Chapter 2: Luckily There’s a Bang Bus!

Lois and Meg Griffin were in Miami, Florida. The sun was shining, the weather was warm, and the people were hot. Lois felt right at home.

Meg ... not so much.

Lois decided to take her here yesterday. She noticed that one night back at their house in Quahog, Meg was stressed out more than usual ever since coming home from school. She was sobbing something inaudible in her room so loud that her mother had to go upstairs and check it out. When she opened the door, she found Meg pacing around, crying tears of pure fury.

“Oh hey honey, what’s wrong?”

“What do you care Lois?”

Lois was a bit taken aback by that casual use of her first name but ignored it. “Meg, I know we don’t always get along, but I still care about you.” It was a lie and they both knew it, but it was a weapon Lois had learned how to weaponize with this family. Meg being the person she liked to torment most of all, it was surprising how much leverage it had over her. No matter how much they set her up for pranks, Lois always knew how to reel her right back in.

Meg stared at her a moment in disbelief for having the nerve to say such a thing, before she suddenly screamed at her. Lois took a step back. Meg could be the family chew toy at times, but after that outburst, for once Lois felt powerless before her.

“Don’t always get along? That how you live with yourself for all the hell you and this family put me through?”

On Meg’s part, she thought she had resigned herself to her family’s torment. If it meant preventing themselves from tearing each other apart, then so be it. But there were still times when they got to her. She thought as long as she didn’t let it show, she could get by. Still, right now, it was all she could herself to remain calm and not go after the whole lot of them herself.

“Listen if that’s what this is about...”

“Yeah don’t flatter yourself. This has got nothing to do with you! But you know what? Right now, you’re not helping.”

“Okay, fine. You got a point. But it still makes me hurt to hear my little girl crying like this.”

Meg wiped tears from her eyes before shooting her an evil look. “Sure it does.” She didn’t say anything for awhile, and when Lois didn’t chime in for some quip, Meg said, “Connie d’Amico stole a guy I liked.”

Lois sighed. “Oh her.”

“Yeah, her. Of course you’d say that. You and her are practically the same. You’re both completely full of yourselves and you both like to make my life a living hell.”

“So I know I haven’t been the best mother...”

“Lois, this isn’t about you right now! Though, you know what? You’re right. I still haven’t forgotten that stunt you pulled with Anthony.”

“I know, okay. I know. Let me make it up to you and take your mind off that bitch.”

“Nothing you can do or say will...”

“I want to take you to Miami.”

“Yeah, okay. Lois, this is about you. Why else would you want to take me to a place like that? You want to rub it in by making fun of me in front of a whole bunch of strangers?”

“No, you can uh...” She started giggling. “Clear your mind, you know? Take a load off, if you get my meaning? Huh? Huh?”

“Like that’ll ever happen. I’d stick out like a sore thumb in a place like Miami.”

“Meg honey, I know you’re depressed, but you need a reality check. There’s all kinds of girls over in Miami. I mean it’s practically the same as New Jersey, and I mean, if Snooki can get railed in all her holes and dripping with cum multiple times in one day, there’s a place for you, am I right?”

Meg had to stop crying just to laugh awkwardly. “You just compared me to Snooki. I mean, what am I even supposed to do with that?”

“You can laugh at Snooki all you want but you know she’s been fucked here, there, and everywhere by all kinds of hot guys. If she can do it, I know you can too. Makes Connie d’Amico look like a well behaved little church girl, am I right?”

Meg started laughing a bit. She wasn’t crying as much before either. But she looked away. “I really don’t know about this.”

“Well Meg, I’ve been saving up money for a trip, just to get away from it all the insanity of living in Quahog. You think you’re the only one who has it rough here?”

“Then go with Brian.”

“I once went with Brian on a trip and he got, uh, kinda clingy if you remember.”

Runs in the family I guess, Meg thought to herself, remembering when she developed a sort of stalker attraction for him when he stood up for her against, once again, Connie d’Amico.

“Then go with Chris.”

“Me alone with Chris? Look, let’s just say sometimes I think his feelings for me go beyond what they should...”

Meg actually remembered the time she accidentally made out with him when she was paired up with him for a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven. She shuddered thinking about it.

