Chapter 8: Balance

When she woke up, Trinity found herself sandwiched between Rachel’s over-warm, pregnant body and Lizzie, who was curled up and pressed against her with her tiny arms wrapped around hers. She felt dopey from whatever shot the doctor gave her right after they arrived at the luxurious suite. She had no memory of changing into the light silk pajamas or even of being tucked into the huge bed. She rolled onto her back trying to extract herself from the press of bodies against her. She felt something by her foot and slowly sat up to peer about her in the dark. Another figure was curled up, lying across the foot of the bed. She recognized the grossly distended belly and knew it was Suzy. Looking to her left she saw it was just after 10 pm according to the clock on the nightstand. She carefully removed her legs from the covers and shuffled her butt down until she was able to climb off the bed without waking any of the other occupants. She winced when her bandaged feet contacted the carpet, but she gritted her teeth and stood up, testing the discomfort by adjusting where put her weight. By favoring the outside edges of her soles, she was able to pad softly across the room and out into the main living area, where she found Kevin, Carter, Jenny, and Allison Mercurio, seated around a large coffee table.

Their low conversation halted as she stepped quietly into the room. Carter rose to his feet and walked quietly over to her — enfolding her in his large arms. She pressed her face against his chest and breathed deeply, savoring his familiar scent. Neither spoke as they held each other for a moment. Then he picked her up and carried her over to the love seat he had been sharing with Jen and lowered her into his former spot. Jen leaned over and hugged her warmly as she kissed her unbandaged temple. She blinked several times and wiped her tired eyes as she tucked her injured feet beneath her rump. Carter stepped into the kitchen and returned with an entire quart-sized carton of milk. She eagerly accepted it and chugged noisily from the container, quenching her dreadful thirst. “Oh God that was good,” she breathed. “Thank you!”

“How are you feeling?” Kevin asked calmly from his seat directly across from her. His color looked better now that he wasn’t in the middle of the terrible scene from earlier that morning.

“Better,” she admitted as she reached up and felt the soft bandage around her head. “Kind of numb, I suppose. Like I know it was all real, but I feel like I saw everything happen through someone else’s eyes. Does that make any sense?”

Allison nodded, “It’s a disassociative defense mechanism,” she explained quietly. “You are still in shock over it all and your mind is trying to protect itself from the mental trauma it experienced.” She made a circular pattern in the air, “You will continue to replay it over and over in your head and your subconscious will try to trick you into thinking it wasn’t real.”

Trinity considered her words and nodded. “How can I make it stop playing over and over in my head? I feel like I’m losing my sanity from not being able to stop it.”

“It takes time,” the former State Trooper said. “And a lot of counseling.”

“So, I’m gonna have to see a shrink?”

Allison smiled glancing up from her coffee cup. “Perhaps not. I think you have someone even better suited to help you deal with your trauma.” As if they were psychically linked, they both turned to look at Carter who had taken a seat beside Kevin. He returned Trinity’s gaze with calm strength and she knew he would be able to help her.

“I suppose you want me to tell you what went down,” she said softly as she took another long drink of her milk.

“If you are ready,” Allison nodded. “Otherwise, I can wait.”

“Before I do, can you tell me how many victims there were?”

Allison pursed her lips together with a frown, “There were 16 confirmed dead, including Gabriel Johnson,” she began. “Nine other students and another faculty member were injured — seven with shooting-related injuries and two secondary traumas, one fell down some stairs and another was stampeded.”

“Who was the other injured faculty member?” she blurted.

“Your new welding instructor, Brent ... something,” Mercurio replied.

“Is he alright?” Trinity gasped, sitting forward. She winced when her butt shifted over her sore feet.

“As far as I know,” she replied. “I believe he was grazed by a stray round, that struck his head and knocked him unconscious. He was admitted for observation with a concussion but should recover provided there was no further internal injury.”

“Oh my God,” she exclaimed emotionally. “If it weren’t for him, it would have been so much worse.”

“What do you mean?” Allison asked.

Trinity took another drink of her milk before she began describing everything that happened that morning, from the point where Mr. Casey sounded the alarm and initiated the shelter-in-place protocol.

The others listened intently as she droned on, staring into space as she saw it in her mind, once again. She paused and swallowed several times as tears began leaking from her eyes at the painful memory of Gabriel’s sightless eyes looking back at her. “He was only seventeen...” she sobbed as Jess tearfully held her hand. “I pressured him into coming to work for me. He was working for his father but I promised to help him get his 6G certification.”

“Trinity, I know you had your suspicions,” Carter said softly. “But Gabe’s death was not your fault. You blame yourself but that is simply not the case.”

“I still feel responsible,” she sniffed, wiping her eyes with the palm of her hand.

