Chapter 6

As I reflect back now on my life and some of the people that impacted my life in good and not so good ways, one of those that was a positive in my life was my almost step brother Billy. I call him an almost step brother because although his dad and my mom never married, we all lived together as a family for a period of almost four years.

Billy was the oldest son of moms live in boyfriend and my molester Cleve. Billy was a year older than I was, and he was so good to me. He was the kind of guy that any girl my age would want to have as a big brother. However, like me he was abused by his father, although his abuse was physical and verbal, mine was sexual. I saw him being abused physically and verbally several times, he never saw or knew of the sexual abuse I was going through.

Early on I noticed how he was respected in school, how the other class mates kind of looked up to him, so when he became my “brother” it seemed like a big deal to me. He looked after me and he protected me. He would have words with the kids that wanted to make fun of me or that would tease me later on as my boobs started to develop, and especially when I got really big boobs long before any of the other girls in my class had anything at all.

Towards the last year that we all lived together as a family and we got into our teens, Billy became very popular with the girls at school. The rumours were going around about Billy was screwing this girl or that girl, of course I didn’t know if any of it was true or not, all I cared about was that he still protected me and looked after me. We were very close.

Eventually Billy’s sexual appetite also included looking in on me when I would be changing or in the shower or bathtub. He did all of his peeking when he thought I didn’t know. But I did know, without letting him know that I knew that he was secretly spying on me while I was in various stages of nakedness, I just let it go, and I didn’t say anything to him. Quite honestly I was flattered that he cared for me that much that he wanted to see my naked body.

Knowing his reputation of having almost any girl he wanted at school but enjoying spying on me made me feel really good. I always made sure not to let my eyes make contact with him, and I even manoeuvred my body into positions that showed him as much of it as I could with making it obvious.

Many times as I reached my teens, he and I would go out behind the house that we lived in, and go into the forest to a little place where we had made a secret getaway. We would talk for hours about things that we were both going through, not only with his father but also at school.

I told him about the other girls making fun of my boobs, about guys also making fun of me. We talked about our parents and how they always got so drunk together. We talked about a lot of things that his dad had done to him and had said to him. This was our safe place, our sanctuary so to speak.

One day while we were out there, I told him about what his dad had been doing to me, how he had been molesting me for almost three years now. I told him everything. How it started with him just feeling me up and how that lasted for several weeks. I told him that it happened almost every time that his dad and my mom went to dances; they would both get really drunk. My mom would be so drunk, that he had to carry her into the house from the car, lay her down on the bed, and then come to my room. I had presumed that mom was passed out, so he came to me to get what he wasn’t going to get from my mom.

Billy didn’t seem too surprised at all by the things I said about his dad, not even when I continued to tell him the rest of the story. I continued by telling him how he went from just feeling me up and oh by the way, he always covered my mouth so I wouldn’t scream or wake anyone else up. After about a month of him coming into my room on almost every weekend and of him feeling me up, he put his hand under the blanket, and pushed my pajamas aside and began finger fucking me. About that time, he didn’t have to cover my mouth anymore because I knew better.

He always told me never to say anything because nobody would ever believe me and that he would just deny it all anyway, and everyone would believe him. So I just kept my mouth shut. When I heard them come home and pull the car into the driveway, I would just cringe, because I knew that it was going to happen again. I would wonder what he was going to do tonight. Sure enough, my mom was stone drunk, he would carry her into the house, put her to bed, and just a few minutes later, and there he was.

I don’t know why I even put my pajamas on, because I knew it was going to happen. He had been satisfied with just feeling me up for about a month or so, but then he began using his rough fingers in my pussy, and I didn’t like it at all because he was so rough. He was like a mad man, with no feelings at all for how I might be feeling, he just rammed those fat fingers into me and began finger fucking me and playing with my tits like an animal.

I could tell that Billy was getting angry hearing about his father, although he was in no way surprised. He didn’t like his dad, but it was still hurting him to find out all the things he did to me.

I continued my story, after a couple weeks of that; the drunken bastard finally went all the way with me. One night he came in, smiled at me, called me his favourite daughter, even though I wasn’t his daughter at all, and began feeling me up. I knew it wasn’t going to stop there, and of course I was right. He then pulled my pajama bottoms down and off, stuck that big fat finger inside of me and after a short time of fingering me, he got up and took his pants off, this was the first time I had ever seen his cock, and it was really hard. I was a virgin, and hadn’t even come close to letting anyone else fuck me.

He got into my bed and without any hesitation at all, he just climbed on me, and his cock slid into my cunt, and holy shit, did it ever hurt. He didn’t care at all, he just told me to shut up and he fucked me and fucked me until he pulled it out and blew his load all over my belly and my tits. I wanted to cry, I had never liked what he was doing before, but this was really hurtful. I felt so pitiful. But I didn’t cry, I just sucked it up and accepted it, feeling like a used piece of meat.

I could really tell that Billy was getting extremely angry as I told him the story. However, he never said a word; he just looked at me and listened intently. I think he felt powerless to do anything because it was too late.

I wasn’t finished the story yet. I told him that his dad had now been fucking me for about four or five months, almost every weekend unless mom somehow stayed sober enough not to pass out. In fact, he had just fucked me the night before last.

Cleve worked in a logging camp and was away in camp from Monday morning until Friday evening. The day that Billy and I had this conversation was a Monday afternoon, so Cleve was gone and wouldn’t be home until the next Friday night.

I told Billy that I hadn’t told anybody except him about what Cleve was doing, but I knew that I would have to tell someone soon. I didn’t think my mom would believe me, but I did have an aunt that I trusted and was thinking of talking to her. Billy and I cried together for a while and then we went back to the house.

Life went on as it had been for another month or so when Billy and I went back to our sacred place together. Cleve was still fucking me, and I still wasn’t enjoying it at all. I told Billy that nothing had changed, and I was still Cleves little fuck toy when my mom was too drunk to give him anything.

I guess that’s when Billy started feeling a little guilty about spying on me when I was changing, showering or in the bathtub, because he decided to confess to doing it. He did say some nice things to me about my body, about how he had never seen such big tits and how nice they looked. I loved hearing him say those things. I had to be honest and tell him that I knew he was looking in on me, but that I didn’t care. I told him how much I thought of him and his spying didn’t bother me at all. I thanked him for saying those things but that I thought I was more of an ugly duckling, just because of how I had been treated and teased all my life.