“Then go with dad.”

“Meg, it’s usually a coin flip if he’ll act right in any given situation. And I don’t want that chicken popping up out of nowhere.”

“Yeah, that’s like him alright...”

“Besides, this way you won’t have to see Connie for a good long while, huh?”

“Fine, I guess. Whatever.” She dreaded being anywhere near Connie right now, but it’s not like she had a great track record with her mother either. Meg remembered the only reason she was still here with her family was because she acted as a glorified lightning rod to absorb their various dysfunctions. If it was just the two of them, who knows what could go down?

“That’s the spirit!

“Okay, sure, why not,” she said lazily.

Lois ignored Meg’s disinterested response. “Oh yeah!” she said, laughing. “My little girl is gonna make Connie d’Amico look like a precious little virgin cunt when she’s done partying in Miami!”
----

Back in the present, Meg was glaring at Lois. They both had been cat called ever since getting here, but Lois was absolutely basking in all the positive attention. And while Meg was actually a little flattered to get leered at by total strangers right now, she knew who the people were really here for. She knew she should have trusted her instinct when she felt this trip was a bad idea.

Though that wasn’t the worst of it. Connie was here. Lois and Meg were walking on the Miami beach boardwalk, looking for a party, when they saw her walking towards them by her lonesome. Connie was only wearing a bronze color bikini top and a stylish short white skirt with red polka dots that hugged her waist, and only a similar bronze color thong underneath it, leaving very little to the imagination. With an oleander sticking in her hair, anyone who didn’t know what kind of nasty person she was would think she looked like a sweet girl next door.

As much as Meg hated to admit it to herself, she looked really good in it. Connie had a wild grin on her face, seein the two of them here. Lois just shook her head, while Meg didn’t look away. Connie simply smiled and smugly threw her head to the side, as if neither of them were worth her time or attention.

That encounter alone was enough to make Meg warm up the idea of actually getting some action. They had both found a big outdoor party where a DJ was playing all kinds of music. Despite that, no luck. And she hated that her mother was with her.

Even though Lois was in her forties, she knew how to rock a beach look better than her teenage daughter. A tiny white t-shirt hugging her torso and little jean shorts that rode rode up her bottom, just the perfect amount of her lovely ass was peeking out to give the best impression of allure and tease. And the strings of her thong bikini bottom were tied so they were on her hips for all to see. She hadn’t worn these clothes since she was her daughter’s age right now, but she could still look amazing just like she did back then.

Meg was dressed more conservatively, navy blue shorts that went down to her knees and a loose fitting pink tank top. Her more unassuming self-image was something she had grown accustomed to both from all the teasing at high school and even from her own family, as well as just knowing she didn’t fit the conventional standards of beauty. But in the tropical climate of Florida, she still had to wear something that would keep her comfortable.

“Come to Miami, she said, it’ll be a lot fun, she said. So hey mom, why are all the guys gawking at you?”

“Nobody forced you to dress like that, Meg.”

“Nobody forced you to, either. You know how I can be self-conscious about this sort of thing.”

“Don’t be like that sweetie, I know there has to be someone who really wants to tear up your carpet. That reminds me of the time that Glenn decided to...”

“Mom, can we not talk about Mr. Quagmire right now?”

“Oh okay honey. But who knows what might happen here? I mean Brian has had tons of girls crazy about him. It reminds me of the time that...”

“Yeah, I can also do without hearing about how much women are horny for a dog.”

“Fine. You know, maybe if you were a bit more upbeat right now, you’d see how awesome an opportunity this is. Like back when your father and I first met...”

“That’s ... gross mom. And you really shouldn’t talk about these kinds of things or else...”

“What’ll happen?”

“A cutaway will happen. You know, one of those really stupid jokes that happen out of nowhere and sometimes go on for so long?”

“Oh, that reminds me of the good old days. Like when we all liked to listen to Mr. Conway Twitty sing about...”

“No mom, we’re not talking about some old singer that was outdated even way back in the day! Just let me try to get some action already, before I’m reminded of the time that Connie d’Amico stole my crush.”

“Uh Meg...”