“I know,” he replied. “That is because you are a good person with a strong moral code of right and wrong. Even if he had stayed with his father and fell to his death from a girder — you would still question logic and wonder if you could have prevented it.”

She tried to blink away the tears but they kept flowing, making her vision blurry. “How do I move on from this?” she cried. “How can I live knowing that my actions put all those people at risk?”

“Recognizing that those same actions stopped two killers from harming anyone else,” he replied firmly. “Trinity ... you did your very best. And I believe your best was far better than you give yourself credit for.”

The following day their family doctor returned to check up on her and examined her feet under a dark light that detected several tinier glass fragments that he removed with a delicate touch. Even after only 24 hours, her injuries were showing remarkable healing. She was able to bear weight with only minimal discomfort. By noon she was beginning to feel boxed in and irritable. Lacey stopped by to see her before the start of her shift. She was carrying a large gift bag with several mylar balloons.

Trinity looked inside the bag and frowned. She pulled out a large stuffed animal that mostly resembled a cross-eyed, purple dinosaur with green dots and hooves, one of which was buried in its nose. “What in the fucking hell is this supposed to be?” she asked with a frown. She was seated in one of the recliners with her bare feet up and covered with medicated cream. Charlotte, Rachel’s 25lb Maine Coon was stretched across the back of the chair behind her head sleeping.

“What do you think it is?” the red-head replied with a scoff. “It’s a retarded clod-cow — just like you.”

“Why is it picking its nose?”

“Why do you pee in the shower?”

“Touche, hoe,” she retorted. She held the stuffed clod-cow up so that Charlotte could sniff it thoroughly.

Lacey peered at the bottoms of her feet. “So, is this gonna be your excuse to avoid training or your match-up with Carmen?”

“Oh, bite me,” Trinity snarled. “You tell Dom and Hector I will be back by Thursday.”

“We aren’t training on Thursdays,” Loco replied.

“We are now. I have to make up for lost time.”

Later that afternoon Jeff and Deb came by in uniform to check up on her. Jeff had her sling bag in his hand. She took it eagerly and found her cell phone buried beneath her new texts. It was dead so she pulled it into the universal charging station inside the arm of her recliner.

“Do you think I’ll ever get my gun or Musashi back?” she asked.

“Sushi ... what?” he asked her with a frown.

“My knife,” she answered. “It took me over a month to make that blade.”

Deb shrugged her shoulders as she knelt to check out the girl’s feet. “I doubt that even your mom could move the required mountains to ever get your gun back. She might be able to get your ... Suma-gotcha ... whatever, I wouldn’t hold my breath.”

“The Winter term has been canceled for the entire campus,” Jeff told her as she pulled her books out of the bag and set them on the floor beside her chair. “There is going to be a big investigation and several disciplinary review hearings, from what I’ve heard.”

She snorted, “Maybe they’ll fire that stupid ass, Dean ... Mr. Bell.”

The black trooper stood and went to pet the massive feline. “He has already tendered his resignation to avoid fall-out for failing to act on your concerns,” she replied. “He could still face charges depending on the outcome of the investigation.”

“I hope they send him to prison and that Karma ass-fucks him with a saguaro cactus,” Trinity grumbled. As soon as her phone began taking a charge, she turned it on to let it boot up. It began vibrating repeatedly from dozens of notifications.

“One of those will be from a Special Investigator from the SBI,” Jeff March commented. He pulled a business card from his pocket and handed it to her. “Her name is Terry Fitz and she wants to interview you to get a statement. “I told her I would give you, her card.”

Trin glanced at the card, “Why did she come to you instead of just reaching out to my mom or Uncle K?”

Color rose in his neck and cheeks and he didn’t respond immediately. Porter snickered, “Because when Terry’s not in uniform for the bureau, she’s out of uniform in his bed.”

Thursday afternoon Lacey picked up her friend, driving the Green Machine which Trinity let her use while she was kept prisoner in the Penthouse. When they arrived at the dojo, they found Hector and Dom standing together awaiting them in the lobby. Each gave her a genuine hug before leading them back into the large training room. There was an ancient-looking massage table set up in a corner resting on top of a decorative oriental area rug and surrounded by a series of tall wooden sconces. Each sconce held half a dozen candles which were all burning. The bank of lights over the table was off shrouding the immediate area in dim light and shadows.

Dom nodded to Lacey, “You, go stretch and spar with Hector.” He turned to Trinity, “You, take off your clothes and lay on the table, please.”

