Chapter 1: Working With the Church Youth

This story may not be to everyone’s taste if you’re expecting something along the lines of most if my other diary entries. If you decide to read further, don’t complain to me - you’ve been warned!

All my life my family has attended the same Presbyterian church. It’s fairly typical of the old large protestant churches with about two thousand members on the books and maybe three to four hundred who attended regularly. Christmas and Easter the place is jammed but in between the attendance is much more sparse even though we still need two services to make it comfortable. The Sunday services are well organized and are usually quite boring with none of the arm raising or theatrical oratory that many new churches offer today. To be brutally honest, in many ways our church is really more of a big social club which includes just enough religion to appease everyone’s conscious.

Church has always played a central role in my life and I was been involved in a number of youth programs throughout my childhood and high school years. Now that I’m in college, I still remain involved in various bible studies and serve as a helper to the youth group leaders. It’s fun most of the time and challenging in many ways. Our big night of the week, like most churches, is Wednesday night when everything is catered to the kids and we make our biggest outreach to the community.

If you’ve been reading my diary entries, especially my fantasies, then you’re also undoubtedly waiting for me to spill my guts about a few other things so here it is. The kids I work with range generally from twelve to fifteen years of age. This doesn’t make me that much older than them and frankly, it’s hard sometimes to look at them and not feel a twinge of temptation. I have written a fantasy story about being with a couple of the ones that really make me horny and even shared some pics of a few of them with guys I chat with as we discussed my secret lust.

The truth is I’ve NEVER touched any of them inappropriately (and that is defined as their parents would interpret it so don’t try stretching the definition); nor can I imagine EVER actually doing so at any time in the future. Despite my personal views on sex and morality, I understand that most people have different attitudes and I respect that although I wish it went both ways. The guiding principle for me is that these parents entrust their kids to me and expect me to enforce their rules and morals, regardless of my own. This is a trust I take seriously and one which, no matter what thoughts might cross my mind, I would NEVER violate.

It’s always fun to fantasize, though, and I just hope people are mature enough when reading my diary to understand there is a BIG difference between fantasy and reality. Unfortunately some people don’t seem to be able to comprehend that and even worse there are those who can’t keep them separate in their own lives which is why sex offenders need to be put in jail.

I should say that there has been one exception so far for me and that is my cousin Tammy who was barely thirteen the first time we did anything together (I was twenty). At the time we just played and masturbated together. Given she is still a virgin, it can’t be said I led her TOO far astray. I can rationalization my behavior in this situation because she is my cousin which makes it a family affair more than anything.

Like most people, I enjoy a healthy fantasy life which I use as an outlet at times. I’m not afraid to admit that I get a certain sense of guilty pleasure when I chat on-line with fathers and we fantasize about doing things with their wives and kids. I get turned on when a guy first breaches his internal barriers, steps out of his normal comfort zone and actually begins to discuss his thoughts about doing naughty things at home.

My opinion is that most people have these thoughts but they just don’t express them so I don’t think anything I do is going to convert a father into a child molester! In any case. I’m not so naive to believe that they would actually do what we talk about anyway. If anything, I like to think I’ve given him a new fantasy to indulge in and if he masturbate later thinking about his twelve year old daughter, what’s the harm?