“Oh no, it’s happening!”
----

At James Woods High School, the day was just finishing up. Meg was waiting in the hallway for a guy she liked. His name was Sid. A perfectly normal guy. Tall brunette guy, very easy on the eyes. Not a creepy little dweeb like Neil Goldman, or someone older like Glenn Quagmire or Jerome looking to take advantage of her. Not a situation like where she had a lesbian into her and she had to pretend she was gay to get with either. Just a perfectly normal guy like Anthony had been. He was a new kid too, so he wasn’t ready to bully her at the slightest provocation. He liked her and she liked him. And Meg was determined not to let this one get away.

She had to stay late after school one day to finish a project for a history class. None of her friends were in this class so normally she would have been relieved when the teacher decided to partner everyone else up by counting in three’s. But considering Connie d’Amico was in the same course, she was a bit nervous she’d be paired with her. And lo and behold, that’s exactly how it went down.

Oh no, Meg thought to herself.

“Hey Meg, maintain arm’s length,” Connie said. “We’re not partners. This is my project. And I’ve decided I’m not gonna do it.”

“W-why?” Meg said, incredulous.

“Because I’m doing well enough in this class. But I know you’re struggling in it. I can eat the F. You can’t. If I want you to fail this course, you’ll fail it.”

“Fine,” Meg said, glaring at her. She tried getting work done on her own right then and there, only for Connie to take it all and rip it to shreds right in front of her face. Later that day, she complained to the teacher, only for him to say that the partner decision was done, and there was nothing he could do about it.

“But you can stay after school to do it,” he said, looking at her blankly.

She sighed. “Then I guess that’s what I’ll do.”

Everyday, she did just that. But it wasn’t easy. The teacher was of no help, and by the last day, she was only halfway done with it. She was in the library with several books on her desk, but she felt like she was getting nowhere.

“I’m gonna fail this class, aren’t I...” she said, burying her head in her hands.

“You doin’ alright?” It was a deep male voice, she had never heard it before. And it had an accent, nothing here from the states, let alone a place as small as Quahog.

“No I’m not fucking doing alright!” she said, looking up. And then she saw Sid for the first time.

“Sorry,” he said. He was about ready to walk off just then.

“No wait, it’s fine. I just, I’m gonna fail this history project, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“What history final project?”

“Just something I have to do for a class. It has to do with Spain and...”

“Maybe I can help.” He smiled. “I am Spanish.”

“Then help me. Please, help me.”

He smiled. “Alright.”

And so he did. His familiarity with the material was a godsend, and she was surprised that by the end of the day, it was all over.

“Thanks for helping me out,” Meg said.

“No problem. You said your name was Meg, right?”

“Uh, yeah...”

“I just got here at this school. It was nice meeting you.”

“Yeah, nice meeting you too...” Like her family, Meg had gotten used to the bullying at school so much that she simply learned defense mechanisms against it to deal with it on a daily basis. But now meeting someone new for a change, who helped her with no latent grudge against her, it felt nice.

“Call me Sid. You want to go do something later on?”

Meg brightened up. “Sure!”

“I’ll meet you tomorrow after school.”

“Oh that works. My last class is that history class so...”

“Alright. I’ll wait for you there.”

So that explained why she was waiting in the hallway. But he was taking longer than usual. It had been ten minutes, and it shouldn’t have been taking him that long.

Unless nature called...

She started walking all over the hallways searching for him. She wished she hadn’t bothered.

She found him making out with Connie d’Amico against the wall. He was really into it too, pushing her up and grinding against her. Her hand was aggressively fondling his crotch while spooning her ass. Outraged, Meg rushed into them, pushing them apart. Connie was knocked to the floor, while Sid was stumbling, almost falling himself.

“What the hell!” Meg screamed at him.

Sid looked at her in disbelief before Connie started crying.

“Look what you did,” Sid said.

“What I did? Are you nuts?”

“I told you she was evil!” Connie said.

“Fuck you Connie!”

“She told me about you,” Sid said to Meg. “How you ripped up all her help on that school assignment to deliberately get her to fail the course. She told me.”

“She ... you liar!” she said, looking at Connie. “You did that! You did that!”

“Don’t let her hurt me!” Connie said, cowering.

