Chapter 49: Relationship Material

Friday, 9:58 am

“Marcus!” Danni shouted, standing up from the table outside Helena’s—the brunch spot where we agreed to meet. We had a reservation for ten in the morning, so I was a little surprised to see the raven-haired, fair-skinned beauty approaching me from a table she’d already been sitting at.

“Hey, Danni!” I said as she reached me. I slipped an arm around her shoulders as she threw hers around my middle and squeezed me tight. She looked up at me with her beautiful green eyes that reminded me of a lush Canadian forest; her bright smile was made even more beautiful thanks to her perfect lips—not too thin ... not too plush. She wore a sleeveless blouse, and I spied a dark blue jacket on the back of a chair that matched her pants. I lowered my head to press my lips to her bare shoulders, dusted with freckles.

She was a lot like Erin—always a bright ray of sunlight warming me on a cold day. Only, unlike with Erin, I didn’t get the sense that a lust-induced hellspawn lurked just under Danni’s sweet exterior. She was an angel who simply enjoyed getting filthy in the bedroom.

“Am I late?” I asked, glancing at the table.

“No,” she said, backing away. “I had an early showing and came straight here after it was done. I’ve only been here five minutes.”

She glanced behind me and said, “Hi, John.”

“Ma’am,” the bald man in his early fifties behind me said. I’d insisted that Chloe take the morning off for a little self-care after yesterday’s wreck, so I was accompanied by one of the other security staff. There was another, but he was parking the car.

“You’ve met?” I asked as we approached Danni’s table.

“Not that I know of,” Danni said as I pulled the chair out for her.

“Then how did you know his name?”

“The three I’ve met so far have been named John. It was a safe guess.” A look of horror overcame her. “Oh gosh ... please don’t tell me I just got his name wrong, and he just let it slide!”

“Nah,” I said. “You were right.”

We ordered food and made small talk for the next thirty minutes. I filled her in on what happened at the funeral, what I’d learned about Roger, going golfing, and then confronting Roger in his office. Danni was on the edge of her seat for most of it, hearing it for the first time since Erin hadn’t had a chance to fill her in on the details for the last few days. She was a phenomenal listener, maintaining eye contact, asking follow-up questions, and gasping at all the appropriate moments, all while making me feel she was genuinely interested. When it came time to fill me in on her life, she was a little embarrassed since it consisted of showing houses and catching up with her friends.

“It’s not been as glamorous or exciting as what you’ve been doing, but it’s been a nice change of pace,” Danni said shyly before sipping her cold coffee. “I’ve got to get my peace and quiet before I become your girlfriend. Your life’s a little more fast-paced than I’m used to.”

I was amused at Danni’s attempt to broach the subject of our relationship; she would never make a good spy. Then I remembered what I needed to tell her, and that amusement died. Since she kicked that door wide open, I might as well dive right in.

“Danni,” I said, placing my fork on my plate to give her my undivided attention. “I saw Natalie yesterday.”

Like I said, Danni had a shit poker face. She did her best to hide the warring emotions that crossed over her lovely features, but it was quite the journey. I witnessed flickers of annoyance, worry, uncertainty, and sadness all within the space of a few moments.

“I asked her to leave the guy she was with.”

She bit her lip nervously and carefully put her fork down on the plate before looking up at me with those soulful doe eyes of hers, and every second I stared back at her was like having my heart ripped out of my chest and torn in two all over again. I took a deep breath and said, “You have to understand ... I’ve been carrying a torch for Natalie for nearly a year, but we were in other relationships for most of it. Then, when the opportunity for us to get together came, I fucked up and waited too long. It’s been eating at me this whole time, and you were right the other night. I still have a thing for her, and you were insightful enough to see it. I had to try because I’m not over her.”

Danni looked back at her plate. “Oh...”

“She turned me down,” I said.

Danielle’s head immediately shot back up, her eyes a mixture of sorrow and a sudden burst of hope. She very visibly made a point of swallowing as she waited for me to continue.

“It hurt a lot, but she was right to turn me down.”

“Why?” Danielle asked, her voice barely registered. Her eyebrows were drawn together, and her green eyes shined with unshed tears.

“Because I don’t think I’m ready to date anyone right now.”

