Chapter 1: You’ve Got a Friend

Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey
A kiddley divey too, wouldn’t you?

Milton Drake, Al Hoffman & Jerry Livingston, 1943

The nonsense verses continued through the Tu’ullat system announcing the arrival of a new, and hitherto only vaguely known human, stagecoach ship.

<Hey, y’all,> the hail paralleled the audio, <Mind if little ole me drops in for a visit? The name’s Norma Bates, and I am the granddaughter of T’krunkskit that you sent off to help the humans in containing the Dangerous Ones. The humans call him Eddie.>

T’Bwinkel (aka ‘Rocky’ by humans) of the clan N’Trast sat alone in the Tu’ull Planetary Council Chamber, her last day as Lead Councilor. After two ‘tours’, it was time to yield to a fresh successor. She’d led the Tu’ull through the Confederacy’s first knowledge of the Dangerous Ones and the scourge’s danger to the entire alliance.

While Lead Councilor, the Planetary Council had responded to requests for resources to address the Dangerous Ones’ incursion and had dispatched its own AIs to investigate the adequacy of the Darjee’s proposed solution. Finding the Darjee’s efforts misguided, the council sponsored an experimental human colony, subsequently named ‘Harrad’, to further test alternative ways to counter the dangers from this swarm of pests.

Byproducts of these processes were Tu’ullat’s cultural renaissance spurred by contact with humans, T’Bwinkel’s acquisition of a human godson, and her sending some of her kits to learn among the humans. Now, she was giving up power and influence, but for what?

Educated as a scientist and by nature an explorer, T’Bwinkel wanted to go, see, and experience again. Using her last hours in power, she set in motion the means to do so. She summoned the newly arrived AI and told it, <Norma Bates, a human name is certainly appropriate for use with humans, but your pedigree is Tu’ull, and you need a Tu’ull name. Your choice, of course, but I think maybe A’Udree would be appropriate. You are very inquisitive, and it fits.>

<As you suggest, Lead Councilor, > the newly named A’Udree responded, for once on her best behavior. <I’m flattered that you took the time to ascertain my nature, and this inquisitive one needs to know – why?>

<I have newly matured kits who are living with my ‘godson’ – you know the term godson?> receiving an affirmative, she continued, <They are based at the experimental human colony in Tu’ull space. They’re having all the fun and new experiences. I’m done here and want to join them.>

<Are you asking me to take you there?> asked A’Udree.

<What I’m asking is that we interview each other to see if we’d be compatible, > came T’Bwinkel’s answer. <Your ‘stagecoach’ only carries one individual, and there is the potential for a mismatch.>

<Uh oh! My reputation precedes me, > A’Udree groused. <Okay, first questions: Do you like pink, and do you know any stupid jokes?>

<Well, I prefer yellow, but since I already know your ship is shades of pink, inside and out, I suppose that the answer to that question is now evident, > she responded. <Anything is better than Darjee gray. Yes, I can tolerate the color. What do you call an alligator in a pink polka-dot vest?>

<So, did you know my ride is named Pink Panther?> Henry Mancini’s theme from the movie of that name wafted through the council room. <And the answer is ‘invest-e-gator.’ That is pretty bad, but really good coming from a being speaking outside her native tongue. I accept.>

<Youngling, you overstep. I’ve not yet offered!> T’Bwinkel snapped as she stared ahead angrily with her golden brown eyes.

<But you know you will, > A’Udree retorted, <else you’d never have broached the subject. And if you want to go, your options are limited unless you want a shipload with you. I was curious and checked. All the retired ships that were inclined to move have already departed to support the humans fighting the Dangerous Ones. You could have your pick from active ships, but you buttonholed me.>

<That human girl – no. I know she’s an adult – she started a second tsunami among us Tu’ull ... pretty much as strong as the music brought to us by S’Rndult T’Blssut. That glorious twit, Pa’Sonn, rubbed our snouts in our ignorance and complacency and challenged us to the very core. Tu’ull, AIs, and ships are outfitting or already en route to support humans.> T’Bwinkel paused and then continued. <And I think that accompanied by a former leader of the Tu’ull, Caleb and Shellie might start a renaissance in additional Confederacy races.>

<My Darjee friend, Bessie, took me aside and explained a really important fact of life ... She said she learned the hard way that an AI can have thousands of years’ worth of knowledge and only a few days’ experience, and that the gap led her to some huge mistakes of perceptions and actions. She told me in explicit terms to find a friend and mentor.> A’Udree’s manner had turned from brash to hopeful, <Would you like a trial period for the part? Tell you what – I’ll decorate your quarters in yellows ... But, you are surely aware that many humans attach significance to that color.>

T’Bwinkel responded immediately, <You are far too perceptive, brash, and in need of guidance. AND you were correct, I had already decided.

T’Bwinkel entered the Pink Panther to find both the bridge and her new quarters colored buttercup-yellow – striped light and dark. Her new command chair was throne-shaped and decorated with a variety of yellow gemstones. The Foundations’ Build Me Up Buttercup alternated with the Beatles’ Yellow Submarine and Donovans’ Mellow Yellow, and finished with Sir Arthur Sullivan’s Little Buttercup’s Song from H.M.S. Pinafore. For the first time ever, she was a ship’s first passenger; indeed her first captain. She didn’t know whether to be grateful, amused, or both. She was certainly wary.

As an experienced trader captain, she checked supplies and amenities from major to minutia and then the functioning of support systems from replicator to toilets. An exasperated Norma Bates demanded, <Don’t you trust me? Why are you playing Perry Mason – or would that be Hercule Poirot? I know! Jane Marple!>

<A good captain, > T’Bwinkel responded, <checks everything or assures her crew does. So I’m taking responsibility for my life support and comfort and trust you to check your circuits and body. You have checked?> she asked.

<Well, they worked the last time I used them, > A’Udree told her.

<And how many entities have been aboard doing this and that, readying Panther for this journey?> T’Bwinkel asked.

<Fourteen mechanicals and two meats, > a chagrined A’Udree answered. <But I get your point.>

The Pink Panther was only hours underway from the Tu’ullat system when discussions began. T’BWinkel was seated in her command chair and started by inquiring, <Had you also figured out that I, too, need to expand, and that you have much to offer me?>

<Pray, expand upon that thought, > the AI requested.

<I recently learned that Tu’ull ship AIs ‘sang’ among themselves for centuries before S’Rndult T’Blssut brought human music to the Tu’ull.>* T’Bwinkel explained. <Apparently, it was rare, and few if any crew heard or appreciated if they did hear. Certainly, it never made it into general awareness before humans arrived with guitars and bands! What else is out there in our AIs’ memories that we meat sacks don’t know?>

*(see lordshipmayhem’s Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, Chapter 18)>

<Then, there is you, some kind of amalgam of Darjee and Tu’ull AI, clearly self-aware, and pretty much unpredictable. I have Tu’ull wakened friends, and that’s new to our history – how are you the same and how different?>

<So, other than making me a lab rodent, do you have more questions to answer and explore?> A’Udree was intrigued. <I have some as well. I’m just full of questions, actually.>

<Shall we compare notes?> A’Udree’s new mentor suggested. <I’ll go first, if you like.>

<Let’s see, > she began, <First, I want to see my kits and godchildren. At the same time, I can ascertain for myself the degree of success of the colony the council authorized in the Rukbat system. Second, I want to visit Earthat and witness an extraction. If I’m to rise to Pa’Sonn’s challenge, I must experience humans in their native habitat. Visiting both will aid in comparing and evaluating. You’ve dwelled among humans, I’ll value your observations and recommendations.>