“I think you’ve done enough for one day,” Sid said. He helped Connie up. They both started walking down the hallway towards one of the doors outside. But just before they left, Connie looked back at Meg and flashed her an evil grin. All Meg could do was scowl at her before they were gone.
----

“Oh fuck, why the hell did I have to say that? Now everybody knows how that bitch Connie d’Amico...”

“Yeah, those are the rules of the cutaway jokes,” Lois said. “We all get to see it.”

“Like sometimes I wonder how the writers don’t go in way crazier directions. Like stuff involving Mr. Herbert or whatever the hell Mr. Quagmire does. And that’s saying something since one is a pedophile and the other is a rapist.”

“Alright, dial it down a bit Meg. These jokes are getting way too meta for a crossover smut fic, and you know what the people are really here for, right?”

“Yeah, and we don’t want to give the actual writers of Family Guy any ideas either. Back to the main plot it is.”

Lois sighed to herself. “And hopefully some sex too...” Then she cleared her throat before yelling, “I’m sure by the time we’re done here, my little girl will be thoroughly fucked like a piece of Swiss cheese!” She laughed pretty loud, and Meg pouted. She could never be sure of the meaning behind that laugh, whether she was laughing with her or laughing at her.

But that last statement definitely got the attention that Lois had wanted. Even in that thick crowd, all sorts of people started looking them over more and more. Men and women. They were smiling at Meg too, and it took a load off of her after that flashback to Connie d’Amico.

“Looks like we’re gonna be getting it, huh?” Lois said, elbowing Meg. Meg smiled back at them as best she could and waved back awkwardly, hoping it was a sexy look. She’d gotten more attention from guys in the past than she ever would have thought possible, even fucked some of them, but she still never felt right, just some last ditch option for some action. But now she was feeling more confident and sexy than ever. Despite knowing her mother likely brought her along just to bully her all along, she actually felt glad she was there for a change. She blushed and started looking back at them seriously, ready for whatever might happen.

But her joy was cut short.

“Now let’s have a classic song I’m sure all you OGs will love!” the DJ said. “You know what hit I’m talking about! The one, the only...”

Then the loudspeakers blared, A-well-a everybody’s heard about the bird! The main song started up and both of them were starting to get a headache, the singer’s voice and the lyrics made it seem like an aural blur, they both thought it was such a monotonous and nonsensical song. And neither of them could stand Surfin’ Bird to begin with, but this loud, it was like having their ears boxed in. The people around them even started dancing with their arms just like Peter did whenever he heard that song, and they both felt their brains were about to turn to mush if they heard another second of it.

“Oh no,” Lois said.

“Yeah, no kidding,” Meg said. “Mom, run!”

“Right behind you sweetie!” They started running away from that crowd as soon as possible. All of Lois’s thoughts about getting corn holed by several different guys at once and maybe even a few girls were completely gone. And Meg just then had been more eager than ever to do anything to get over that cruel memory, but at that moment wanted to do everything in her power to get away from that scene. If either of them had to listen to that song a second longer, they’d go insane.

When they were finally away from it, they had to catch their breath. Neither of them could recall the last time they ran that hard in their entire lives, or if they ever had run that hard to start with. Connie d’Amico’s bitchy smile was nothing compared to hearing that song in their heads at full blast.

They were in a wide clearing. While it wasn’t exactly free of other people, it was nothing compared to the crowd they had just fled from. Some people were looking in their direction, Meg couldn’t be sure if they were looking at Lois instead of her, but not for long. They were all minding their own business, effectively ignoring them.

“Goddammit! All I want is for my little girl to get fucked!” Lois said. That definitely got some looks. But nobody made a move. Meg rolled her eyes.

“Okay mom, Miami is a big city with lots of crazy and horny people, I’m sure I’ll get some big dicks in me by the time we’re done here,” Meg said listlessly. Nothing had gone right since they came here, and right now, she just wanted to go home. But as she said that, she was starting to think that for her mother, it wasn’t so much about getting Meg laid as it was that Lois probably came here herself to get some action instead.

Just another day for the Griffin family.

“No Meg, I did not come all the way here so your father can rub it in about how I came here and didn’t get my piano played.”