She didn’t speak at first, and I watched as she pressed her lips together to keep them from trembling. She blinked, and a single tear slipped down her cheek, which she quickly wiped away with her fingers. She blinked away a few more before they could slip free.

“Are you saying you don’t want to date me?” Danni said, looking out toward the street.

God, I felt like a complete asshole.

“No,” I said. “Danni ... any guy who didn’t want to date you would be a fool. You’re incredible. You’ve—”

“Then why?” she snapped. There was no heat in her voice ... just the need for an answer.

“Because ... I...”

“I think I love you, Marcus,” Danni said, looking back at me, and I could see tears building at the rims of her eyes, barely held at bay.

“Danni...”

“Please.” Her bottom lip trembled. “Please don’t do this.”

“Danni, I don’t think I can be a good boyfriend right now.”

“I know you would be!” Danni said. “You’re so sweet to me, and I’ve never enjoyed being with someone as much.”

“Thank you, but—”

“I don’t understand,” she said, cutting me off. “I even told you that you can still sleep with everyone else. What else do you need?” She looked like she was going to be sick. “Is it me!?”

“Fuck! No!” I said, horrified that she would even ask that question. “Of course not! Like I said, any man would be insane to not want to date you!”

“Then ... what?”

I’d expected her to push back against me a little, but I didn’t anticipate this much. I had to be careful. I wanted to be honest with her without destroying her.

“Because I went to Natalie, Danni! I could have called you at any point since we first talked about it and asked you to be my girlfriend, but I’ve spent this whole time being indecisive. Then I went to see Natalie and asked her to break up with her guy and date me. Even if we have an open relationship, you’d have to be my priority, and I clearly can’t do that right now. You deserve better. Way better.”

“I don’t care,” she said.

“You don’t care,” I repeated.

“I’ve seen us together enough to know that we’d be great for each other. You’re already sleeping with a whole bevy of women, and I’m okay with it. You know I won’t be a jealous girlfriend, and this Natalie thing isn’t that big of a deal.”

“You said she was off limits,” I pointed out.

“If we were in a relationship,” she corrected. “We weren’t yesterday, and you tried to shoot your shot. I don’t blame you for that. She’s gorgeous and nice, and I can tell she really likes you, but she’s with this other guy now. Just give me a chance to show you how good of a girlfriend I can be. I know there’s something between us, Marcus! I know you can feel it, too!”

“I can’t, Danni. I don’t want you even more invested than you already are, only to break your heart down the road!”

“You won’t!” She protested.

“You don’t know that! I’m changing! I have some growing that I need to do, and I can’t promise you that things will remain the same a year from now.”

“Dammit, Marcus...” Danni didn’t even bother trying to hide the tears. She looked around, spotted a hotel, and then looked back at me. “Just ... let’s get a room. We can fuck and talk some more. I’ll—”

“Danni, no,” I said. As much as I enjoyed the idea of making love to Danni again—even if for the last time—I didn’t want to do that to her. “Having sex with you one more time isn’t going to change my mind. You have a beautiful heart, and I’m trying to do what I can to protect it.”

“I want it!” Danni said. “Why do Erin and Bobbi get to be in your life, and I can’t?” She stared at me pleadingly through her tears. “What if I let you put a collar on me ... like Bobbi? Would that change anything?”

“What?”

“Because I think I’d try it,” she said.

The images that conjured...

Oh, fucking hell no ... that was a stupid idea.

“That’s not what I want for us,” I said, shaking my head. “I care about you too much for that.”

“So, you care about me more, but I don’t get anything?”

“Please tell me you can at least understand why I wouldn’t want that for us!”

“I mean ... I wouldn’t want to be treated just like Bobbi,” Danni agreed. “I just want to be your girlfriend, and if that was the only way, I’m just saying I’d ... I’d consider it!”

“No, Danni,” I said again. “I’m not doing that with you. That’s not what this is or what I’d want it to be.”

“What about what I want?” Danni asked.

“Dammit, Danielle! That’s the point! I can’t give you what you want! Not right now!”

Something I said must have gotten through to her because she didn’t push back. Danni and I simply stared at each other as our food grew cold. It felt like fifteen minutes passed, but in reality, it’d probably been no more than two or three. Time is hard to keep track of when you’re looking into the tearful eyes of the woman you made cry. God, I wanted to say yes, but Erin was right ... Danni was a tenderhearted girl, and I didn’t want to start something with her when I was barely hanging onto my life by my fingernails. Helen had just returned, I was trying to keep my relationship with Emily from falling apart, Roger and Ashlee VanCamp were on the loose, Jess would be moving in this weekend, and my relationship with Bobbi was developing into ... something.