She tilted her head back to regard the openly gay martial artist with a dubious expression. He returned her gaze calmly so she calmly stepped over to the corner and removed her cropped halter top and spandex shorts. She set them atop her bag and left it on the floor as she plopped her naked butt onto the cold leather bench. She could smell strong incense burning and saw the aromatic smoke curling from a small clay pot hanging from one of the sconces.

“On your back please,” Dom urged her and she turned to lie down with her face up.

‘Nothing awkward about this at all,’ she mused to herself as he stood over her.

“Close your eyes and do your breathing exercises,” he said softly.

She did as she was told, and began filling her lungs slowly, becoming more aware of the cloying scent of the incense as she felt herself starting to relax. A thin silky drape was lowered over her mid-section and she savored the soft kiss of the fabric against her skin.

“In many ancient cultures harmony and chaos are two opposing forces of the universe,” he spoke softly and she felt his presence as he moved his hands over her body, just shy of physical contact. It was like a magnetic pull, or invisible energy field that she perceived with her mind rather than her senses. “In Sanskrit, harmony is represented by a spiraling circle,” he then touched her right chest and traced the image on her skin, over her clavicle. It seemed to flare into her mind and hover beside her like a cool blue flame. “Chaos represents discord,” he murmured as he touched her left collarbone. This time it felt warm and flared much brighter in her mind as he traced random lines, from the center flowing outwards. “Chaos is disharmony that we sense as random energy that flows in an abstract, unpredictable manner, so the spokes flowing away are never equal in length or direction.”

Trinity felt herself sinking into his voice as she shut everything else away. The sounds of sparring nearby faded into the shadows of her mind. She was aware of the soothing coolness in her right shoulder and the heavier, deeper, heat radiating from her left. Dom was everywhere around her like a blanket of calm in a turbulent space.

He placed a gentle hand over each of her shoulders. “Even in early times we have often associated chaos and harmony as opposing forces within the mind and body. Even in the physical sense, the ‘positive’ harmony is felt to have governance over the right side of our physical being, while the ‘negative’ forces of chaos are attributed to the left. Hence the Latin references ‘dexterous’ and ‘sinister’ are still used in modern medical terminology.” Every time he referred to either form, she felt it ‘pulse’ under his voice. He touched her right eyebrow, “Oculus dexter,” he spoke softly before touching her left, “Oculus sinister.”

Her physical body seemed to fade from existence as she floated before him. She felt the opposing energies wavering like flames inside her, cool blue fire on her right side and radiant red heat on her left. She no longer felt her breath entering her lungs, or her heart pushing blood through her body. Every time he touched her it was like a powerful vibration sweeping through her soul, like a silent gong.

“Your balance is off,” he said. “Your spirit, mind, and body are burdened by chaos and discord.”

She immediately recognized the truth of his words as she felt the sudden electrical-like force of red energy flare up inside her and threaten to burn away all reason and logic. Her breath caught in her throat as it burned hotter, boiling and churning like a vortex within her. She felt a sharp pain in the center of her chest as the chaotic energy expanded around her. The flames burned like physical fire and she felt herself tremble in fear as it kept surging and growing, consuming the cool sense of righteousness that fluttered weakly under the onslaught. It was like a frail candle caught in the path of a tsunami.

Another powerful silent gong, rocked her senses, originating in the center of her forehead. It was preceded by a soft pressure like he was touching her with the tip of his finger. She felt it once more, lower this time on the tip of her chin. Another sweeping sensation of silent energy conjured the image of rings expanding on a still body of water, from the drop of a pebble. Next, it touched her chest just at the top of her breastbone, followed by another gong. The sensations continued methodically, descending through her core. She felt like she was being dissected by a thin, invisible but utterly invincible barrier. The blue candle grew steady once more as the savage chaotic waves of disharmony were held back by the invisible barrier.

“Harmony is the key,” Dom’s powerful presence invaded her mind again. It was like a grounding rod that held her steady as the forces raged within her. Another touch—in the center of her belly button, followed by another silent gong. Then her pubis. And finally, the very seat of her spirit, located between her sex and rectum. The raging forces of Chaos were held at bay to her left while the harmonious energies to her right rekindled and expanded once more. She felt more taps and gongs about her body as energies were manipulated around her, bolstering her defenses and illuminating the shadows within her mind and spirit.

“You must control the balance,” he said. His voice seemed to echo through her from a distance. “It begins here.”

She waited for an eternity before she felt twin pulses and simultaneous gongs directly over her cervix.

“This is your center,” his voice echoed. “Now find your way.”

As his voice faded into the recesses of her mind her entire awareness was suddenly bludgeoned by a thousand gongs sounding at once. The vibrations swept through her like a million pebbles striking the surface of her still pond. The invisible barrier dissolved and the opposing sides of her spirit collided, merging and swirling about like a maelstrom.