Chapter 32: Exactly Who You Are

Jalen’s phone rang later that evening after he got back to his apartment. It was Kristen.

“Hey,” he said, picking up.

“Hey,” a soft voice responded, “I’m ... I’m ready to talk.”

“I’ll be right over,” Jalen said.

“No, I’ll come to you,” Kristen responded, “Give me thirty minutes.”

“Okay.”

After they got off the phone, Jalen spent the next thirty minutes pacing his living room, mentally preparing for whatever Kristen had to say.

After everything that had happened, the pregnancy, the truth about the other women, and the raw emotions of it all, he knew this conversation was going to be heavy.

When he heard the knock at his door, he exhaled sharply, went to the door, and opened it.

Kristen stood there, looking both tired and determined. She wore a simple fitted sweater and leggings, her long brown hair pulled into a loose ponytail.

Her eyes, still slightly puffy from all the emotions she’d been dealing with, locked onto his with an intensity that made Jalen’s chest tighten.

“Hey,” she said softly.

“Hey,” Jalen said, stepping aside to let her in.

She walked past him, heading straight for the couch. Jalen followed, sitting next to her but giving her space.

Kristen let out a shaky breath. “I’ve been thinking a lot since we last talked.”

Jalen just nodded.

Kristen glanced down at her hands, then back up at him. “At first, when you told me everything, I just felt ... betrayed. I felt like I was just another woman in some ... some collection you were building.”

Jalen’s stomach tightened. He had feared that’s how she would see it.

“I started thinking about how after our night at Dave & Busters, after you told me that you felt something for me, that just two days later, you were sleeping with Sydney and...” She turned away and closed her eyes for a second. “I’m not going to lie. The thought made me sick.”

Jalen winced at her words but stayed quiet. Kristen continued, still looking away. Her voice was shaky as she spoke.

“I remember thinking, how could he do that? How could he so easily fall into bed with someone else if he truly cared about me the way he claimed he did?” She hugged her arms. “Then on top of that, after you finished with Wellness Georgia, you went on to have an affair with Megan. Then Rachel after her. I felt...” She gestured vaguely with her hands, trying to find the words. “ ... I don’t know ... Used maybe? Diminished? Cast aside?”

Jalen stomach dropped further. He was now starting to feel sick, himself, for making her feel this way.

He looked down and nodded. “I’m really sorry Kristen. I never wanted you to feel any of this.” He looked back at her. “But please believe me when I tell you that my feelings for you were one hundred percent real.”

“Well...” she continued, letting out a slow exhale, “the more I thought about it, the more I realized ... that I played a role in all this.

Jalen stayed silent listening as his chest felt a little lighter. Kristen took a breath before speaking again.

“I was the one who was engaged. Not you. I was the one who pulled away at Dave & Busters, which drove you to Sydney. After that, I was the one who continued to have sex with you for over a week and still went home to my fiancé expecting you to bear with me while I figured my shit out. That wasn’t fair to you.”

Jalen nodded, studying her closely.

Kristen turned to face him fully now. “While I still can’t help feeling hurt that you’ve been with all these other women who are now pregnant with your children, I recognize that I can’t truly condemn you for everything that has happened ... not without condemning myself too.”

Jalen looked off into the middle distance. “After Wellness Georgia, after you told me you needed to figure out your situation with Rob ... I felt like I had a hole in me.”

Kristen stared at him, seemingly caught off guard by that admission.

“I had this feeling that you and Rob would work things out or you’d decide staying with him was your best option. Or maybe that I wasn’t good for you. Whatever it was, it would mean I likely wouldn’t see you again. It ate at me. Sydney and Megan were the only reasons I didn’t fall apart after Wellness Georgia.”

Kristen’s eyes softened a little. Jalen turned back towards her.

“I know I should’ve handled things better, Kristen,” he responded in a low, soft voice. “And I’m not going to make excuses for how things turned out ... But I have to be real with you.” He shifted slightly closer to her. “I can’t be exclusive with you or anyone because I owe all of you my care and attention. But I meant what I said before. I care about you, and I’m going to be here for you and our baby every step of the way ... if you’ll allow me.”

Kristen looked at him with a mixture of emotions ranging from sadness to acceptance and then finally, content.

“I realize that you’ve never actually lied to me,” she said. “You never told me that we were exclusive, and you never promised me something that wasn’t real. The way you treated me, the way you’ve been there for me, even when I was falling apart, you’re not some manipulative player, Jalen. If you were, you would’ve run the second I told you I was pregnant.”