“Then when he asks you where you’ve been, don’t tell him anything.”

“I know you’ll tell him.” As much as Meg rolled her eyes, she had to admit that her mother was spot on there. Depending on her mood, she could be incredibly spiteful.

But seeing those people making eyes at her, she was starting to warm up to the idea a bit herself. More than that, she didn’t feel like dealing with her mother if she started to turn on the water works. It was a role reversal she know she should have lorded over, but instead it just made her uncomfortable. “Come on,” she said, patting Lois on the shoulder, “let’s find another party.”

Lois got up and regained her trademark poise. Crisis averted. They started walking, only for a white van to pull up besides them. The window was open and they heard a whistling sound from inside.

“Hey pretty ladies, you look pretty alone,” said a guy’s voice.

“We don’t have to be,” Lois said, smiling at them.

“I like the sound of that.”

“Who are you guys?” Meg said.

“Easy, easy. I just saw you two by yourselves and figured you might want some company.”

Meg arched an eyebrow. “What kind of company?”

“The fun kind. If you two lovelies want to have fun, there’s plenty of room.”

“Yeah, I’m looking for some fun,” Lois said, approaching the van. Meg was already regretting getting her mother back in a good mood.

“Wait hold on...” Meg started. “These people don’t look legit.”

“No, you’re not gonna rob me of this chance,” she said, looking back at her daughter. “I came to Miami looking to have fun and I’m gonna get it.”

“Fine, have fun getting railed by some guys in a van that came from who knows where. Because that totally sounds safe. I’m just gonna wait here...”

“And leave my daughter here alone? No.”

“I’m not getting in there.”

“Meg, I am your mother!”

“So what?”

“So I am not leaving you here by your lonesome.”

“Good, then don’t leave me by my lonesome. I’m eighteen now. I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself.” Lois scowled at her.

“Fine Meg, stay here. When I’m done here, I’m gonna tell Connie d’Amico about all the fun you missed out on.”

“Then I’ll tell dad about how you cheated on him.”

“Do you really think he’ll believe you?” Meg frowned at hearing that. He probably wouldn’t, he’d just say, “Shut up Meg,” and business would go on as usual. If it was at the expense of someone else, Meg could see any one of her awful family joining with her, but if it was to save face herself, they’d turn on her no problem. And it’s not like she cared that her mother was cheating on her father, when push came to shove, she realized she still couldn’t stand either of them, but at the same time she had no choice but to play by their rules.

No matter how dumb and batshit they were.

“Hey, we can be pretty nice, little miss,” said another male voice from up front, the driver. “We won’t do anything you don’t want.”

“You have to be kidding me,” Meg said under her breath.

“Last chance,” Lois said.

“Fine,” she said, getting inside.

“That’s what I like to hear!” said the driver.

The door shut behind her and off they went.

In the back seat with them was a big guy. Short dark hair, he reminded Meg a little bit of Sid, if he was older and more muscular. In the tropical climate of Florida, he was appropriately dressed, a tight black t-shirt conforming to his muscular physique which was laced with tattoos, and wearing a pair of shorts that went up his bulky thighs a little bit.

A chapter ago, he had eaten out Kim Possible before he fucked away her virginity and she sucked him off right back.

He was grinning at them both, not giving either one of them preferential attention. Up front, the driver, a bald lanky guy in a loose fitting tank top and long shorts, was happy the both of them had gotten in. He worried he was going to be getting sloppy seconds with Lois when Meg showed hesitation before, but now with the both of them here right now, he knew he’d be getting it good with at least one of them before the day was done. And unlike when they were in Middleton, they were on no schedule to get these ladies somewhere, so they had all the time in the world.

Lois was all smiles, looking between the man next to her and the driver. Meg was more withdrawn, keeping to herself and not looking at any one of them. Both of the men noticed her sullen demeanor.

“Did I hear you right?” said the driver. “You two are a mother and daughter?” Lois was too busy making eyes at her two would be lovers, so Meg realized she’d have to say something to keep it from getting awkward.

“Uh yeah,” Meg said, still giving him the side eye.

