She was used and dumped by a jerk. Can a girl find true love with her younger brother? This story is for Rachel J. and written at her equest.
Size: 11 KB (2,237 words)
Genre: Romantic
Sex Contents: Much Sex
Tags: mt/Fa, Teenagers, Incest, Brother, Sister, First, Petting, Pregnancy
Review by Mark [other reviews by Mark]
Reviewed:
"Breakup Sister" by Angel is a basic male teen fantasy about how he can get into his sister's pants (and pussy).
Not normally prowling for "strokers," I was drawn to this one by the use of provocative phrasing in his story description.
Most stories of this genre are meant as "strokers." As such, this story misses the mark. The sex is very short and is not well presented.
Angel's command of the written English language still needs work. There are incomplete sentences, missing verbs, and poorly located commas.
SOL has good resources on grammar and structure. He (I assume Angel is a 'He') would do well to read them over, and apply them to his writing. Good grammar does not stifle creativity, it does make stories more readable.
The constant bashing of a specific cultural group is out of line. The sort of hypocrisy he complains about (way too much) is present is many segments of society; other religions, environmentalism, socialism, ultra-right & ultra-left politicos, etc. all suffer from the same things.
The focus on one group shows ignorance of the teachings of that group while focusing on the problems of a small sector of that group.
Angel needs to work on rounding out his stories...his basic story telling shows promise.
Mark