Then there were all the other possibilities on the horizon—Astrid, Carla, Camille, Tara ... Chloe. There was my growing contention with Hiro Tanaka. There was the mystery of Amber Bell. What the fuck was this drive they were looking for, and why was it so important? On top of all that, I needed time to heal from a year’s worth of emotional investment in Natalie. If I invited Danielle into a relationship while in the middle of all this, I wouldn’t be doing her any favors, nor would I be able to give her the kind of attention she deserved. Sure, she might claim to be able to handle it ... to be able to cope with anything to be with me, but she didn’t deserve that. On more than one occasion, I’d confessed that I could fall in love with Danielle Holland, and if I did that only to break her heart ... I didn’t know if I could forgive myself.

“So, that’s it, then?” She finally asked as she stared at me with red-rimmed eyes.

“I mean, given time, maybe, but...” I sighed, feeling the backs of my own eyes beginning to sting. “I’m sorry.”

“I can’t just wait indefinitely for you, Marcus.”

“I’m not asking you to,” I assured her. “If you meet someone amazing, please go for it. You deserve to be happy, and I think, at least for now, you might find that somewhere else.”

Danni sighed and collapsed back in her chair ... reminding me briefly of an upset toddler more than the composed and graceful woman she usually was. “Fuck, Marcus. I could be so happy with you.”

“I know. Maybe if we’d met a year from now...”

She picked up her purse and rested it on the table in front of her, holding the top closed in both hands as she studied it, unable to look at me.

“I ... I think I need to go,” she said, barely able to choke out the words. I could tell she really wanted to let loose and cry. “I don’t expect you to—”

“No. I’ve got this,” I said, understanding that she was talking about paying for the meal.

“Thanks,” she said, trying hard to keep herself together. She gave me the briefest of glances and then stood up, the chair scraping across the ground, startling me.

I stood up and circled the small table to envelope her in my arms. She let me, her purse held close to her chest, almost as if she were using it as a shield to guard her heart. Then she started to openly weep, pressing her eyes into my bicep. I stroked her back and just held her, letting her cry as long as she needed and not caring at all about onlookers.

Abruptly, she tore free of my grasp and wouldn’t look at me as she whispered, “Thank you.”

And then she was gone, leaving me with nothing but a foul taste in my mouth and a mountain of regret.

I felt like I’d done the right thing and hated myself for doing it.

Friday, 12:28 pm

The elevator doors opened, and I walked into the living room feeling like a complete fuck. I’d made Danni cry.

I’d rather kick a puppy down my apartment building’s entire collection of stairs than make Danielle Holland cry.

The entire way home, I’d debated whether or not I was making a mistake and had to talk myself out of calling her more than once. I kept trying to rationalize it; maybe I was overreacting because Natalie’s rejection was still so fresh, or perhaps I was listening a little too hard to Helen’s advice about remaining single. After all, Danni had been offering me all the perks and none of the drawbacks of being in a relationship. How could I lose?

In the end, I remained strong. Not only was I unsure that Danni could take the emotional toll a one-sided open relationship could place on her, but I wasn’t sure she could handle some of the more gruesome aspects of being in a relationship with me at all. I don’t think the kidnapping and beating had fully registered with Danielle. She’d seen the bruises and heard some of the tales, but Danni wasn’t fully cognizant of what people like Roger VanCamp or Hiro Tanaka were capable of. Even worse ... I don’t think she fully realized what people like that could do to her just for being my girlfriend. Hell ... Natalie was probably right in rejecting me.

No. In the end, it was better this way. If only I didn’t hate myself so much for doing it!

Deciding I needed to make myself feel worse, I decided to find Emily and check in with her. We’d left things in a rocky spot, with her wanting to talk to Bobbi, but I wanted to make sure she and Natashya arrived in one piece ... and perhaps see if she would at least look me in the eyes. Unfortunately, neither of the girls were in the room they’d been staying in, although the freshly mussed comforter and bed sheets were a good sign that they had survived the journey here. I’d been a little concerned that VanCamp might have tried to make a play for them since he’d already tried kidnapping one of them.

