Chapter 5: Divorce - Janice

I walked out the front door of my house on Wednesday morning. As I walked to my car, a woman approached me and asked if I was Janice Brown.

“Yes,” I replied.

She handed me a manila envelope and said, “You’ve been served.”

Then she turned and quickly walked to her car.

I didn’t have to look inside the envelope; I knew it was a divorce petition. I waited until I got to work to read the document.

Roy was being very generous to me. He proposed that I keep the house, my car, and some of the savings. He wanted his pickup truck and most of our savings. He also wanted to pay 70 percent of Jessica’s schooling.

I had hurt him more than I ever thought possible. I’d never really considered the consequences of having my chimes rung by some young stud. My lust-filled mind neglected the hurt I could cause, and ignored the extent of Roy’s love and adoration for me. I certainly hadn’t thought that he would walk away from me.

I called Jessica and told her that Roy had filed for divorce.

“Mom, I’ll tell you this once, and once only. Get a lawyer, fight the divorce, get into counseling, and get your head on straight. You need each other.”

I didn’t want to lose Roy, so I did as Jessica suggested.

My lawyer advised that fighting the divorce, especially after committing adultery, would be expensive. Roy’s petition offered to pay my lawyer’s fees IF I didn’t fight the divorce. When I asked, “How expensive?” he said, “$3000”. I nearly fainted since it would nearly bankrupt me, but I pulled out my debit card and paid anyway.

With all the, admittedly self-induced, problems in my life, I decided to have a checkup with my GP. In any case, I thought that getting checked for STDs might be wise. The GP prescribed some anti-depressant medication. And then he told me I was pregnant.

Shit! I hadn’t even thought about birth control. I mean, there was no need, since Roy had a vasectomy after Jessica was born, so it wasn’t on my radar.

My mind was a real mess with the adultery, divorce, and now pregnancy, so I decided to see a family counselor. I made an appointment with a Candis Smith, who promised to help me sort out my life.

I discussed the pregnancy issue with Candis who proposed three choices: terminate the pregnancy; take the child to full term, and give it up for adoption; or take the child to full term, and raise it. After several sessions with Candis, I decided to terminate the pregnancy. Bearing the guilt of ending a life would be my punishment, and I would guard the secret forever.

Three weeks passed before my lawyer informed me that I had an appointment with a marriage counselor, and gave me the name and address.

I arrived early and sat in the waiting room. Eventually I was asked to enter the marriage counselor’s office where I saw my husband for the first time in almost four months. I was overcome with emotion, and stood with tears flowing down my cheeks. With my voice cracking, I whined, “I’m so, sorry Roy. God, I am so sorry.” I didn’t go to him because I didn’t know if he would ever want to touch me again.

Roy didn’t react, and just sat glaring at me. The counselor motioned me to a seat, so I sat and stared at my husband. I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

“My name is Matt Hennery. I am not a doctor. I am a licensed marriage counselor. I am not your friend. I am not your bank either. I expect payment in full at the beginning of each session. Roy has paid for this week. I am here to moderate the grievance between you two, and that is it. I have already read the court orders, and consulted both your attorneys. I understand that one of you wishes to divorce, and the other does not. That is normal in these cases. I am not going to go to dinner with either one of you, or show up for your barbeques. You can say whatever you need to. The more you say, and the more honest you are with me and each other, the better things can be with all the above.

Mrs. Brown. Would you like to start by telling us why we are here today?”

I felt myself flush, then I said, “I made the stupidest mistake of my life. I cheated on my husband, but that wasn’t the worst of it.”

I told the counselor, in front of my husband, how I was convinced that Todd was nothing more than a sex toy. I told him that I never thought that Roy would leave me. I never thought he would even be hurt, beyond the first shock of it. I never thought of what I was doing, beyond getting a good lay. I didn’t think it was cheating until I saw Roy’s wedding ring on the kitchen table, and that was when everything came crashing down on my head. I told him that I was stupid, selfish, and that I didn’t think. I said that I had been faithful to my husband for twenty-four years, and that we had a twenty-three-year-old daughter together. My tears wouldn’t stop coming.