less certain than it had yesterday.

The thing about control, she thought distantly, is that you could spend your whole life thinking you had it, and then your body could just decide to take it away. Or Jalen Moss could decide he wanted you in ways that made you forget why you’d needed control in the first place. Or a doctor could tell you that the one deliberate choice you’d made for yourself was actually poison.

Chrysti pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.

She thought about Jalen. About the way he’d looked at her like she mattered. She thought about the other six women that were in Jalen’s life.

The wine sat untouched on the table and the pills sat in the bathroom. Chrysti sat on the couch, feeling like the rug being pulled out from under her. She felt more vulnerable than ever.

Her thoughts swirled like a storm, as she contemplated how this would affect her decisions to have sex in the near future.

She wanted to see Jalen again. Not only that, she wanted to embrace Jalen the feelings he clearly had for her the way he’d tried to.

But she couldn’t. She knew better. It would be foolish to fall for him, suicidal even. She clenched her jaw, shaking her head to herself. He was a man, and she couldn’t trust men.