Not finding them, I returned to the main living room and spotted my study door open. Emily wasn’t there, but Helen and Erin were. My assistant was at my desk on the phone and flashed me a brilliant smile that vanished almost as quickly as it appeared when she saw my face. Helen was sitting in a leather wingback chair with her nose in a book; her blue eyes glanced over the top as I entered the rest of the way into the room.

Erin turned her attention back to the phone. “Hey! Can I call you back with the rest of the information? Thanks.” She immediately stood up and rounded the desk, approaching me.

I plopped into another wingback on the opposite side of a small table in front of Helen and answered the unasked question. “I rejected her.”

“I know,” Erin said, sitting across my lap, slipping an arm around my neck, and cuddling into me. Her head nestled on my shoulder. The weight of her slight frame was comforting, and the presence of her flowery scent was a welcome distraction. I turned my head and buried my nose into her silver hair, inhaling deeply in hopes that Erin’s smell would replace the gut-wrenching feelings churning inside me.

Of course, Erin already knew! Danni probably called her and recounted the entire conversation to her in hi-definition technicolor and digital Dolby surround. Women’s ability to recall the details of a conversation was borderline unnatural, whereas I probably couldn’t have recalled more than the most rudimentary information that would have taken less than a minute to share.

Helen put the book down on the table between us and leaned forward. She wore a light pink silk robe that showed a fair amount of cleavage as it fell away from her chest, drawing my eye despite how I was feeling. “Are you okay?”

Erin must have filled her in on where I was going this morning. I hadn’t told her what I’d decided because I hadn’t been sure until about five seconds before I rejected her, but the look on my face would have told the story if Danielle hadn’t already texted.

“Like crap,” I said as I leaned into the back of the surprisingly comfortable chair. Erin’s soft lips on my cheek sent a wave of warmth skittering across my body. Her slender fingers played lightly through my hair as she pressed her palm into the other side of my face, drawing me more firmly into the kiss.

I gave them as much of a breakdown of the conversation as I could remember, which reduced the forty-five-minute conversation to a minute and a half ... not a minute. I guess I was slightly more enlightened than my fellow males.

“She left pretty abruptly. I think it’s so I wouldn’t see her cry,” I said, then corrected myself. “Well ... more than I already had.”

“Fuck, Marcus,” Erin said. “I’m so sorry.”

“You did the right thing,” Helen said, which didn’t surprise me in the least. She’d been anti-relationship since day one.

“Well, the right thing sucks,” I sighed.

“Yes, it does,” Helen said. She glanced at Erin as if confirming something and then said. “I think Erin would agree with me when I say that you showed an outstanding level of maturity. I haven’t exactly kept my feelings about you being in a relationship a secret, but that aside, I don’t think Danielle is the right person for you.”

“Maybe,” I sighed. “I can’t believe she offered to put a collar on for me. What a stupid thing to suggest.”

“I can,” Erin muttered into my temple. “She was head-over-heels for you, Marcus. A lot more than she was letting on.”

“Yeah,” I said. “All the crying was a good indicator.” I turned my head and looked up at Erin; our faces were so close that our noses nearly brushed. “Am I right? Do you think she could have handled sharing me?”

“I don’t know,” Erin said as her fingers grazed my face. “I want to say yes, but I could sometimes sense some jealousy. I’m afraid it might have gotten to her.”

“Is this a private party?” A feminine voice with a slight Eastern European accent said.

With my chair facing away from the entryway, I couldn’t see Natashya, but I called out, “No. Everyone’s welcome to the pity party.”

A moment later, the dancer came into view, resting her hand on the back of my chair as she looked from Erin to Helen, then settling her mahogany eyes on me. Her brow immediately furrowed. “Is everything okay?”

“Danni wanted a relationship,” Erin said. “Marcus turned her down.”

“Oh,” Natashya said, her lips turning down in a slight frown. “She didn’t take it well?”

“No,” I said. “She said she was falling in love with me, so she didn’t handle rejection very well.” Not wanting to talk about Danni anymore, I decided to change the subject. “Where’s Emily?”

“Getting lunch,” she said.

“Oh,” I said, sensing something was up. “By herself?”

