Chapter 3

Heidi didn’t just walk into the room; she drifted in, smelling of rain and something metallic, like old coins or a subway station. She set the bottle of Merlot on the desk with a muted thud, her eyes darting toward Holly and then quickly snapping away, as if looking directly at her might trigger a physical combustion. The air in the small dorm room felt thick, saturated with the memory of the communal shower and the heavy, humming silence that had lasted for twenty-four hours.

“I, uh, got this from my aunt’s stash. She’s visiting again next week,” Heidi mumbled, her voice a fragile thread. She poured two glasses, not crystal, but the famous red plastic cups used at parties everywhere.

Holly took her glass, her fingers trembling just enough to make the wine ripple. “Thanks,” she whispered. The wine tasted like cheap grapes and nervous desperation. She felt a strange, magnetic pull toward the girl, a gravitational shift she hadn’t known existed. It wasn’t the comfortable, rooted heat she felt with Daniel; this was a frantic, sparking electricity that made the small hairs on her arms stand up. She watched Heidi sip the wine, the way her throat moved when she swallowed, and felt a sudden, sharp hunger that had nothing to do with the dinner she’d just eaten.

“About the other day,” Heidi started, her gaze fixed firmly on a peeling piece of wallpaper near the ceiling. “In the shower. I didn’t mean to ... stare. I just ... you’re really beautiful, Holly. Like, breathtaking.”

Holly felt the heat bloom in her chest, spreading upward to her cheeks. “You are too,” she replied, her voice sounding distant to her own ears. “I mean, I’ve noticed. I’ve noticed everything. I’ve never really ... liked a girl before, but I like you a lot.”

Heidi finally looked at her, searching Holly’s face for a sign of disgust or rejection. “Good. When I look at you, for a second I forget how to breathe.”

Holly felt a dizzying surge of affection, but as she looked at Heidi’s hopeful expression, the image of Daniel flickered in her mind, his steady hands, the way he looked at her with a devotion that bordered on worship. The guilt hit her like a physical blow to the stomach. She couldn’t just slide into this new, electric current without checking the ground first.

“Heidi, wait,” Holly said, her voice cracking. She set the plastic cup on the desk, the wine sloshing over the rim. “There’s someone. A man. He’s ... he’s everything to me. He’s my world, and we’re together. I can’t just ... I need to talk to him. I need to tell him what’s happening before I can even think about doing anything romantic with you.”

Heidi blinked, the tension in her shoulders dropping an inch. She teased, “Oh. The guy who was inside you when we met?”

“GOD! I about died of shame! Yes, that’s him, Daniel.” She anxiously worried if she should reveal more. What if it freaked Heidi out? “He’s um ... my step-dad.” Holly’s voice was a jagged edge of laughter and mortification. She slumped back against the thin dorm mattress, the memory of the roommate walking in on her and Daniel flashing behind her eyes like a neon warning sign. The guilt was still there, a dull throb in her chest, but the electricity radiating off Heidi was far more immediate.

Heidi let out a breathy, crooked laugh, her shoulders finally relaxing. She leaned against the desk, the red plastic cup swaying in her hand. “Well, at least you’re honest, and not really related to him. I’m kind of in the same boat. I have a girlfriend back home. My aunt, the one who’s visiting next week? Yeah, we’ve been a thing for a year.”