“Hell yeah,” said the guy in the back seat. “A MILF and her daughter. This is gonna be a good one!” Meg buried her face in her hands from embarassment.

“You know, I think we’ll get along very well,” Lois said with a naughty grin, running a hand up one of his brawny arms, covered in a tattoo sleeve. He snaked that arm around her shoulders pulling her close, and started nibbling on her ear. That same hand reached down to her chest and seized one of her tits and she clasped his hand tenderly before she started making out with him. He had fucked a virgin pussy so very much unlike this older and experienced woman not too long before, so he had no doubts Lois would be just as good a time as she was.

“I don’t know about this...” Meg said.

Lois laughed and looked back at her, licking her lips of the man’s spit. “Whatever, more dicks for me.”

Meg rolled her eyes. Cheating on her husband and mocking her only daughter at the same time? That was her mother alright.

With her brows crooked, Lois gave Meg a wry smile before turning back to him to suck face some more. She didn’t know what her mother meant by that smirk, but after their last exchange before getting inside with these two men, she was sure it wasn’t anything good. She was suddenly possessed of a jealous streak, seeing her mother getting all this attention, and for an instant was reminded of Connie d’Amico practically dry humping Sid in the hallway. Intending to rub it in Lois’s face no matter what it took, she took her shirt off without warning. She hadn’t been wearing anything underneath. The guy kissing Lois saw Meg’s bare breasts in his peripheral vision and suddenly pushed Lois away to focus entirely on her daughter.

“Sweet mother of tits!” he said, sidestepping over Lois so that he was next to Meg, and happily grabbed her breasts. His large hands were easily to grab onto her full mounds. Meg had grimaced at that remark. Despite being referred to like that though, her foul mood was starting to turn around. After so much hesitation before and seeing her worst enemy, not to mention her bitchy mother being up to her old tricks again, she didn’t mind being fondled like this at all. And as far as he was concerned, Meg was energetic and frisky enough to get him randy.

Sure, wasn’t as hot as the last one he fucked here on this seat, a cheerleader who doubled as a superhero, but he wasn’t complaining.

“I AM that sweet mother, thank you very much,” Lois said, trying to put the spotlight back on herself. He didn’t even look at her. Lois rolled her eyes and pouted. Meg started moaning as he pressed his fingers deep into the soft skin of Meg’s large areolas, pushing the nipple into her flesh, and when he took them out, her nipples emerged hard and engorged, only for him to do it again. She was sensitive there, not a surprise given how big her tits were. The driver noticed through the rear view mirror that Lois was seething at her daughter and knew opportunity had struck.

“Don’t worry darlin’, I’ll pull us over and I’ll be more than happy to keep you occupied,” he said. She saw his smile and that remark tickled something in her.

Lois poked her head over the front seat. “Hurry up, hurry up!” Lois said, suddenly sounding like a little schoolgirl.

The man with Meg was sucking her on tits now, and Meg was completely focused on him, oblivious to her mother about to get it on. The heat of his mouth that fit around her large mounds, his wet tongue flicking against her sensitive flesh everytime, it was way better than she expected. All her thoughts of Connie d’Amico and Sid were completely gone right now. Lois was distracted by the two of them, staring longer than she intended.

“The way you’re dressed lady, I knew you were down for some action the moment I laid eyes on you,” the driver said, snapping her out of her fascination with her daughter’s amorous activities. “Fuck me, but you two are hot.” He was still jealous of his mate for getting to fuck Kim Possible’s brains out without getting a slice of the piece himself. After sating himself by jacking it nonstop to the video they recorded of her taking it in the back seat while he wore her unbelievably tight panties, he was determined to not let himself be left out this time.

Meg locked eyes with her mother as the man continued sucking her tits. She got a bit of a smile on her face seeing Lois on the receiving end of being ignored right now, and even started fondling her still clothed crotch, relishing in the pleasure. Lois looked away, uncomfortable with how Meg was becoming dominant over her.

“Say something will ya,” the driver said to Lois. “You’re not getting cold feet are you?”

“Of coure not!” Lois said, a bit of anger creeping into her voice more than she intended.

This one should be fun, he thought to himself. He whistled loudly to himself before he said, “Good. I was starting to get worried!”