“No,” she said with an amused little twinkle in her eye. “With Bobbi.”

“Oh,” I said, alarm bells going off in my brain. “How long have they been gone?”

“About an hour,” Helen said, studying Natashya. Then she stood up. “I think I’m going to finish packing for the weekend. When do we leave?”

“In a little under an hour and a half,” Erin said as she slid free from my embrace and stood up. “I’m going to go, too. I need to finish packing for both of us,” she said, giving me a sympathetic smile as she ran her fingers through my hair one last time.

“Oh ... thanks,” I said. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I know, but I’m happy to ... at least until you fill that house position.”

With that, Helen left with Erin trailing behind her, brushing Natashya’s shoulder with her fingertips as she passed by. The oversexed bisexuals shared a brief, heated glance with each other before my assistant walked away. The dancer watched them until Erin closed the door. Then she turned, stepped toward the table in front of me, and gracefully dropped onto its surface. She stretched out her legs so that her feet were on either side of mine and pressed her palms into the glossy wood as she studied me with a sympathetic smile.

She wore a tank top that came a little short, showing off a beautiful strip of creamy midsection before her skin-tight cotton shorts got in the way. Those stopped only about a quarter of the way down her thighs, leaving most of her lovely legs bare for my viewing pleasure. Her hair was gathered in a loose pile at the back of her head, with several messy strands falling loose, giving her an unkempt, bedridden look that suggested an understated sensuality. She was also clearly not wearing a bra under the thin sleeveless shirt.

Despite the healing bruises and the fading split lip, she looked like a fucking snack.

“Why did you turn Danni down?” she asked.

“Because I’m not boyfriend material,” I said, slightly altering the excuse she gave me a few weeks ago.

She chuckled, clearly getting the reference. “Do yourself a favor. Don’t burn that bridge. You may not be boyfriend material yet, but give it some time. All things change, and Danielle is a catch.”

Something about how she said that prodded the little hamster in my brain to start turning the wheel. “All things change...”

Natashya simply smirked.

“You’re dating my sister now.”

She broke out in a grin so wide that her eyes grew squinty. “You’re insightful when it’s not about you.” She sighed. “Yes. We are ‘official.’”

I felt a slight pang of jealousy. At one point, I could have seen myself dating Natashya. She was stunning, fit, and fun, and I could have easily found a best friend in her; I wondered what about Emily had inspired her to become girlfriend material. What was I lacking? Tits? “What changed?”

“Eh,” Natashya said, “Vegas, mostly. You and your sister have been so sweet to me. I saw what having good people in my life was like. Don’t get me wrong—the Starlight girls are good people, mostly, but you and Emily ... Erin ... you’re different. Special.” She grew more somber. “Emily took such good care of me after we returned.”

“I wish there was more I could’ve done for you,” I said, my guilt clawing its way to the surface as fresh images of Natashya on her knees with a gun to her head came to mind.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Marcus. You’ve done so much for me. I still have a job at the Starlight because of you. I’ve had the best medical treatment and no bills to pay. You have done so much while giving me the space I need to heal and asking for nothing in return.”

She slid off the table and put a knee on the chair I was sitting in, then planted the other so she was straddling me, settling the beautiful, round globes of her ass in my lap as she slid her fingers through my hair. Her nails were short, so her fingertips gently grazed my scalp.

“Aren’t you in a relationship?” I asked, trying my best to not react to the woman in my lap that I hadn’t touched since she’d blown me in Vegas.

“Yes,” she said, her auburn eyes scanning my face. “And we’ve decided to be monogamous.”

Half of that made sense; Emily had never seemed the type to be cool with an open relationship. It’s not like we’d ever discussed it, but I would have been shocked to learn that she was okay with her partner sleeping with other people. Natashya, on the other hand...

“This isn’t very monogamous behavior,” I said, working even harder to keep my hands in check. There was no way in hell I was going to make a move on my sister’s girlfriend.

“She knows about this,” Natashya said, smiling down at me. The Starlight dancer had always been fun and flirty when interacting with me in any sort of sexual way, but this was different. As she stared into my eyes, I sensed fondness.

“You’re telling me Emily is okay with this? I doubt that.” I gripped the arms of the chair a little harder just in case my hands got a mind of their own.

