Chapter 9

“When the storm stalled and it just kept snowing, the University finally bowed to the inevitable and canceled classes and sent everybody home. By then the county had issued a no unnecessary travel order. The ride home was almost as bad as the ride in, and I was never so happy as when I saw the house as Susan drove up our street.

“Oh, and by the way, I was pretty amazed at the job you had done on the driveway! I could actually walk all the way up without getting lost in the drifts,” she said, smiling at me over her mug. The room seemed to get a little warmer then, and I realized it had been a long time since I’d seen that look. It didn’t last, though. A moment later she frowned, and continued.

“When I got in the house that day and the warmth hit me, I was the happiest girl in the world,” she said, gazing down at the floor. Then she shifted on the love seat and looked me right in the eyes. “Being trapped in the house with you during a huge snowstorm seemed so romantic. I was so preoccupied that I had my boots off before I even heard you two, and neither of you were exactly being quiet.

“At first I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I hoped you were just watching porn and jerking off or something. I didn’t even bother to take my coat and hat and gloves off, I just snuck up the stairs. And there you were, lying in our bed with Delaney riding you like some prized bull or something. I ... I just couldn’t believe it. I actually watched you both cum. I just stood there and watched, wondering what the hell was so wrong with me that you’d rather fuck somebody else than your own wife.”

“Jackie,” I interrupted, “it wasn’t like that. You know that...”

“Wasn’t it?” she interrupted, setting her mug down on the coaster nearest her on the coffee table. “We hadn’t had sex for weeks. You know I missed it, too, right? I mean, we’ve gone over this. I was working like hell, all the time, and I needed you to ... take charge, to show me just how much I meant to you, how much you needed me.”

She held up her hand as she saw me open my mouth to interrupt. “And I know that’s not fair, to lay it all on you like that. I know you can’t read minds. But I was wrapped up in my career, and I just thought that you were all wrapped up in yours, too. We both had new jobs that we were trying to make work. We were both trying to impress our colleagues and administrators. I guess I just felt like we were both in the same place, even though you weren’t bringing quite as much work home. But when I walked into the house that day and found you with her, I realized I was wrong. You weren’t too preoccupied to take charge and fuck me, you just preferred somebody else.”

“Jackie!” I interrupted again, leaning forward, almost spilling my coffee, “you know that isn’t true! I didn’t go hunting for somebody else! It just ... it was bizarre. It just happened...”

At that point she got up, came around the coffee table, and sat down next to me. She took my mug out of my hand and set it down on a coaster, and then she took my hands in hers.

“Yes, I know ... I know you didn’t go hunting for somebody else. I know you didn’t seduce Delaney up there. But the fact remains that you found it easier to fall into bed with her, even if it wasn’t something you were looking for, than you did just to come to me and talk about it. Danny, you needed to tell me how you felt. If we’re going to make it, we need to talk to each other.”

I let that sink in for a moment. Everything was getting so jumbled, and it was hard to think. Hard to think with her holding my hands like this. It had been so long since we even touched. God, how could we have gotten this far off course? If we were ever going to get back to where we had been, we did need to talk to each other. More than that, we needed to be honest with each other. So, I took a deep breath and started.

“Okay, you’re right. We need to talk. Ever since that day, I’ve felt so guilty. I cheated on you, and I hurt you, and I feel like I’ve ruined our marriage.” I realized at that point that I was looking down at the coffee table, avoiding her eyes, so I shifted and forced myself to look at her directly. She smiled a bit when I did that, and my heart skipped a small beat, but I knew we were a long way from being out of the woods.

Honesty. “Our marriage is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Nothing even comes close. I felt so guilty and so self-pitying that I never really stopped to think about that, but it’s true, and I want you to know it.” She looked down and blinked several times – tears? – and held my hands tightly.

“But what I said before is true,” I continued. “About what you did. If we’re talking and being honest, I still just can’t wrap my head around what you did to me last night. I was weak and maybe even stupid, but bringing Delaney into our bed and setting it up so that I’d walk in on you ... that was just cruel and vindictive. I never really thought that you had that in you.”

I pulled my hands back at that point and sat back against the arm of the couch. “This may seem crazy, because I know you’re the one who has a good reason not to trust me, but I’m really not sure if I can trust you anymore, either. So, where do we go from here?”