“She’s had given her blessing for one more ride,” she said, sliding her arms around my neck as she drew her face close to mine. “I think I can give up pussy if I love the woman enough, but she has no dick. That will be difficult for me to quit. I told her as much.” She pressed her lips to my forehead, and her lips felt like a brand on my skin. “I do not know if I can give it up permanently, but I told her I’m willing to try as long as one condition,” she said, screwing up her English as her crotch made contact with mine. I could feel the warmth radiating from her through my pants.

“Fuck,” I breathed, understanding what that one condition was.

“Marcus, will you please fuck me one last time?” Natashya asked, looking at me almost shyly.

I couldn’t believe Emily had agreed to let her new girlfriend fuck me one more time in exchange for swearing off dick for good! I’d been attracted to Natashya since I’d first laid eyes on her, and we’d made a strong, immediate connection. I’d missed her over the last two weeks since Vegas, and God ... it felt good to have her sitting in my lap again. I had to be dreaming, right? I’d fallen asleep on the way home from brunch, and this was my brain trying to escape the misery of what I’d done to Danni. That had to be what this was, right?

Pressing my forehead into hers, I gave her a serious look as I whispered, “Please tell me you’re not joking.”

Keeping her forehead pressed to mine, she slowly shook her head back and forth and giggled, “I am not.”

Our breath mingled as we hovered close to each other, and my lips started to drift toward hers, inevitably drawn by some invisible force. Natashya had so many great qualities, but her lips were one of my favorites. Unfortunately, just before our lips made contact, she pulled away, her smile seasoned with a touch of regret. “There is only one rule, Marcus—everything is permissible except for kissing on the mouth. Emily was very clear on that.”

I hated that. Kissing was near the top of my favorite things to do with a woman. The sensual feel of soft, pillowy lips on mine ... a soft, wet tongue pinning mine and wrestling with it ... the taste and feel of little breaths taken between liplocks. There was something just so intimate about the feel of a woman’s mouth on mine.

However, that didn’t mean I couldn’t use every other inch of Natashya’s body. If this was the only way I could experience her ... I would take what I could get. Besides, I needed the distraction, and Natashya was perfect for that.

“That’s okay,” I said as my gaze dropped to her lips ... just a hint of fullness to them and soft as velvet. “If this is the only way I can have you—even if it’s for one last time—then I’m grateful.”

Natashya clicked her tongue as her smile widened. “Such a flatterer.” She ground her crotch into mine again in slow rocking motions and kissed my forehead again. “Don’t make me think I chose the wrong Upton.”

Instead of responding, I placed a hand on the back of her neck and pulled her down, my lips finding the soft skin of her throat. My teeth ran lightly across it, and I felt her shiver in my arms as my free hand dropped to her ass, squeezing it like a stress ball to release my anguish and pent-up frustration. If I couldn’t kiss her, I’d find plenty of other ways of stealing her breath away.

Suddenly, I shocked her by wrapping my arm around her waist and standing up; she instinctively wrapped her legs around me as she gasped, “What are you doing?”

Fortunately, my desk was relatively clutter-free and provided a perfect place to lay Natashya. Approaching it, I dropped her on the surface without ceremony. Her ankles dropped away from my lower back, and she looked uncertainly at me. I wasted no time. The tank top was gone in an instant, her natural breasts bouncing free as I stripped the thin cotton-like material away from her. The shorts came off next. By now, both of us were starting to breathe heavily as arousal began to cloud our minds.

Unbuttoning my shirt as I stared down at her, the brief respite from contact made me ache to kiss her ... to chew on her lips and claim her mouth with my tongue. Fuck ... was she forbidding me from doing this on purpose, or was my sister’s concern legitimate? I wouldn’t put it past Natashya to pull something like this. If I wasn’t on such thin ice with Emily at the moment, I’d be more tempted to press my luck, but...

I tore my shirt the rest of the way off and dropped it to the floor. The pants came next, and as soon as those were cleared, the East European beauty jumped me, latching her teeth to my chest and groaning loudly while hanging from my neck. She trailed her lips lower and started sucking on one of my nipples as if it would produce anything for her to drink. I buried my face in her hair, reached over her back, and raked my short fingernails up her spine. God ... she smelled earthy and slightly of sweat as if she’d just come back from a run. It made me want to lick every nook and cranny of her gorgeous body.